


The Sweetest Venom

by dreamingofsiha



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Humor, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 103,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingofsiha/pseuds/dreamingofsiha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane joins the Normandy hoping that the Collector mission will be his last, but as time leads closer to it, he starts to realise that a suicide mission will no longer do. Unfortunately for Thane and Shepard, there's nothing either of them can do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm going to say right here that Thane dies in this fic, so if you're not into reading fics where he dies, I suggest not reading this one. There is, however, a happy ending.

It wasn't that Thane disliked people; he had just been so used to being by himself for so long that he was thankful for his space in life support. Earlier in the day he had slipped into a memory about his wife when Kelly had asked him about his personal life during his debrief after joining the Normandy. She had raised her bushy eyebrows so high that Thane thought it surely had to hurt her fragile human skin. He didn't feel particularly awkward about the encounter, but he did wish that he had complete control over when they appeared. He didn't enjoy being looked like he was so.. well, alien. He was at least glad that there were other aliens on the ship; a turian, a krogan, a salarian, an asari, and a quarian. Thane was impressed at her ability to unite numerous races with minimal incidents. He leant back in his chair, allowing his brain to sift through the memories of meeting Shepard the day before.

_Human female in armour, N7 logo, elite soldier, moves in front of her alien team mates, her movements graceful and careful as she watches me pray, her face still, her eyes slightly narrowed in concentration, in patience, red hair the colour of a Kahje sunset pulled into a tight bun, her green eyes the colour of my skin, she slowly moves closer to me, intrigued._

Thane's eyes snapped shut as the memory ended. He could picture her perfectly inside his eyelids. He had heard many things over the last about Commander Shepard, and tales of her athleticism, bravery and beauty were certainly not exaggerated. He had surprised himself with the admission that he had found beauty when he had looked at Shepard. Drell and human standards of beauty were similar in some ways; full lips, big eyes and strong, slender figures were considered the socially acceptable standard of beauty between both races. Commander Shepard had very full lips, the colour of his favourite fruit from Kahje, and her eyes were big and bright and full of emotions that shifted so quickly and so subtly that Thane had a difficult time deciding what exactly it was she was thinking and feeling when she set her gaze upon his. She had not shied away from him like the other crew members had. She wasn't intimidated or frightened by him, and had in fact almost stood too close to him.  
Her body was slender and toned and for a relatively short human, but she had held her assault rifle against her like it weighed nothing. Thane leant his elbows on the table in front of him, curling his fists to rest his chin on his hands. He contemplated what exactly it was he thought of this human.

****

"Fuck!" Garrus and Thane both turned around at lightning fast speed when they heard Shepard's grunt through their helmet comms. She was staggering backwards, away from the Blue Sun merc who had just hit her with a concussive shot. Thane raised his gun, and in three quick bursts, the merc fell. Garrus had already started sprinting towards Shepard as Thane holstered his gun.

"He came out of nowhere! Ah.. don't touch it!" Shepard said, panic in her voice as she lay on the ground swatting a kneeling Garrus' hands away from her abdomen. Thane peered over Garrus' shoulder, inspecting the damage. There was a giant hole in Shepard's armour over her abdomen, and blood seeped out of a long and jagged gash across her, eagerly spilling down onto the dirt below her.

"We need an evac Miranda, now!" Garrus barked through his helmet as he ripped off his gloves. His talons grabbed the deep gash on either side, and in a quick movement, he pierced his nails either side of the gash, pulling her skin together like a stitch would. There was a sick slopping sound as the raw pieces of skin pushed back together.

"You asshole!" Shepard said through gritted teeth, her back arching slightly as Garrus pressed his hands together, stopping the bleeding.

"Your suit can't dispense the medi gel if there's no suit over the wound, Shepard! I'm not letting you bleed out!" Garrus snapped at her, casting a quick glance back to her wound. Thane understood the subharmonics in his voice, and he wondered if Shepard knew how much concern riddled Garrus' voice.

"Do you need me to do anything, Vakarian?" Thane asked, feeling useless.

"Just stay alert for any more mercs, I can't hold you shut too!" Garrus replied, looking around wildly. Thane nodded.

"What the hell was that guy packing? That was more than a concussive shot, fuck!" Shepard groaned again as she tried to stay still. Her eyes moved to Thane, and he held her gaze until the familiar whirring of the shuttle's engine above them made them all glance up. It landed and Miranda and Mordin jumped out, holding a small stretcher between them. Miranda furrowed her brows in concern at Garrus' makeshift medical stitching, but said nothing as she helped Mordin place the stretcher next to Shepard. She was beginning to pale, and her eyes darted around lazily. Garrus kept his talons in her wound as Thane stepped forward to help Mordin gently lift her sideways onto the stretcher. Thane lifted Shepard's head, and she looked up at him, her jaw clenched tight. She howled as they started running with her on the stretcher, Miranda running by their side as Mordin held the bottom handle of the stretcher and Thane held the top. Garrus stayed in the middle, his hand and forearm completely covered in her bright red blood.

"It's going to have to be strictly one-pieces for my swimwear modelling career now." Shepard said quietly, her laugh turning into a cough as the shuttle took off. Garrus rolled his eyes. It never ceased to amaze Thane that she could always joke in situations like these. His lips turned up slightly at the corners. He had never been very good at making jokes.

Mordin readied a small tray of tools from the shuttle's medical kit, and Miranda placed her hand over Shepard's forehead after swiftly removing Shepard's helmet.

"She's burning up, Mordin. Do it now!" Miranda nodded to Garrus and he quickly pulled his talons out, and moved his hands across her skin to hold the wound shut as Mordin's hands shot out, replacing Garrus' hands with a needle so thick it made Shepard feel even fainter. Miranda took one last look at Shepard's wound, and left to take the seat up front next to Jacob.

"No time for anaesthetic Shepard, need you to hold still. No internal damage, large cut stretching across the abdomen's dermis." He didn't wait for her reply before he pierced her skin. Thane was kneeling behind Shepard's head, and she looked up at him with damp eyes, a pleading look in her face.

"Can't you.." She stopped as she gasped, ".. can't you knock me out, Thane? Come on, just a little punch!" She forced herself to grin at him, her brows twitching every time Mordin pierced her skin. He had been on the Normandy for two weeks now, and this was the first time she had used that husky tone and that feline grin that seemed to work on every single Normandy crew member. He was surprised to find that it worked equally as well on him.

"I can do one better, siha." Thane replied as he pulled off his gloves. He gently pushed her wild red hair back, and placed both of his hands on either side of her face; his palms beside her eyes and his fingers curling around her jaw to touch at her chin. She looked up at him, confused as to his intentions as his cool scales brushed against her overheated skin. It took quicker than Thane expected for her eyes to get lazy, and drop away from him.

"Yes, drell and human skin to skin contact an excellent idea in place of anaesthetic, Krios." Mordin nodded and kept his hands steady, pleased that the giant wound was almost stitched up. Thane looked up to see Garrus watching, his mandibles pulled tightly against his leathery skin. His talons were still holding Shepard's flesh together as Mordin worked around them.

Thane looked back down to Shepard, and she slowly rolled her eyes back up to him, her pupils severely dilated. There was no trace of pain in her expression; no trace of worry.

"Are you.. melding with her?" Garrus asked, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You may remove your hands now, Vakarian. Thank you for assistance." Mordin interjected.

"No. Drell do not meld. Our skin can have hallucinogenic properties when touched by most other species. We can also excrete the venom on command. In this situation, it would serve as a natural painkiller for Shepard." Thane said calmly, his hands still clasped around Shepard's small face. He had never touched a human this way before; his hands had only grasped human skin to break bones. It was oddly comforting to be able to o easily feel the blood pulsing through her skin. It was a reminder that she was still very much alive.

"So you're saying.. she's high?" Garrus' tone was incredulous as he stayed next to Shepard's side. He narrowed his eyes as Shepard mumbled something.

"Yes. That would be an accurate description of how she would be feeling." Thane replied simply. Garrus let out a small chuckle, relaxing as Mordin finished his work, shooting quick smiles at both of them before reaching for a clean cloth from the medical kit.

"She is going to just _love_ that."


	2. Chapter 2

The crew watched through the medbay window as Shepard's head rolled around on her pillow. Her eyes rolled around lazily and her lips seem to move in movement to words that they couldn't hear through the thick glass. Her red hair fanned out beautifully on the white pillow below her.

"How is she still high?" Jack asked, her eyes wide in amusement. Numerous pairs of eyes turned their focus to Thane.

"I was unaware that the effects would be so long lasting." He said, blinking quickly. He had never deliberately needed to use his venom to incapacitate a person before (he was usually quick enough with his hands), and it seemed he had excreted more than needed to relax Shepard. Kasumi giggled as Shepard waved her hand in front of her, grinning as she wiggled her fingers.

"I've only ever seen her like this once, and that was after we defeated Saren." Garrus said, his arms folded across his chest and his mandibles flaring slightly.

"What, goddamned high as a kite?" Zaeed asked, his posture similar to Garrus'. A grin spread across his uneven face.

"No, what is it? Drunk as a skunk." Garrus chuckled. Jack pulled out her omni tool, ready to record. Garrus reached across to gently put his talons over her arm.

"I've already got it." He tapped his free talon against his visor, and Jack grinned.

"Shit, Krios. Give me some of that sometime, will you? It's gotta be cheaper than popping a Hallex." The tattooed woman shot Thane a wink, which he did not return. Chakwas had seemingly had enough of the ogling going on outside of her medbay, and stood up from her desk. The crowd dissipated quickly, scattering back to their preferred areas of the Normandy. Thane stood still, his large eyes watching over the commander. He hoped that he hadn't caused any permanent damage to her neurological functions.

"Thane, may we speak for a moment?" Chakwas asked, her brows still furrowed. Thane nodded and followed her back into the medbay. Shepard rolled her head to her left and watched them as they entered.

"That's him, Karin, that's the one!" She said, an enormous grin spreading across her face. Thane was relieved to see the colour return to her face, but was still concerned about how long she had been affected.

"We had an anti-venom on board that helped milden the effects, but it seems she's going to need at least another day until she's herself again as it wasn't specific to drell venom. She is sobering with each hour, though." _Mild?_ The effects were mild? Thane suddenly felt terrible as he glanced at the intoxicated woman in front of him. It was stupid of him to use his venom when he had only a small grasp on what it could do to her. He had only wanted to soothe her pain; in the shuttle he had seen her knuckles turning white at her sides as she clenched the steel frame of the stretcher.

"I understand. My apologies doctor, I was unaware that I had used too much to sedate her." Thane said, his eyes still focused on Shepard. She was trying to watch him, but her eyes kept rolling back in her skull as she tried to keep them steady. Chakwas let out an unenthusiastic _ha_ before speaking.

"I'm not the one you need to apologise to, Thane. I'm sure the commander will be quite annoyed with the loss of valuable time this incident has caused." Chakwas sat back at her terminal, resuming her work. He had watched as Garrus and Mordin carried the stretcher with a giggling Shepard into the medbay and turned his gaze away as they removed her remaining armour before setting her onto the bed. He noticed Garrus and Mordin had helped Chakwas undress her, realising it made sense as Garrus had known her the longest and Mordin was also a doctor. He had never seen a human naked, and he didn't want a woman who was not in a sober state of mind to be the first. He clenched his fist, willing away mental images that he should not be having about his commanding officer.

"Come here, I want to touch you." Shepard mumbled, her hand reaching toward Thane. He stiffened, quickly glancing at Chakwas. She spun in her chair to face Shepard.

"I've had to listen to her talk about you for the last seven hours." She said, exasperation in her voice.

"Why did you not sedate her?" He asked, keeping his distance from Shepard's grasp.

"I am uncertain if that would be wise. Neither I nor Mordin has any experience with or information on sedating a patient that is under the influence of drell venom. Besides, the medi gel is doing it's work and she doesn't seem to be in pain, only.. like that, so I decided it was just better to wait until she gets tired and falls asleep on her own." Thane nodded.

"Thane, I need you." Shepard said huskily. Chakwas' eyes widened.

"She has completely ignored me the whole time she's been here. She's only talked about you and.. things.. she wants you to do to her. I am quite thankful for the soundproof glass." Chakwas gestured to the glass, which showed the crew deck as deserted.  
Thane suddenly realised what kind of hallucinations that his venom was producing.

Shepard was wiggling her body up against the pillow, trying to prop herself up as much as she could. The sheet slid down, the thin white singlet she had been dressed in glowing under the fluorescent light of the medbay. Two small, hard circles pressed against the material that covered her chest.

"Why won't you give me what I want?" She yelled so suddenly and so hoarsely that Thane almost jumped. She didn't often yell off the battlefield, and to hear her voice echoing so loudly in the small room startled him. He turned back to face her, and the look she was giving him was pure frustration. It was the same juvenile look that he had seen children give their parents when they wouldn't placate them with their requests for toys in the Presidium shops.

"I think you should leave for now, I'll keep you updated on her condition." Chakwas stood up from her chair and walked over to Shepard's bedside. Shepard didn't seem to register the thermometer pad that Chakwas placed on her forehead, and neither had Thane; he had left before Chakwas had made it to Shepard's bedside.

****

"So, you gonna give me some of that sweet poison of yours, or what?" Thane didn't need to turn to see that it was Jack that had entered life support. He had heard her heavy boots clunking against the metal hallway when she had exited the elevator, the sound becoming louder as she made her way closer to life support's doors.

"I do not think it would be wise." Thane wasn't irritated at her lack of manners; in fact, he felt a sadness for her. Life hadn't been kind to the biotic, and it manifested in her expressions and demeanour.

"And why is that?" Jack had moved to the opposite side of the table, her arms crossed and her face scrunched up in annoyance.

"Shepard will be most displeased if she needs you on a mission when she has recovered, and you are rolling around in the sub deck hallucinating." Thane pressed his palms flat onto the table in front of him, speaking carefully as possible not to anger her. Jack huffed, shifting her weight from her right foot to her left foot.

"For someone who kills people for a living, you sure are a fucking buzz-kill." She left, treading heavily on her boots all the way back to the elevator in a similar fashion as to when she had exited the elevator. He returned to his meditation, closing his eyes and slowing his breathing. His omni tool pinged, and he let out a long exhale. As Shepard picked up more crew members, it was becoming harder to get alone time. There was always something to be done and always someone who needed help with something. He got up quickly, smoothing his jacket as he headed towards the main battery. He shot a quick glance at the medbay, and was pleased to see Shepard's lidded eyes and the dimmed lights.

"Thane, thanks for coming so quick. I just need someone to hold this rotator while I install this new modulator. My hands are too large to push it back underneath." Garrus didn't look up as he extended his hand to the side, presenting Thane with the rotator the turian had just removed. He took it silently, and waited for Garrus to call on him again. Thane quite liked Garrus. He was a simple man, and wasn't the type to fill a silence with unnecessary chatter. He didn't seem wary of Thane either, and Garrus leaving himself in an unguarded position whilst his head was poking around in the battery indicated that he trusted Thane too. He had seen some of the human crew members pick up their pace and avert their gaze when he walked by. However, his only enemies now were the Collectors, and he had no interest in killing for the moment otherwise. Garrus extended his hand again, and Thane placed the rotator back into it.

"Alright, now I just need you to hold the activator button on the modulator while I calibrate it from the bench." Garrus stepped back, stretching his body out as he worked out the inevitable cramp that came with an almost seven foot tall turian bent into a small space at an awkward angle. Thane nodded and watched as Garrus gave him a quick demonstration, then took over by pressing a finger onto the modulator button as Garrus strode to the workbench. His talons worked quickly as he punched in numbers and algorithms. Thane admired his skill; he had never had more than a basic knowledge of electronics; only enough to be able to hack whatever he needed to to get to a target.

"Aaaand done! You can let go of it now. Thanks!" Garrus flared his mandibles in a smile, and Thane returned the gesture by letting a small smile take over his lips.

"How's Shepard doing? Still out of it?" Garrus asked, the amusement apparent in his flanging voice.

"She has finally fallen asleep. Chakwas thinks she'll be fine by tomorrow." Thane leant against the wall of the main battery as he watched Garrus continue working.

"Ah, excellent. I can't wait to show her the video." Garrus bared his teeth slightly in a wicked grin. Thane was unsure if Shepard would see the humour, but assumed Garrus knew her well enough to see that she would. The turian and the human had a very strange relationship; Thane had thought they were lovers when he had first met them. They seemed to gravitate towards each other and Garrus was a permanent member of her ground team rotation, but he had found that they instead had a deep friendship that bordered on a brother/sister dynamic.

"I am sure that she will see the humour." Thane said. He wanted to make jokes too, but they never seemed to come out right. He was unsure if it was his delivery or his timing or if he was just choosing bad jokes from the extranet to retell, but no one ever laughed. He had given up on that endeavour. He did however, get a chuckle from Garrus when he told him a joke about a volus and a hanar that the extranet told him was the highest rated joke on xenojokes.com.  
Garrus looked back as Tali entered, cradling four datapads in her small arms.

"Oh! I'm sorry, were you in the middle of something?" She asked, stopping in the doorway as she spotted Thane.

"No need to be sorry, I'll be leaving, unless Garrus needs me for something else?" Thane asked, stepping towards Garrus.

"That's all for now, Thane. Thanks again, I owe you one." The two men exchanged nods and Thane left, giving Tali a small smile as he passed. She bowed her head in acknowledgement.

He inhaled as the dry air of life support greeted him, cherishing the feeling of it filling his sick lungs. He resisted the urge to cough as he inhaled a little too deeply. He set himself down on his cot, and turned his omni tool to privacy mode. He closed his eyes, letting his breaths move in time with the thrum of the core on the deck below, half dreading when Shepard returned to her sober state and half looking forward to it.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief when she awoke to a body and mind that she was in control of. Things still looked a little blurry around the edges, but it was a vast improvement from the effects of the venom.

"Commander, how are you feeling?" Chakwas was quickly at her side, placing her fingers on Shepard's wrist to check her pulse.

"Much better, there's only one of you standing there now." Shepard grinned as Chakwas took a step back; a joking Shepard meant a healthy Shepard.

"Do you remember anything?" Chakwas raised an eyebrow, studying Shepard.

"Not a whole lot, I remember being in the shuttle after I got shot and then waking up here feeling weird, but it's all pretty fuzzy." Shepard hated lying (especially to someone she liked as much as Chakwas), but she knew she was good at it. She had lied to Chakwas more than once just to break out from the medbay; the fluorescent lighting and sterile smell made her feel ill. Plus, a conversation about the things she had been saying during her hallucinations was not a thing she wanted to endure. She stifled a laugh as she remembered Chakwas spinning around to face her, her mouth shaped in an ' _O_ ' as she rambled explicitly.

"Hmmm. Alright, well get up at your own pace, and take things slowly. Slowly, Shepard! I mean it!" The doctor used her 'mom' tone when Shepard rolled her eyes.

"I'm glad I never had kids, I don't know how I'd cope with looking after you lot as well as them!" Chakwas threw her hands up in the air, trying to hold back her smile.

"You know it's not personal, it's just hard sitting around doing nothing when there's so much to do!" Shepard sat up slowly, her body still feeling a little tingly.

"I know, and I understand. I just wish you all realised you're going to be off the job for a lot longer if you try to take things too fast instead of letting yourselves heal." Chakwas' face softened and she moved to place a hand on Shepard's back, helping her to stay upright.

"Zaeed's the worst for it. He still tried to spar with Garrus with two broken ribs last week." Chakwas continued as she held out her arm for Shepard to steady herself as she slid herself off the bed. Shepard chuckled.

"Well, at least there's one of us that likes spending a little bit more time in the medbay than necessary." Shepard winked at the older woman, who let out a high pitched laugh that didn't hide her embarrassment. They had all noticed the way that Zaeed had visited the medbay immediately after going ground-side, even if he only needed a small application of medigel. The crew had also noticed how flustered Chakwas seemed to get around the old merc. Shepard straightened her back and steadied herself on her feet.

"Oh Shepard. We're all a little bit lonely, sometimes. I will admit that it would be nice to be intimate with someone again." The doctor's voice softened as she smiled weakly. Shepard knew that feeling all too well.

"Well why don't you give it a shot? He's a bit of a madman but I'm sure he knows how to treat a lady." Shepard leant her butt against the side of the bed as she swayed slightly on her feet. Chakwas folded her arms, standing thoughtful for a moment.

"I don't have rules on fraternisation on this ship, Karin. You're welcome to do what you want with him, just don't ruin his good eye. I still need him on the ground!" Shepard took a small step forward, and Chakwas laughed, a blush rising in her pale cheeks.

"Go on then, get out of here!" She said, motioning her hand towards the door. Shepard grinned and pressed the seal for the door, before turning back to Chakwas.

"You need a little help with anything, you know where to find me!" She hurried out of the door, laughing, as Chakwas held up a datapad, jokingly threatening to throw it at her.

****

Shepard had hurried past Thane, who was seated at the mess hall table eating what appeared at a quick glance to be a spiky fruit. She had hoped that he had not seen her, but she knew that she had not evaded his keen eyes.

"Shepard?" He said, rounding the corner as Shepard pressed the button for the elevator. His deep voice did nothing to help disperse the goosebumps on her skin.

"Thane." She said, turning to face him.

"I am glad to see you are up, I was worried that the venom may have affected your neurological functions permanently in some way." The scales on his forehead creased together in a frown as he placed his hands behind his back.

"Fit as a fiddle!" Shepard said, pressing her finger to the elevator button again. Of course it needed to stop on every floor but her own when she needed it to.

"I don't quite understand that expression, but I think I get the meaning." His large eyes stayed focused on her.

"Do you remember anything about the time you were.. affected?" He asked, taking a step closer to her. Shepard almost held her breath as an image from her hallucination flashed in front of her eyes. _Just everything, and my personal favourite was when you held me down and..._

"No, I don't. Everything was pretty fuzzy." She wondered if she could lie to Thane as well as she could to Chakwas.

"I see." He said slowly, his eyes unblinking. The elevator doors finally opened in front of her, and she practically leapt into it, slightly blurry vision not blurry enough to hinder her escape attempt.

Thane didn't press her any more, and returned to the mess hall before the elevator doors had a chance to shut.

****

"You can't bloody tell what he's thinking!" Zaeed grunted, waving his beer towards Thane. Joker glanced nervously at the assassin, and Garrus laughed.

"I was led to believe that unreadable composure was an asset when playing poker." Thane had never played before, but he had picked it up quickly, needing Garrus to explain the rules to him only once. It was a game of skill and patience; two things that he had an abundance of.

"You're just upset because you're losing, as usual. Maybe if you didn't drink so much before we started playing.." Zaeed cut Joker off by raising his middle finger to the off-duty pilot. Thane grinned; his alcohol consumption had him feeling a little looser than usual. He didn't usually like to let his guard down, but the Normandy was a safe place for him now. He was even beginning to enjoy spending time with Joker; once the fear in Joker's eyes subsided whenever Thane came near him, he was a very interesting man to talk to. Plus, he had an abundance of stories about Shepard that were always intriguing. Thane felt that his friendship with Shepard didn't flow as easily as it did with the other crew members, and he would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't a little disappointed that he didn't know her like they did.

"Aaand Archangel wins again." Joker rolled his eyes as Garrus pulled the pile of chips towards his corner, his mandibles fluttering. Grunt let out a roar as he slammed his fist onto the mess hall table, making three of the four other men jump slightly in their seats.

"I don't get it! I hate this game!" The hopeless, resigned look on the krogan's face was enough for them to relax again, and Joker snorted, trying to contain his laughter.

"You've just gotta keep trying, Grunt. You'll get there!" Garrus tried his best to console the sulking krogan as he folded his arms and glared at the table. He stood up suddenly, knocking the table with his huge frame. The men all reached out to steady their shaking bottles. Grunt, ignorant to the almost-destruction, stomped out of the room.

"Ouch!" Joker said, taking another sip of his beer.

"Ah, he'll get there. He's still a child. He needs encouragement and.. what was it Kelly said? A stable environment where he can grow." Garrus bared his teeth in a turian grin as he remembered the lecture that the yeoman had tried to give the crew.

"Stable? Yeah, the Normandy is definitely the most stable place for a krogan. I'm surprised he hasn't snapped all of our necks yet." Joker pushed more chips into the middle of the table, and the others followed as they started a new game.

"The only reason he hasn't is because the one thing he's afraid of is on this ship." Zaeed smirked.

"And what's that?" Joker asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Shepard. He wasn't scared at first, but now he's seen her in action? Don't think he'd goddamn dare to almost strangle her again." Zaeed answered.

"Well, she did kill a krogan with her bare hands when we went to get Okeer. I wouldn't put anything past Shepard, to be honest." Thane looked up. He had heard Grunt call Shepard 'Battlemaster' before, but didn't know of the details behind it.

"With her bare hands?" He asked, intrigued. He knew she possessed great prowess in battle, but a krogan was hard to kill with a weapon, let alone bare hands. Krogan contracts were Thane's least favourite contracts.

"Well, with a knife too. But mostly her bare hands." Garrus confirmed. Zaeed laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

"You shoulda seen it. She was out of thermal clips and the bastard was standing right under us, so she jumped off the platform and landed on the thing, knocking him down, then she just starting laying into him with her goddamn fists, and then she pulled out her knife and stabbed him right between the eyes. Warmed my heart to see such a small woman beating the shit out of a krogan." Zaeed pulled a cigar out of his pants pocket and stuck it in his mouth, his hands returning to his pocket to search for a lighter.

"And by heart you mean something lower, right?" Joker asked. Zaeed grinned, his now lit cigar held in place by the merc's uneven teeth.

"Never ever met a woman like Shepard, that's for goddamned sure. Krogan with her bare hands, thresher maws on foot, bloody warrior princess, she is." He said as he blew out a cloud of potent smoke. Garrus glanced at Thane; there were only a few people on the ship that knew about Thane's condition, and Zaeed was not one of them. He gently raised his hand from the table, signalling that it was alright to Garrus. The Normandy's air recycler would suck it into the vents soon enough. The turian settled back into his chair.

"She sure is something else. Don't tell her I said that. She'll think I've gone all soft." Joker said.

"She is a very impressive woman. Great to look at, too. Her red hair is... nice. And that waist.." he made a hooting sound before continuing, "... not that I've had much experience in human gazing but, ah, she seems to turn a few heads. Not just to break them, either." Garrus flicked his mandibles in amusement. They all nodded in agreeance, and a moment of comfortable silence passed, before Zaeed spoke again.

"What about you, Krios? What's your take on Shepard?" Thane had been caught off guard by the question. He blinked slowly, trying to form thoughts in his slightly intoxicated state that would not be ridiculed.

"Shepard is indeed an impressive woman." He didn't want to say anything that would disrespect her, and he had been concentrating so hard to conduct himself in an orderly manner, no matter how much alcohol he had consumed. Joker blew a raspberry, unsatisfied with his short reply.

"You get him drunk and he's still the most serious dude in the world!" Three pairs of eyes watched him intently, trying to coax him to say more.

"Ah shit. Leave him alone, he's probably not into humans. Anyone want another?" Zaeed stood, scooping up the empty bottles from in front of Joker and Garrus.

Garrus leaned over the table, setting his small blue eyes on Thane.

"Come on Krios, I'm sure you've thought about Shepard. We all have. Even _Tali_ has." He kept his voice low as he glanced over to Zaeed, who was rummaging through the mess hall refrigerator. Garrus suddenly pulled back, sitting in his seat.

"Unless.. you're not into females?" Garrus tilted his head to the side slightly, and Joker leant forward in his own seat, eagerly awaiting Thane's reply.

"I am only interested in females." Thane couldn't help but smile. He had never understood that fascination that some people had with other's personal lives. He guessed that being stuck on a ship together for long periods of time had something to do with the amount of gossip that reached his ears when he walked around the more public areas of the Normandy.

"Ah, so what kind of females then?" Zaeed butted in as he returned with more drinks. Thane would have rolled his eyes, if his anatomy rendered him capable of doing so. They weren't going to give up.

"Only drell females?" Garrus asked, his head still slightly tilted.

"I have only had experience with drell females." He had only been with drell women before Irikah, and after Irikah.. well, it had just been thoughts of her that had kept him warm on the occasional nights that he felt lonely. He was still in denial of the fact that he had indeed thought about Shepard before. It had felt like an insult to Irikah's memory when he had hardened at the thought of touching the rest of Shepard's soft skin, and he was unsure what the correct way of dealing with those feelings were.

"Drell females are built similarly to humans, though. And asari. It wouldn't be too much different. Well, maybe a little softer. A lot less scaly." Joker said, squinting as he thought about it.

"We're well aware of your knowledge on alien anatomy, Joker. And stop forwarding me those videos, dammit!" Garrus snapped, but he let his mandibles flare quickly to show Joker he wasn't angry, and probably didn't really want the vids to stop.

"I could forward you some vids, if you're curious?" Joker asked Thane. He had noticed that human females were indeed similar in physical appearance to female drells; skin colour and texture not counting.

"I.. I think I will be alright, thank you though." Thane knew that the pilot meant well, and that human males often bonded over talk about female anatomy. He didn't consider himself to be uptight on intimate topics, but something about the way they spoke about Shepard threw him off. He hesitated to admit that he agreed with them; she was beautiful, and the skin he had felt under his hands when he had infused her skin with his venom was soft; a lot softer than any drell skin he had ever touched. Joker shrugged.

"Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me." Thane realised he was a little more intoxicated than he first thought as for the first time in a long time, maybe even ever, his composure slipped.

"I admit, I am curious. One or two vids would be acceptable." Joker's mischievous grin made Thane worry he had made a grave mistake.

  


****

"Shepard!" Mordin greeted her enthusiastically as she stopped by to check in on him. The salarian hardly slept, so Shepard knew he'd still be awake late into the night cycle.

"Mordin. How's it going?" She asked, casually leaning against his workbench, taking extra caution not to sit on something sharp.

"Great. Excellent, actually. Was going to inform you that I have sourced an anti venom treatment and have successfully concocted one specific to Thane's venom. Used samples from his regular health checks." Shepard raised her eyebrows.

"Why would I need that now?" Shepard asked slowly.

"Ah. Have noticed increased signs of arousal in both of you when in each other's presence. I have managed to create a pill form if you have aversion to needles. Suggest taking two each day in the morning, however they are sufficient in strength to be taken just before an encounter. Hallucinations during intercourse are said to be most frightening."

Shepard stared at him with an open mouth. Unperturbed, the salarian reached into a draw under his desk and pulled out a clear bottle that was filled with bright yellow tablets. He thrust it towards Shepard, and she took it.

"Also have many charts that.. "

"Mordin, stop!"


	4. Chapter 4

Thane had let the vids sit in his inbox for almost a week. He had avoided Joker at every chance (which didn't require much effort, seeing as he was practically confined to his chair in the cockpit) and was extremely pleased that neither Garrus or Zaeed had brung up their conversation again. He had also tried to avoid Shepard, which was not easily done due to the fact that she had put him on every ground team.

Thane shot his hands out, grabbing the lone Blue Suns merc and breaking his neck in one swift movement, letting the armoured body fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. He had never been distracted from his work for such a silly reason, and it frustrated him. He decided to watch one of the vids and rid himself of his curiosity when he returned to the Normandy.

"Thane. Status?" Shepard's smooth voice did nothing to ease the distraction as it came through his helmet.

"All clear now, coming up to meet you." Thane moved quickly, making his way up the large flight of stairs to the upper level. Shepard was leaning her back against a crate, holding her helmet against her stomach with one arm, and Kasumi sat next to her on top of the crate, dangling her legs over the side casually. Shepard's armour was covered in blood, and Kasumi's pants had a tear across the thigh. Neither of them seemed to be too concerned.

"Kasumi disabled the false signal, and then we took out the rest of these guys." Shepard jerked her thumb towards a corpse that lay between her and Thane. He nodded in confirmation that he heard her.

"I'm gonna give Joker the signal to send a shuttle down, and then I'm gonna take a look around. Kasumi, there might be some useful tech on the mercs." Kasumi jumped off the crate and knelt down next to the corpse in front of Thane, bringing up her omni tool as she rummaged through the merc's armour with her free hand. Suddenly, she looked up at Thane and grinned.

"So I was thinking, you and Shep should totally go on a date." She grinned, and even though Thane couldn't see her eyes under her hood, he knew that they would be sparkling with mischief.

"And why do you think that?" Thane asked, taking a step closer and linking his hands between his back. Kasumi stood up and leant over the body to talk to him.

"She's cute, you're cute, you should just go for it. I've seen the way you look at each other." Thane blinked slowly.

"And how is it that we look at each other?" Thane asked. He was certain that he had betrayed no emotion in his expressions towards Shepard.

"Like you want to strangle each other..." she leaned in closer so that she was almost touching his face with hers and lowered her voice, "... in a sexy way." She giggled and stepped back, hopping over the body to loot another dead merc across the room.

****

Shepard sat on the side of Garrus' tool bench, watching him work his hands over a rifle mod that she had picked up for him from the merc base in the hopes that it was usable. Somehow, watching him work was as soothing to her as getting a massage. His mandibles were held tightly against his face in concentration as he jabbed at the inside of it with a pointed talon.

"Dammit!" He yelled, dropping the mod back on the bench and looking at it like it had personally offended him.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked, glancing at her frustrated friend.

"The tiny pins on the inside are bent inwards, and it won't attach properly if I can't get them straightened. My fingers are too big." Garrus picked it up again, bringing it to Shepard's face so she could peek into the opening.

"Here." She took it out of his hands and carefully pushed the pins back into shape with her pointer finger. Garrus' mandibles fluttered in excitement as he clipped the mod onto his rifle.

"What would I do without you, Shepard?" He asked as he held up his rifle and looked through the viewfinder.

"You'd have a lot of broken mods and a shitty aim." She grinned at him as he let out a small chuckle.

"You should get Tali up here to help you, I know she loves coming up here." Garrus narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh come on, it's obvious that she's head over heels for your bony little ass!" Shepard nudged the armour covering his thigh with her foot as he put the rifle back down on the workbench.

"My.. bony ass?" Garrus tried to feign offence, but Shepard knew that his slightly raised crest meant that he was trying to hold in laughter.

"You don't feel the same?" Shepard watched him intently as he leant against the wall.

"Hmmm. I'm not sure. I enjoy spending time with her but.. I mean, do you really think it's a good time to get involved with someone, Shepard? Losing a friend is hard but losing a lover is harder." Garrus folded his arms as he replied.

"I guess you're right. But isn't the happiness worth it? This whole situation is a clusterfuck of geth and collectors and mercs and who knows what eslse. We deserve something to look forward to. You deserve something to look forward to, Garrus." Shepard hadn't failed to notice that he was practically working himself to the bone in the main battery. There had been more than one occasion where she had gone down to the mess for a midnight snack and EDI had informed her that he was still working.  
Garrus considered her words for a moment, and then nodded his head slowly.

"I guess you're right. Who knows, maybe we'll pull off another crazy stunt and live to tell the tale again." They smiled at each other, and Garrus pushed himself away from the wall and walked towards his console.

"And what about you, Shepard? With no Kaidan on board you've got plenty of potential suitors." Garrus fluttered his mandibles and winked at her.

"Oh don't even bring that up! The failed tryst was bad enough, and then that bullshit on Horizon? That was always going to be doomed." Shepard shook her head, trying not to let the sadness his words on the colony caused creep back into her mind.

"The man is an idiot, Shepard." He looked back to his console and brought up a complicated looking hologram. Shepard stayed silent as she tried to think of anything but Kaidan.

"What about Jacob? He seems like a nice man. For a Cerberus agent, anyway." Garrus suggested as his hands worked over the hologram quickly.

"Nah. He's a nice guy, but we don't have much in common." Shepard had struggled to maintain conversations with Jacob. She liked him and respected him, but there just wasn't a spark.

"Grunt?" Garrus suggested jokingly. Shepard threw her middle finger up at him and he bared his teeth in his turian grin when he caught the gesture in his peripheral vision.

"How about Thane? I've heard some rumours." He said slowly, glancing over his shoulder at her.

"Some.. _rumours?_ " Shepard tried to keep her voice nonchalant, but it came out more like _what did he say please tell me now._

"Let's just say.. a move from you would not be entirely unwelcome." Shepard raised her eyebrows. Now she was interested.

"Is this what you talk about when you have your game nights? What else has been said about me?" Shepard put on her commander voice and Garrus turned to face her.

"Oh, nothing." He said, waving his arm in the air to dismiss the subject.

"Don't tease me Garrus! I want details!" She poked her finger in the air towards him in a mock threat.

"Well, Zaeed's pretty keen too, if you're interested." Shepard jumped off the table and Garrus dodged a slap.

"I have an age limit, Garrus! I think he's old enough to be my grandfather! It'd be like doing Hackett!" Her face scrunched up in disgust as a mental image of Hackett naked popped up in her head.

"Ugh!" She said, shaking her hands and ridding herself of the thought. Garrus chuckled at her frustration.

"Well why not Thane? He's intelligent and capable and I imagine drell anatomy is quite similar to human anatomy" Garrus asked, his voice serious again.  
  
"Oh yeah I can see that going well, 'hi Thane would you like to have cross species intercourse with me?' I can just imagine him standing there blinking at me with those huge eyes."  
  
"Are you blushing, Shepard?!" He asked, his eyes widening at the sight of Shepard's suddenly red cheeks, brought on by her thinking about a very specific part of drell anatomy.

"Oh fuck off, Garrus!" She grinned as she spoke.

"Come on Shepard. I thought you liked bad boys!" Garrus gestured to himself and Shepard rolled her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure Tali would fight me to the death for you, Garrus." She smiled the lopsided smile that Garrus wished his anatomy would let him imitate.

"I'm being serious. You deserve something to look forward to as well, Shepard. Would a little happiness really be so bad? You're always busy running around doing things for everyone else. Why not do something for yourself?" They both turned back to the console and Shepard sighed.

"I've been trying to avoid him." She said.

"Who, Thane?"

"Yes, Thane."

"Why?" Garrus asked, craning his neck to the side.

"Well.. when I said I didn't remember anything when I was hallucinating.. I might have lied." Garrus turned completely on his side and watched her with intensity.

"Oh? And why would you pretend that you didn't?" Garrus folded his long arms in front of his chest.

"Well.. they were.. explicit hallucinations."

"Oh?" Garrus said again.

"Yeah. Oh. Explicit hallucinations about.. Thane." Shepard narrowed her eyes and waited for Garrus to catch on.

" _Oh!_ " His mandibles flicked as he realised what she meant.

"So now you're avoiding him because you had a sex hallucination about him? Seems hardly fair to the poor man. He was only trying to help!" Garrus chuckled. Her slap got him this time.

"I can't look at him without thinking about it, Garrus! It's the best worst distraction ever!"

"I can see how that would be.. frustrating." Garrus enjoyed seeing the usual hard Shepard slightly flustered.

"I can't just kick him off the ship or keep avoiding him. He's great on the ground and he's a good man." Shepard slouched against the console in resignation.

"Then why don't you make a move? You could do with some stress relief."

"I.. " Shepard started but bit her lip. Garrus cocked his head to the side to indicate that he was listening.

"He's going to die, Garrus. Like you said, losing a lover is worse than losing a friend." She felt guilty for thinking it, but she wasn't sure if she could handle the stress of becoming attached to a dying man. Garrus watched her silently for a moment, and then nodded.

"It makes sense now." He said, gazing at the ceiling in thought.

"What makes sense?"

"Why he's so closed off. Even when we got him drunk we could hardly get more than a few sentences out of him. It seems he feels the same; doesn't want to get too friendly with any of us because he knows it's going to.. end." Garrus cringed at his last word.

"I've just taken so much loss Garrus. I don't know if I can handle any more." Shepard moved forward and put her arms around Garrus and rested her head against his chest.

"I know, Shepard. But you're right. We need to take happiness where we can get it, these days. And with the way things are going, well, aren't we all dying in the end?" Shepard closed her eyes as Garrus stroked her back gently.

"You're my best friend, Garrus." Shepard mumbled as she squeezed him tighter. Her hands only just touched at his back around his thick armour.

"And you're mine, Shepard."


	5. Chapter 5

Thane held his head in his hands as the contents of the message sunk in. He had failed Kolyat. Everything he had done to stop his son from going down this path seemed to have been in vain. He stood up quickly, standing on the spot as he realised he had nowhere to go. They were a day away from the Citadel, at least, with their current location. He couldn't ask Shepard to drop everything and go there; but he didn't know when she planned on taking the Normandy to the Citadel again. If he left it much longer, he might be too late. Other crew members had asked her for help and she had obliged them, and he hoped that she would see the urgency of the situation and also help him.  
He heard the door slide open, and he stepped around the corner to see Shepard standing in the doorway. She smiled at him and slowly walked towards him. Her smile disappeared as she saw the way his scales were creased at his brow.

"Thane? What's wrong?" He motioned for her to take a seat as he did so himself. She placed her palms on the table and leaned as close to him as she could, worry instantly creasing her own brows.

He let the words flow quickly and freely as she watched him intently, never stopping him to ask questions, only listening to everything he had to say. When he was finally done, he felt his eyes stinging, and blinked quickly to rid the salty tears that threatened to fall.

"We can go to the Citadel now, Thane." She spoke softly as she kept her gaze focused only on him. It had surprised him how easily he had spoken to her, and surprised him more that she was willing to go so soon.

"If there are other more urgent matters, I understand if we cannot make it there at this time, Shepard." She smiled and reached out for his left hand with her right. He glanced at her soft human fingers intertwined with his rough alien fingers.

"This is an urgent matter. It'll take a day to get there though, but that's the best I can do." Her face was softer than he had ever seen it; her brows were not lowered like they usually were when she walked around the ship, almost permanently fixed that way due to the hundred different things on her mind.

"Thank you, siha." Thane let the word slip again as he had done in the shuttle. He had been relieved that she hadn't seemed to remember. The corners of her mouth turned up as she began to speak.

"I think my translator just glitched. What did you call me?" She asked, her left eyebrow raised slightly.

"I'll tell you some day, Shepard."

****

Shepard almost held her breath as she walked to the main battery. She knew that she didn't know much about Thane other than the vague details in his dossier, but she didn't realise exactly _how much_ she didn't know.

"How did it go?" Garrus asked without turning around.

"He's got a kid! And a wife! Well did have a wife, she's dead now!" Shepard almost yelled as she paced behind Garrus.

"What?" Garrus turned around, his widened eyes focused on Shepard who was still pacing.

"A kid! Well not a kid kid, he's an adult kid. And his wife was killed a long time ago oh my god Garrus. Oh. My. God." He placed a hand on her shoulder when she walked past and she stopped, looking up at him.

"Well.. that's.. unexpected. But look at it this way, you used to be dead once?" Garrus wasn't very good at comforting people. Shepard groaned as she shrugged off his shoulder and stood against the door, letting herself slump to the floor.

"His son is in trouble, so we're going to the Citadel to help." She ran her hand through her hair before letting the back of her head rest heavily against the metal behind her. Garrus moved next to her and with a little bit of effort, managed to manoeuvre himself into a position similar to hers.

"If you need me on the ground, just let me know." Garrus offered his support in place of comforting words. Shepard tilted her head to smile at him, and then moved it back and closed her eyes.

"I never did get to thank you for Sidonis, you know." He would never forget the way that she had put everything else aside just for his request.

"I've got your six too, big guy."

They sat in silence for a little longer, until a harsh beeping sound from Garrus' console caused him to get up.

"Do you want to have drinks later? I could really use a drink. I know half the crew do too." Shepard slowly pulled herself up off the floor and moved her head from side to side to crack her neck.

"Sure. Ping me when you're ready." Shepard left Garrus to his guns, and went to tell Gardner to prepare the alcohol for later.

****

"Emergency induction port.." Tali slurred. Kasumi giggled and Miranda shook her head. Samara leant casually against the kitchen counter while Jack sat crossed legged on the table in front of Shepard.

"That's a straw, Tali." Shepard stifled a giggle at the sight of the quarian trying desperately to line up the straw with her suit's mouthpiece.

"Garrussss!" Tali said as Garrus finally emerged from the main battery. He grinned at the sight of an intoxicated Tali.

"She's only had three drinks!" Grunt said, eyeing the quarian.

"Look at the size of her compared to you, idiot! Of course two drinks is gonna go straight to her head!" Zaeed motioned from Tali's head to her feet with his bottle of whiskey as she swayed unsteadily on her feet. Shepard looked around; Jacob, Gardner and Donnelly were chatting by the steps leading to the main battery, and Chakwas, Kelly and Daniels were pouring themselves more drinks by the refrigerator. The only person missing was Thane.

"Tali is currently displaying a blood alcohol content that may proceed to dangerous levels if she continues to drink so quickly." EDI's voice came through the speaker in the roof above the mess hall table.

"Dammit, I'm always flying the ship when something good is happening!" Joker's voice followed.

Shepard waited until everyone was engaged in their own conversations, and excused herself to use the bathroom. She washed her hands and stepped out of the bathroom, glancing down the dim hallway towards life support. Before she could reason with herself, she pressed the door seal and walked in. A gasping woman told her that Thane wasn't alone, but she had already rounded the corner to his little nook before the noise registered.

"Shepard!" Thane said, quickly shutting off his omni tool. She stood with her mouth open as she stared at the drell. His face seemed to be saturated a deeper green than usual, and his red frills had turned a deeper shade of crimson. She had been trained to deal with almost any situation, but walking in on a crew member blatantly watching porn wasn't one of them (she had heard some suspect things from the cockpit a few times, but Joker was smart enough to reroute the audio feed into his headset before she came any closer).

"I.." Shepard started, then closed her mouth as her mind came up blank. Thane stood up from his cot and tried to discreetly place his hands over his crotch. Shepard looked down to his hands, and then back up to his face.

"I'm.. extremely sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." Shepard said as she took a step back.

"I am the one who is sorry, Shepard." Thane spoke as quickly as his eyes blinked. They stood opposite each other, staring at the other until Shepard turned on her heel and left. She walked briskly back to the mess hall, and signalled to Gardner that she wanted another drink. Jack had taken Shepard's seat, so she moved to stand next to Garrus.

"Are you sick?" He asked when he noticed her pale complexion.

"No I.. I.." Shepard shook her head. Gardner passed her a purple drink, and she tipped the glass up to her mouth until all the liquid was gone. Garrus was still watching her, waiting for her to stop stuttering. She stepped closer and stood on her tip toes to reach Garrus' head.

"I just.. I think I just.. walked in on Thane watching porn!"

Garrus howled in laughter as everyone in the mess hall turned to look at him. Shepard blushed and stood back on the soles of her feet.

"This is not funny!" She growled at him once he had finished laughing.

"You've got Joker to blame for that one." Garrus pointed his talon to the ceiling. Shepard sighed.

"Well that makes sense. Where there's porn, there's Joker." She left Garrus chuckling to himself as she stormed her way to the elevator.

****

"Commander, what..." Joker's eyes widened in fear as Shepard grabbed the back of his chair and spun him around.

"What is wrong with you?" She yelled in his face, and Joker narrowed his eyes.

"Well there's the Vrolik's and the irritable bo..."

"No! I'm not talking about that! I know about that! I mean why did you.." She looked behind her to the empty deck, "... send Thane porn?" She kept the last few words to a whisper even though there was no one around to hear them. Joker fought valiantly against the grin that pulled at his cheeks, but he gave up and let it win.

"Shepard walked in on Thane watching a vid you sent him earlier, Jeff." EDI's blue form flickered to life next to the pilot's seat.

"... Which one?" Joker asked, still looking at the furious commander in front of him.

"I believe it was the one with the red headed female, that you attached the note 'for an accurate representation of what sex with Shepard would look like' to." Joker flinched in his seat, prepared for the beating he was sure that Shepard wanted to give him, but instead she stepped back and folded her arms tightly over her chest.

"For an accurate.. EDI, please forward the video to my private terminal in my cabin."

"Oh no commander, you really don't want to.." Joker tried to plead, but stopped when she stepped closer again. She opened her mouth to yell and Joker braced himself against the back of the chair again, but instead of blasting him, she took a step back and threw her hands up in the air.

"How did this even happen?" She asked.

"Err.. basically, we asked Thane what kind of women he was in to. He said he'd only been with drell women, so I offered to send him a couple of vids of humans to.. expand his horizons." Joker made a face that silently said _please don't hit me_ as he watched Shepard furrow her brows at him.

"But why are you sending him videos with girls that look like me?"

"I.. um.. well, I think he's interested in you." Joker shrugged.

"Uh huh.."

"Please don't watch the video." Joker scratched at his forehead as he spoke in a small voice.

"Oh I'm going to watch it. And then I'm going to come back here and get EDI to disable your extranet privileges!" She turned and stalked towards the elevator, grinning smugly at the loud _'no'_ being screamed from the cockpit.

****

Thane felt nauseous. More nauseous than usual. Shepard hadn't come back to berate him and he hadn't heard her outside at the party that had been going on in the mess hall, which was now starting to die down.  
He knew that she had realised what she had walked in on, judging by the way the colour left her cheeks when she had stared at him. At all of him. Especially the part that he drew attention to in his failed attempts to hide it.

"Er Thane? Sorry I got you in trouble." Joker's voice suddenly came through his omni tool.

"It is my fault. I should have locked the door." Thane said as he turned off the lights and settled onto his cot.

"Always lock the door, man. Rookie mistake!" Thane thought about how ridiculous this all was. He reminded himself never to drink around anyone ever again; he had not partaken in much alcohol consumption since he lost Irikah, and he was now painfully reminded about how he always seemed to make poor decisions when drunk.

Joker cleared his throat when Thane didn't reply.

"Well, let me know how it goes. I'll try not to let her throw you out of the airlock. Oh and EDI sent Shepard the vid." Joker's connection cut and Thane was left with only his disbelief and silence.

At first he had been a little surprised by the video as the woman did indeed bear a striking resemblance to Shepard; the only difference being that the performer's eyes were blue, her body wasn't as well defined, and her complexion was a little bit darker than Shepard's fair skin. The drell that was in the video with her seemed a little thinner than Thane, and his skin was tinted yellow instead of green. Even more surprising to him was how much he had started to enjoy the video. It seemed that humans and drells were extremely sexually compatible, judging by the moans of pleasure from both participants of the video. He exhaled hard as he realised his attraction to Shepard had indeed grown steadily stronger over the period of time he had spent on the Normandy. Not that it mattered now; she'd probably drop him off at the Citadel and try to get the Normandy as far away from him as possible. She probably thought he was a pervert, especially if she had watched the vid, and who would want to be with a sick, dying man even if he wasn't thought of as a pervert? The drell and human had done things that he had never even thought to try with a human, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't now curious.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard watched the vid with one eyebrow raised. The female performer did look a bit like her, and the drell certainly reminded her of Thane. She started it with the volume muted (which was a habit left over from when she had shared bunks in her Alliance days), but had turned the volume up once she realised that she was alone and in her own cabin and could watch her porn as loud as she wanted to.  
The participants of the video seemed to have strong chemistry and they hardly took their eyes away from each other; the woman staring into the drell's huge dark eyes and him staring into her blue. Their hands slid over each other in movements that looked extremely intimate; Shepard guessed that they were probably a real couple.

"Shepard, I am sorry to interrupt, Jeff is insisting that you re-instate his extra-net privileges. He seems to be displaying symptoms of withdrawal. He has also tried to get out of his chair to take the elevator to your cabin on three separate occasions." Shepard hit pause on her terminal and sighed.

"It's only been ten minutes!" She spun around in her chair to speak to EDI's blue form.

"He is now talking into my port in the hopes that you will hear him." Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Joker's distress.

"Fine, restricted access only. No entertainment sites! That means porn _and_ games!"

"Understood Shepard." EDI's form flickered away for a moment, then returned.

"He said that you're a cruel woman. He also said not to tell you that." Shepard rolled her eyes and turned back to her terminal, pressing play once she was certain that EDI would not interrupt her again.

The video resumed, and Shepard watched as the red haired woman continued to ride the drell, her hands steadying herself on his chest as she lifted herself up and down. The drell's hands ran up her thighs and held her waist as he breathed heavily under her. His fused fingers gripped her tighter as she sped up, and she threw her head back, letting her long red hair flick back over her shoulders. In a movement so quick that Shepard almost missed it when she blinked, the drell pushed himself forward and then to the side, pinning the woman under him as he steadied himself on the bed with one hand and grabbed the woman's hands with the other and held them above her as he steadily thrusted into her. They kept their pace steady, and judging from the increasing volume of the woman's moaning and the breathing of the drell, they were both close. He let her hands free, and she moved them up to cup his face as she pulled him in for a deep kiss. He pulled back as she moaned, and her hands moved to his shoulders; her tight grip on them causing her nails to dig into his rough flesh. She arched her back as she came, and the drell let out a pleased grunt as his whole body shook on top of her. The woman smiled up at him when he had finished, and she pulled him in for another kiss, her hands stroking the back of his neck. Shepard continued watching as the drell slowly pulled out of her; the drell's cock was the same colour as his body, but it was covered in yellow ridges that went from the base of the shaft to just below the tip, which was a deep red colour that reminded her of the colour of Thane's frills. He seemed to be an average size, which Shepard appreciated; too big was too painful. Watching the drell's beautifully alien body move against the human's had made Shepard feel very flustered. She could almost imagine how Thane's chest would feel pressed against hers, and she wondered if he would watch her every movement with raw intensity like the drell in the video did. She still wanted to punch Joker for being such a perve, but at the same time she wanted to give his full extra-net privileges back. She leant back in her chair, and slid her hand into her damp underwear.

****

Samara levitated next to Thane as they meditated together. A few days prior, he had wanted to look out of a window; life support didn't have any and the sight of the vast expanse of the galaxy always seemed to soothe him. He had interrupted Samara in her meditations, but she had offered for him to stay and join her. Before he had left, she had extended the offer for him to join her any time, as she did not know many people on the ship well apart from Shepard, but would like to. Now had seemed to be the perfect time to meditate properly; he needed to soothe his embarrassment and regain his focus.

"You seem very tense today, Thane." Samara was always straight to the point. Thane kept his eyes closed as he shifted his weight slightly on his crossed legs. He was foolish to think that the perceptive asari would not pick up on his body language.

"Truthfully, I feel quite tense." He breathed slowly out of his nose, and gently inhaled again through his mouth as he kept his body as still as possible.

"Are your health issues causing pain?"

"No, not today."

"May I ask what has you troubled?" Samara didn't push him when he took a few minutes to reply.

"It seems that I have been distracted from my mission."

"Distracted?" Samara asked.

"I.. " He closed his mouth again, unsure how to explain the situation. They sat silently for at least twenty minutes before Thane spoke again.

"I have been distracted by Shepard."

"I can understand that. She is a very strong and beautiful woman. She is an avatar of the goddess Athame herself." Thane felt a small breeze blow past him as Samara lowered herself to the floor next to him. He opened his eyes and turned to face her.

"Does she feel the same?" Samara asked.

"I am unsure." Thane turned his gaze back to the large window in front of them. Uncertainty was not a feeling that he enjoyed.

"I do not think it would be wise to begin any form of relationship with my condition, regardless of how much it is wanted." Thane remembered the loss of Irikah too well; memories that should have faded in time were still as clear as though they had just happened in his brain. When he was gone he would not have to endure the hurt, but Shepard would.

Samara turned her head towards the window before speaking again.

"It is pointless to deny ourselves the things that we desire. We all have such little time. We should spend it enjoying ourselves."

"What is it that you want to do, if you believe we have such little time left?" Thane had noticed that Samara was always reserved; she didn't seem like she wanted to spend her last days partying.

"I have done all of the things that I have desired to do. There are no new experiences to be had for me. Now, I am here to serve Shepard. She gives me purpose, and I am proud to follow her lead. She has respected my code, and I respect her." Thane could almost smell the sadness in her voice as it saturated her tone. Garrus had told him about Morinth, and how Shepard had helped Samara resolve the situation.

"I know that Shepard is very open minded. If you are concerned about her rejecting you due to being a drell, I do not think you need to be. Of all of the horrors that Shepard could face, I do not think that she would consider alien anatomy one of them." He glanced back to Samara, and she smiled at him.

"I had entertained that thought." Thane had heard that Shepard had briefly been involved with a human male on the first Normandy, but he did not know any details about her other conquests and was unsure if she had any experience with other species.

"The Normandy will be docking at the Citadel in fifteen minutes." EDI's voice interrupted.

"I truly believe that you should speak with her. She may have the same feelings that you do." Samara closed her eyes, and let her biotic aura snake it's way around her body as she lifted herself into the air again in a silent dismissal. Thane slowly rose from the floor, and made his way back to life support.

****

"Alright, so how do you wanna do this?" Shepard asked as they stood in a quiet corner of the wards, hidden from the crowds that gathered throughout the wards. She had been professional (almost too professional, Thane thought) with him as they had followed leads on his son throughout the day, and she had seemed to enjoy punching Kelham a little too much. Thane had struggled to contain a grin as he watched her throw a hard right hook to the restrained man, admitting that he enjoyed watching her punch him a little too much as well. There had been no mention of the vid incident, but he had noticed her posture hardening whenever he moved close to her.

"You follow from the catwalks, and keep me updated. I'll shadow them. If you see Kolyat, please let me know as soon as you can." Shepard nodded and gestured with her hand for Thane to take the lead. He lead her up a level, and then to a locked door that Thane knew lead to the catwalks that ran above the area where Talid was scheduled to do his meet and greets. He picked it quickly and they both slipped into the small room that contained two flights of stairs that both led up in the same direction, but then snaked out to opposite sides.

"You take the left, and I will take the right." Shepard nodded and walked towards the stairs, her hand holding her pistol to her side.

"Shepard.." Thane started, and Shepard stopped on the fourth step, flicking her straight red hair back behind her as she focused on him.

"Thank you." She nodded and turned back to the stairs without another word.

****

It was easy for Shepard to follow Talid and his body guard (even though she had to listen to his anti-human bullshit the whole way through the wards), but not so easy for her to take her mind off Thane. She could imagine him moving, quick and quiet but with all the intensity that she had seen wash over him in battle. She hadn't seen anything as beautiful as the way Thane moved his body.

"Can you see him?" Thane's voice crackled through her comms as she leant over the railing.

"I..." Shepard stopped as a blue drell came into focus.

"Kolyat!" Shepard threw herself forward, moving down a small flight of stairs to get to the level below, a gunshot sounding as she ran. She made it just in time to see Kolyat disappear into a room behind Talid as the politician's bodyguard lay on the floor, blood rapidly pooling around his body. Thane was at her side before she even noticed he was there, and they followed Kolyat into the apartment. Shepard pulled her pistol up as soon as they entered the room, pointing it towards Kolyat.

"Kolyat." Thane kept his voice steady as his son looked up at him.

"This.. This is a joke. Now? Now you show up?" Shepard glanced to her right just in time to see the way his body went rigid at the sound of the anger in Kolyat's voice.

"Help me drell, I'll do whatever you want!" Talid looked up at Thane, his hands still held in surrender at the back of his head. Thane ignored him, keeping his focus solely on Kolyat.

"C-Sec, put the gun down, son!" Bailey appeared behind them with a turian C-Sec officer as his backup.

"Oh shit." Shepard mumbled. She had wanted to resolve this without any interference from Bailey. She was unsure of Thane's plan, but her plan involved knocking Kolyat out and taking him back to the Normandy as discreetly as possible.

"Get out of my way, I'm walking out. He's coming with me." Kolyat spat his words as he held the gun closer to Talid. Thane stepped closer, his footsteps making no noise as he walked.

"They'll have snipers outside." Shepard couldn't see Thane's face, but she heard the hurt tearing through his pleading words.

"I don't need your help!" Kolyat yelled and took a step closer to Talid. Shepard could see Kolyat's finger twitching on the trigger. He needed to be distracted, and fast. She glanced at the objects near him. She quickly moved her aim to the lamp and fired a shot. Kolyat turned, bringing his arms up for protection. Shepard darted in front of Thane to make it to Kolyat before he turned around.

"What the hell.." Shepard brought her fist up to the side of his face, and the stunned drell staggered backwards as he dropped his gun, speechless as his eyes darted from Shepard to Thane.

"Talid, get the hell out of here!" Shepard would have liked nothing more to see a bullet put through his narrow minded brain after being subjected to half an hour of his ranting, but she wasn't going to let Kolyat be the one to do it. There would be another hit; the guy couldn't have many friends. Shepard moved back to Thane's side, and the shocked turian limped past them.

Kolyat's dark eyes were focused on Shepard, and she narrowed her own at him.

"Take the boy into custody." Bailey signalled his backup and the officer moved towards Kolyat.

"You son of a bitch!" Kolyat's gaze darted over everyone that stood in front of him.

"Your father doesn't have much time, Kolyat. He's trying to make up for his mistakes!" Shepard couldn't help herself as she practically barked the words at the defiant drell. The C-Sec officer paused between them, nervously glancing back to Bailey who nodded to let the conversation continue.

"What, so you came to get my forgiveness? So you can die in peace or something?" Being here in this moment felt wrong to Shepard. She had been pulled into the personal lives of all of her crew member's when they had asked for help, but this felt different. This wasn't supposed to be how Thane saw his son for the last time. Her chest tightened as Thane stepped forward. Shepard hovered her hand over her pistol.

"I came to grant you peace. You're angry because I wasn't there when your mother died." She saw Kolyat's brows lift as Thane spoke to him.

"You weren't there when she was alive. Why should you be there when she died?" Kolyat's mouth twisted and he bared his teeth. Thane lowered his head.

"Your mother - they killed her to get to me. It was my fault." Shepard had heard this story. Thane had told her himself, and she didn't need to hear it again. It had almost brought tears to her eyes the first time she heard it, and now that she was seeing this conversation in front of her? It was too much to handle. She took a careful step back, and glanced at Bailey. He glanced sideways back at her, and nodded his head towards the door. Shepard was glad that she wasn't the only one who felt like they were intruding.

"What?" Kolyat's whole demeanour changed as he questioned his father. Thane glanced backwards, seemingly to confirm that Shepard was still there. When he caught sight of her, he turned back to his son.

"After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually.. killed them. When I went back to see you, you were older. I should've stayed with you." Thane's head bowed slightly as he finished speaking.  
"I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?" The venom returned in Kolyat's voice.

"Kolyat. I've taken many bad things out of the world. You're the only good thing I ever added to it." Thane spoke quickly and surely and Kolyat retreated, bowing his own head in shame. When he looked back up to Thane, Shepard could see the thin tears sliding down his cheeks.

"This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers." Shepard could have kissed Bailey in thanks as she quickly blinked away her own tears that threatened to spill.

Bailey ordered for Thane and Kolyat to be taken back to the precinct and given a private room. Thane stepped forward and gently placed his hand on Kolyat's shoulder.

"You're doing him a favour Bailey. Thanks."

"Yeah, well, send me a Christmas card or something. I have to get back to the precinct. Come on, I'll give you a lift." Shepard left the room with Bailey, glancing back to see Thane and Kolyat in an embrace.

****

In the two hours that Shepard had paced around C-Sec waiting for Thane, she had managed to convince Bailey to let Kolyat do community service with him instead of spending time in jail. Bailey had hinted that the relationship with his own son was strained, and Shepard was thankful for his sympathy. She lounged lazily in the chair opposite Bailey and fiddled with her omni tool when the captain went back to his work. She jumped when a hand touched her shoulder.

"Shepard, I am sorry if I startled you. I am ready to return to the Normandy now." She stood up and pushed the chair in, nodding towards Bailey.

"Bailey has agreed to find some odd jobs for Kolyat so he doesn't have to spend any time in lock-up." Thane's brow raised, and Bailey nodded.

"We all did dumb stuff as kids, right? Maybe not as dumb as attempting to assassinate a politician but, well, you know." Bailey waved his hand in the air in an attempt to brush off the praise he knew Thane would offer him.

"That is excellent news. My thanks to you. It is much appreciated." The two men nodded at each other, and Shepard reached out to Thane, her gloved fingers gently brushing against his wrist.

"Are you ready to go?" He watched her for a moment, and Shepard felt heat rising from her neck to her cheeks under the intensity of his gaze. He nodded, and Shepard turned quickly to leave. She had been affected emotionally by all of the things that she had seen each time a crew member had asked them to help her, but Thane's situation had been the only one to coax tears from her.

They walked in silence through the wards back to the Normandy, but Thane stopped before they reached the docking port. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, her expression silently questioning.

"Shepard, I.." Thane shook his head as his hands fidgeted. She stepped closer, letting her small hands cover his as best as they could.

"I know. It's ok." She smiled at him, and he moved a hand out from her grip to place one on top of hers. His hands were warm and felt almost snake-like. There had been one part of her hallucination she didn't remember very well; the pain and then the venom hitting her hard had made her memory of the shuttle ride back to the Normandy the day she was injured unclear. Thane stepped closer to her, and she held his gaze. She could see her reflection in his dark eyes. Before she could close the distance between them and place her lips on his, he stepped back from her, then entered the ship.


	7. Chapter 7

"Ow!" Joker yelped as a hand slapped the back of his head, startling him and causing his cap to fall in his lap.

"You said he was interested in me!" Shepard moved into his line of sight, and her narrowed eyes put the fear of god into Joker. He hated it when she was mad.

"He is! I think.." Joker rubbed the back of his head.

"Why do you have to hit me so hard?" He pulled his cap back over his messy hair.

"Because you're an idiot!" She pointed her finger at him, and he noticed that her cheeks were very red.

"Are you blushing, or are you angry? I'm seeing some contradicting signs here." She raised her hand again and Joker flinched. EDI's blue form suddenly popped up over her port. Shepard and Joker both glanced towards it.

"Can we help you?" Joker asked.

"I am just watching." EDI replied.

"Can't you watch from anywhere in the ship?" Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. However my focus is currently solely diverted here." Joker and Shepard exchanged a confused glance.

"I am sad that I was not present to see Jeff receive a slap. I will make a note to replay the footage later. I may also put it on a loop and show it to the other crew members." Joker groaned as EDI spoke.

"Anyway, before we were rudely interrupted.." Joker shot a glare at EDI's blue form and it shimmered.

"What happened? Did you make a move and he shot you down? Get it? Shot you cause he's an assassin?"

"Please stop with the dad jokes." Shepard rolled her eyes and climbed into the seat next to Joker.

"Aw come on, what happened?" Joker turned his chair to face her.

"We were having a moment.. well, I thought we were having a moment, and then.. nothing. Nothing at all." She pouted her lips in frustration as she sunk lower into the chair.

"Ouch. Helping his son didn't go well I take it?"

"No it went.. well. As well as it could have." Shepard rested her elbow on the side of the chair and placed her cheek into her palm.

"I don't understand." Joker waved his hand and turned his seat back to face his controls.

"Neither do I." Shepard sighed. EDI decided not to inform Shepard of Thane's presence in the airlock behind them.

****

Thane had decided to visit Joker in the cockpit after they had returned from the Citadel. He needed advice, and seeing as Joker was the only human male on the ship that seemed to really know Shepard, he had to be the one. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he almost stepped into the cockpit before realising Shepard was seated beside Joker. He sidestepped into the airlock as he heard Shepard's voice. He was unsure why he had; he could have easily turned around and returned to his room without detection.

"We were having a moment.. well, I thought we were having a moment, and then.. nothing. Nothing at all." Thane had grinned so wide that his face (the face that had forgotten what it felt like to grin that wide) had hurt. He had thought that they were having a moment too, but he was too shy to make the first move. _Shy_. He resented the fact that he had considered himself shy. He was confident in his skills in an intimate setting; it was the words and actions he needed to make to get to the intimate setting that he had difficulty with.

It didn't help that the subject of his affection was Commander Shepard. Even before he had met her on Illium he had heard of her. The whole galaxy had heard of her. He'd seen posters of her in cities that he was sure she had never been to, and seen merchandise of her that ranged from action figures to VI's to body pillows, which he was definitely sure she had never seen as she would have died from embarrassment. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he would have to admit that he was a little frightened of her. She was the only person on this ship that he knew would be able to kill him. She was small and fast and just as skilled with her bare hands as with that ridiculously large in comparison to her assault rifle that she carried around everywhere.

"I feel like a teenager, running around like an idiot." Shepard spoke again, and the pilot laughed. Thane moved closer to the edge of the wall so he could hear them clearer.

"Have you thought about maybe talking to him about this?" He replied.

"I can't." She said, her voice sounding smaller and weaker than he'd ever heard it.

"Why not?" He heard the squeaking sound that his chair made when he swivelled it. Shepard was silent for a moment, and he heard Joker's chair squeak again.

"I'm.. nervous." She said in her small voice again.

"Um, why? You took down Saren and you've almost taken down the collectors. And you've done a bunch of other crazy shit." For all of the jokes and sarcastic comments and back chat that Joker made to her, he seemed to be a decent friend to Shepard.

"It's been a while, Joker. The last person I was with was Kaidan and that was.. anti-climactic. We just didn't work together." He heard Shepard sigh as Joker chuckled.

"I can't talk to him about it now, anyway. We've only been back for half an hour, he's probably going through some deep emotional stuff in his room. I can't intrude on that. I already feel like I intruded. When he was talking to Kolyat.. my heart broke for him. I almost cried. You know I don't cry." Thane closed his eyes. He had no idea that it had affected her like this. He wouldn't have asked for her help if he knew that it was going to cause a deep emotional burden for her.

"I think you care a lot more than you want to admit." Joker's voice was serious, none of it's usual sarcasm souring his tone. Silence again.

"Garrus thinks he doesn't want to open up to people because he knows he's going to die." Thane's eyes shot open again.

"Is that why you're hesitant? Because you'll lose him sooner rather than later?" Thane felt his lungs ache sharply as Joker spoke. He knew that he had always had trouble opening up to people, and his illness had made it harder. He didn't want to be too close to anything or anyone.

"No. That doesn't bother me. Well, it did but now.. it doesn't. It would be selfish to ignore him just because I don't want to hurt. I can handle the hurt."

"I know you can, but you've handled a lot of hurt, Commander." The pilot's voice was full of genuine concern. Shepard didn't reply for what seemed like an eternity to Thane's waiting ears.

"We all have." She finally said.

"You can say that again. Watching you get spaced? Not something I ever want a repeat of."

"You and me both. You know Cerberus put a window above my bed? Real good idea, 'let's put a huge window of space above the bed so she can dream about dying every single night!'" Shepard snorted.

"Fuck Cerberus. They're only good for their fancy chairs."

"And the private bathroom. I'll give them that."

"And they brought you back, so I guess we have to be a little thankful."

"Just a little. I don't want TIM thinking we're actually thankful. Smug bastard." They both chuckled, and prolonged silence again returned to the cockpit. Thane realised their conversation had run it's course, and he silently made his way back to his room.

****

Shepard showered slowly, rubbing the vanilla scented lotion over her skin. She hated Cerberus, but the abundance of luxury items made the hate simmer back to a strong dislike. She finished up in the shower and dried herself, then unclipped her hair and let it fall loosely over her shoulders. She had a plan. A simple plan. A plan that she wasn't sure would work, but hoped with all of her being that it did.

She dressed first in small black underwear and a black bra that featured lace on the trim of the cups, then in tight dark blue jeans and a black v neck t shirt. She pulled on her boots and walked cautiously to the elevator, before remembering the yellow pills. She strode back down the stairs and pulled the bottle out from her bedside table, dry swallowing two quickly before resuming her mission. She rode the elevator to the crew deck and picked up her pace, walking briskly to life support. The lock was green, but she still hesitated after what she walked in on the last time she was down there. She pushed the door panel and walked in slowly.

"Shepard?" Thane was pacing, and he looked up as she entered. He had shed his jacket and wore only a loose fitting black shirt and leather pants. She stared at him for a moment, and he stayed still under what felt like a scrutinising glance, unsure of her intentions. She sucked in a deep breath, and quickly stepped towards him. She slid one hand around the back of his neck and let the other rest on his chest as she pulled his full lips towards her. His reaction was instant, and his hands grabbed her hips, jerking her towards him as he moved his lips against hers. She smelt sweet and her body was softer than he could even dream of.

Shepard could feel a burning sensation on her lips, but she ignored it as she turned them so her back was facing his table, and stepped backwards until the edge hit her lower back. She briefly pulled away from him so she could prop herself up on the edge of the table, then pulled him back in, spreading her legs around him. His tongue quickly parted her lips and she returned the action, letting her own tongue explore his mouth as they kissed deeply. He moved his mouth from hers to trail quick kisses down her skin, and he gripped her waist tighter as she let a small moan escape her lips when he bit her neck gently. He could feel his hard length throbbing, months of desire finally being resolved. He stepped back from her, and she leant back on the table, panting heavily as her eyes moved over his body; working their way from the bulge in his pants to his eyes. Her eyes narrowed and she smiled slyly. It was all the permission he needed; his hands made quick work of her pants buttons, and she lifted herself up slightly from the table as he pulled her pants and underwear off, letting the discarded clothes fall in a heap near his feet. The vid he had watched had shown him the beautiful softness that was between a female human's legs, but Shepard's almost made him gasp. Her folds reminded him of rose petals and he could already see how wet she was. He looked back up to Shepard, and she ducked her head in embarrassment.

"There is no need to be embarrassed, siha. Your body is more beautiful than I imagined." Shepard looked back up to him and smiled before she moved her hands to the hem of his shirt and Thane put his arms up so she could remove it. She let it fall in the pile with her pants, then set her fingers on the waistband of his pants. She slid them down slowly, and Thane took her hand's place with his and moved them the rest of the way, taking his shoes off at the same time. When he looked up, Shepard had removed her shirt and bra and was leaning back on her elbows, admiring the naked body that was now standing before her. His skin was carved with muscle; his arms as strong and firm as his chest. She let her gaze wander lower to his hard cock and she let the sly grin command her lips again. It was exactly the same as the male drell's in the video; covered in ridges and a perfect size; thick but not too thick, long but not too long. While Shepard was studying his body with hungry eyes, he took the chance to study hers. Small, firm breasts moved slightly as she breathed, her pink nipples hard even in the dry warmth of life support. Her stomach was taut and toned, and a light pink scar stretched across her stomach just under her belly button.  
Her skin was smooth all of the way down to her sex. Thane placed one hand on her thigh and let the fingers on his other hand gently rub her swollen nub; he had read on the extra-net that this was the most pleasurable spot for most human females. Shepard tilted her head back, moaning as he increased his pace. He brought his other hand up from her thigh to tease her entrance; just a second of pressure and his fused fingers were already coated in her clear fluid. Drell females also self lubricated, but nowhere near this amount. His cock throbbed as he slid a finger inside of her, and she dropped down from her elbows to flat on her back, her chest rising and falling heavily as he stimulated her clitoris and penetrated her. She propped herself back up on her elbows again, and she reached up with one hand to pull him down to kiss her. The feeling of her coating his fingers so thoroughly made him lose his resolve, and he reached between his legs to guide himself inside of her. There was hardly any resistance as Shepard's wetness helped his cock slide in easily. Shepard tightened her legs around Thane, pushing her heels into Thane's backside to pull him closer to her; she wanted to feel his entire length. Thane obliged, and he let out his own moan at the feeling of being fully sheathed inside the woman he had lusted after for what felt like forever.

Thane leant forward and slid an arm under Shepard's back, pulling her up to him as he continued his steady thrusts. Her inner walls were tight around him, and he needed to focus to make sure he didn't finish too quickly before she had the chance to orgasm. Shepard threw her arms around him as she littered his frills with quick kisses. One hand slid up the back of his head, her hand gently tracing the curves of his cartilage on his head. Her touch set his skin on fire, and he breathed heavily as he watched the redness in her face increase. He kept a hand around her back and slid the other underneath her firm butt, lifting her up and quickly moving her against the wall. She grinned as she wrapped her legs around his waist to keep him inside of her as they moved. She gasped as the cold metal wall sent shivers down her spine. Thane buried his head in the part where her her neck meets her shoulder and bit down as he lifted her up and down on his cock. Her hands were running over his head and neck and she was moaning his name as she felt the familiar urgent feeling build in her abdomen.

"Don't stop.." Shepard said in a shaky voice as her hands gripped his shoulders with almost brutal force.

"Never." Thane whispered into her ear as he felt her walls tighten around him. She let out a loud scream as her orgasm shook through her, making her body feel weak and completely at Thane's disposal. He felt his own end approaching quickly, and picked up his pace as her still convulsing muscles milked his seed. She gasped as she felt him fill her with his warm fluid; so much of it that she felt it trickle down her thigh. He slowed down until he was at a complete stop, and the only sound filling the air of life support was their panting breaths. Thane leant his head on Shepard's shoulder as he struggled to regain his composure from what was possibly the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced. Shepard's fingers gently traced around the back of his neck as he felt her relax her body in his arms. He pulled his head back to face her, marvelling at how beautiful she looked; her hair in disarray, her normally pale cheeks flushed with colour, pupils slightly dilated at the taste of his skin. She smiled lazily at him and moved her head in for a soft kiss that was slow and passionate and made Thane's cock twitch inside of her. He stepped backwards, keeping his grip on her as she kept her grip on him with her legs as he lay her onto his cot, keeping his body pressed against hers as he kissed her again. When he pulled away, Shepard's eyes were closed. He rolled to the side, pressing his body against hers as he rested one arm underneath him and the other over Shepard's stomach. She kept her eyes closed as she smiled, bringing her hand up to rest on top of his.

"Thane.." She said softly, her smile widening.

"Shepard. You are.. " He stopped. He couldn't think of a word that was adequate enough to describe how he felt about her. His body was aching in the best way possible and his head was spinning from his own pleasure. She opened her eyes and turned her head to face him.

"You are amazing." He settled for amazing and hoped that she would appreciate it. She laughed softly.

"It was all you. Wow." She turned her head back, closing her eyes again as she inhaled deeply.

"I have wanted to do that for a very long time." Shepard stroked her fingers over the back of his hand and up his forearm.

"As have I." Thane was finding it very hard to speak. He pulled his arm away from her to briefly pull the soft blanket that was under him out and over the two of them. Shepard sighed in appreciation and turned her body to the side, pressing her chest against his. Her green eyes found his, and she let her gaze become lost in his black orbs. He rested his hand on her hip and shimmied closer to her until his whole body was pressed against her. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then moved down slightly so his chin was resting on the top of her head. They lay silently for what seemed like a blissful eternity to Thane, and when he heard her deep steady breaths, he followed her into slumber.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard woke slowly, stretching her arms out before she opened her eyes. She opened them quickly when one arm hit a wall and the other grabbed empty space. She was alone in life support. She quickly swung her legs over the side of the cot and stood up, ignoring the rush of dizziness that came over her, instead glancing around for her clothes. They had been folded neatly on the table next to the cot. She pulled them on, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, unsure as to wether she should stay or leave. Her hips ached slightly from the pressure Thane had held onto her with the previous night. She brought up her omni tool; 0700. She'd slept through the entire night without waking once.

"Shepard?" Thane appeared in the doorway, holding a tray of food and a glass of what looked like orange juice.

"You made me breakfast?" Shepard grinned as she watched Thane bring the tray over to the table. No one had ever brought her breakfast before; not that she'd ever stayed in a bed long enough to make it to breakfast time.

"Yes. Well, I had a little help from Kasumi. She was insistent that sweet French toast and orange juice was your favourite breakfast meal." Shepard's eyebrows raised at the mention of Kasumi. Thane reached out to touch her arm gently.

"I did not inform her of the fact that you spent the night here, she informed me. I do not know how she knew. Gardner thought that this meal was for me, so he does not suspect anything." Thane blinked slowly as he watched Shepard's brow's slowly lower back down to their proper position. She sighed as she sat down at the table.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised." Shepard knew that she could lie and hide things extremely well; but trying to lie to and hide things from Kasumi was ultimately pointless. The woman seemed to just know things. Thane took the seat opposite from her, and watched her eat. He glanced down to the table when Shepard's gaze found his eyes.

"Shepard, I must ask. Was this a one time event?" His hands folded in front of him at the table as he brought his eyes back up to hers. She had set down her knife and fork and was watching him with an expression that Thane did not quite understand.

"I know that it is not an ideal situation, with reference to my Kepral's. I would not be hurt if you did not want to continue anything more than a friendship." He had enjoyed her company last night, and he tried to push memories of it away quickly before they took over and he helplessly explained to her just how much he had enjoyed it.

"I.. " Shepard started and then clamped her mouth shut, her eyes narrowing in thought.

"I would like to continue this, Thane. Unless it is something that you don't want?"

"I am.. unsure at this time, Shepard." His words hurt Shepard more than she thought they would. That was not where she thought the conversation would be going.

"Oh." She said, picking up her knife and fork and finishing the last few pieces of her french toast. Thane could see the hurt in her face and hear it in her tone.

"Siha, I.. " Shepard stood up and raised a hand for him to stop.

"I understand. I am sorry to have intruded on your space longer than I should have." She picked up her tray and quickly walked out of life support. Thane put a hand over his face, making a deep rumbling noise in frustration. Why had he said he was unsure? He wanted it to continue. He wanted it to continue very much, but like he said to her, his Kepral's would put them both in a situation that was less than ideal. When he had awoken a couple of hours before Shepard, he had turned to his side and watched her. Her face was still and relaxed, no trace of the worry lines and narrowed eyes that seemed to permanently plague her expression. That was how Shepard deserved to feel; totally relaxed and carefree. If she continued a relationship with him, he knew that in six months or however long it took for his Kepral's to finally force his lungs to give up, she would be upset and unfocused and it wasn't fair for him to put her through that.

_I can handle the hurt.._

Shepard's voice played on a loop in his brain. Maybe she could handle it, but if there was a chance that he could see her from the afterlife when he passed on; he wasn't sure if _he ___could handle the hurt.

****

Shepard glanced between Zaeed and Garrus. They all lifted their arms up as a pipe exploded to Shepard's left. The worker on the catwalk above them yelled as the whole platform shook.

"Alright, lead the way." She motioned with her gun for Zaeed to take the lead, and Garrus nodded as he fell behind Shepard in his usual position. She blocked out the pleading of the worker behind them until it slowly faded. It's just another thing you have to do to get the job done, she told herself.

They fought through what seemed like a hundred mercs, and Shepard swore when she ducked behind cover from a flame-thrower wielding Blue Sun.

"Watch out, Shepard!" Garrus yelled as she almost tripped over his crouched body.

"Sorry Garrus!" Shepard steadied herself and moved to another crate as Garrus laid down cover fire for her. She had been distracted for the whole mission, and from the numerous questioning glances throughout the day on Zaeed's face, she knew it hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Mech!" Zaeed grunted as he lobbed two grenades towards the machine. Garrus let a few concussive shots go when it's shields finally buzzed and disappeared, and Shepard fired a few incendiary rounds at it until it shook, exploding in a mess of mechanical parts and human limbs. A hand landed next to Garrus.

"Can't they make those things work without a person inside them? It gets way messier than it needs to be." His tone was disgusted as he nudged at it with his armoured foot. Zaeed grinned at the carnage, before moving forward again. They reached the doors that led to the outside of the refinery, and Shepard spotted Vido limping away from them, a thick line of blood running down his armoured calves.

Shepard hung back with Garrus as Zaeed swapped his assault rifle for a pistol, and walked towards Vido, who was rolling around in the dirt begging for his life. Shepard noticed the oil leaking from a tank near Vido, and Zaeed no doubt had too. He dropped a thermal clip into the puddle of oil next to Vido, and shot it once, sending the puddle, and in a second, Vido, up in flames. Shepard didn't say anything to Zaeed when he caught back up to them, and instead nodded her head at him. He returned the gesture, muttering a quiet thanks.

In the shuttle ride back to the Normandy, Shepard pondered her moral compass. She had let Garrus shoot Sidonis, and she had let Zaeed set Vido on fire. She automatically wrinkled her nose at the memory of the smell of burning flesh. She wondered often if she was doing the right thing, but in the end decided it didn't matter; she was doing what was best for her crew, and that was what mattered. It ultimately didn't make a difference to her if Garrus or Zaeed wanted to take out a couple of a scum bags that had screwed them over; no doubt that in them doing so, more people were made safer. She had done great things; she'd helped Jacob with his father, Miranda with her sister, Thane with his son, Grunt and Mordin on Tuchanka, and Samara on Omega. She had plans to help Jack and Kasumi in the following weeks too. She liked to think that all of the good things that she had done evened out the bad. Shepard nodded to herself, deciding that's what she would tell herself whenever the screams of the oil refinery workers that she left behind filled her head.

****

Shepard was still drying herself when Joker's voice boomed throughout her bathroom.

"Shepard, there's a situation down on the crew deck. Jack and Miranda are at each other's throats! I think it's serious this time!" Joker's voiced boomed through her terminal, pulling her thoughts away from the Zaeed's mission.

"I'm heading there now." Shepard sighed as she pulled on her clothes quickly. She picked up a pair of slip on flats to put on in the elevator ride down.

"Take pictures!"

****

Thane and Zaeed stood a few feet back from Miranda's office, watching the biotics flinging numerous items of furniture at each other. Zaeed had a sleazy grin on his face as he eagerly watched. This wasn't the first time Thane had heard them yelling at each other, and he had decided that it was not his decision to step in and diffuse the argument, and instead resigned to watching, telling himself that he would step in if one of the women was going to cause actual physical damage to the other. It always ended with Jack storming off and swearing at everyone that looked at her, and he had no doubt that today would end in a similar fashion.

"How could you say that?" Jack screamed at Miranda, who kept her face straight as she spoke.

"Well they obviously made a mistake with you!" Miranda sidestepped a data pad as Jack flung it towards her.

"What the hell is going on?" Shepard pushed between Zaeed and Thane, and stormed into the room just as Jack flung Miranda's armchair across the room, causing Miranda to duck.

"She said I was a mistake!" Jack snarled, her biotics still crackling in blue bolts around her.

"Well there's obviously something not right about her!" Miranda stood, smoothing her hands down the front of her uniform, her own biotic static quickly dissipating.

"I don't give a shit what she said Jack, you shouldn't be in her room. And Miranda, you know better than to antagonise her! Come on you two, you're both adults! Get your shit together!" Shepard growled her words as she pointed her finger at Jack, and then at Miranda. Jack rolled her eyes, and Miranda folded her arms, still keeping her hard stare focused on Jack.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake. Obviously we're not grown women here and Cerberus has put a day care in the crew deck!" Shepard's voice was dripping in sarcasm as she threw her hands up in the air. Both of the women looked at Shepard with narrowed eyes.

Shepard frowned and let her own biotics flare around her.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You two can grow up or get the hell off the ship, because I'm not dealing with petty immature bullshit in here as well as out there! I did not go through the N7 program and then kill Saren and then get spaced just to come back and sort out your fucking immature arguments!" She raised her voice as loud as she could, pointing out of Miranda's window as she spoke. Miranda dipped her head, seemingly realising her behaviour was juvenile. Jack's biotic aura disappeared, and she stormed out of the room back to engineering. There was muttering throughout the crew deck as Shepard's loud cussing was heard.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" She snapped at Zaeed and Thane. Zaeed let out a chuckle as she passed.

"And you!" Shepard spun around to face Zaeed. His chuckle stopped abruptly.

"Stop egging her on, or next time I'll lock you both in Grunt's room and I'll let him do whatever the hell he feels like with you. I know he's had an especially itchy trigger finger this week!" Zaeed frowned, but said nothing.

"Now, has anyone else got an issue before I get in the elevator? Anyone at all?" The Cerberus crew members that had gathered in the kitchen to be near the commotion shook their heads and quickly went back to work.

"Great. Excellent. Now I'm going to go back up to my cabin, and if I have to come back down for anything less than a collector attack, I'm going to throw you all out of the airlock!" She looked around once more, then returned to the elevator back the way she came. Zaeed staggered to the side as she bumped his shoulder when she passed. Thane noticed that Shepard didn't make eye contact with him once.

"Bloody hell. Never seen her yell like that before!" Zaeed said, rubbing his shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Thane, the guy just doesn't know how to talk about his feelings :(

Shepard exhaled slowly, her eyes closed as she tried to calm herself. She felt slightly embarrassed about the way she had broken up Jack and Miranda's fight. Sure, she'd broken up at least three fights a week between them, but she had never actually yelled at them. She didn't mean to be mean to Zaeed, either. She didn't want to be that Commander, the one that people remembered for all the wrong reasons.  
She inhaled. She had been teetering between upset and furious ever since that confusing talk with Thane. If he wanted it to just be a one night thing, she would've been fine with that; but she was under the impression that there was enough of a spark to warrant at least a little more exploration. If she was completely honest with herself, she felt rejected. Rejected almost as badly as when she saw Kaidan on Horizon. No, it felt worse than that. This time she was involved. Her _body_ had been involved. Worst of all, she wanted it to happen again and again.  
This time she inhaled so quickly that she felt slightly dizzy as the air pushed her lungs to capacity. She coughed and quickly grabbed for the glass of water from her night stand. She was thinking too much about this. He was obviously just pushing her away because of his Kepral's, right? Shepard sighed as she placed the empty glass back on her night stand and flopped back down onto her pillow. She felt rejected and confused and angry and she needed a drink and something to take her mind off things. She brought up her omni tool and typed two messages.

_Zaeed,_  
Want to have some drinks and do some sparring in the shuttle bay after dinner with Garrus and I? Thought drinks and violence would be the perfect way to celebrate how things turned out on Zorya. Let me know!  
Shepard. 

She knew the merc was always up for the aforementioned activities, so she hit send, and started to type a message to Garrus.

_Asked Zaeed to have drinks and a sparring session in a few hours with me in the shuttle bay, you in? :)  
S_

She waited for a few minutes, then both of their replies came at once.

_Sounds like a damn good plan Shepard, see you then. - Z_

_Of course I'll be there. Wouldn't want to miss the look on Zaeed's face when you beat the crap out of him! And you know I can't resist a beating from the almighty Commander Shepard. Just like old times! - G_

A bit of drinking and fighting never failed to provide a good time.

****

Zaeed, Garrus and Shepard stood in a triangular formation, stretching in preparation for their sparring session. They had all started drinking during dinner, and Shepard was feeling a light buzz, that Zaeed and Garrus obviously felt too from the way their eyes looked a little glassy. Well, more glassy than usual, for Zaeed.

"Alright. Any sensitive spots we need to avoid? Zaeed, how's that rib going?" Shepard stretched her arms out behind her as she spoke.

"Rib's all good now, watch the jewels though." Zaeed grinned as he rolled his shoulders. Shepard smiled as she rolled her eyes, then glanced at Garrus.

"What about you, big guy?"

"The scarring is still a bit sensitive on this mandible," he poked his talon at the scarring that was still pink and shiny, "but other than that, I'm good."

Shepard nodded, and did a couple of more lunges before she did a little jump on the spot.

"Ready?" She asked, a predatory grin on her mouth. Garrus stiffened. He knew that look. That was the look she had that time they went to Afterlife and she told him she was going to _'just have one drink'_. His mandibles tightened as he remembered how he and Jack had to hold her hair back while she threw up in the toilets after what was _definitely_ more than one drink. She'd been a little off for the past few days, but she hadn't mentioned anything to him. Garrus knew that she would come to him if she had a problem that she wanted to talk about, otherwise, he would wait.

"Who goes first?" Zaeed said, motioning between him and Garrus.

"First? We're all in."

"All.. in?" Garrus asked, his wavering tone making Shepard chuckle.

"I know you're both good with guns, but I haven't seen much of your hand to hand skills." She circled around them, knowing it would get them nervous.

"Well, except for that asshole batarian on Omega, Zaeed.."

"Shepard, I've told you I was the top ranked hand to hand co.." Garrus started, and Shepard hopped in front of him, putting a finger over her mouth.

"Top ranked? Bloody hell. I'm good but I'm not that damn good." Zaeed frowned at Garrus.

"Oh come on. It'll be fun! Haven't you always wanted to beat up a commanding officer?" She knew that she had had more than one commanding officer from her time in the N7 program that she would've liked to strangle with her bare hands.

Garrus and Zaeed looked at each other, then back to Shepard.

"Nope." They both spoke at the same time.

"Not even once?" She asked in disbelief. Surely she had made them do something that pissed them off?

"I've been with you from the start, Shepard. If I wanted to strangle you I wouldn't keep following you on these ridiculous missions." Garrus said as he pressed a talon into his shoulder to work out a knot that didn't seem to bother him much until now. Shepard turned to Zaeed and he shrugged.

"You've helped me with an old grudge Shepard, and you've given me a place to stay with a warm cot and three meals a day. Company isn't too bed either. You've done alright by this old bastard." Zaeed folded his arms and watched her. She looked so tiny, standing there in her shorts and singlet, no armour to bulk up her frame, but Zaeed was under no illusion that she'd play easy.

Shepard threw her head back and groaned.

"Ok well just imagine I'm Vido or Sidonis." She saw the flicker of fire in both men's eyes, and put her hands up in front of her.

"Bad suggestion. Imagine I'm.. someone else that has pissed you off _slightly_." She took a couple of steps back and held up her fists, hoping that they would finally catch on. The two men gave each other a worried glance, and then raised their own fists.

****

Shepard's movements were fluid and fast as she weaved her way between the two men's blows, a huge grin on her face the entire time. Thane had never seen anyone so happy to be engaged in combat before. Zaeed almost got a punch to Shepard's jaw in, but in one swift movement she had knocked him onto the ground.

"Ohhh!" The crew that had gathered to watch through the window of the engineering deck collectively cringed at the sight of how heavily Zaeed fell onto the metal of the shuttle bay floor.

"He doesn't look like he wants to get up." Miranda said, leaning her face closer to the window. Zaeed stayed on the floor, watching Shepard and Garrus on propped elbows.

Shepard and Garrus were grinning at each other, almost maniacally as they danced around each other.

"Fuckin' make a move, dammit!" Jack jabbed her finger at the glass as seconds watching turned into minutes. As if Shepard had heard her, she lunged forward, looking as though she was about to strike Garrus on his right side, but at the last second she pulled her body to the side and hit her palm into the skin under his carapace. He stumbled back, bringing his talon to press over the spot where Shepard had hit him. He looked up to her again, and she winked at him. Garrus had height and strength, but Shepard had the kind of fragility that a species that seemed to walk on their tip toes all of the time couldn't have. Undeterred, Garrus straightened and brought his talons back up. Shepard's mouth moved, seemingly taunting Garrus, and then he sprinted towards her.

****

"Come on big guy, I know you can do better than this! Have you gone all soft for me?" She steadied herself as Garrus looked up, giving her a grin full of sharp pointy teeth before he charged at her. She raised her arm, blocking a blow, but Garrus was quicker than before and got a sharp chop to her ribs. She gasped as she felt the air disappear from her lungs, but she didn't let it deter her. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins, burning her up as she focused on that instead of the pain.

"I'm worried I'm gonna break one of those tiny human bones of yours." Garrus said as he circled Shepard.

"Oh, please. You're gonna have to try harder than that, Vakarian." Shepard spun around and kicked out her leg, catching him in his right knee. He grunted as his leg shook for a moment, then swiftly brought his elbow out to Shepard's face. The bony joint hit her left cheekbone, and the resulting sound made the now spectating Zaeed swear.

"Shepard, I'm sorry, I didn't mean.." Shepard turned back to face him, a deep red mark already showing on her pale skin.

"That's better."

****

"Interesting. Seems to want to be hit. Taunting Garrus to provoke him into attack." Mordin tapped his fingers against his cheek as he watched.

"Should we.. stop this?" Thane asked in concern, not taking his eyes away from Shepard. Jack snorted.

"Why? Look at her, she's having the time of her life!" Jack grinned as Shepard took another hit from Garrus, immediately following it with a sharp jab to his waist that made his legs buckle. He was on the floor in a bony heap, grinning at the bruised Shepard who was standing above him.

"You should've seen them on the SR-1. They'd spar almost every night, and one of them would always come up to the crew deck with a cut or a bruise and they'd just joke about it. It was very stressful." Tali put her hand over her mask, shaking her head as she spoke.

"I do not imagine that Doctor Chakwas will be very pleased with this." Samara said calmly, her shoulder pressed against the window.

"I want to have a go!" Jack pushed herself away from the window, and pressed the button for the elevator. The crew exchanged glances, then piled into the elevator after her.

****

"No biotics and no hits between the legs, in case it needs to be said." Shepard smiled and cracked her bleeding knuckles at the crew before her. She hadn't expected the crew to want to join in, but the rush she felt every time she made a hit and took a hit excited her. She hadn't even thought about Thane until she had seen him shuffle down with the rest of them.

"I am happy to just spectate for this event." Samara said coolly as she floated slowly to sit atop a crate.

"As am I. Do not want to risk injury that will hinder lab work. Almost completed the process of.." Mordin stopped as Shepard raised her hand, waving him away. He leaned against the tall crate that Samara was sitting on.

"I'm not dumb enough to take on Shep." Kasumi grinned as she walked to stand next to Mordin.

"Where's Grunt?" Garrus asked as he wiped away a trickle of dark blue blood from the top of his mouth.

"Eating." The crew said in unison.

"Probably for the best." Zaeed said from his still seated position. Shepard smiled lopsidedly as she examined the remaining crew. Her gaze fell over Tali first, and the quarian stiffened, then shook her head.

"Oh no, Shepard. No way. Count me out too." Tali quickly moved over to join the other spectators. That left Jacob, Miranda, Jack, and.. Thane. Her eyes narrowed as she glanced over him quickly.

"Come on." Shepard nodded to Miranda, who followed her to the centre of the shuttle bay.

"Ready?" As soon as Miranda nodded, Shepard moved in.

****

Shepard had taken down Miranda in four minutes, and Jacob in five. The crew all seemed to take a step back when it was Jack's turn.

"No biotics, remember?" Shepard said. Jack rolled her eyes.

"Jesus fucking Christ Shepard, I'm insane, but I'm not a fucking cheater!" Shepard laughed as Jack moved in.

She took her out in three and a half minutes.

****

Thane had watched Shepard take out just about the entire crew, but he knew that she was holding back. He'd seen the force that she had been able to hit with on the battlefield, and he knew that she didn't need biotics to take a man (or woman) down.  
The crew gasped as Jack fell against a crate, her bald head cracking heavily against it. She slid down to the ground. Everyone stayed silent, until Jack looked up with a toothy, deranged grin.

"Fuuuck you, Shepard!" Shepard chuckled as she held out a hand to help Jack up, and surprisingly, the bare-scalped biotic took it, then staggered unsteadily off to sit with the rest of the unlucky sparrers. Shepard's gaze fell over Thane, and he went to step forward.

"Alright, good job everyone. Now go take yourselves up to the med bay. Not all at once, Chakwas is gonna have a fit. Jack, you go first."

"What about Thane?" Kasumi asked, her arms folded casually over her chest.

"Thane's got an injury and I don't want to hurt him." Shepard said matter of factly, keeping her stare centred on Kasumi. The remaining crew all turned their eyes to Thane.

"Are you alright?" Jacob asked, his split and swollen lip slurring his words slightly.

"I am fine. If I am fit enough to go on missions, I am fit enough to spar, Shepard." Thane felt heat rising in his face and spreading out to his frills as Shepard refused to even look at him.

"Maybe another time. Go now, Jack. If you've got a concussion I'd rather you get it seen to ASAP!" Shepard motioned a mumbling Jack into the elevator, and the rest of the crew followed, laughing and chatting as though being half beaten to a bloody pulp was the most fun they'd had their whole life. Thane stood still, not turning around until he heard the elevator doors close. The sudden quiet of the shuttle bay felt like it was pounding in his ears.

He heard light footsteps behind him, and he didn't have to turn to know it was Shepard.

"I forgot my jacket." She said flatly as she strolled past him to the small pile of black material a few metres in front of him. She turned and walked past him again, but this time Thane gently grabbed her arm as she passed. She frowned, but she still averted her eyes from his.

"Shepard, please speak to me." He could see that his uncertainty had hurt her, and she had taken it as a result of something she had done. Her arm moved slightly under his grip, but she didn't pull away completely.

"Please at least look at me." Thane said quietly, his large eyes refusing to move their glance from Shepard's face. She seemed to glance at every corner of the room before she slowly met his gaze. She had purple rings around both eyes and her lip was split in the corner, leaving a small bubble of dried blood that didn't seem to bother her at all. Small bruises littered over her arms and clavicle.

"I understand. You don't want to get close to anyone. That's fine, but I wish you would've told me that before I marched into your room and threw myself at you." She spoke quietly and quickly, the hurt in her green eyes causing his own eyes to prickle with salt.

"It's not like that, I didn't mean to make you feel... used." He let go of her arm, and she dropped it to her side.

"Yeah, well, that's exactly how I feel." She walked slowly away from him, and he caught up to her in no time.

"Please Shepard. I am not good with these words. I do not know how to describe my feelings to you." She paused.

"Then don't." He watched as she stepped into the elevator, and didn't look back.


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard's buzz was promptly killed by Thane. _Ha, get it, cause he's an assassin?_ Shepard cursed Joker under her breath as his stupid joke popped into her head. She wasn't handling any of this very well; she had never been rejected. She laughed as she stepped into the bathroom and quickly undressed, ignoring the aches that were present over all of her skin and seemed to seep into her bones. Was she really sulking about being rejected? She turned on the shower and stood under the hot water. A cut that she didn't know she had on her back stung brutally as soon as the water hit it. She didn't sulk. Sulking was an action reserved solely for Jack, or Miranda. She'd even seen Garrus indulge in sulking, when his big hands couldn't fiddle around with the tiny mods he was trying to screw around with. Sulking was _not_ a Shepard thing. She quickly lathered soap over her body and hair, and turned off the water. Maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding. Maybe he just wanted to have one last fuck before he died? Shepard nodded as she smeared some medi gel over her face. She could understand that. The same thing had almost happened with her and Kaidan the night before they reached Ilos, only Shepard had realised she was just lonely and he wanted more, so she put a stop to it before it happened. She couldn't be mad at him for that, regardless of how bad their communication had been, could she?

****

"She is not happy with you, that's for sure." Thane stood in the med bay as he watched Chakwas apply a bone weave pad to Garrus' apparent broken rib. The turian winced as the doctor pressed down on the centre of it, activating the nanites. Garrus made a deep rumbling noise as he endured the inevitable pain of his bone resetting back to it's original shape.

"And I'm not happy with her! Honestly, sparring with half the crew?" Garrus and Thane ignored Chakwas as she moved over to check on Jack again.

"I know." Garrus had never heard Thane sound so dejected.

"So what happened?" Garrus asked in a strained voice as he glanced down at the pad. Thane looked over to Jack, who was watching them intently as Chakwas prodded at the back of her head.

"Not here. I'll explain in the battery." Garrus glanced over to Jack, then nodded.

****

Garrus' brow plates raised as high as turianly possible when Thane told him the part about sleeping with Shepard, and stayed there as he explained that he couldn't explain his feelings.

"I'm sorry, I was listening to that part about the feelings but.. you slept with Shepard?" Garrus leant back against his console, eyeing the drell.

"Yes. Now it seems I have offended her by saying I was uncertain." Thane paced in front of Garrus.

"Well of course she's offended, she thinks you've used her." Thane could hear the irritation in his flanging voice.

"I have tried to explain that I didn't use her just for the purpose of intercourse, that I was only uncertain about if we should continue due to my illness."

"Don't you think you should've explained that to her before you slept with her?" Thane could tell that Garrus was getting angry. It was foolish of him to try and speak to her best friend, of all people, about it.

"Garrus, I.." Thane was speechless, instead making a frustrated grunting noise. Why was it so hard for him to articulate his feelings? Garrus watched him with narrow eyes, waiting for him to speak again.

"I would like to continue things with her and I would like it to progress into a relationship, but I don't know how much time I have left. I don't want to hurt her and.." Thane stopped as Garrus raised a talon in the air.

"Let me tell you one thing. Shepard knows you're going to die. Hell, she thinks _she's_ going to die. Again. She knows that a relationship with you is going to eventually hurt her. And she still went after you and you are still fumbling around foolishly when you could have Shepard." Thane lowered his head as Garrus spoke, his sub-harmonics booming throughout the battery.

"Shepard's a grown woman and more capable than most, Thane. She knows what she's doing and what she wants from you and she's perfectly capable of making decisions. Just stop being an ass and go and talk to her! I can't stand another night of sparring! She beats the living hell out of me every time. The woman is relentless!" Garrus sounded exasperated now. He looked up to the beaten turian and nodded.

"Thank you, Garrus."

"Yeah well, don't thank me yet, we still don't know if she wants to throw you out of the airlock." Thane caught a glimpse of Garrus' silver teeth before he turned back to his console.

Thane left and made his way back to life support. He knew the words that he needed to say, but he just couldn't say them. He felt like an emotionally stunted idiot. He sat in his chair and meditated on what action he should take next, and an idea popped into his head.

****

"Paper? As in.. paper to write on?" Miranda raised her eyebrow at the curious request from the enigmatic drell.

"Yes. Preferably a lined piece of paper." Thane hadn't handwritten anything in so long and he didn't trust that his script would be entirely neat.

Miranda lowered her eyebrow, and pulled out a draw from her desk. She rummaged through it, lifting up data pads and tubes of medi gel and various other things that Thane didn't bother to register. She made a satisfied noise as she pulled out a black notebook. She opened it and flicked through the pages to make sure there was nothing written in there before handing it over to Thane.

"There's a pen in the spine, if you need it. Is there anything else I can help you with?" The operative studied Thane, unsure what he would need the notebook for. She made a mental note to ask EDI to inform her if he was doing anything strange. Well, stranger than usual.

"Do you have any envelopes?" Miranda rummaged through another drawer until she found a packet of red envelopes. Why she had those things when probably no one had hand written a letter for the last one hundred years was beyond her. She held it out to him, and he took it from her, carefully sliding it in between the middle pages of the notebook.

"That will be all. My thanks." Thane gave her a polite bow and left, clutching the notebook to his chest. If he couldn't say how he felt, he'd write how he felt.

****

Shepard paused the old action movie she was watching when the intercom for her cabin buzzed.

"Who is it?" She yelled, reluctantly sitting up from her comfortable position on the bed.

"It's Thane." His deep voice filled her room, and she ignored the reminder of pleasure it brought. She got up from the bed and walked up her steps, reaching her hand out to press the button for her door to open.

"What?" She said, immediately regretting her sour tone. He didn't acknowledge it, and began to speak.

"I have something for you. Please, take it." He slowly held out a red envelope, and she stared at it. When she didn't take it, he held it a little closer to her. She got the hint and reached for it.

Thane nodded, returning to the elevator and leaving a very confused Shepard standing in her pyjamas in her doorway.

****

_Shepard,  
It is not with ease that I can explain my actions and words to you. I have not been in this position for a very long time and am unsure how best to convey my emotions to you. I have found it hard to speak to you in person in fear of your reaction, so I have decided to write to you in the hopes that we can return to being friends and hopefully something deeper._

Something deeper? Shepard raised an eyebrow.

_You helped me through the situation regarding Kolyat without a second thought, and for that I am grateful. You have done many things for me, siha, and I feel I am reciprocating in an insufficient manner. I may have led you to believe that I did not want to continue our relationship - that is not at all what I meant and I would like to explain now what I failed to explain properly then._

_I had expected the contract in the Dantius towers to be my last. I had nothing in my life worth living for, and you offered me something that was worth living for. You took me in and stood up for me when I was questioned, and you put trust in me so easily - trust I would not have placed in me if I was in your position. You are the most beautiful and intelligent woman I have ever met and I have been an idiot for not giving you the explanation to my behaviour that you deserve._  
 _There was a time when I felt like I had nothing, and it is only with the time I have spent on the Normandy with the crew and more importantly with you that I realise that I no longer feel that way. You have helped to fill a void in my life that was eating away at me for many years. You fill my mind at every possible chance, and the thoughts of you push away the bad ones until I hardly remember them. You must understand that it has been a very long time since I have felt this way about someone, and I was unsure how to approach the situation. It was also foolish of me to believe that you would want nothing to do with a dying man when you had made your intentions clear, however I ask that you please remind yourself that is what I am; a dying man.  
I ask that you please give me another chance. I may not have much time left, but any I have is yours to take, siha._

__

_Yours,_  
 _Thane._

Shepard realised that she was gripping the paper so hard that she was almost putting a hole in it. She read through the letter again before carefully folding it up, placing it back into the envelope, and slowly set it down on her bed. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, thankful that he had written her a letter that she could read in private instead of spoken the words to her in person where he could see the small tears that escaped from her eyes.  
She resumed her movie and sat back against her bed-head. She let her hand find the envelope on top of her quilt and rest gently on top of it.


	11. Chapter 11

"EDI, get the shuttle down here now!" Shepard sprinted over to Thane's limp body as Tali lay down cover fire for her. Shepard activated her omni blade and in one quick motion, decapitated the husk that was hovering over Thane, it's blood spraying at her as it fell backwards.

"ETA three minutes, shuttle was still hovering in the planet's orbit per your earlier request." EDI spoke calmly.

"Thane? Thane!" Shepard yelled as she gripped his shoulders. His breathing was ragged and uneven, and he made a sick gurgling noise in his throat as he tried to speak.

"Shit! I knew we should've just left the damn eezo!" Shepard shot a glare at the numerous crates of element zero left behind by the now husk-ified scientists that they had stopped by Sheol to collect.

"Keelah, is he going to be alright?" Tali knelt down by Shepard's side after she dealt with the last husk, her face twisting in concern beneath her cloudy mask.

"I hope so." She mentally cursed herself for bringing him along. She hadn't spoken a word to him about his letter, and he had not asked; not even in the half hour long shuttle ride it took them to get on the ground. Shepard had hoped that her willingness to bring him on a mission would be enough acknowledgement that she was no longer upset, as she wasn't so great with articulating emotions either.

Shepard almost jumped back in surprise, and Tali did, as Thane's eyes flew open. He glanced around quickly as he gasped for air.

"Thane! What's wrong? Talk to me!" Shepard was leaning over him as he spluttered, his eyes wide in worry.

"Winded. Can't breathe." The drell managed before he spluttered again, causing a light spray of blood to hit Shepard's face. She used a finger to wipe her face, and her brows furrowed at the sight of the mixture of black husk blood and crimson blood that should not be there. He couldn't die like this. Not now, not while she still had so much to say.

"EDI tell Chakwas to be ready, there's something wrong with Thane's lungs!"

"Shepard, I was under the impression you were aware of his Kepral's Synd.."

****

Shepard sat by Thane's bed in the med bay, watching his breathing becoming steady again, thanks to the oxygen mask Chakwas had placed over his face.

"It seems when he was winded a rib cracked and made a small puncture in his left lung. Thankfully, the Kepral's has mostly affected only the right lung, so I was able to fix the internal wound with a nano-tab." Chakwas glanced between Shepard and her data pad.

"He's been very lucky so far, Shepard. I wouldn't recommend taking him out on the front line again for at least a few days, and even then I think he would be more suited to a sniper's position given his condition. His lungs are already working extremely hard." Chakwas gave her a knowing look as Shepard wiped her eyes even before the tears had started to fall.

"He'll be ok, Shepard. He just needs to rest." Chakwas lay a comforting hand on Shepard's shoulder, then exited the med bay to give them some privacy. It was obvious to the doctor from the way Shepard was looking at him that there had been private moments shared, and she didn't want to intrude.

Shepard took one of Thane's limp hands in her own, and held it. There was a slow rumble from Thane, and his eyes opened, squinting as they focused on the room.

"Thane?" Shepard got up from her seat and stood closer to the bed. He moved his mouth to speak, but nothing came out through the oxygen mask. Thane moved his free hand up to the mask, gripping it to pull it off, but Shepard swatted his hand away.

"Please, leave it on." Thane nodded his head as obviously as he could, and relaxed back into the bed, finally taking even breaths. His eyes studied her; she hadn't showered from the mission, and her red hair was pulled into a messy top knot bun. There was a small patch of what looked like dried husk blood caked onto her cheek, and little droplets of his dried blood spread unevenly over her face. She slid onto the side of the bed, her hands still clasped around his own. She took a deep breath, then began to speak.

"Ok. I'm not really good at this either, so bear with me. I read your letter. It was.. beautiful, Thane. Thank you. I understand now." She gave him a small smile, which he was unable to return due to the tight fit of the oxygen mask.

"I don't know what this is between us, but I want to explore it. I.. I really like you. I don't want us to force ourselves apart just because of your illness. I'm here for you." She spoke softly as her free hand rested on his bare chest, careful to avoid the nanite pad that Chakwas had placed over his ribs. Thane watched her intently, the pain coming to a complete halt as her hand seemed to infuse comfort into him.

"This conversation is a little one sided right now." She laughed softly, and a stray strand of hair fell over her face.

"Shake your head if you want to just leave us as friends and um.. squeeze my hand if you are with me." Her nervous expression dissipated as Thane squeezed her hand as hard as he could. She leant over and kissed him on his forehead, her cool lips feeling heavenly to Thane's overheated skin.

****

Shepard almost had a spring in her step as she entered the main battery.

"How is he?" Garrus asked without turning around. She knew he was doing something really important when he didn't turn around to greet her.

"He's going to be ok." Shepard grinned as she leaned her butt against the side of his console, ignoring the exasperated look from Garrus as she did so.

"And how are things between you two?" He sighed, then locked his console so Shepard's behind wouldn't press any buttons that could potentially erase all of his hard work.

"Great. He wrote me a letter." Shepard's grin widened.

"A letter? On.. paper?" Garrus folded his arms as he contemplated how long it had been since he had written anything on paper.

"Yeah, on paper. A proper lined piece of paper with a proper pen."

"Wow.. that's.. impressive." Seven years. It had been seven years since Garrus had handwritten anything.

"You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?" Shepard asked as she eyed his thoughtful expression. Garrus flicked his mandibles in mock offence.

"Me? Of course not!" Shepard rolled her eyes.

"He might have come to see me for advice. And I might have scared him just a little bit." Garrus grinned.

"Garrus!" Shepard's mouth formed a shocked 'O', then she laughed.

"Well I'm glad it worked." Garrus gave her a gentle punch to her shoulder.

"So am I." Shepard removed her behind from his console, and turned to face it, motioning for him to continue what he had been doing before she interrupted.

"So.. cross species intercourse, huh?"

****

Chakwas released Thane from the med bay the following afternoon. She had informed him that Shepard, Samara and Jack had left for Pragia earlier in the day, and Shepard had told Chakwas that she was to inform Thane upon his release that he was to rest and make use of her empty bed while she was gone. Thane shuffled slowly towards the elevator, his lungs and ribs aching with every breath he took. He pressed the button for Shepard's cabin, and leant back against the elevator wall as he waited. He had only briefly seen Shepard's cabin when he had delivered the letter to her, and he was impressed with how spacious it was. His eyes were led straight to the fish tank, and he watched as the colourful plethora of fish swam lazily throughout the clear water. He turned to inspect her model ship collection, gently running his fingers over the model of the SR-1 Normandy. A small squeaking noise made him turn around, and he raised a brow at the sight of a small furry creature studying him from it's tank on the shelf. He had no idea what kind of animal it was, but it looked harmless and friendly. He didn't expect Shepard to have pets.

He made his way down the small flight of stairs, and wandered past her couches to the bed. Normally he would have declined such an invitation; his cot and small nook in life support was adequate enough space for him, but his body ached and his head spun and he longed to feel the softness underneath him that only a proper pillow top mattress could provide. He removed his shirt, pants and shoes, and slipped under the covers. He let out a small noise of appreciation as he let his body relax into the mattress. The lights immediately dimmed.

"My thanks, EDI." He said as EDI's blue form popped up next to the fish tank.

"Rest well, Thane." EDI's form disappeared, leaving only the blue glow of the fish tank to fill the room. He pulled the sheets up to his chin, cherishing the way the soft material seemed to soothe his aches and pains. It seemed like it had been years since he had just been able to relax. He inhaled through his nose, and was immediately hit with a sweet vanilla scent. Warmth pooled in his stomach as he remembered the same scent on Shepard's skin when he had kissed her neck.

He quickly drifted off to sleep, still thinking of her as he did.

****

Chakwas had informed Shepard that when she had seen Thane last, he was making his way to the elevator, so Shepard stripped off her armour in the med bay and placed it in the cleaning basket, so she wouldn't potentially risk waking him if she removed it in her cabin. She strolled through the crew deck in her tight undersuit, ignoring the way Daniels slapped Donnelly on the back of his head when his jaw almost hit the table when she walked by, and grinned when she heard a bodiless wolf whistle.

"Kasumi!" She faked annoyance as she heard the giggle retreat down the hall as the elevator doors closed. The ride to her cabin was brief, and she spent it unzipping the front and the sides of her undersuit, stepping out of it before she pressed the button for her door. The lights were off, and the fish tank caused a calming blue light to fall across the room. She spotted a still body on her bed, and briefly waited at the top of her stairs. When he did not acknowledge her, she quietly tip toed into the bathroom, taking extra care to slide the door shut as quietly as possible.

She showered and dried herself, briefly used the toilet and washed her hands, then turned off the bathroom light before she opened the door again. His body was still silent and motionless, so she gently hung her towel over the chair nearest to her bed and slid in under the covers next to him. The warmth of his body immediately reached her, and she stopped herself before she moaned in appreciation. He was on his back, and now that she was close, she could hear his shallow breathing. She slid her arm over his naked chest, then propped her leg on top of his. She took a quick look under the covers to see that he was only wearing a pair of black briefs. She stilled as he stirred slightly.

"Shepard." His voice was deepened by sleep, and she felt it reverberate through her ribcage and down to her groin. She mentally berated herself; that was probably the last thing he felt like doing right now.

"Hey, you." She wiggled her body up slightly so she could plant a kiss on his frill. The fish tank's light was just bright enough for her to see him smile as she pulled away. He slid his hand up her arm, gripping her forearm tighter to him.

"Everything went ok, I assume?" He closed his eyes as he realised Shepard wasn't wearing any clothing. He could feel the damp start of her arousal pressed against his leg.

"We all got out ok, and I think Jack got some closure." She wiggled closer still, resting her head against his shoulder. His breathing hitched as he felt her breasts pressing into his side.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, pressing another kiss to the side of his neck.

"I am feeling.. much better now." He almost gasped as Shepard traced her fingers over the waistband of his briefs. She laughed softly, continuing her slow movements, lowering them every few seconds, until she was gently stroking him over his underwear.

"I want you. I've wanted you all day." Her voice was husky and inviting as she whispered in his ear. She had indeed wanted him all day; her suit's monitors had caused EDI to ask her more than once on Pragia if she was felling alright. In a movement so quick Thane didn't have time to stop it, she was straddling him.

"Am I hurting you?" She asked, concerned by Thane's silence. He was concentrating so hard on not breathing too enthusiastically that he had forgotten to speak.

"Not at all. I must let you know that it is hard for me to move in that way at the moment. Not that I am not enjoying this immensely.. " Shepard traced her nails gently up and down his chest, and he felt himself harden fully under her toned naked body.

"I know. You don't need to move. Just lay there and relax." She watched him, and when he enthusiastically nodded his consent, she leant over him, the sweet, clean scent of her recently washed skin filling the air between them. He moved his head up to kiss her, and she met his lips half way, passionately kissing him as she held her weight off of his chest with a hand planted firmly into the mattress beside them while the other cupped his cheek. He tasted like wood and smoke and Shepard thought it was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. She abruptly pulled away from him and slowly moved to kneel in between his legs. She flipped the blanket off them, and pulled his briefs down, moving herself to one side to pull them off one leg, then leaning to the other side to remove them completely from his other leg. He groaned in appreciation as his hard cock was finally set free from it's tight restraint. She moved back up to kiss him again, slower this time. he first time they had slept together was rushed; not that she hadn't enjoyed it, but now they were in a bed and she wanted to take her time with him, to get to know every inch of the man that lay under her.  
  
His arms wrapped around her, one hand sliding down to press against the small of her back, and the other gently claspd around the back of her neck, encouraging her kisses further. She could feel his hard length pressing against her entrance, distracting her from fully focusing on her kissing. He bucked his hips up against her, causing her to pull away from their kiss to moan softly as she felt his tip slide against her throbbing clitoris. She positioned herself between his legs again, and dipped her head down to taste him. One hand held the base of his cock firmly, whilst the other cupped his balls just as firmly. His fingers threaded through her damp hair as she ran her tongue over his tip, moaning as she tasted the small amount of fluid that was leaking from it. She removed her hand from the base and slid it up over his ridges to the tip, grasping it as she worked her tongue along his shaft. Thane moved his hips up slightly; it had been a long time since anyone had done that to him, and he never remembered it feeling this good. Even with a bruised and sore body, the pleasure was threatening to overcome him already. Shepard moved her hand back to the base and took him in her hot, wet mouth, bobbing her head up and down as the hand at the base moved in sync with her mouth.  
  
Thane gripped her hair harder in encouragement as he watched her perfect lips taking him into her mouth as far as she could. She looked up at him as her mouth slid off from his tip, and she gave him a grin that made his cock twitch in anticipation. She moved up to straddle him again, reaching between both of their legs to guide him inside of her. She pushed down on him so slowly that it was almost agony; he wanted his body to be right again so he could thrust into her, making her scream his name. He was certain that maybe Cerberus had given her mind reading abilities, as she looked up at him with a cheeky smile and pushed down, burying his cock in her quickly. They both moaned at the sudden feeling, and then Shepard slowly started to move herself up and down, rolling her hips slightly each time she took him inside her to the base of his shaft. Thane gripped her hips as they looked into each other's eyes; his large dark eyes finding her vibrant green ones. She was smiling, and the way the fish tank framed her body with light made her look like a goddess. Shepard moved a hand down to grab one of his, and placed it over her breast. He squeezed gently, and she tipped her head back, letting out a groan as his fingers moved from cupping her flesh to pinching her hardened nipple. She looked back at him, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she kept riding him. He was surprised that he had managed to hold on so long; even with her being soaking wet, her inner walls were still very tight around him.

  


"I'm going to.." Shepard started, and Thane nodded, reaching his other hand between her legs to rub circles over her sensitive bud. She let out a loud cry and her hand flew over to grasp the hand that was holding her breast. She moved quicker and Thane did his best to quicken the movements over her clitoris, and in five seconds, he felt her clench and spasm inside around his cock. She yelled his name as her orgasm pleasantly tore her apart, the aftershocks still making her clench and unclench around Thane. She kept up her thrusts, and she reached behind her to cup his balls. Thane almost instantly came, the feeling of her clenched tightly around him and her hand clenched tightly over his balls pushing him to an orgasm so intense he felt nothing but pure, intense pleasure for the time that it lasted. Shepard grinned as he filled her, and she only stopped moving when Thane's cock stopped spasming inside her and his breathing had returned to it's calm softness. She leant forward, kissing his full lips again. The slight burning that his venom caused on contact with her lips didn't even register.

"I need to do more for you." Thane tried to sit up, but Shepard gently placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back into the mattress.

"You've done more than enough for me, I promise you." She smiled as she gave him a quick peck on the lips, and slid off of him, pressing her body back against him as she rested her head on his shoulder again.

"When I am feeling better.. " Thane tried, but Shepard put a finger over his lips, silencing his promises.


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard awoke with a start, instantly forgetting whatever dream she was having as she realised the bed contained only her. She squinted at the digital clock on her night stand; 23:00. It had only been a few hours. Where was Thane? She leant over to her right to see if she could see the faint glow of fluorescent light under the door frame that would indicate he was in the bathroom, but there was none. She was about to get out of bed and wander down to the crew deck to see if he was in the med bay, when the door to her cabin opened and Thane appeared holding a mug.

"My apologies Shepard, I needed to make a tea to soothe my lungs." He walked to meet her at the bed, and placed a gentle kiss onto the top of her messy hair.

"Are you still in pain from earlier?" Shepard asked as she wriggled back down under the blanket, her head propped up on her double stacked pillows to watch him.

"Slightly. Truth be told, it is more out of habit than for a medicinal reason, although it does seem to help the symptoms." He walked back to the opposite side of the bed and took a long sip from his mug, then placed it on the night stand closest to the side of the bed that he had recently vacated.

"What's in it?" Shepard nodded her head towards the steaming mug.

"It's a mix that Irikah used to make for her uncle. He also had.. " Thane stopped speaking, closing his eyes as his head bowed slightly.

"He had Kepral's too?" Shepard finished for him. Thane looked back up to her; his jaw clenched tightly.

"Yes. I am sorry, I do not imagine you would take kindly to hearing about Irikah." He stood awkwardly by the side of the bed, and Shepard turned to lay on her side and face him.

"Why wouldn't I? You loved her and she's the mother of your son. It doesn't offend or upset me to hear you talk about her." Shepard meant it. She was intrigued about his past and wanted to learn more; he seemed to be of the opinion that his personal life was a burden to her. Thane seemed unconvinced by her reassurance.

"Do you have a picture of her? I'd love to see it." Shepard sat up and scooted to sit on the edge of the bed in front of him. He considered it for a moment, then pulled out what appeared to be a small leather pouch from the pocket of his pants. He slowly pulled out a small square of paper, and handed it to Shepard. She squinted; the fish tank didn't provide enough illumination for it to be perfectly clear, but as her eyes adjusted, she realised the photo was of a young Kolyat, cradled in a female drell's arms. They were both smiling, and she could see the resemblance between Kolyat and Irikah immediately.

"She's beautiful, Thane." The woman seemed to radiate warmth, and her eyes were friendly; her expression carefree. Irikah's skin looked light and smooth even in the blue lighting. Shepard admired her full lips and expressive features; she had never seen a female drell before.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Shepard held the picture back out to him, and tilted her head back to look up at him. He let out a deep sound that sounded like a strangled 'hmmph' to Shepard. She raised an eyebrow, silently questioning the sound. When he kept his head bowed, she scooted back to her side of the bed and lifted the blanket up for him.

"Come on. Try and get some sleep." Shepard patted the empty spot next to her gently, and after a moment of hesitation, Thane kicked off his shoes and shed his pants and shirt and slipped into the bed beside her. Shepard gently kissed his cheek before she lay down, her body facing away from him. It wasn't an attempt to ignore him; his personal issues had seemed to weigh quite heavily upon him and she wanted to give him a little space. Well, as much space as she could give him when she was right next to him.  
It didn't take long for her to feel a warm body behind her and strong arms pull her into an embrace.

****

_I'm sorry for your loss_. That was what people would tell Shepard. Wether it was two days or ten days or ten months or two years from now, she would be hearing the same words from people hoping it would bring her comfort. Thane hadn't heard the words from anyone; he had left and cut off all ties with his family when he had been informed that Irikah had been murdered. It was a sickening thought and all he could do was laugh to keep from crying.

****

The spacious halls of the derelict reaper smelt so strongly of rotting flesh that the stench managed to snake it's way through their helmets' air filter. Experiencing the same sights, sounds and smells on the Collector ship a couple of weeks prior did nothing to prepare Shepard for it again.

"Fucking hell." Zaeed muttered as they passed another pile of lifeless bodies, sidestepping around it to avoid the mutilated limbs that protruded from awkward angles.

"Look at all of those pods. I wonder how many of these ones are full." They all turned their heads to the ceiling, and Zaeed cursed again. Shepard had taken Samara to the collector ship, so Zaeed had no prior experience in dealing with the horrors that the collectors left in their wake.

"I'd rather be dead than in one of those things." Shepard kept up with keeping the lead in front of her team, so they didn't see her contorted facial expressions that were being caused by the nauseous feeling that threatened to rise from the pit of her stomach and fill the inside of her helmet. She'd spoken with The Illusive Man that morning, and five hours later, they had set foot on the derelict reaper to obtain a reaper IFF. Every time The Illusive Man called she felt an impending sense of doom; and today was no exception. Today felt _worse_. The halls were too quiet and she knew that they were somehow being watched.

They rounded a corner and came out to some raised platforms, and Garrus reached out to play a video log on a flashing terminal. The three of them listened; the investigating Cerberus crew had been indoctrinated.

"If I start talking crazier shit than usual, you've gotta promise me you'll finish what Vido started." Zaeed was the first to speak when the recordings finished.

"Only if you do the same for me." Shepard couldn't think of a fate worse than indoctrination; being used by the enemy for their own sick agenda. She narrowed her eyes. Cerberus hadn't made her follow any sick agenda. Yet.

Garrus was about to speak when they heard the familiar groaning coming from under the platform they were standing on.

"I guess we know where the Cerberus crew went!" Garrus yelled as he executed his first husk.

****

Garrus was holding his hand out to her, but she just couldn't jump.

"Come on Shepard, I've got you!" Garrus leaned out of the Normandy's airlock further, extending his arm out urgently as the ground shook beneath Shepard. It was just a small jump. She'd jumped further. She'd never been afraid of heights. Why couldn't she do it?

"Just close your bloody eyes and jump, Shepard! Those damn husks aren't gonna stay away forever!" Zaeed had the powered down geth slung over his shoulder, and he was nervously glancing between Garrus and Shepard. She tried to move, but it felt like she was wearing heavy weighted mag boots on metal.

"Joker, you've gotta close the gap! Shepard can't make it!" Garrus yelled into the comm line inside his helmet.

"I can't, we're gonna take out a wing if we do! I'm already pushing it!" Shepard heard Joker's exasperated reply through her own helmet. Her throat felt dry, and her gun dangled lazily in her right hand.

"Shepard." She stiffened at the sound of the calm gravelly voice that suddenly replaced Joker's yelling.

"Shepard, you need to jump. You're not going to fall. Garrus will catch you. You're not going to float away. I promise." Garrus nodded as he heard Thane's words.

"I can't." Her voice was strangled; she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"You can. I know you can. We are all here for you Shepard. We'll never let you leave again. I'll never let you leave again." His voice remained calm, and Shepard swallowed to try and rid herself of the memory of the suffocating feeling she had refused to acknowledge that she remembered from the moment she was floating, weightless in space, her air supply cord cut and depriving her of life two and a half years earlier. She'd kept the window above her bed shut, fooling herself into believing that she wasn't scared any more. But she was _so damn scared_.

"Please, Shepard! I'm not going to let you fall!" Garrus' gaze suddenly left her, and Shepard could see him raising his head to focus on something behind her.

"Husks, Shepard! Jump now!" Shepard turned quickly; five husks and two abominations were sauntering towards her. She felt the air return to her lungs and her heat beat slowed until it felt like it was no longer beating at all as she took a couple of steps back, then ran and leapt towards Garrus. He grabbed her outstretched hand quickly, pulling her close to him as the exterior air lock door closed behind them. He saw her glassy eyes through her helmet's clear visor and pulled her into him; his armoured arms pulling her into a tight embrace, ignoring the loud clang their armour made on contact with each other. She wrapped her arms around him, and the tears finally fell.


	13. Chapter 13

Thane and Garrus stood at the top of Shepard's stairs, silently watching over her. She hadn't said a word since Garrus had ordered the crew deck be cleared before they entered the airlock. Shepard had been a hysterical sobbing mess, and as soon as they entered the ship, she stood still; her eyes glazed over, not responding to Thane or Garrus' words. The two men had given each other a look of silent understanding and had stood at either side of her, slowly guiding her into the elevator and up to her cabin. Even Joker had stared wide eyed at the unresponsive Shepard; eventually shaking his head and turning back to his console; he had wondered what exactly it was in this insane galaxy that was eventually going to make her crack.

Thane had removed Shepard's armour and clothes whilst Garrus held her limp body up, and they both walked her to the shower; Garrus still holding her up whilst Thane gently washed her sweaty, beaten, and bruised body. After they had dressed her, they placed her into her bed and not really sure what to do, both of them had retreated to the split level above.

"I wondered what was going to be the final straw." Garrus muttered quietly, almost mirroring Joker's earlier thoughts.

"The final straw?" Thane asked. He felt helpless and confused and unable to help Shepard with her severe emotional distress, and his own distress was only soothed slightly by Garrus' help.

"All of the things that she's been through and it took a loss of gravity to break her. I guess it would've felt like dying again." Both men had noticed that the window over her bed was shut tightly.

"I can see how that would bring back unpleasant memories." Thane said. Shepard didn't speak of her death much, but Kasumi had sent a vid of Miranda speaking in length about Shepard's reconstruction to Thane (he knew better than to assume Kasumi came across the video in an inconspicuous way). He stopped the recording when the camera had panned to a mutilated body that he guessed was Shepard in the early stages of her revival.

The small outline under the quilt didn't so much as twitch as they spoke.

****

Shepard had felt so much all at once that it felt like her brain short-circuited. It came on so suddenly that it left her breathless. The gap between the Normandy and the platform where she was standing couldn't have been more than five metres, but in her sudden panic it seemed like a kilometre. Her body had tensed and refused to move, no matter how hard she had tried to put one foot in front of the other. She could just feel in the air around her how she had felt when she had been weightless and floating in space as her body was deprived of oxygen and her body felt like it was going to explode under the pressure of trying in vain to breathe.

Garrus screaming at her to jump combined with Thane's calm words and the sound of the approaching horde of husks behind her were thankfully enough to kick her survival instinct back into operation, and she had jumped the gap without looking down. Garrus had caught her with one strong hand, pulling her into him and holding her tightly, helping to give her body the grounded feeling that it was desperately craving. The tears had come hard and fast and she was powerless to stop them. Thane was at the airlock as soon as it had opened, and his ungloved hands enveloped her own gloved hands, holding them tightly as concern pulled his brows down. Seeing him looking at her with all of that uncertainty and concern had made her knees weak, and her knees buckled. Both Garrus and Thane reached out for her instantly, both taking one side of her as they led her to her cabin.

She heard Thane mutter something about her armour and 'the black blood all over her face' and a few moments later, she was in a hot shower. They had been on the ship for almost five hours looking for the IFF, which meant that her body had taken five hours worth of beatings. It wasn't just the sudden onset of a flashback that had made her knees feel weak; she was sore and tired and everything from the inside out ached.

She stayed as still as possible under the blankets as the tears stopped. The fear had passed, and now she just felt embarrassed. She knew that the crew would've been watching through either Zaeed or Garrus' helmet cams, and the thought of having to go through a counselling session with Kelly made her feel ill. She sat up slowly, turning her bloodshot eyes towards the two figures standing at the top of her stairs. The light of the fish tank sent glowing auras around their bodies, and Shepard almost smiled as she thought that they looked like a pair of _Archangels_.

"Shepard?" Thane's voice was questioning as he and Garrus were by the side of her bed in mere seconds.

"I'm ok. I'm sorry, I.." Shepard's voice sounded strange and not in any way how she thought her voice usually sounded. Garrus glanced at Thane as he raised a hand.

"Shepard, there is no need to be sorry for anything." Garrus nodded as Thane spoke.

"We know you don't like to talk about what happened.. when the SR-1 went down, and, well, _after_ , but we know it was going to take it's toll eventually. We're all here for you, Shepard." Garrus kept his voice low as he kept his eyes locked onto Shepard's. She looked down at her hand fidgeting over the sheets before he had finished speaking, worried that the tears were going to make an unwanted come back.

"You know where to find me if you need anything, Shepard." She looked up to see Garrus gently clap a hand over Thane's shoulder, and they nodded at each other before Garrus made his departure.  
Thane moved closer, sitting on the side of the bed and turning his body to face her.

"I was so worried about you, Shepard." Thane regretted the words as soon as he spoke them; it was not his intention to make her feel guilty. Luckily, she seemed to understand his true meaning.

"I'm alright, Thane. Honestly. It was just.. the feeling. It all came back." Thane blinked slowly, an movement that Shepard had learned to recognise as a silent plea to elaborate further.

"Sometimes I wish I couldn't remember anything before the crash, and that Miranda just brought me back new. At least that way I wouldn't be scared of a fucking five metre jump that I could've done in my sleep." Shepard shook her head, still annoyed with herself. Thane gently placed his hand over Shepard's still fidgeting one, and linked his fingers around hers.

"You are still strong, Shepard. Being strong isn't just about physical strength, it's about mental too. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions is stronger than trying to push them away. You taught me that, siha." Thane squeezed her hand tighter under his, and she gave him a weak smile, and was silent for a long while.

"I just don't feel very strong." She admitted finally.

"You will. I promise you will again." She gave him a more enthusiastic smile this time, and she leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips. The salt of her tears reminded him of the savoury taste of Jarmirl nuts from Kahje.

"Will you stay here with me?" She whispered as he cupped her cheek with one hand. Him sliding under the covers beside her and holding her against him tightly was all of the answer she needed.


	14. Chapter 14

Shepard's mind felt clearer when she woke up the next morning cycle. She still felt physically exhausted and emotionally drained and a little embarrassed, but there was no prickle of tears that threatened to fall or any tightness in her chest. Thane was silently sleeping behind her; his arm over her waist a dead weight as she wiggled against his front. She had to give him credit for trying to comfort her when in reality he probably had absolutely no idea how to comfort someone; he wasn't even great with his own emotions. Still, his reassurance had helped and she wanted to show him how much she appreciated him. She had to thank Garrus too, but not in the way she wanted to thank Thane. Just as she gently ground her behind against his crotch to set the thanking plan into motion, EDI's voice filled the room.

"Shepard, Operative Lawson is asking that you come to a decision on the inactive geth today, as the Illusive Man has been repeatedly asking for an answer as to wether or not it is staying on board the Normandy or being sent to a group of Cerberus scientists." Shepard rolled her eyes. _I can't even have a breakdown without being bothered_ , she thought.

"I'll be down to the crew deck within the hour, EDI."

"Understood, Shepard. I will inform Operative Lawson. Logging you out." Shepard resumed her gentle grinding as she moved her hand behind her to grip Thane's muscular thigh. He made a deep rumbling sound in his chest that felt like it vibrated straight to her core.

"How are you feeling this morning?" His lips brushed against her earlobe as he spoke. She clenched her jaw to stop the shiver of pleasure that wanted to run down her neck.

"Much better." She gripped his thigh harder as she ground against him again, this time more obvious than previous attempts. She felt the warm air of his gasp on her ear, and this time she gave in to the shiver, letting it roll through her body. Thane's hands gripped the waistband of her underwear as he spoke again.

"Are you sure you're feeling up to this? I can go down to the mess hall and bring you some breakfast if you would prefer?"

"Thane, I'm hungry for something else right now." Her voice strained as Thane drew circles with his fingertips across her abdomen. He chuckled as he slid her underwear down. Shepard batted his hand away as she moved her knees up to pull them off completely. She let out a small moan as Thane pulled her against his also naked flesh. It never ceased to amaze Shepard just how quickly he could do things.

****

The reaper IFF's install was estimated to take five days, so Shepard sorted through her terminal, deleting her junk mail and marking all of the requests for help as urgent. She had so much free time that she even formulated a plan on her data pad that would cut down travel time between jobs so much that the 14 jobs could be done in the five days. She sighed. As guilty as she felt for thinking it, she didn't really want to spend all of her free time running around for Cerberus. She filtered out five requests that seemed the most urgent, and allocated one for each following day. She forwarded the rest to Miranda in the hopes that she could send them to another Cerberus cell that could help. Sorting through the emails had also taken longer than she had expected it to, as her mind kept drifting to memories of Thane's skin against hers a couple of hours earlier.

"Mr Vakarian is outside, would you like me to allow him access?" EDI's blue orb flickered behind Shepard.

"Of course. Thank you, EDI." Shepard pressed send on the last forward, and stood to greet Garrus.

"Hey, you." She smiled and nodded her head towards the lounge.

"Shepard, it's good to see you.. being you." Garrus finished awkwardly as he followed her down to the couch.

"I wanted to thank you, Garrus. I don't know what I'd do without you." Shepard sat next to Garrus, and placed a gentle hand over his forearm. His mandibles flicked ever so slightly, and he opened then closed his mouth. The corner of Shepard's lips turned up; his nervousness was an endearing quality. She quelled the urge to grin in jest, instead keeping her smile soft and encouraging.

"I thought you might've been mad at me." Garrus spoke quietly.

"What the hell for?" Shepard let herself grin this time, and reached out to the coffee table to pour a drink for both herself and Garrus. She had started keeping a bottle of alcohol that the both of them could drink in her cabin for the once weekly occasion that they would spend the Normandy's night cycle watching bad sci-fi films from the early 2000's together.

"Because of... " Garrus glanced around nervously, and Shepard stopped pouring.

"Because of.. ?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know, when I helped Thane.. shower you. You were just covered in husk blood and it didn't seem right to put you into bed like... " Garrus seemed to find something extremely interesting on the floor, as he kept his gaze focused solely on that spot. He jumped in surprise as Shepard let out a hearty laugh.

"Don't be an idiot, we've seen each other shower back on the SR-1. It's not a big deal, Garrus. Plus, you were the perfect gentleman." Shepard finished pouring her drink, then set the empty bottle down and handed Garrus a glass. His brow plates relaxed in relief as he accepted the glass.

"I've always been the perfect gentleman, Shepard. I've never looked!"

"Never?" Shepard asked, raising her brows as she took a sip of the honestly terrible alcohol. She made a mental note to find something a little sweeter next time they docked at the Citadel.

"Never." Garrus confirmed, holding his chin higher in pride.

"Well, now I feel like a pervert." Shepard said, leaning back against the couch.

"Why?" Garrus sounded alarmed. His eyes narrowed at her when she replied with a giggle.

"You.. you've looked at me? In the.. shower?" He asked, his mandibles flicking outwards again at his realisation.

"I thought you would've looked at me! It would've only been fair!" Shepard giggled again at Garrus' slack jaw.

"I.. I.. I thought you would've killed me if I looked!" He finally said.

"Oh Garrus." Shepard shook her head, and Garrus let out a deep, rumbling laugh.

"You are absolutely shameless, Shepard." He shook his head as he raised his glass to hers. They clunked their glasses together, then each took a long sip.

"Well, at least now I don't have to ask Mordin for any turian anatomical charts. I'm assuming the goods come out of that slit between your... "

Shepard yelped as Garrus jabbed a talon into her shoulder.

****

The air was foggy around them, and for the fifth time in two minutes, Shepard accidentally stepped on Jack's foot.

"For fuck's sake, Shepard!" Jack snarled through gritted teeth, but Shepard knew she wasn't actually angry. It wasn't her fault that the Blood Pack mercs had jammed any electrical devices and neither of them could get their internal helmet feeds to work to get a read on if there were enemies or obstacles ahead. Luckily, Legion's hardware seemed to be unaffected.

"Shepard Commander, there are three hostiles about twenty five metres ahead." Shepard nodded through the thick fog at her newest team member, unsure if his external camera could see her. She held out her arm until she felt Jack's shoulder, and tapped it twice, indicating to move forward. She heard a slight mechanical squeak to her left, and was glad to discover that Legion could indeed still see her.

They fought through what felt like endless waves of klixen and mercs, and both Jack and Shepard yelled their fair share of expletives. Legion stayed silent, pausing only to observe Shepard's well-being. When everything seemed silent, Shepard saw a break in the fog and moved into it. Jack and Legion joined her quickly, watching her expectantly for orders. Shepard started to speak before she saw a gash running the length of Jack's forearm.

"It's fine, Shepard. I'll slap some medi gel on it later." Jack said nonchalantly as she noticed Shepard's gaze drop to her injured arm.

"What's it going to take for me to get you into some proper armour?" Shepard pulled up Jack's arm to her face to inspect it closer.

"Jesus christ, it's nothing. It doesn't even hurt. And I'm wearing a stupid chest piece, anyway." Shepard could tell by how tightly Jack's fingers were clenched into a fist that that the cut did hurt.

"Legion, can you do an application of medi gel to Jack, please?" Shepard had placed their field supplies in a bag and clipped it around Legion's waist. It seemed like the most logical thing to do; the extra weight didn't bother him and his movements weren't hindered by it. His body was armour, so anything extra added wasn't going to bother him like it did when Shepard had to tuck countless medi gel tubes into her armour and Jack had to tuck some into her pants (Shepard was also certain that she had seen Jack pull medi gel tubes out of her underwear before too).

"Acknowledged." Legion quickly unzipped the bag and pulled out a tube of medi gel, turning the cap and smoothing it efficiently over Jack's wound. The biotic watched the geth with narrowed eyes. Shepard knew that Legion didn't have the rest of the crew's trust, but as long as they knew he had hers, no one would question her. She knew they'd come around, just as they had to Thane when they realised that the mysterious drell wasn't going to snap their necks in their sleep.

"This is fucking weird." Jack said, watching Legion as he pulled out another tube.

"I thought you would've been used to fucking weird by now." Shepard grinned. Jack had come a long way from the aggressive biotic that. . well, she was still aggressive, Shepard thought, but she had learned how to channel it better and her people skills were slowly improving. Shepard didn't expect a miracle, but she wanted to help Jack. She was a strong woman who didn't deserve the horrible things that had been done to her.

"Subject Jack's wound contains no harmful bacteria, and should reseal in the next hour." Legion turned his light towards Shepard, and she nodded.

"Great work, Legion." The little metal flaps around the friendly geth's light fanned out quickly, reminding Shepard of the way Garrus' mandibles also flared out in a similar fashion when receiving praise.

"Alright, let's move up." They moved back into the fog slowly, making their way up what seemed like a never ending hill, then Shepard felt Legion's metal hand clang against her shoulder's armour.

"There is a large krogan and more Blood Pack mercenaries guarding the main console ahead. We suggest extreme caution as fog still clouds the area."

"Why can't they just all go kill themselves?" Jack whispered from next to Shepard.

They continued forward again, rounding a corner when they could see a rocky wall in front of them. They stopped as they heard deep voices, and Jack shot forward. They fought for ten long minutes, Shepard just barely missing a krogan charge before she gained the upper hand, firing the M-920 Cain right into his chest. He fell heavily with a satisfying thud, and she heard Jack wolf-whistle behind her.

"I knew it would be worth carrying this thing around some time!" Shepard reached behind her and clipped the heavy weapon back onto her suit, her back protesting under the strain as she straightened.

"Shepard Commander, the communications relay is still active. We suggest deactivating the main console as soon as possible."

"Go ahead." Shepard waved her hand in the direction of the dim blue lights, and waited next to Jack while Legion disabled it.

"We have been successful." Legion returned to Shepard and Jack's position, and Shepard smiled at both of them.

"Great work, you guys. Legion, radio the shuttle for a pick up."

****

"It's so creepy how they're all plugged in together, and it says 'we' instead of just 'i'." Jack helped Shepard with the armour clips on her back, and Shepard reached behind her to pull off the piece.

"I think it's kind of cute. It's like we've got lots of geth friends instead of just one." Shepard turned back and grinned as Jack rolled her eyes. Jack turned around and waited for Shepard to help her.

"You know, you were really great with him. It's important we make him feel just as welcome as the organic crew members, too." Shepard said as she unclipped the buckles that held Jack's armoured chest piece against her body. Jack sighed with relief as she let it fall to the floor. Jack grunted at Shepard's words as she bent down to pick it up.

"Oh come on, it's alright to accept praise sometimes, you know." Shepard spoke softly as Jack turned around, folding her arms across her chest.

"What do you want?" Jack said in an accusatory tone.

"What do I want?" Shepard repeated back, confused at the question.

"Everyone that's been nice to me has always wanted something from me. What is it? Just tell me now so we can get it the fuck over with." Jack kept her arms folded as she snapped her words out. Shepard shook her head.

"I don't want anything from you, Jack." Shepard had reflected on Jack's progress earlier, but now she was unsure that it was as permanent as she had hoped.

"Bullshit." Jack shifted her weight to her left foot, her brown eyes still locked onto Shepard.

"I know that you will find this hard to believe, but not everyone is out to get you. Not me, and not anyone on this ship. Not even Miranda would make a move against you, I know that." Shepard bent down to unclip her leg armour. Jack was still silent by the time she straightened up again.

"Have I ever done anything wrong by you?" Shepard asked. Jack narrowed her eyes in thought.

"No." She said hesitantly.

"And what makes you think that I would?" Shepard questioned again.

"Nothing, alright? Just forget it. Fuck, why've you gotta put all this feeling crap on me?" Jack brushed past Shepard to make her way to the elevator.

"Because I believe in you, Jack. You're a strong, smart woman and you've got a lot to offer to the world. I'm here to tell you that you're worth more than your previous experiences have led you to believe." Jack stopped in front of the elevator, her hand hovering over the button.

"Do you want to fuck me or something?" She asked without turning around. Shepard sighed.

"No, Jack. I want to be friends with you. I put all this 'feeling crap' on you because friends can talk to each other about their feelings without judgement or fear of rejection. I know you don't like to talk about personal stuff much, and I know asking me to take you to Pragia was extremely difficult for you, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you if you need me." Shepard stood still, clad in her undersuit as she watched Jack's finger hover over the elevator call button before she pressed it slowly. Neither of them said another word as Jack stepped into the elevator.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to mention that this chapter contains a sex scene that features themes of mild dominance and also some light consensual choking. If this would upset you, I would suggest to stop reading after the bolded chapter stars :)

"And then she fired that big ass gun and the Krogan practically exploded!" Shepard tried not to spit out her food in laughter at Jack's over exaggerated hand movements. It was a rare moment to see all of her crew eating dinner together, and she enjoyed having all of them around in one place. Even Miranda's lips curled into a small smile at Jack's enthusiastic recount of the mission on Tarith.

"I told Tali that the Cain would come in handy one day." Shepard waved her fork across the table at Tali, who shook her head.

"Keelah, Shepard. The thing weighs more you and I put together!" The crew laughed at Tali's disbelief.

"You should've just taken him out with a knife." Zaeed spoke with his mouth full and Shepard chuckled.

"Taking out one krogan with just a knife was an experience I am totally fine with only having once."

"Shepard Commander permanently disabled a krogan with one knife?" Legion asked, prompting Zaeed to take over the story telling. Once the crew's attention was focused on Zaeed, Thane slid his hand onto Shepard's thigh under the table. She gave him a small smile of encouragement as he traced his fingers over the thin fabric of her leggings, causing jolts of pleasure to course up between her legs. She glanced back at her crew; they were all still engrossed in Zaeed's story. Thane leaned closer to whisper in her ear.

"I have been lost in memories during your absence today, Shepard. I want to make some new ones." His urgent tone was obvious even in his low voice. Shepard rolled some spaghetti onto her fork, then turned her head back to whisper to Thane.

"Oh really?" She said lamely. She wasn't very good at dirty talk. He smiled, before turning his lips back to Shepard.

"Yes, really. Come see me when you've finished your meal." And with that, he was out of his chair and disappearing around the corner into the hallway. Shepard sat with her mouth slightly open, turned on and excited at the way he had told her and not asked her. _Huh_ , she thought. She never thought she would enjoy being the one ordered around.

"What was that about?" Garrus' voice brought her back to the Normandy from her wandering thoughts.

"Uhh.. "

"Never mind, I don't think I want to know." Garrus grinned as he noticed Shepard's flushed cheeks. Shepard ate the rest of her meal with renewed vigour, and quickly rose to wash her plate. She was so giddy with excitement that she almost dropped the slippery plate when she pulled it out of the water to dry it. When she walked past the mess hall table, Kasumi had stolen the spotlight from Zaeed and no one noticed her slip past.

****

Thane ached in both the best and worst way possible, his sexual frustration taunting him and rendering him unable to concentrate all day while Shepard was ground side. He recalled their liason from the morning perfectly; Shepard's strong body on top of him, his fingers reaching between her legs to brush over that sensitive spot that never failed to make her call his name and tighten around him. She had seemed to awaken something in him that he had assumed had been lost forever for a very long time.  
He had been very careful during their physical activities not to hurt her, but the reptilian side of his brain wanted to grab her and hold her and bite her and fuck her until they both couldn't walk. He was a predator in every aspect of his life, but only Shepard had managed to melt him into submission under her. He wondered if Shepard usually took the lead in all of her sexual encounters.  
He exhaled quickly as he held his palm over the hardened bulge in his pants, pressing down slightly as his excitement grew in the anticipation of Shepard's arrival.

********  


Shepard stepped into the dark life support slowly. The only light that filled the room softly was filtering through the window that opened onto the drive core.

"Thane?" She almost whispered as she took a couple of steps into the room. She gasped as she felt a body press against her back. One hand held the front of her left hip while the other moved up between her breast to her throat to rest against the front of her jugular. She grinned, already liking where this was going.

"Shepard, I need to tell you something." Thane's voice rasped into her ear. Her grin disappeared, suddenly replaced by fear.

"What?" She said, worried about what the contents of his confession may be.

"I don't know how to say this properly. I.. have you read about drell sexual activity?" He asked.

"Of course I have. I needed to know what I was doing. Why?" His hand that was on her throat moved to her right hip.

"Did you happen to read anything about.. the intensity of it?" Shepard thought she heard his voice waver with nerves.

"Intensity?" She asked, raising her brows. Before Thane could speak again, she figured it out on her own.

"Oh. Oh. If you wanted it rough Thane, you could've just asked." She grinned again as she pressed her body back against him. She could feel his hard length pressing against her lower back. She had indeed read about the numerous ways that drell had liked to mate, but she had assumed that Thane's tender touches were just the way he liked to do things. She had imagined him to be almost predatory in their first sexual encounter, but it was her who had made the first move and taken the lead. She wondered if he had thought that her being in control was the way she liked to do things. She had been with her fair share of lovers, but the power balance never seemed to tip too strongly to either side for most encounters (given there had been the one or two where they had asked for her to be dominant. Truthfully, it tired her out being in charge all of the time).  
Even though sex with Thane was the best she had ever had, it had just ended up being a little different to what she had imagined.

"My idea of rough and your idea of rough may differ greatly, Shepard." Thane pressed into her push and she heard him growl slightly before he moved his lips to her neck.

"Just don't kill me and we should be fine." Shepard gasped as his lips started to burn against her skin. His venom usually made her feel a little strange, but it had never felt like that before. She liked it.

"Please tell me if I do hurt you, so I can adjust accordingly." Thane moved his mouth against her ear and bit down on her earlobe. She bit her lip and made a small moan that stayed in the back of her throat.

She reached her hands back behind her to grip the back of Thane's thighs as he planted kisses along her jawline, but her wrists were immediately caught in strong hands. Thane stepped back as he held them behind her back. His grip on her wrists became tighter as he nudged her forward. She complied, walking as Thane steered her to stand in front of the window that looked out onto the drive core.

"Remove your clothing." Thane said from behind her as he let go of her hands. She didn't question and didn't need to be told twice. Her shoes, socks, singlet, leggings and underwear were thrown onto the floor as quickly as possible. She could already feel how wet she was for him with each movement.

Thane slowly stepped between her and the window, his dark eyes assessing her body. She felt goosebumps roll over her skin, even though it was always bordering on too warm in life support. He stepped closer, and Shepard resisted taking a step back.

"Undress me." Thane said, and Shepard's hands flew to his coat first, pulling it off him and letting it fall to the floor with her discarded clothing. She moved to the buckles on his shirt next, and made a small moan of appreciation as she slid her palm down his chest to rest at the waistband of his pants. She knelt down as she pulled them, and pulled off his shoes as she got them to his ankles. She brushed her lips against his hard cock lightly as she stood up. His face was dark as he faced away from the light emanating from the drive core, but she could see his jaw tighten as she moved her tongue slowly around her lips, tasting the small drops of his seed that had stuck to her lips during her teasing of him.

Thane growled and moved behind her, shoving her forward hard, causing her to fall against the window. She gasped as the freezing glass made contact with her hard nipples. She turned her head to the side as Thane placed his hand on the middle of her back, pressing her against the window as hard as he could. She felt him press his body up against hers as he raised his hand to run his fingers through her hair.

"Is this ok?" He paused all movements as he leant down slightly to whisper in her ear. Without her boots on, she was significantly shorter than he was.

"Yes!" She moaned the word, and Thane's grip tightened on her hair.

****

"What _the hell_ is that noise?" Daniels asked Donnelly. She tried to ignore it, but it was starting to severely impact her concentration. She needed to get to the bottom of it.

"What noise? I can't hear anything." Donnelly shrugged her off.

"How can you not hear it?" Daniels said, stilling her fingers over her terminal as the constant thudding continued. Donnelly shrugged again, and looked at her like she was crazy.

She left her terminal and wandered towards the main console in front of the drive core. She stepped slowly and quietly, and the thuds became louder as she approached the console. She checked over the drive core's stats on the console, and frowned when everything showed to be in normal range.

"What the..?" She mumbled to herself as she glanced around the area that housed the core. The thudding became louder, and she realised it was coming from above her. She locked the console and leant on it, craning her neck around to look at the windows above her. Her jaw dropped open and she made a strangled noise in shock as she realised the naked red headed woman was her Commander pressed against the first window on the left. Her hand flew over her open mouth when she saw a green scaly hand with two fused fingers reach around to firmly grasp one of her small breast.

"What is it?" Donnelly yelled as he glanced around the corner.

"Nothing! Nothing. Um I think Grunt's just doing some krogan stuff up there again. Best not to mention it to anyone. Wouldn't want to make him angry! Or angrier. You know, cause he's always pretty angry." Daniels rushed back to her console, and gave Donnelly a reassuring smile. He didn't look entirely convinced, but he didn't question her.

****

Thane kept one hand gripped on her breast and the other on her hip as he took her from behind. Just when he thought she couldn't be more alluring, she writhed under his grasp and moaned his name in a way that almost made him come undone. He could tell by her short, gasping moans that she was almost close, but he didn't want her to finish yet. He moved his hand from her breast to her hair, gripping it tightly again and yanking her around to face him. Her eyelids were heavy from the pleasure she experienced and he could see her chest rising and falling rapidly. He turned his tight grip on her hair into a flat palm on the top of her head, and pushed down. She caught onto his meaning immediately, and dropped to her knees. Thane kept his hand on the top of her skull, content with letting her do all of the work for now. He tilted his head back as she teased her tongue around his tip, then slid it frustratingly slow over his ridges. He pressed his hand down a little harder, and she moved her head back. Thane looked down and was about to ask if he had upset her, when she winked at him and moved her head forward to take him into her mouth. His nails raked through her hair as she moved quickly, forming a firm 'o' hold around the base of his shaft with her thumb and pointer finger as she slid her mouth up and down. Her throat suddenly vibrated around him as she tried to moan, and the extra stimulation to the tip of his cock made him clench his teeth to resist finishing. It was still too soon. He wanted to please her longer.

He pulled Shepard up again, and turned them both around so that he could push Shepard onto the table. Her body looked heavenly in the blue glow.

She propped herself up on her elbows and hooked her feet behind his back, pulling him back towards her. Everything they had done had been so perfect and she ached to feel him inside of her again. Thane positioned himself at her slit, his tip pressing against her slightly. He traced his finger tips from her belly button to her clavicle, and then dragged them down hard as he thrust his length into her. She cried out in pleasure as she leant back on the table, her arms too weak from the dizzying pleasure that she was feeling to hold her up. Thane leant over her smooth body until his lips met her left nipple, pulling it into his teeth and applying just enough pressure to make Shepard arch her back. He loved how responsive her body was to him; he had noticed that she was always very wet before he had even touched her. She had the same effect on him; just thinking about something as seemingly innocent as the way she often flicked her long red hair over one shoulder turned him on.  
He increased his pace as he pumped in and out of her, her wetness coating him thoroughly. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning so loudly and so hoarsely that he was beginning to worry if the crew outside could hear her. He slid his hand up to her neck and gently squeezed until he felt her swallow hard.

"Be quiet." He said, trying to sound dominant and in control, but his tone was off ever so slightly as he felt his orgasm approaching again. Shepard kept her eyes shut, but he could see her grinning at his demand. To his surprise, she let out a euphonious moan that was almost as loud as all of her previous moaning put together. She was toying with him.

"Shepard." He growled, tightening his grip on her throat harder. She let out a small gasp and grinned again. That was exactly the response she had wanted from him. She kept her moans quiet with monumental effort as Thane's free hand reached between her legs to slowly rub her clit from side to side like she had taught him. Her moans became short shrieks as she felt her orgasm building. Thane leant down to nibble her shoulder, and Shepard's hot breath panting against the side of his face was doing nothing to help delay his orgasm. She let out a squeal, and he felt her nails dig into his shoulder blades as her inner walls tightened around him, convulsing all around his cock as she came. It pushed him to his finish almost immediately, and he bit down on her warm skin as he filled her; the taste of her blood not registering in his clouded mind until the waves of his release had finished with him.

Shepard let out a content sigh, and her finger tips started to draw lazy circles across his back, seemingly not noticing that he had injured her. He broke away from her grip, pushing himself up to inspect the damage he had caused.

Although his teeth were much blunter than a human's, he had broken her skin and blood gathered in an 'o' shape at the top of her shoulder. Shepard tilted her head down to glance at whatever Thane seemed so interested in.

"Siha, my apologies, I didn't mean to break the.. " Thane tried to apologise, but Shepard propped herself up and pulled his face towards hers for a kiss. She kept her hands cupped around his cheeks as she pulled away.

"You've seen me with my stomach torn open. This is nothing. You worry too much." She tilted her head towards her shoulder, giving him a grin that he could've sworn was almost smug.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, his hands resting gently on her hips. He was sure that she would have bruises there in the morning, too.

"It didn't hurt. Not at all. I _loved_ it." She purred, letting her own hands fall to his hips. The seductive tone of her voice mixed with the fresh memories of the last half an hour stirred up his arousal again.

"Why don't we take this to my cabin?" Shepard slid herself to the edge of the table and wrapped her legs around Thane, pulling him closer until her still wet sex was pressed against his hardening cock.

They had never gotten dressed quicker in their entire lives.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's feeling good, and decides to throw a party for her crew. A lot of fluff and a little silly! :)

Shepard moved through the merc's compound, Thane and Miranda at her six. She was smiling under her helmet, and not just from the satisfaction from taking out more of those Blue Suns idiots. She had spent an amazing night with Thane and even though she ached all over (and she was sure he did too judging from his slower than usual movements), she felt fantastic. If it wasn't for the Collectors and the Illusive Man's constant bullshit, she would've proudly proclaimed herself the happiest woman in the world.

"Thanks, Shepard!" Miranda yelled through her breather mask as Shepard head-shotted a merc that was creeping up behind the operative. Shepard grinned again. Even Miranda was starting to loosen up a little, her small smiles slowly becoming larger and warmer each time she spent the evening in the mess with the rest of the crew. Even Jack seemed to be putting their feuds behind her; for breakfast earlier that morning she sat two seats down from Miranda, instead of five seats down on the opposite side so she could spend the entire meal glaring at her. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember the last time she heard Jack scream 'Cerberus bitch' at Miranda when she walked past.

Everything was quiet in the outside compound for a moment as Thane took out what appeared to be the last merc. He fell back to her side, as did Miranda. She had trained them well; they knew that when it was over, it never really was. True to the statement, a heavy mech emerged from the open garage door ahead of their cover. She glanced to Thane, and then Miranda, then back to the mech, allowing her grin to bare teeth.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Miranda said, still short of breath from the intense fire fight.

"Hell yes I am." The two women raised their hands, and Thane quickly caught onto the plan.

"Now!" Shepard yelled as the mech got within range. They each shot out a wave of biotics, short circuiting the power supply in the mech and causing it to blow up, and they all huddled together behind the huge metal barrel in front of them for cover as burning bits of plastic and metal fell like confetti around them.

"What's so funny?" Miranda asked with a lopsided smile as Shepard relaxed against the barrel and let herself slide to the floor, giggling as she went. Miranda looked to Thane for answers, but he just shrugged, equally confused about what Shepard found so funny.

"I feel fucking great." Shepard said in the middle of her giggle fit. Even though she had felt like death warmed up when she had woken in the Cerberus lab, her implants had settled seamlessly and she was beginning to feel how she remembered herself feeling before she died. She was alive and kicking ass and her best friends (minus Liara) were on her ship with her. In that brief moment she didn't care about Cerberus and didn't care about the Collectors or the Reapers; she was going to blow them back to whatever hell they came from (Cerberus at a date to be decided) and bring her crew back with her.

" _You feel_.. well I'm glad one of us does, I'm pretty sure I've broken a rib!" Miranda said as she ran her fingers along her ribs over her catsuit, cringing as they ran across a disfigured bone.

"Siha, are you sure you're feeling ok?" Thane asked, studying the relaxed Shepard who was covered in blood and dirt but hadn't looked happier since.. last night. He was glad his helmet covered his frills, because he could feel them heating up quickly.  
Shepard looked up at him, and fell into a fit of laughter again. Miranda joined her in the unusual hysterics as she sat next to Shepard on the ground, who promptly tackled her into a bear hug. Miranda yelped as Shepard squeezed her tight.

****

They docked at the Citadel four and a half hours later, and Shepard stood on the platform of the galaxy map to send a message to the crew over the ship-wide announcement channel.

"Alright everyone, you've all been working extremely hard and I don't want you to think it's gone unnoticed. The IFF will be ready in a couple of days and we might well be hitting the Collector base soon after. I want you all to take some shore leave and have some fun and buy yourselves something nice to bring back to the ship. No, Donnelly, not a stripper. You've got to leave them at the Citadel, sorry buddy." She stopped to grin at the snickers of the crew that had stood to watch her speak around the map. She knew Gabby and Tali would be giggling down in engineering too.

"I want you all back here by.. " Shepard glanced at her terminal to see the clock display; it had synced with Citadel time and told her it was currently two pm.

"I want you all back here by nine pm Citadel time, because we're going to have a party in the mess!" The crew in front of her looked at each other and smiled and instantly starting chatting to each other in excitement.

"We are?" Kelly asked in excitement from beside her, raising an eyebrow.

"We are!" Shepard confirmed, and Kelly grinned, perking up at her terminal.

"Dismissed! Go have some fun." Shepard waved her hand towards the small crowd in front of her and they all made their way to the elevator. Shepard assumed to get changed; Cerberus uniforms were asking for trouble on the multi race Citadel.  
"Is there anything you need me to do, Commander?" Kelly asked. Shepard stepped down from the platform and stood beside the yeoman.

"I need you to organise drinks that are appropriate for all crew members, and also some food that's going to be able to feed everyone. Some music that they play in Dark Star and Club Eternity on Illium would be nice too. Get Tali to hook it up to the ship's speakers so it can go shipwide too." Shepard knew that if you had good food, drinks and music, you already had a good chance of your party being a success.

"I'm on it!" Kelly gave her an enthusiastic salute, and followed the crew's lead by going to change.

"Can I come to this party this time? Or am I not allowed again?" Joker's exasperated voice came through her omni tool and she glanced up to the bridge to see him leaning around his chair to give her a pitiful look.

"EDI, do you think you can handle controlling the systems for a few hours so Joker can have a night off?" Shepard asked.

"Of course, Shepard. It would be my pleasure." She saw Joker pump his fist at her in appreciation, and then he turned back to his console.

****

"A party, Shepard? That was a lovely idea. " Thane said as he moved his hands over Shepard's naked back.

"Mmmm." Was all Shepard could manage as the palms of his hands dug pleasantly in to her tight shoulder blades.

"I haven't been to many parties." Thane said, absent mindedly.

"You could've had me fooled!" Shepard grinned into the pillow as Thane made a clicking noise that she had learned was the drell equivalent of a 'tut'.

"I don't think I can go to the party, though." She mumbled.

"Why not?" Thane asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"Because I'm going to make you stay here all night and do this to me." Thane chuckled softly as he felt her body relax further into the mattress under his hands.

"After the exquisite massage you gave me last night, I would do this until the end of time." Thane bent down and kissed the back of her neck.

"Oh no. Don't." Shepard grinned at him as she wiggled herself out from under him. He gave her a questioning look as she sat in front of him on the bed.

"You start that again and we're not even going to make it down to the party!." She bounced off the bed, chuckling as she evaded Thane's grasp. She stood at the top of the stairs, stretching her arms above her head. Her naked skin glowed blue in the light of the fish tank that cast attractive shadows over her toned body.

"I think we've got a little time, though." She said in that slow seductive voice that drove Thane wild with want every time, then nodded towards the shower. Thane didn't need to be told twice.

****

"Shepard, are you sure that's a... "

".. good idea." Thane's protests were in vain as Shepard took a hold of Jack's hand and let the tattooed madwoman pull her up onto the mess hall table to stand between her and Tali, who were dancing wildly to the music that was blaring through the deck. The crew members cheered as Shepard turned her back against Jack and started to grind against her. Jack seemed pleased by the behaviour as she grabbed onto Shepard's hip with one hand and held her other hand in the air, pumping it against the beat as she danced with Shepard.

"Is this a common occurrence?" Thane tilted his head towards a very drunk Garrus who was standing beside him, bobbing with the music.

"I wouldn't say common, but I have seen her dance on furniture before! It's usually a bar though. Never with Jack, either!" Garrus yelled back, his pointy teeth showing in an amused grin.

"She's not going to hurt herself, is she?" Thane looked back to the table, and now Shepard was facing Jack and Tali was standing behind Shepard, the three of them dancing very closely. He blinked nervously at the table; he hoped it was as sturdy as it looked.

"Who, Shepard? Nah. Well, not tonight. She's probably not going to feel so great tomorrow." Garrus and Thane watched as Chakwas passed another drink up to Shepard, who tried to sip it and dance at the same time but ended up spilling it all down her and Jack's front. The two women roared in laughter over the music and Tali craned her head over Shepard's shoulder to see what was the cause.

"They're all so tiny. Humans and quarians! How do they ever get anything done with those silly little bodies?" Garrus mumbled as he assessed the petite statures of the women on the table. Thane's brow furrowed as he watched Shepard pour half of what was left of the drink into her own mouth, and then into Jack's. No one else seemed to be too concerned about the unprofessional antics of their Commander; crew members milled around the mess dancing and drinking and staying involved in their own conversations. Members of Shepard's ground team were standing closer to the table, moving their bodies and enjoying the music. Thane suddenly felt like a nervous father. His concern must have been extremely obvious on his face as Garrus clapped a hand over his shoulder and chuckled.

"Come on, have another drink. Maybe Shepard will want to come dance with you if you're not acting like her father!" Thane cringed at the thought of dancing, and cringed harder at the thought of being considered Shepard's father. He was older than her but he definitely wasn't old enough to be her father, nor treat her with concern that he would treat a child with, so he took Garrus up on the offer and walked with his turian friend to the large crate that was filled with ice on top of the mess kitchen counter. Joker nodded a greeting at them from his place on a barstool next to the counter.

There was a loud cheer and numerous wolf whistles, and Garrus and Thane glanced back to see Shepard and Jack kissing each other with a pace that equalled the fast dance music. Tali was standing on her side at Shepard's hip, watching intently.  
Thane glanced between Garrus and Joker, who judging by their open mouths, were also rendered speechless by the display of drunken debauchery.

****

Shepard had danced with numerous crew members on the table after Jack, but thankfully, hadn't kissed any of them. The table dancing was put to a stop when Grunt tried to pull himself up and everyone watching the table creak even as he placed just his hands on it shrieked in fear.

"Hey, handsome." Shepard slurred slightly as she sauntered up to Thane, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hello, beautiful." Thane said back, grinning. Everything seemed too bright and too loud but he didn't consider the dizziness in his head unpleasant. The suggestion of more drinks by Garrus was a good one.

"Aww." Shepard said, stroking the ridges on the back of his skull. Her gentle touches made him suddenly feel very warm.

"Aww?" Thane repeated, confused at her meaning.

"Aww. Like, aww, you're so cute." She smiled and pushed her body against him harder.

"Cute?" Thane spluttered. He had been called many things, but never cute. He wondered if drells could even be 'cute'. Hadn't Shepard referred to her hamster as cute? He frowned at the comparison of him and a tiny furry animal.

"More sweet, I'd say. You're always sweet to me. Bringing me breakfast in bed every morning and cleaning my guns for me. Not to mention those amazing things you do to me with your mouth. You're too nice to me, Thane." She leant forward and her lips gently brushed against his, and he moved his head forward to catch her bottom lip between his teeth. Her soft moan turned into a 'hmmph' when he pulled away.

"Your mouth tastes like Jack." Shepard's hand flew up to her mouth.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. I didn't upset you did I?" Shepard sometimes forgot where she was and who she was with when she had been drinking. Thane shook his head.

"Not at all. It would be unbecoming of me to stop you from doing things that you enjoy. It was an.. interesting sight." Thane gave her a small smile. He understood why Joker had been so excited at the sight of the three women embracing, but Thane's lust was focused solely on Shepard.

"But, when I kiss you, I want to taste you. Your lips taste like cigarettes." Shepard scrunched up her face slightly, and leant back to reach for another drink from the counter behind her. She popped off the cap and brought it to her lips, swishing it around and swallowing the liquid before moving her tongue over her lips to clean them. She took another swig of her drink, then placed it back on the counter and grabbed his face in her hands, pulling him in for a proper kiss.

****

"Siha, is this really.. " Thane's words were cut off as Grunt and Shepard charged towards each other, crashing their foreheads together with a sickening noise that left Thane briefly wondering if it was Shepard or Grunt who now had a broken head. They both staggered backwards, holding their hands to their heads. When they looked at each other and grinned, a cheer erupted from the remaining crew members and Shepard and Grunt high-fived each other with their free hands.

The later it got into the night cycle, the more distressed Thane had become. The numerous drinks he had consumed did nothing to quell the fear that somehow, Shepard was going to injure herself.

"Don't worry, the cybernetics can stand up to three tonnes of pressure, and Grunt's charge would have only had approximately two and a half tonnes of pressure." Miranda said cheerily from beside him.

"I can assure you I know, I was the one that installed them." Miranda said, grinning proudly.

"Ah, thank you. I think." Miranda toddled off to chat to Jacob and Thane was left on his lonesome again. He had noticed that the party seemed to be winding to a slow finish, judging by the way the Cerberus crew members were departing for the crew quarters in small groups.

Shepard's ground team also appeared to be winding down; Garrus and Tali had very conspicuously retired to the main battery, and the lock had been a vibrant red for at least an hour. Miranda was being followed by a very excited looking Jacob to her cabin, and Zaeed was leaning very close to Samara by the med bay. Chakwas was asleep with her head on her arms at the table (which was a considerable feat due to the music that was still blaring and the fact that Mordin was prodding her with one finger whilst the other fiddled with his omni tool), Jack was also asleep and sprawled across the stairs that led to the main battery with a drink still dangling from her small fingers, and Legion seemed to be.. he didn't know what exactly Legion was doing, but judging from the way the flaps around his light were quickly flaring open and shut, he guessed he was enjoying himself in whatever way a geth did.

Kasumi was no where to be seen (not that he was surprised) and with a quick glance around the room, he realised Shepard was absent too. He wandered past Mordin to get to the hallway and he glanced to the left, then to the right. Joker was slouched against the wall next to EDI's port, drunkenly chatting away to the AI's flickering blue orb. Joker noticed him, and jerked a thumb towards the other end of the hallway.

He nodded his thanks and wandered to Kasumi's room, cautiously pushing his palm against the green seal.

"Kasumi, I am sorry to intrude, but have you seen.. " He stopped as he saw the picture that was being projected onto the ceiling, illuminating the otherwise dark room in a soft glow.

"Thane, come join us!" Shepard and Kasumi sat up on the bed, Shepard extending her hand and Kasumi smiling in approval at the invitation.

"What are you doing?" Thane asked, his eyes focused on the ceiling as he slowly walked to join them on the bed. Shepard lay back next to Kasumi, and Thane rested his head next to Shepard's on the pillow until he could feel her hair lightly brushing against his skin. Shepard reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers as she tilted her head slightly towards his.

"Kasumi was showing me some vids and pictures of all of the places she went with Keiji. They're beautiful." Shepard's voice was soft as the picture of what appeared to be a green forest changed to a waterfall. The water moved soundlessly in the projection.  
"This was in New Zealand. Keiji had to recover a stolen artefact for one of his contacts in Moscow." Kasumi's voice was soft and quiet as she spoke. After a couple of minutes, it changed again to a picture of snow capped mountains. A man was in the picture, smiling and waving at the person behind the camera. Shepard gasped.

"It's beautiful." She said, squeezing Thane's hand tighter. Thane had never seen snow before. It was beautiful; even if his body would not have responded well to the temperature. He would still like to visit it with Shepard, to hear her gasp again in wonder at it's beauty. He had always wanted to visit one of the deserts on Earth. He wanted to experience the dry heat and the hot sand and the beating sun on his skin. Kahje was always hot, but it was perpetually raining. A desert would be an entirely new experience for him.

He imagined holding Shepard's hand as they walked through soft sand together, and made a mental reminder to himself to ask Shepard if she would like to travel with him.

The silence between the three bodies on the bed was comfortable as they watched pictures and silent vids flicker across the ceiling, Kasumi occasionally adding an explanation to a picture or vid. Thane and Shepard eventually drifted off to sleep and Kasumi glanced at them. Although she never would have said it out loud, Shepard was the best friend she had had since Keiji, and her and Thane made an adorable couple. She smiled, appreciating their presence as she watched reminders of her and Keiji's life together play out silently above her. Suicide mission or not, there was no place she'd rather be.


	17. Chapter 17

"Thane?" Shepard whispered, leaning on one elbow to slowly rub his chest to stir him from his sleep. Kasumi's sleeping body was facing away from Shepard, and she wanted to give her friend back her bed. It was still very early in the morning cycle, and Shepard wanted to get some sleep in her own bed.

His eyes opened slowly, and a little smile pulled at his lips as the first thing he saw was Shepard leaning over him.

"Come on, let's give Kasumi back her bed." She pushed her hand against his side, gently encouraging him to move. He rose sleepily, the alcohol he had consumed still having a slight effect on him. Shepard quietly slid off the bed after him and took his hand in hers as they made their way to the elevator. A loud feminine moan stopped them in their tracks half way down the hall. Shepard spun her face around to his, a smirk forming on her sleepy face. Another moan, decidedly more manly followed.

"Fucking hell!" The lucky mystery man yelled in a gruff voice.

"Is that Zaeed?" Shepard giggled as her hand went over her mouth.

Thane grinned and shook his head as the moaning continued.

"I don't want to know." Shepard smirked again as she pressed the button for her cabin. It came to their floor quickly, and they walked their sleepy bodies into it. Shepard sighed and stood with her back against Thane, her hands holding onto the warm arms that wrapped around her.

"I love you."

Thane stiffened behind her and she gripped his arms tighter, cringing as the words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I am so sorry." She said quickly. She meant it and had been meaning to tell him, but now wasn't the right time; she wasn't even sure if he was _anywhere near_ that stage yet. Hell, they hadn't even been together that long. She scrunched up her nose, preparing for his response. She knew it would be a rejection said so gently and so smoothly that it would hardly hurt to hear.

Suddenly, his lips were at her ear, brushing against her earlobe.

"I love you too, Shepard."

****

The intensity of her feelings for Thane had hit her the previous day like a concussive shot. She had been watching him, her sprawled out on the bed and him on the couch, leaning towards the coffee table as he fiddled with a mod for his sniper rifle. Whenever there was down time, they would spend their time naked in her bed or spend it educating Thane on the gloriously bad Earth films that had been made over the last century or chatting about the places they'd been and the things they'd done or just silently going about their duties together, taking comfort in each other's company. He had looked up to her and smiled a smile that radiated across his face and made his deep dark eyes sparkle. When he first joined the Normandy, she never would have seen even a slight smile on his lips. Now he was grinning and laughing and making jokes (that weren't ever really that great, but he sure was trying) and Shepard's chest felt so pleasantly tight that she knew exactly what caused it. She had returned the smile with equal warmth, and let him get back to his tinkering as she realised she had fallen very hard.

****

Shepard wriggled herself into the black dress that Kasumi brought for her as the thief watched on, her slender fingers stroking her chin in thought. The timing of Hock's party had been perfect; she could help Kasumi today, and help Legion tomorrow. EDI had seemed more than happy to put off the IFF's actual installation another day so that Shepard could help her friends; the AI had stated that she would be thankful for more time with the program. The choice of outfit, however, was less fortunate.

"It's squeezing me." Shepard gasped as Kasumi stood behind her to tug up the zip.

"You look gorgeous, Shep!" Kasumi ignored Shepard's protests as she stepped around to face her again.

"I'm not worried about how it looks, it's just really tight." Shepard said in a small voice as she put her hand over her belly. Not even her armour's under suit was this tight. However, she didn't mind wearing dresses. In fact, she wished more missions would involve a certain degree of elegance that only a beautiful dress could provide, instead of ending the usual way that involved cleaning blood and guts from her armour. She guessed that the dress had been very expensive when Kasumi had ripped off the price tag and tore it into tiny pieces before Shepard had a chance to look at it. She'd never had anything this nice back on Earth.

Kasumi stepped forward to brush her fingers through Shepard's wavy hair, then to remove a little bit of lipstick that had smudged out of Shepard's lip line.

"And perfect!" Kasumi stepped back and admired her work.

"Oh Shep, at least _try_ to look like you can breathe!"

****

Thane stood in the shuttle bay, making idle banter with Garrus as they both waited to see Shepard and Kasumi leave. Thane had readied Shepard's armour (which he found unusual as she usually dressed in it before leaving for a mission) and Garrus had organised just a pistol and a switch blade that would attach to a thin leather strap on Shepard's thigh. The two men glanced at the almost pathetic pistol in Garrus' hands, equally concerned for Shepard's safety.

" _Just_.. just let me link arms with you! I'm going to snap a fucking ankle!" Shepard's voice yelled from the opening elevator.

"It's just the rivets in the metal floor making you unsteady, when we get to Hock's party you'll be fine on even ground!" Kasumi said as Shepard took her arm anyway.

Garrus let out a low whistle, and Thane almost dropped Shepard's chest plate.

"Don't laugh!" Shepard said as she crossed the shuttle bay, her heels getting caught in the indents of the floor panels. Kasumi shook her head, grinning under her hood.

"Wow, it's very.. " Garrus started.

"Tight?" Shepard finished, her voice slightly laboured.

"I was thinking it looks beautiful." Thane said, smiling as Shepard and Kasumi finally reached them at the shuttle. Shepard smiled and gave him a quick wink.

"We're over Bekenstein now, Commander. Ready on the doors for shuttle departure when you need." EDI's voice echoed through the deck.

"Let's just hope Hock is convinced." Kasumi cast a sideways glance at Shepard as she teetered precariously in her heels on the spot.

****

Hock turned out to be just as sleazy as she had imagined the single billionaire to be, and Shepard wished she had Thane on her arm to deter his leering eyes. She managed to get him talking so Kasumi could get a voice sample, and after his ridiculous speech, Shepard had slipped away with the rest of the crowd. She'd heard other guests talking about Archangel and _'that mad dog Massani'_ and Shepard couldn't help but grin. She couldn't believe she'd managed to put together such a unique group of people and get them to actually work together; and with a Cerberus ship, for that matter. She felt a tinge of annoyance at the Alliance, but shrugging it off just as quickly. It was their loss if they didn't want her on their side any more. Even Tali and Legion had become friends in the short time he had been aboard the Normandy. A quarian and a geth, friends. Shepard almost laughed out loud at how unbelievable everything in her life seemed to be. She was very relieved that she hadn't had to make use of the airlock.

****

Shepard returned in her armour, and Thane was very glad that she had come back in one piece. He had been very concerned about how little damage protection that dress afforded her. That dress. Although happy to see her in her armour, he was a little disappointed that she hadn't come back in that dress. He would've given Jack ten vials of his venom if it meant he could have run his hands down her hips across the tight fabric.

"Shep! Don't forget this!" Kasumi called from the shuttle, and Shepard leant back into it to receive whatever it was Kasumi wanted to pass to her.

"No! Leave the damn shoes in the shuttle. Or keep them. Or see if Miranda wants them. I refuse to let them assault my feet again!" Shepard waved her free hand in the air, as the other clutched black fabric.

****

Thane lay lazily on Shepard's bed as she showered, typing out a message on his omni tool to Kolyat. The replies from his son had been short and often scathing when Thane had first tried to keep up regular contact with him, but now he had seemed to realise that his father did indeed want to be in his life.

"How's he going?" Shepard yelled from the shower. He glanced up the stairs and saw her lathering shampoo through her long hair. Bruises of various shapes, sizes and colours littered across her skin, made more aggressive looking by the fluorescent light in the bathroom. At first, her frequent bruises had greatly concerned him. He was unsure why; with the way she usually charged at anyone and anything in her path it was a surprise that she didn't have broken bones or missing limbs.

"He's doing well. He has a job interview in a couple of days for a security firm. Bailey apparently put him onto it." Thane replied proudly.

"That's great! Tell him I said hello!" Shepard said, turning to put her whole head under the water.

Thane didn't know if Shepard really wanted him to say hi from her or not. Kolyat had been pretty furious with her after she had unceremoniously punched him in the face, and he bore the brunt of that anger when they were speaking alone after the incident. He had recently told Kolyat about the Normandy during their messages, but he had not mentioned to him that he and Shepard were in a relationship. Would Kolyat feel like Thane was trying to replace his mother? He frowned. He had no idea how to approach this situation.

The water turned off in the bathroom, and a moment later Shepard walked down the stairs to sit her naked body at the end of the bed as she dried her hair with a towel. Drops of water littered across her chest, sparkling like small diamonds each time she moved.

"So, does this mean I'm Kolyat's.. step-mother?" She wrapped the towel around herself as she spoke. Her nose scrunched up in what appeared to be disgust.

"I suppose it does." Thane watched as she turned her gaze to the ceiling in thought.

"Is that a little weird to you? I'm not really that much older than him." Thane thought for a moment before he spoke.

"I haven't told him of our relationship, yet. I am unsure how he would react to that news." He could've sworn that he saw a look of disappointment flicker across her face.

"Oh. Well that makes sense, I guess. I did punch him in the face." Shepard gave him an uneven grin.

"I am sure he is smart enough to realise that a punch in the face from you was better than a bullet in the head from C-Sec, Shepard." Thane spoke softly, returning a small smile. She chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Does it bother you that I haven't told him?" He watched as she picked at a loose thread on the quilt cover.

"No. Not really. I've never been in this situation, so I'm not entirely sure how this is all supposed to work." Shepard kept picking at the thread until it was a few centimetres long. Thane reached for her hand, relieving the quilt cover of it's abuse.

"Neither have I. It makes me.. nervous." Thane said as Shepard straddled him. She turned her fidgeting hands onto his t-shirt.

"It makes me nervous too." She tilted her head up to look at him.

"But, it makes me feel a little better that you're nervous too." She grinned as she rested her palms on his chest. He could feel the warmth radiating from between her legs even over his pants. Suddenly, he didn't want to talk any more. He wanted to make love to the woman he loved. All it took was her to wiggle her hips over him slightly for him to be fully hard.

"A conversation for another time, perhaps?" Shepard grinned wickedly, and laughed as her towel fell open as Thane flipped her onto her back.

****

"If I knew it was going to be as simple as getting you laid to put you in such a good mood, I would've helped sooner!" Garrus joked.

"Shh, not in front of Legion!" Shepard leaned closer to Garrus, and Legion watched them, somewhat confused at the organic's behaviour.

"He'll gossip about us!" She grinned as she stage whispered.

"Shepard Commander, we are not interested in spreading gossip about your personal life throughout the Normandy. We respect your privacy." Legion's metal flaps flicked a couple of times as he regarded Shepard's smirk.

"Shepard Commander is making a joke."

Garrus stepped forward to place his hand on Legion's shoulder.

"Don't worry, Legion. You'll get there eventually."

****

Thane ran alongside Legion as the geth effortlessly carried Shepard's limp body to the elevator.

"What happened?" He asked, glancing at the sickening angle that Shepard's arm was twisted at.

"There was a prime and he just. I don't know what happened." Garrus said, raising his talons to his brow plates.

"Shepard Commander saw the Prime before Vakarian did. Vakarian was disabling a geth trooper whilst Shepard Commander ran ahead. Shepard Commander and I fought against the Prime. Once disabled, it exploded and Shepard Commander was flung into a steel column. We believe it to be a dislocated shoulder. We also believe Shepard Commander has a moderate to severe concussion." Legion talked from the elevator to the med bay, and Chakwas shook her head as she heard the last two sentences.

Although her injuries weren't as bad as anyone expected it to be from looking at her pale unconscious form, Thane still felt worry tearing at him like a sharp talon. Her eyes stayed tightly closed under her helmet's screen.

"Thane!" Garrus yelled at the distracted drell again, and Thane looked up to him.

"Help me get her armour off so Chakwas can reset her shoulder and scan her head!" Thane fumbled at first, but they managed to remove her helmet and armour relatively quickly. Garrus left the shoulder and arm pieces on her damaged arm to Thane.

"Your hands are more careful than mine." Garrus said, but from the way his mandibles were clenched tightly to his face, Thane knew he was just as worried as he was. He let the pieces of armour drop to the floor and nodded at Chakwas.

"Oh no." Shepard suddenly said as her eyes moved lazily, alerting her to the fact that she was in the med bay.

"Shepard! Stay still!" Chakwas said as she placed a hand against Shepard's chest to stop her from sitting up. Shepard groaned in pain as she tried to move her left arm.

"Thane?" She said in a tone so desperate that Thane felt utterly helpless.

"Hold her down, Thane. I need you to place some weight on her." Chakwas said as she readied her hands for the reset.

Thane walked around the bed to the other side, and Shepard's eyes followed him as best as she could make them. He placed one hand on her shoulder, and one on her sternum to make sure she didn't wriggle too much.

"I like where this is going." Shepard slurred as she winked at Thane.

"Spirits, Shepard, really?" Garrus laughed in disbelief as Chakwas extended Shepard's arm out from the bed and began pulling gently. Thane could see Shepard clenching her teeth as she swallowed hard. The three of them waited as Chakwas pulled her extended arm out to the side and then up towards the bed head slowly. Legion took a step closer to the bed, and Thane wasn't sure if she shut her eyes out of pain or because Legion shone his light right into her face.

Shepard said a curse word that he had never heard her use before as her shoulder finally popped back into place.

****

They had to put the IFF off for another four days as Shepard recovered. Once she trusted her mouth not to talk complete gibberish (or hit on a very concerned Thane), she had granted the crew shore leave again and told Joker to go to the Citadel. She didn't want to risk her crew dying of boredom on a stationary ship whilst she rested. Miranda had told her that her cybernetics were now working overtime and she needed to rest to let them do their job. _After all_ , Miranda had said, _isn't four days of rest going to be a nice change? Not when I'm spending the entirety of it feeling like I'm going to throw up,_ Shepard thought.

"Do you need the bucket again?" Tali asked as she noticed Shepard's pained expression.

"No! No Tali, not this time. Sorry, I'm just so sick of laying in bed." Shepard sighed as she pushed her head back into the pillow further. She hated being sick, and she wished she got to go run around the Citadel with the rest of the crew. At least they were having fun.

"Do you want another pillow?" Tali asked, reaching behind her and propping another behind Shepard's head so she could sit up.

"My butt hurts." Shepard said as she could feel the start of pins and needles surging through the back of her thighs and her backside, settling at her numb tail bone. Tali giggled, and Shepard groaned.

"I would offer to give you a butt massage, but.. " Tali giggled again.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Just you remember who yelled at the Admiralty board for you." Shepard grinned lightly, but Tali stilled.

"I'm sorry Shepard. I didn't mean to laugh at you." The quarian extended her hand and wrapped her three fingers around Shepard's arm.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm only kidding. I'd laugh at me too, I probably look pretty pitiful." Shepard smiled and she saw Tali's eyes glow a little brighter behind her mask.

"Do you want me to bring Apollo down for a cuddle? He looks so lonely up there in his little tank, and I bet he'd make you feel better!" Shepard grinned. She knew that Tali was the one that wanted to play with the hamster. Ever since she had first visited Shepard's cabin and seen the little rodent looking at her she had been obsessed with the little critter.

"Alright, bring him down." Shepard agreed and Tali jumped off the bed to retrieve the hamster. Tali sat back on the bed and placed Apollo between them. The little animal squeaked in excitement as he ran over the hills of Shepard's legs and back to Tali, who squealed in delight as it sat in her lap, closing it's eyes as Tali stroked it's back.

"Keelah, we would never be allowed to have pets on the fleet!" Shepard smiled as Tali chittered away happily to the hamster who seemed to stretch out flatter from Tali's gentle pats.

****

"There she is!" Gardner called out as Shepard slowly walked into the mess hall, Thane's arm around her waist to steady her. Shepard tried not to cringe as the claps and hooting from the crew that had returned to the ship from their day on the Citadel made her already throbbing head feel like it was going to explode.

"Hello! Yes, I've returned to make sure you're all actually doing something down here." Shepard grinned. It would never cease to surprise Thane how strong she was.

"Well, now that you mention it, Miss Lawson was kind enough to get us some more premium supplies during her shore leave today, and I've got something great cooking!" Gardener opened the oven, and Shepard was hit with the smell of some very intense spices.

"I've made three roasts, and don't worry, your alien friends can eat them too! I've also got some roast vegetables and a selection of desserts for after the main course that Miranda was also kind enough to pick up from a patisserie that caters to all species of the galaxy! Although, I doubt most of the crew are going to come back to the ship for dinner so there's going to be plenty to go around!" Gardner nodded his head to Miranda who had come out from her cabin to see what warranted all of the cheering.

"Shepard! How are you feeling?" She asked, lowering her brows in concern.

"Better, thanks Miranda. A little unsteady, but a lot better." Shepard wanted nothing more than to eat a delicious meal and devour various desserts, but her stomach decided otherwise. She tried to inconspicuously cup her rumbling gut with her hand.

"Would you like to have dinner with me in my cabin tonight? If you're feeling up to it, and if it's ok with Thane, of course." Miranda smiled at the drell who seemed to be holding most of Shepard's weight.

"Of course. Shepard?" Thane asked, turning his head to Shepard.

"That sounds lovely, Miranda. Send me a ping when it's ready and I'll come down." Shepard mustered an enthusiastic smile with all of her strength. No one would notice if she brought a bucket down, right? Maybe if she put some wine and ice in it, no one would know any better.

****

A conversation with approximately twelve crew members and one with Legion later, Shepard was finally back in her cabin. She sighed as she pulled off her boots and took off her belt before sliding back onto the bed.

"You didn't have to say yes to Miranda if you're still feeling nauseous, Shepard." Thane said as he poured her a glass of cold water from the mini fridge next to the couch. He handed it to her, and she took a sip.

"I want to go. I just hope I don't throw up all over her. Can you imagine her face?" Shepard chuckled.

"I can go back down to Chakwas and get you some more nausea tablets if you would like them?" He asked, sitting at the end of the bed and taking one of her feet in his hands, rubbing his palm against the sole of her foot. Shepard sighed in pleasure.

"They made me feel worse when I took them before. I don't think they mixed well with the painkillers." Shepard said, her eyes watching Thane's hands work expertly over her foot.

"Are you certain? I can.. "

"No! Stay here."

"Please." She added, before she tilted her head back and closed her eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can view the lingerie that I had in mind whilst writing this chapter [here.](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-4PTtLf0cwNs/UhknKmtz7HI/AAAAAAAErx8/-yoi-6fzbmE/w469-h600-no/agent-provocateur-electra-aw2013_6.jpg)

Shepard was roused gently from her nap by Thane's soothing voice. He smiled at her as she yawned and reached for his hand.

"You've got a message on your terminal from Miranda, dinner's going to be ready in twenty." Thane stroked his fingers over the back of Shepard's hand as he spoke. She groaned at the thought of how much effort it was going to take to get back down to the crew deck.

"I got some fresh clothes ready for you." Thane nodded his head towards the bathroom, and Shepard sat up to place a soft kiss against his lips in appreciation.

"I didn't think you'd want to walk down there in your pyjamas again." Thane grinned at her comical Blasto t-shirt and sweat pants. Shepard chuckled as she made her way to the bathroom, flinging her pyjamas into the laundry chute and taking a quick shower. She dried herself then pulled her hair back into a high ponytail. She decided that she had felt much better after her short nap, and now her stomach was cramping with hunger instead of nausea.  
She reached for her clean clothes on the counter next to the sink and raised an eyebrow as her hand hovered over them. She poked her head out of the bathroom to see Thane sitting at her desk, the chair spun around to face her. His hands fidgeted in his lap nervously before he spoke.

"I did some shopping at the Citadel this morning whilst you spent some time with Tali. I.. I hope you like them." Shepard pulled her head back into the bathroom, and picked up the bra that sat on top of the jeans and button up shirt Thane had picked for her. It was black, with light green lace over the cups. An intricate set of black straps around the cups made her other eyebrow raise. She set it back down on the counter and picked up the matching underwear that had been hidden underneath the bra. They matched the bra, but there was more mesh than material and more black straps that had her slightly confused about where her legs were supposed to go. She had never really had time to indulge in underwear this fancy; it had been a black bra and small briefs for the majority of her post pubescent life before the Alliance, and equally as boring standard issue underwear for her time during it.

"What brought this on?" She asked as Thane stepped into the doorway.

"I always want to spoil my siha, as she deserves." Shepard grinned meekly at his flattering words.

"Do you like them?" Thane asked as he watched Shepard's fingers move over the delicate lace.

"They're absolutely beautiful, Thane. Wow. Thank you." Shepard loved them. The material felt soft and silky against her hands, and she imagined they would feel even better against her body.

"Although, as much as I like them, I think you might like them more." Shepard grinned at Thane, and she would've bet her life that Thane's frills deepened in colour.

****

After she had gotten dressed (not allowing Thane to look, because he had to wait, much to his objection), Thane walked her down to the crew deck, and left her at Miranda's cabin to go and spend some time with Garrus in the battery.

"Shepard! Just in time." Miranda smiled as she looked up from arranging cutlery around the two plates on her desk. She had moved her terminal to the side and made room so that they could eat across from each other.

"It smells great!" Shepard was glad that the aroma didn't tempt her stomach to play up again, instead causing it to rumble in anticipation of the awaiting feast.

"I figured if I got some supplies while we were docked at the Citadel, everybody wins for the rest of the week." Miranda grinned as she motioned for Shepard to take a seat. They ate in silence for a while, appreciating Gardner's ever improving culinary skills.

Shepard was glad that he had ceased 'Gumbo Thursdays'. She almost cringed remembering how much quality time she had to spend with her toilet on Thursday evenings after that horrible meal.

"So how's everything been going with your sister?" Shepard asked when she finished a mouthful of food. Miranda nodded, taking time to swallow her own before speaking.

"She's doing very well, thank you. She's still with her family. She's started university." Miranda beamed a smile at Shepard.

"That's great to hear, Miranda. What is she studying?" Shepard was genuinely happy that she could help. Although she didn't trust Miranda and first, and frankly found her to be quite insufferable, the woman had slowly opened up and Shepard realised there was a lot more to her than just Cerberus and her genetics. Shepard could the warmth that wanted to break free under her cold demeanour every time they spoke. She was glad that Miranda was now comfortable in doing so.

"Art. She's sent me a few pictures of her paintings and they're just beautiful. I'll show you after, if you like. She wouldn't have had a future if it wasn't for you, Shepard. Thank you so much. I've never.. I've never had such a good friend." Miranda touched her hand over Shepard's gently before pulling it away, looking slightly embarrassed, obviously not used to giving praise.

"Would you like a drink?" Miranda asked before Shepard could reply, and Shepard nodded and waved her hand toward her glass. Miranda reached for the wine bottle in the middle of the desk and filled both their drinks as Shepard spoke.

"We're all in this together, right? You know I'm here for you if you need me. You're a good friend too, Miranda." They gave each other a warm smile before resuming their meal, both eating until they'd finished the roast and vegetables.

"Phew! That was great. I swear he's getting better with every meal!" Shepard leant back in her chair and rubbed her stomach lightly. She hoped it would stay down. A quick glance around Miranda's office when she had walked in told her there was a metal bin under the desk to her right. She remembered that in case it didn't. Miranda groaned in agreement, also patting her stomach.

"Gardner said the desserts are in the fridge, but I think I'm going to have to undo a belt loop if I'm going to go there." Shepard laughed at Miranda's distressed expression.

"You and me both!" They both chuckled, and relaxed in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

"So, are things serious with you and Thane?" Miranda asked suddenly, and Shepard snorted, caught off guard with the question.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm terrible at small talk." Miranda put the palm over her face and shook her head. Shepard chuckled.

"No need to be sorry." She said, stopping to think before speaking again.

"Yeah, I guess you could say it's serious." Shepard felt her cheeks getting hot as Miranda grinned.

"What about you and Jacob?" Shepard said playfully, and it was Miranda's turn to blush. She waved her hand in a dismissing motion.

"I don't think Jacob and I were ever meant to be serious. Although, he's not angry at me about the intel about his father any more." Miranda took another sip of her wine. This is nice, Shepard thought. There wasn't a single member of her crew (even Donnelly) that she wouldn't enjoy having dinner with. Ok, maybe Daniels would have to be there with Donnelly to stop him from talking too much shit, she admitted.

"Well if there's a time to have fun, now is better than ever." Miranda nodded in agreement as she finished her drink.

"I have to admit, I didn't know how the mission would go with so many aliens... " Miranda threw up her hands as Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"No! Not like that. I'm not a xenophobe or a racist. I know, I work for Cerberus, but I like to think I'm a little more liberal on the alien front. What I meant was, I wasn't sure if everyone could get along. I had nightmares when you opened Grunt's tank." Shepard nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean. And now we have a geth and a quarian staying up late into the night talking programming? Sometimes I wonder if this is all an elaborate dream." Shepard said, shaking her head in disbelief. Miranda laughed.

"It's all a bit silly, when you say it out loud. You've made it work though, and I respect that." Miranda poured herself another drink and Shepard shook her head as Miranda held the bottle over her glass. She was already feeling a little light headed from the pain killers and alcohol and didn't want to push it when she could be cleared for combat the next day.

"I don't know how I did, to be honest."

"You've got.. I don't know what to call it. Warmth? You've got a warmth that makes people want to follow you to hell and back." Miranda looked down, her finger tracing the outline of her empty plate. Shepard frowned.

"You've got warmth too, I've seen it. Haven't you noticed how people smile at you when you walk past them lately? Everyone has noticed it." Shepard encouraged. Miranda smiled, still tracing her plate.

"I guess I have you to thank for that too." Miranda looked up and smiled softly at Shepard.

"Well I've got you to thank for bringing me back and not stuffing up something important, like putting my boobs on my back, so I guess we're even!" They both roared in laughter at the mental image.

****

Shepard cleared her throat for the third time, and the two men in front of her who were huddled over a sniper rifle engaged in a clearly riveting conversation ignored her for a third time. She had no choice but to use her _Commander Shepard_ voice.

"Vakarian! Krios!" She yelled in the drill voice that she knew made recruits shake in their boots. The two men snapped around, sheepishly looking at the woman in the doorway.

"Sorry Shepard, we didn't notice you come in." Garrus said as he scratched the back of his neck. Shepard could see that Thane was trying very hard not to smile.

"Can I have my boyfriend back now, or have I officially been dumped?" Garrus was about to make a smart ass comment when Thane stepped forward and took Shepard's hand, leading her from the room, barely giving Garrus a backwards glance.

"Oh. I see how it is. Come and talk guns with me when Shepard's busy and then just toss me away like I'm nothing when she comes back!" Garrus' mandibles flickered in amusement, and Shepard turned around to flip him off. She heard him chuckling as the door to the battery closed behind them.

"You could've stayed, if you wanted to." Shepard cast a sideways glance at Thane, who stopped in the middle of the deserted mess and took both of her hands in his.

"There is no other activity I would prefer over spending time with you. You are always on my mind." Shepard tried to fight a blush that threatened to redden her cheeks under his intense look.

"Oh.. you." She said, giggling as she started walking again. She loved that even after spending almost twenty four hours a day with him, he still made her feel like a lovesick teenager. He caught up to her and slipped his arm around her waist as they stopped in front of the elevator. She tilted her head towards him and whispered.

"Lucky you did come with me, because I'be been aching for you to see me in the things you got for me all night."

She was down to just that before the elevator doors even opened to her cabin.

****

Chakwas had declared Shepard fit for combat the next day, and EDI had informed Shepard that the IFF was now one hundred percent ready to be integrated into their systems, but recommended that Shepard took the shuttle somewhere for a couple of hours. Hitting the collectors where it hurt was a situation that was approaching quickly, and Shepard wanted to make sure that her team was ready for whatever the re purposed Protheans threw at them, so she quickly formulated an idea.

"Joker, set a course for the Fathar system. I'm going to take the team ground side to do some training tomorrow when we get there."

"Aye aye!" Joker's reply immediately came through her omni tool.

****

"Anyone need a toilet break before we leave? We're going to be down there for a while." Shepard asked as she clipped her assault rifle to the back of her suit. There was a murmur of 'nos'.

"Alright then. Everyone pick a partner and check each other's suit seals. Make sure you check the oxygen tube for any holes too." Shepard's crew glanced nervously at each other. Legion reached for Shepard's suit, and she grinned as the geth checked her over, seemingly not suffering from an aversion from touching each other like the rest of the crew did as they stood idly by.

"What are you waiting for? You don't need to buy each other drinks, you're just doing a safety check!" Shepard wanted to laugh at their nervous faces, but kept her tone steady. The crew moved into action immediately, and turned to whoever was on their left. After a couple of minutes, everyone was finished and turned back to Shepard.

"Thank you, Legion." Shepard said, and the geth flicked the flaps around his light and stood back in line.

"It's going to be a little crammed in the shuttle, but we'll only be in it for thirty minutes tops, so just try to be aware of the space around you. And make sure your safeties are on!" There were a few clicks as guns were checked over.

"Move out!" All of her ground team filed into the shuttle, and even with Grunt, there still was a decent amount of room. Shepard stood at the front of the group as best she could as Miranda flew the shuttle down behind her.

"We're going to be running drills on tactical positions and working on physical stamina until EDI gives us the all clear. We would've been doing this on the ship with the simulator, but EDI was unsure about what effect integrating the IFF would have on the ships's systems. I know shuttle rides are always a pain in the ass, but once you're being actual pains in each other's asses down there time will fly." Shepard grinned as the team chuckled. She could see Thane's eyes focused on her intently in her peripheral vision, his rifle held firmly in his grasp.

"I did some N training down here years back, it's a pretty diverse environment." Shepard spoke quieter, more to herself and Thane than anyone else. She had spent a total of five days on Dorgal, and had spent all of it fighting slavers with whatever she could find after she had run out of thermal clips. Out of the seven marines that went down there, only three had came back. Earlier in the day, Thane had been the first person other than an Alliance psych evaluator to hear the entire story.

****

"That's it, Tali, Zaeed! Remember to watch for the drone." Shepard commanded as her team moved around her. They'd been down there for almost three and a half hours, and now she was wishing that she forced herself to take a bathroom break before the shuttle left the Normandy. She leant back against a jagged rock, watching the bodies in front of her moving in the formations she had given them. Jack's heavy boots caught in between a crack on the ground, and she swore as she fell flat against the dusty surface. Miranda extended a hand to her, and she hesitated, but then let Miranda pull her up.

"Shepard." EDI's voice startled Shepard as it came through her helmet's comms. _Finally,_ she thought.

"Are we good to come back up, EDI?" Shepard asked hopefully. Jacob heard Shepard, and motioned the others over.

They all stiffened as, even through her helmet's screen, the blood drained from her face.


	19. Chapter 19

The squad stood in front of a very silent Shepard. Thane knew whatever she had been told was _very_ bad. He had only seen her freeze up like that once before, and the sight of her stiff body in front of him again sent an unpleasant shiver down his spine.

"What is it, Shepard?" Miranda finally asked. It was at least another minute before Shepard spoke.

"The IFF was broadcasting our location." When they realised Shepard wasn't going to divulge any more details without extra prompting, they exchanged confused glances.

"To who?" Garrus asked.

"The Collectors." More confused glances were exchanged as Shepard put her gloved hand over her helmet's visor.

"What are you talking about, Shepard? What does that mean?" Tali asked, her high pitched voice revealing her concern.

"They took the crew. Only Joker is still on board." Everyone stood silently in disbelief. Even Grunt, who usually had something to say about everything, only narrowed his eyes and looked at the ground in front of him.

"Are they.. dead?" Jack asked. Shepard sighed, finally bringing her hand away from her helmet.

"I don't know. We have to get back up there." Shepard turned and started walking towards the shuttle. Thane was by her side quickly, slipping the hand that wasn't holding his rifle into hers. She gripped it tightly as the shuttle made it's way back to the empty Normandy, it's holding area filled with more bodies than words.

****

The silence was sickening as the squad stepped out of the elevator and into the deserted CIC deck. There were no beeps or chirps or light conversation filling the air to give the Normandy the warm feeling that it had boasted for so long.

"Shepard, Jeff is waiting in the briefing room for you." EDI's voice was gentle.

"I want you all at your stations, readying your armour and your weapons and anything else you might need in a fight against Collectors." They all made their silent exits to various decks of the Normandy, still too shocked to speak. Thane stayed behind and stepped closer to her when they were alone.

"Shepard, I am sorry. I didn't expect this in a million years." Thane spoke softly as he saw her eyes fill with tears. She shook her head, and made her way to the briefing room, leaving Thane feeling helpless where he stood.

****

"Attention, all remaining Normandy crew members." Shepard's voice was flat with exhaustion as it came through the ship-wide intercom. In her cabin, Thane placed a hand on her shoulder, helping to steady her voice before she spoke again.  
"We are going to be hitting the Omega 4 relay in approximately four hours. We are going to get the crew back, and destroy whatever hell the collectors call their homeworld. We've always known this was likely to be a suicide mission, but I can imagine that now some of you may want out. If this is the case, I understand, and I will not stop you. Please speak now if you would like to be dropped off at Omega before we reach the relay. I know Omega isn't exactly ideal either, but we can't afford to lose any time by diverting to Illium or the Citadel. Anyone?" Shepard's voice broke off, and she allowed a minute for anyone who was having second thoughts to speak up. She felt a mix of fear and relief when no one used their omni tool to respond.

"Ok. That settles it then. Joker, confirm the course for the relay. As for the rest of you, I'll be down to speak with you individually soon."

"Course set, Commander." Joker's voice sounded steadier than Shepard expected it to be. She rested her elbows on her desk, and put her face in her hands. Thane's hand moved in slow, soothing circles on her back. He stopped when her shoulders started shaking.

"Shepard?" He asked, turning her chair around to face him. She moved her hands to wipe the tears on the armoured gloves that she hadn't had a chance to remove yet.

"I'm scared." She said, her voice breaking on her last word.

Thane knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her thighs. He knew she wouldn't be able to feel it through her armour, but he hoped that the gesture was still comforting.

"I mean, I'm scared for everyone. I'm scared for everyone on this ship and I'm scared for Kelly and Chakwas and G... " Thane reached up to stroke her cheek, and she inhaled sharply, clenching her jaw so that she would not start crying again.

"We're going to help them. We'll save all of them." Thane said as his fingers brushed against her flushed cheeks. He could see how hard she was trying to not let any tears escape. She considered his words for a moment, and then nodded.

"I.. I want you with me when we're on the ground. I need to know you're safe with me." She whispered as she placed her hand over his on her thigh.

"Anything you need, I will be happy to give, Shepard." She smiled weakly, and sniffed harshly.

"I have to go speak to the crew and see how they're doing. I'll be back within the hour if you want to do whatever you need to do and then come back up?" She asked with a hint of desperation in her question.

Thane stood and extended his hand out to help her up from the chair. She took it, and pulled him into a tight hug. The edges of her armour dug into him uncomfortably, but he neglected to mention it, only pulling her against him tighter.

"I'll see you in an hour, siha."

****

Grunt and Zaeed had been blasting vicious rock music in the cargo hold when Shepard walked in, and she almost grinned at how typically Grunt and Zaeed that was.

"We're ready to kick these assholes in the quads when you are, Shepard." Grunt shouted over the music, and she nodded, returning their salute before leaving. That was all the reassurance she needed of their commitment and state of mind.

Tali was moving her fingers furiously over the main console in engineering, no doubt picking up the slack that Daniels and Donelly's absence left behind. Tali nodded at her, and Shepard stood next to her for a minute, until Tali sighed and leaned her head against Shepard's shoulder.

"Keelah. Today has been terrible." She said as Shepard leant her head against the top of Tali's hood.

"That's an understatement." Shepard replied as she put her arm around Tali's shoulder. They stood that way for another minute, until the console beeped angrily and Tali swore at it, leaning forward to violently poke her fingers at various places on it until it stopped.

" _Bosh'tet!_ " Her high pitched voice held so much anger that Shepard couldn't help but chuckle.

"I'm never going to let you leave the Normandy again purely so I can make you angry and hear you say 'bosh'tet' all of the time." Shepard could tell by the way Tali poked her hip out to one side and rested her hand on it that she was glaring at her.

"And besides, what would Apollo do without his quarian around to give him his daily dose of cuddles?" Tali's eyes sparkled under her face plate and Shepard grinned.

Jack was doing push ups in the engineering sub deck, and she spoke before Shepard did.

"Those motherfuckers. We're gonna blow them the fuck up, alright?" She barked as she stood up, wiping the back of her hand across her sweating brows.

"Glad to have you with me, Jack. It's been a pleasure." Shepard smiled and extended her hand. Jack looked at it with resentment, and instead crossed the distance between them in three long steps and pulled Shepard into a rough hug.

"I've been a pain in the ass, and you know it!" Jack mumbled into Shepard's shoulder.

Shepard made her way up to deck three next. She felt the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as the only sound throughout the usually bustling deck was her heavy footsteps.

Shepard decided to speak to Legion next, to get walking through the dark, empty med bay that lacked her favourite doctor over and done with. When she entered the AI core, he was standing still, his light dimmed to almost nothing.

"Shepard Commander." He said, his light suddenly powering back to full wattage.

"Legion. How are you doing?" Shepard asked, narrowing her eyes slightly at what appeared to be his high beam setting.

"We are prepared for transit through the Omega 4 relay. We have taken extra precautions to ensure our programming is protected against any possible attacks. We have also readied our weapons." Legion turned to the ledge in the wall behind him to show Shepard his guns, which had been fitted with mods and sat neatly on the smooth surface.

"Excellent to hear. Thank you for coming with us, Legion. You're a great asset to my team." Legion made an odd whirring noise, and he nodded.

"Acknowledged."

Shepard doubled back to meet with Samara and Kasumi; Samara seemed to be in deep meditation and didn't respond to Shepard's greeting, and Kasumi was standing in front of the shuttered window, her omni tool held up to project pictures of Keiji onto it, so Shepard gave them both their privacy and left to see Miranda.

Miranda looked up briefly when Shepard entered, before looking back to her omni tool.

"I've made sure everyone's comms are properly linked, and I've got Tali double and triple checking our systems." When Miranda looked up again, her perfectly manicured brows were frowning deeply.

"Miranda, you've been a huge help throughout this whole mission." Shepard swallowed heavily, determined not to start crying again. She had cried more in the last couple of hours more than she had in her life.

"I know we didn't see eye to eye at first, but I'm really glad that things have ended up where they have." Miranda's eyes sparkled as Shepard spoke, and when she had finished speaking, Miranda walked around her desk to take both of Shepard's hands in hers.  
"Shepard, you've taught me so many things, about myself and others and about life. You helped me with Ori without hesitation. You made me feel like I have a proper place in the world, somewhere I fit in, right here on the Normandy. Thank you. Thank you so much." Shepard squeezed Miranda's hands as a tear fell from her eyes.

"You're a great friend, Shepard." Miranda said as she averted her gaze in an attempt to hide her tears. Shepard pulled her into a tight hug, which Miranda returned with a harder squeeze.

Garrus was next, and Shepard knew that he would be looking over one thousand different algorithms to make sure the guns were going to pack all of the heat that they needed. She didn't expect more than a couple of grunts from him, but he instantly turned around when he heard Shepard enter. They stared at each other for a moment, then both tried to speak at the same time.

"Garrus -"

"Shepard -"

They laughed, and Shepard shook her head.

"I can't believe you keep roping me into these suicide missions." Garrus said.

"I can't believe you keep saying yes!" Shepard grinned at her best friend. Garrus' smile disappeared as he became serious.

"You know that I wouldn't do these things for anyone else, Shepard." His voice was low as he took a step towards her.

"And you know that I wouldn't rather anyone else watching my six." They grinned at each other again, and he scooped her into a hug. Their armour clanked together awkwardly, and they chuckled again.

"Thanks for everything, Garrus." She looked up at him, and he lowered his forehead to hers. She knew what that meant in turian culture, and she was honoured to be on the receiving end of such an intimate gesture. She reached up and held his face between her hands.

"It's not too late for us to take you back to Omega." She whispered, trying to keep her tone steady. Garrus threw his head back and laughed.

"I'd go through a hundred Omega 4 relays if it meant I never had to set foot on that miserable rock again!"

She left the main battery smiling, and met Mordin up one deck in his lab. The exuberant salarian was furiously poking a Collector bug in his specimen container, and didn't stop his prodding when Shepard walked towards him.

"Running last minute tests, need to see if.."

"Mordin!" Shepard silenced him with a wave of her hand, and he stepped back from the container, watching her with wide eyes.

"I want to thank you for all that you've done, Mordin. Without you we would've been taken out by the collector swarms on Horizon. You've kept us all safe." Shepard frowned as Mordin closed his eyes and lowered his head.

"Did not manage to always keep whole crew safe." He said sadly. Shepard took a couple of steps forward and leant her hip against his desk, ignoring the collector bug that rattled around furiously in the container.

"That wasn't your fault, Mordin. No one could have seen that coming." Shepard hoped her words would soothe him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Still a disappointing outcome." He said, a little less quickly than usual.

"I know. But we'll get them back. I promise." Shepard smiled, and Mordin nodded.

"I must get back to experiment. Still hours before relay is reached." Shepard left him to his work, and walked through the small hallway that connected the lab to the armoury.

Jacob was adjusting his armour clips as Shepard walked through the door.

"How are you feeling, Jacob?" Shepard asked. He folded his arms and leant back against the table behind him that was littered with various pieces of armour and metal.

"I'm angry, Shepard. It was always personal when they started taking humans, but now that they came here and took our crew?" He shook his head and exhaled loudly.

"Now it's really personal." Shepard met his gaze, and she saw the fire that was in his eyes when they had found his father re-ignite.

"I'm ready to do whatever it takes, Commander. However this turns out, it's been a pleasure serving under your command." Jacob extended his hand, and Shepard shook it firmly. They exchanged a knowing nod.

Last but not least was Joker. He had taken it harder than she had; the way she had watched his broken and sore body slouch against the wall in the briefing room when he had explained exactly what had happened had made her chest tighten in sympathy. She was expecting a self depricating joke, or even a joke made at EDI's expense; she wasn't expecting for him to yell at her.

"You don't mean that, Jeff." EDI's voice spoke softly from her blue form. Joker sighed.

"You're right. I didn't. I'm sorry, Commander." Shepard stood in front of the dejected pilot, her facial expression pained.

"I'm sorry, it must've been a horrible thing to see." Joker had been with Shepard right from the beginning, and they'd spent many nights chatting when she couldn't sleep. She liked to think that she knew him well; but she didn't have a clue what to say to make him feel better. It was obvious he blamed himself for the collector attack.

"Yeah yeah I don't need you to get all soft on me." Joker spun his chair around to face his console, trying to give her the hint to leave, but she stepped forward and gently placed a hand on his shoulder instead. He sighed and lowered his head.

"We'll get them back, Joker." Shepard said softly.

"Damn right we will." Joker turned his head to look at her; his tone full of determination.

Shepard nodded, and left. She knew he would vent to EDI when she was gone. She was adamant that if EDI had a body, Joker would be all over her like a varren on fresh meat.

****

Thane growled in frustration as he sat at the table in life support. He couldn't steady his shaking hands. He stood up and slammed the rifle down on the table, almost grinning at the dent it left in the table. He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He had made the mistake of letting this build up for a very long time, and now his fear was manifesting as a scorching rage that made him want to snap necks. He was afraid. He laughed out loud, a quick, sharp sound that made him want to implode. He couldn't recall a time in his life where he had been afraid of anything.

No.

That was a lie. When Shepard went off for a mission without him in her squad, he would sit in life support with his brows creased and try to meditate, but he would only be able to reach the calm planes in his mind when she returned to the Normandy alive. Further ahead in time, he would do the same thing in her cabin, clenching his fists in her sheets as he sat on the bed and tried to form some semblance of calmness in his mind. He was at least thankful that there were only a handful of times where she hadn't taken him with her where he could watch her six and make sure no harm came to her.

Nothing about him was calm; it was all a facade that masked his private despair. Despair that had increased as his feeling for Shepard had increased. When he had realised he was in love with her, he had run to the toilet and thrown up. He shouldn't have allowed either of them to become this enamoured with each other. She was Commander Shepard, intelligent, strong and so sexy that she could've had her pick of anyone; man, woman or alien, and yet she had chosen him to receive her affections.

He was a dying man and she held the light of a thousand suns inside her, and when he was gone, she'd be as dark as a dead planet.

****

It had taken her less time than she had planned to speak with her squad, so she took a quick shower, changed into something more comfortable for the still hours long wait before the relay, and started to clean the pieces of her armour that were dirtied from the planet side tactical training. She finished wiping over the LED power supply lights on her back piece and set it down with the other clean pieces, wondering when Thane would come back up. Before she finished that thought, the door to her cabin opened. She didn't get a word out before he briskly walked past her and started pacing at the end of her bed.

"Thane?" She asked from the top of the stairs. He clenched his fists and kept pacing. Shepard raised her brows. He was always nothing less than extremely calm. He stopped pacing suddenly, turning to face her.

"Siha, I..." He looked up at her briefly, then resumed his pacing.

"I have known I will die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You've helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs. I've spoken to my son." He stopped pacing again, and this time he let his eyes focus on hers.

"I should be at peace on the eve of battle... " She could hear his tone becoming more desperate as he spoke. She quickly walked down the steps, and placed her hands on his arms. He shied away from her eye contact again.

"Stop. Don't give me a speech." She tried. She knew what he was going to say and she didn't want to think about his illness. She had spent so many weeks pushing it to the bottom of her mind and ordering the thoughts away when they had tried to creep back up.

"I'm ashamed." He said hesitantly. She tried to raise her hand to cup his cheek, but he pushed it away and leant his palms on the desk next to her couch. She could see the tightness held in his shoulders. He was silent for a moment, then brought his fist up, slamming it back down onto the desk with such force that the glasses on her coffee table shook. Shepard didn't flinch. When he turned back to face her, transparent tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"I have worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared." Shepard stayed silent, fearing that if she tried to reassure him, she would not be convincing enough. How could she reassure someone when it was inevitable that they were going to die, sooner rather than later? And how could she tell him it was all going to be ok when it wasn't? He turned away from her again.

"I consider my body's death, and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me." His pain felt like it was constricting around her chest, warning her of what was to come. She stepped forward and enclosed his tightly clenched fist with her hand.  
"Thane." He leant into her grasp and turned to face her. His tears were still falling, and his brows were creased in an expression that she would never forget. There was no trace of the strong assassin in his eyes any more.

"Be alive with me tonight." She whispered as her thumb wiped over his tears. She leant in slightly, and his lips met hers half way. She could taste his tears and her own almost followed. She loved him so much, and finally hearing him speak so openly about his mortality made her want to cry and beg for Mordin to do something, but she knew that was impossible; Mordin had already informed her of that.

She moved her lips against his, and his hands moved to her hips, gently pulling her towards him. Shepard moved her hands to the back of his neck, her fingers stroking over the smooth skin at the base of his skull as gently as her lips moved.

"I.. " Thane pulled back and tried to speak again.

"Don't. Please don't. We can't talk about this, not now." Shepard knew that her rage was going to fuel her adrenaline, and once she set foot on the collector's base, those sick mutations were going to pay. She planned to bring Thane out alive. It wasn't his time yet. She needed him.

Thane stared at her for a moment, his big onyx eyes still moist from his earlier tears. He closed his eyes and leant in to kiss her again, this time backing her against the bed as he did so. Shepard gasped as she fell back against the bed. She expected Thane to follow, but he stood in between her knees, watching her with a pained expression. She propped herself up on her elbows, frowning as she waited for him to do or say something.

"I love you so much, Shepard. More than anything." His voice was quiet but firm.

"I love you t.. " was all Shepard could get out before Thane reached down and pulled off her leggings and underwear in one swift movement, then kneeled on the floor between her legs. His hands slid up her thighs to grip her hips, and she gasped as he pulled her closer to his face. He slowly lowered his mouth to the beautiful apex of her thighs.

Shepard's elbows gave out, and she fell back against the bed as Thane worked his tongue against her. He sped up after hearing her encouraging moans, pushing his tongue deeper and letting his nose press against her clitoris, causing her to reach an orgasm very quickly. Thane hummed in approval as he felt her clench around his tongue, the vibrations intensifying her climax. Thane was determined to keep going, even when he felt her relax into the bed again, but Shepard ran her hand over the ridges on his scalp, pressing firmly to guide his mouth back up to hers. She was panting and her hair was a mess against the crisp white blanket beneath her, and Thane thought she was as beautiful as she could ever be. Shepard only broke the kiss to push him off her, straddling him as he rolled onto his back. She pulled off her tight fitting t-shirt and threw it behind her, then leant forward again to resume the passionate kisses. Shepard could feel him straining against his leather pants under her, and she reached down, then moved herself down and off the bed to pull his pants off in a similar fashion to how Thane had removed hers, only needing to spend a little more time to remove his shoes. She kneeled back onto the bed, and with a look that could only be described as pure desperation in her eyes, undid the clasps on the front of Thane's shirt and pulled it open. He watched her as she slowly trailed her fingers up from his abdomen to his neck, letting her fingers run over the red ridges of his neck. He let out a small trill at her strokes, and she raised an eyebrow.

"That's a new one." Her lips quirked into a smile as Thane pulled her towards him. She avoided his kiss, instead moving her mouth across his frills and down to the side of his neck, seeing if she could coax that intriguing noise out of him again. It had always felt like she was making love to Thane and not an alien when they had sex, but every now and then he would do something, like make an odd noise deep in his throat or grab her in a way that was primal and animalistic that made her realise just how alien his body was. It only excited her more.

Her efforts were rewarded with another trilling noise when she darted her tongue over the ridges at the front of his throat. His hands slid down her sides to grip her ass, and he squeezed hard when she moved her tongue up to follow the frill along the side of his face. His eyes slowly opened when she had paused for too long, and he saw Shepard looking at him, her hands pressed against his chest and her brows creased deeply.

"You're going to come back with me." She said it so firmly and so surely that all Thane could do was nod. The small response was seemingly adequate enough for Shepard, as she reached down and took his hard shaft in her hand. She watched Thane's eyes close in pleasure again as she firmly moved her hand up and down, her soft hands sending sparks of pleasure throughout Thane's groin every time she moved over a ridge. He felt her move above him, and then his tip was at her entrance; warm wetness ready to greet him. She slid down onto him slowly, and they both moaned as he felt her sheath him fully inside of her. She started moving, slowly upwards and then crashing down hard, and Thane gripped her thighs to keep his nails from tearing her bedsheets.  
He opened his eyes to see Shepard's had now closed, her head slightly tilted back and her lips parted as she rolled her hips over him. Thane suddenly felt desperate again. Desperate for a cure to his illness and desperate to spend a long life with the woman he loved so much it almost hurt. He wanted to spend many years falling into bed with her naked body at night and waking up to her sleepy grin in the morning. He wanted to travel with her and take her to visit Kahje and he wanted to tell Kolyat that he was in love with her.

He sat up, and she wrapped her legs around him, then moved her hands from his chest to his shoulders to steady herself in the new position. Thane held one hand on her ass and the other in the middle of her back as he rocked with her, matching her thrusts with his own. She was moaning louder and at quicker intervals and he knew it wouldn't be long before she came again. He moved his lips inwards from her shoulder, letting his teeth brush against her warm skin, eventually letting his gentle nibbles turn into harder, more forceful bites. She gripped his shoulders tighter and threw her head back, moaning as his teeth worked their way up the side of her throat. He could feel himself getting extremely close to his own orgasm as she dug her nails into his skin. They moved quicker, the built up desperation and need to take each other for what could be the last time fueling their passion.  
Shepard tilted her head back down to kiss him, and his tongue met hers as she kissed him faster, moaning into his mouth as his hand reached between them to gently rub her clitoris. He felt her tense against him, and she called out his name as she tightened around him. Seeing her full lips moving to voice his name was all he needed to finish, and he came hard as her internal muscles were still convulsing around him. They sat that way for a while; Shepard's legs around him and her in lap as they both caught their breath. Thane leant back against the bed, gently pulling out of her as he rolled her to lay on her side against him. She nestled her head on his chest, and they lay silently together, neither able to find any more words.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory Collector base chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and commenting and leaving kudos. It really means a lot to me!

They wordlessly checked over each other's armour and weapons, their hands moving slow and steady over each other's bodies in wordless agreement that even though they fully intended to make it through the Omega 4 relay and back again, there was a high chance that they might not. Shepard avoided his eyes, and left to join Joker in the cockpit for the relay approach. She stopped at the door, then turned around and walked back past a confused Thane to pick up Apollo's tank from the shelf above her desk. The hamster ran out excitedly, stretching his little body up in the hopes that he was getting play time.

"Can you please make sure nothing bad happens to Apollo?" Shepard asked with such seriousness and a hint of a pout that Thane couldn't help but laugh. She let the corners of her lips turn up into a grin when she realised how ridiculous it was; her standing there in her N7 armour with guns clipped to her suit, asking her drell boyfriend to look after her hamster when they passed through a relay that could quite possibly kill them. She started chuckling along with him, and soon, they were roaring with laughter; and little Apollo was scared back into his little shelter by the loud noises above him. Shepard stopped chuckling and so did Thane, their expressions happy again, if only for a moment.

"This is the strangest thing I've ever been asked to do in my life." Thane said, grinning as he took the glass tank from Shepard's arms.

"I doubt that very much." Shepard winked at him, then leant in to give him a gentle peck on the lips. This time, when she left, she didn't come back.

****

Thane stayed seated on the bed, holding Apollo's housing in his arms as he planted his feet firmly to the ground to keep both of them steady. He had turned on the comm link on his omni tool, and from what he could tell, Shepard, Garrus and Zaeed were winning in the second fight against the Oculus. Through his panic, Thane briefly wondered what the expressions would be on the two men's faces if Shepard told them she had ordered Thane to stay in her cabin and guard her hamster.

Shepard and Zaeed yelled a bunch of expletives, and Thane felt the ship jerk again. He was glad that Shepard had made sure that the Normandy was properly upgraded before going through the relay; from the break neck movements of the ship and Shepard's constant swearing and yelling, it sounded like they were only just holding together. He couldn't imagine the damage that would be inflicted if the plating and upgraded fields failed.

"Cargo hold clear Joker, I'm coming back up. Everyone alright?" All of the crew responded with various degrees of enthusiasm. They had made it through the relay in one piece so far, but he imagined that Jack had probably been thrown around the sub deck during Joker's evasive maneuvers. Thane silently thanked the fact that Cerberus had reinforced Shepard's cabin with steel plating and upgraded fields that he didn't understand, to the point that it could probably withstand a nuclear bomb.

"How's Apollo?" Thane could hear the hint of a smile in her voice even through her heavy panting. Thane looked down into the glass container, and Apollo poked his head out from the little wooden box he was hiding in, twitching his little nose furiously.

"He's fine, Shepard. A little scared, but fine."

"Keelah, you tell that little furry bosh'tet that when we're finished, I'm going to come up and give him the biggest hug he's ever had!" Tali's voice seemed to excite Apollo again, and he darted out of his house and around his container. The crew's omni tools were linked, so everyone now knew the status of Shepard's hamster.

"Bloody hell, can I get one too?" Zaeed's breathless voice grunted.

"No. You're not cute and fluffy." Tali replied, and Thane heard Shepard roar with laughter. Thane was convinced that she was the only person who could get a team so comfortable with each other that they would stare into the face of death and joke about a hamster.

"Almost at the bridge, Joker." Thane could tell from the way her voice echoed that they were still in the elevator.

"There it is." Joker sounded like he was gritting his teeth. Thane turned up the volume on Shepard's comm channel. He could hear her breath hitch.

"That's the bastard that took down our old girl." Joker said, and Thane felt the vibrations of the drive core reverberate through the floor under his feet as it was pushed to almost full power.

"I'm coming down there, Shepard. I'm going to put Apollo on the floor in the bathroom and lock the door. He'll be fine." Thane got up and briskly walked to the bathroom, where he gently took the chittering hamster out and placed him on the floor. He immediately ran to lick the small droplets of water that hadn't evaporated from under the shower head, and Thane made his exit, keying in the code on the outside panel to lock the door. He wanted to be there for her; she had only mentioned her death a handful of brief times, and he knew that she would appreciate the moral support, wether she admitted it or not.

He made his way down to the bridge, gripping his hands behind his back until his knuckles went white, frustrated by how the elevator seemed to be taking longer than usual. Miranda and Shepard were standing behind Joker's chair, and Thane stepped next to Shepard to get a better view out of the windows in front of them. The collector ship was powering up and moving towards them. He noticed Shepard's jaw clench a little tighter, and he brushed his hand against hers. This wasn't just the ship that had taken out the old Normandy; it was the ship that had taken out Shepard.

"Are we ready, EDI?" Shepard asked urgently as the collector ship drifted closer to them.

"Systems are ready to go. Fire at will." EDI's blue orb popped up next to them, and Joker cracked his knuckles.

"Hold on!" He yelled as his hands worked swiftly over the console in front of him. He suppressed a yell as the three people behind him decided to hold onto the back of his chair, causing him to lean back slightly and need to stretch his fingers to reach the console. The ship rumbled beneath their feet, and Joker wove the Normandy through the air, the guns firing directly onto the collector ship before it even had a chance to properly fire up it's own. They all gasped as Joker managed to just miss a shot when the collector ship finally managed to aim at them.

"Oh, you're going down." Joker growled as he jerked the Normandy to the side, and fired a final blast that seemed to hit the epicentre of the enemy ship. Flames erupted from all points on the ship, and quickly caused it to explode. Joker pulled the Normandy up in a sharp turn just before it exploded, but the force of the blast violently rocked the Normandy, and all three of them were flung to the floor. Joker swore as numerous beeps and warnings blared throughout the cockpit.

"We're going down!" Joker yelled, and before they could get up properly again, they felt the ship connect heavily with something, throwing them back against the floor from their kneeling positions. The ship skidded, bouncing them into the air as it did so, and they heard a sickening crunch as it seemed to finally come to a stop.

"Status, EDI!" Shepard yelled as she grabbed onto the back of Joker's chair and pulled herself up. Thane pulled himself up, then extended a hand to Miranda, who was rubbing her elbow.

"The Normandy's systems were overloaded with the force of the blast, however repairs can be made. Starting them now." EDI's voice crackled through the console, and her blue orb was absent as she spoke.

"Shit." Shepard said as she craned her neck forward to look out the window.

"You wanted to bring it to the Collectors? Well here we are!" Jeff said, his hand sweeping in front of the window as if revealing a prize.

"How long have we got?" Shepard turned to EDI's port, even though it seemed only her auditory program was working.

"The force of the blast was enough to knock out our systems briefly, but it is possible the collector's systems were also affected. They may not know that we have landed here, however I recommend haste."

Shepard brought up her omni tool, and ordered all squad members to the briefing room. They all seemed to exit the elevator together, and Thane followed Miranda and Shepard. Joker stayed behind, frantically pulling up tabs and working through the system damage.

"Make it a good speech!" Joker called out from behind them.

The crew seemed unharmed for the most part, except for a bruise on the crown of Jack's head that seemed to be getting purpler by the second. Thane wanted to tell her that it wasn't helping every time she poked it, but decided not to from the vicious look on her face. He knew when to pick his battles, and there was a big one about to happen that he needed to save his breath for, especially if he was going to have to keep up with Shepard.

"EDI, bring up any scans that you have." The AI complied and a hologram of a thermal scan of the collector base rose from the center of the table they were gathered around. Shepard went through all possible routes, and once a plan was decided and teams were organised, Shepard leant back from the table, folding her arms as her gaze moved from one squad member to the other.

"This isn't how we planned to do this, but it doesn't change the fact that we're all still alive, and I plan to keep it that way. I need you to take orders from your team leader without question if this is going to go as smoothly as it can. Kasumi, you're doing a very important thing for us and we all appreciate it." Murmurs of thanks and encouragement were muttered at the petite thief, and she waved them away.

"Anyone have anything else to say before we move out?" Everyone shook their heads (or light), and Shepard reached behind her to ready her assault rifle.

"Then let's get moving. Let's make it count!" The squad readied their weapons, and filed out of the room. They all gathered at the airlock, and Joker limped out of his chair to give them a salute, which they all returned.

"Get her ready for us, Joker." Shepard said as she pulled on her helmet.

"Aye aye, ma'am." Joker ended his salute and got back into his chair.

They left the airlock, and each jumped out onto the hard ground of the collector base.

"Move out!" Shepard yelled as Garrus and Thane fell behind her with the precision that they always did.

****

"Shepard!" Harbringer bellowed again, and Shepard glanced across at Thane.

"I think he likes you!" Garrus said as he popped up from next to Shepard and quickly took out two collector drones.

"Well I'm taken and I'm definitely _not_ interested!" Shepard yelled as she got to her feet, firing a few rounds at the glowing collector before raising her hand to reave away the rest of it's power.

"It's getting hot in here again, Shep." Kasumi's voice was panicked, and Shepard vaulted over the rock in front of them. Thane and Garrus held their guns up and scanned the area as Shepard pressed her palm against the last seal release. They kept moving up to the end of the pipe, and Kasumi fell out, her hood pushed back and her straight black hair matted against her flushed, sweating face. Shepard pulled her up, taking most of her weight as they ran towards the door ahead . Thane and Garrus spun around as they ran to watch for approaching enemies, but they seemed to be in the clear.

The rounded the corner that was immediately after the doorway, and met up with the rest of the crew that had taken an alternate route.

"Shepard." Tali said solemnly as she pointed towards a wall. Shepard turned, and narrowed her eyes as she saw her abducted crew members encased in the collector pods that lined the walls. The only sound that could be heard was the steady thrum of the collector ship as the crew watched the pods in horror. Shepard could see her crew lined up in front of them. She looked again. Daniels and Donnelly were missing. She stepped forward, frantically scanning the pods for the two engineers, until she spotted them two rows up from the bottom row.

"Is she one of ours?" Garrus asked as he pointed a talon towards the pod that he was standing in front of. Shepard jogged over, and peered into the glass.

"No, but we need to get her.. " Shepard stopped as suddenly, black lines crept over the woman's skin. Her eyes opened and she started banging her fists against the glass as her skin started to dissolve. Even through the thick glass, Shepard could hear her screaming.

"Get everyone out, now! Samara, Jack, get Daniels and Donnelly!" Shepard yelled as she started bashing the butt of her gun on the glass. Garrus stepped into help, but the pod's seal wasn't budging. The woman stopped screaming for a moment and made eye contact with Shepard; a hopeless look on her face just before she dissolved completely. Garrus glanced at Shepard, and nodded towards the rest of the crew, who had somehow managed to free most of their crew. Jack and Samara effortlessly floated back down to the ground, the human holding a limp Daniels and the asari holding an equally floppy Donnelly. Her squad members were helping survivors out of their pods as Shepard ran past them once she spotted Grunt opening Chakwas' pod. She sprinted over just in time to catch Chakwas as she fell.

"You came for us." Chakwas said as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Of course I did." Shepard said, almost offended at the surprise in the doctor's voice.

"All accounted for, Shepard!" Tali yelled as she used her omni tool to scan over the coughing and spluttering survivors.

****

Shepard had to hand it to Samara. The woman was a complete badass. Shepard was good with her biotics; but Samara? It seemed like she had written _the book_ on biotics. Shepard could tell that she was straining herself to the point of exhaustion, though; the powerful biotic's movements were becoming slower and the dome of protection she had put over them was slowly decreasing in circumference.

"I can't hold much longer, Shepard." Samara panted as they stood at the top of a ramp, picking off husks and abominations that just seemed to keep coming. Shepard could see the doorway in front of them; if they could get rid of the waves of husks, they could make a quick run for it.

"Just a little longer, Samara!" Shepard shot her a pleading look before reaving a husk. They kept fighting for a few more minutes, and then the area was eerily quiet. Shepard groaned in response to the Scion that had seemingly appeared from nowhere in front of them.

"Are you laughing at me?!" She yelled in Thane's direction as she rolled out of the path of the scion's shock wave. She had caught a glimpse of a grin when she had turned to him after her groan.

"Never." His voice was cool as ever as he kept his focus on the scion. Shepard knew he was struggling, and she knew that he would be hoping that she wouldn't notice that he was struggling for breath. But she did notice, and she definitely noticed when he not so subtly turned down the outgoing comms volume wheel on the side of his helmet. It made her cringe to see him struggling so obviously, but she was glad that he was there with her and Garrus where she knew he was safe.

Garrus fired a concussive shot, and Shepard used another reave, finally bringing the monstrosity to it's death. They stood with their weapons ready for another fight, but none came. The remnants of the reave coursed through Shepard's body, and she did a little shake on the spot to try and get rid of the strange vibrating feeling. She bit her lip; was it really necessary for the vibrations to go _everywhere,_ especially at a time like this?

"Go!" Shepard growled, and Samara darted forward. Shepard, Garrus and Thane hardly kept up with Samara as she flew down the ramp, jerking her head from left to right to make sure the coast was clear.

"Commander, we have just received Jacob and the crew. They're all safe." Joker's voice crackled through her helmet's comms. She didn't expect her comms to last much longer, and she hoped that she would have a minute to check that her omni tool was still functioning as soon as possible.

"That's great!" Shepard yelled breathlessly as she tried to keep up pace with Samara. They reached the door just as the collectors sent more forces to try and stop them. Shepard, Garrus and Thane stood side by side and lifted their guns, but Samara turned around and pushed past them, screaming as she turned their protective dome into a brutal biotic force that knocked all of the advancing forces unconscious. Shepard raised an eyebrow as Samara's shoulders rose and fell heavily in front of her. If she hadn't written a book about biotics, she definitely should.

"Come on!" Garrus yelled, and they all ran through the doorway, sealing it tightly behind them.

****

The whole squad converged together again, and Shepard let out the breath that she had been holding when the headcount was no less than it was before. Everyone seemed a little out of breath, and Jack had a deep gash on her cheek and Zaeed was holding his arm at a strange angle, but apart from that, they seemed to be getting the upper hand on the collectors. Shepard silently prayed that they could all hold out just a little while longer.

They stood in a crescent moon formation in front of her, and waited for her orders.

"Fuck, this place is boiling." Shepard said, wishing she could afford to spend some time taking off her helmet and pushing the sweaty, matted hair back into the pony tail it had sprung free from. There were numerous murmurs of agreement as all of the bodies in front of her shifted uncomfortably. Thane however, seemed unaffected by the heat.

"You've all done great so far. It seems we've got the upper hand, but I don't want anyone getting to comfortable with that. I'm keeping Thane and Garrus with me for now. Miranda, I want you to take the rest of the team through that side vent." Shepard jerked her head towards her left at the narrow hallway that EDI had told her would lead out of the base and close to the landing position of the Normandy. Miranda nodded.

"There's no time for a speech, but just pretend I said something awesome." She grinned at her squad, and heard a few snorts. She took a long look at her team - no, her friends - that were standing in front of her, and threw up a sharp salute. Even Legion straightened and returned it as best as he could.

"Now let's get the _fuck_ out of here!"

****

"Why can't anything ever be easy?" Garrus yelled as Shepard pointed the Cain at the last reaper tube.

"For anything that's not easy, I present the Cain!" She steadied it and fired; shattering the last tube and causing the human reaper to fall. It's arm fell heavily on the platform in front of it, causing it's large metal frame to take out the three remaining collectors that were standing on it before they even had a chance to fire again.

"Let's plant that bomb!" Shepard screamed over the noise made by the destruction of the reaper.

"Shepard, the Illusive Man wants to speak with you." EDI's voice came through her omni tool this time; she wasn't surprised that the last shot she had taken to the head had finally taken out her helmet comms. Garrus held out his arm, and a hologram of the Illusive Man sprang to life. From the moment he started speaking, Shepard knew what he was going to ask her to do. She knelt down to put the bomb in place, ignoring him as he started pleading with her.

"Thousands of lives went into making that thing. I'm not risking any more being taken and turned into one of those abominations!" She turned back briefly and snarled at the Illusive Man's hologram, even though she was unsure if he could see her or not. She turned back to the bomb and connected the final two wires. It let out a small beep to let her know that it was activated. After another couple of seconds, the timer kicked into gear and started it's count down.

"Shepard, pl.. "

"Get rid of him." Shepard growled, and Garrus complied.

"He is a fool to believe that these horrors could aid us in any way." Thane said slowly. He had been unusually quiet throughout the mission, and Shepard knew he wasn't feeling well.

"Yes, he is. Come on, let's go home." Shepard stood up, then almost fell down again as the ground shook beneath them. A huge hand flew up to grip the platform behind them, and Garrus swore. It was Thane's turn to swear when another hand followed, and then Shepard's turn when a head appeared.

**** 

Thane thought he was done for the moment the reaper fell again, bringing the platform he was standing on down with it. He lost grip on his gun and it clattered to the floor, then slid away from him and was lost forever. He didn't even make it to the edge of the platform before a strong hand gripped his. He fell into Shepard as she jerked him up, and he heard her groan in pain as she pulled him towards her.

"Take it!" She yelled at him as she turned slightly, jutting her hip out towards him. He grabbed the Carnifex from it's clip and they turned to see Garrus trapped under a large piece of metal debris. The turian looked at both of them with a dazed expression, obviously concussed.

"Help me lift it!" Shepard gripped one end with her left hand, and from the awkward way she was holding her arm, Thane guessed she had dislocated it when she had saved him. He felt a brief pang of guilt that he had caused her pain, no matter how hard she was fighting to disguise it.

They lifted one end up high enough that Garrus could slide out, but he just looked at them with that same dazed expression as they stood over him, doing their tired best to hold the excruciatingly heavy beam up.

"Snap out of it, Vakarian! Move your ass!" Shepard used her drill voice, and Garrus immediately shimmied himself backwards. When he was safely away from the beam, they let it drop back down. Thane darted in front of Shepard to help Garrus up, and Shepard nodded her thanks as they started running.

They were going to make it.

****

Much to Joker's annoyance, the whole ground team stood behind him as he used up the rest of their fuel reserves to give them the power they needed to get back through the relay before the explosion. At least they were all silent.

"Detonation in ten, nine.." EDI started counting down, and Shepard grinned. Even she could see that they were going to reach the relay before the resulting explosion was even half way to them. She awkwardly pulled off her helmet with her good hand, and almost moaned at how good the cooler air of the Normandy felt on her sweat soaked skin. Thane turned to look at her, and he looked at her grin with silent questioning.

The squad jerked forward as Joker made the final acceleration to hit the relay, and everything out of the window went blurry for a moment as they made the jump back to Sahrabarik. Suddenly, the view was clear and they could see the faint red glow of Omega in the distance. There was nothing but silence as they all realised they had not only gone through the Omega 4 relay and survived, but they had come back.

"Fuck yeah!" Jack screamed, and everyone erupted in cheers. Shepard turned to grin at Thane, and he pulled her into a tight hug that almost made her yelp. She held onto him with equal tightness with her good arm. They were alive.

Numerous crew members tugged her out of Thane's arms to give her their own hugs, and even Samara pulled her in for one. She was sweaty and disgusting and covered in who knows what on her armour and she'd dislocated her shoulder again but she had never been happier in her entire life. Everyone's armour was torn and shredded, they were all covered in dirt and blood, and by the looks of their weapons she was going to have to refit everyone, but she'd pay for all of it ten times over if she had to. They were all here.

" _Shepardddddd!_ " Grunt boomed, and everyone raised their fists as they yelled Shepard's name.

"Three cheers for Joker for being the only asshole here who could've flown us out of there!" Shepard winked at Joker, and he gave her the biggest smile she'd ever seen from him when the crew turned their cheers onto him.

"Does anyone know if Apollo's ok?" Tali asked when the cheering had subsided.


	21. Chapter 21

Thane shook his head as he spotted Shepard at the back of the line of injured bodies that was extending out from the med bay and into the mess.

"So, do you come here often?" Shepard joked as she turned to face him.

"Why does it not surprise me that you're last in line?" He smiled as he spoke, and Shepard rolled her eyes playfully.

"The crew needed to go in first so Mordin could make sure that there was no long lasting damage from the pods, and then the squad have to go in next. I'm at the back of the line because a dislocated shoulder isn't as bad as Garrus' concussion." She jerked her thumb towards the front of the line, and Thane peered around Grunt to see a woozy looking Garrus being poked and prodded by Mordin.

"Ah, Mordin. Good man." Thane smiled at Garrus' goofy expression.

"I'm glad he wasn't hurt. If he was, there would've been no one else to do this stuff. Chakwas is sleeping." Shepard took a step towards Thane and took one of his hands in hers. She was still in her armour, but the flush from her cheeks had gone, and now she just looked tired.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at him in a scrutinising way to make sure he would tell her the truth.

"I'm exhausted." He admitted, and Shepard stroked her fingers over the back of his palm.

"We've all earned some rest." Shepard winced as she tried to move her shoulder.

"What are you going to do now?" Thane asked.

"Jack suggested we go pirate, so I think I'm just gonna go with that idea until I figure out what to do."

"Fuck yeah, Shepard! Let's _loot_ this galaxy!" Jack yelled from somewhere ahead of them. Shepard grinned.

"Next!" Mordin yelled, and they shuffled forward in the line as Garrus wandered unsteadily towards Shepard.

"You alright there, big guy?" Shepard held out her good arm, and Garrus clung to it.

"Fine, excellent. A little concussion. A little concussion never hurt anyone!" Garrus chuckled, and Shepard held back a laugh as she glanced at an equally poker faced Thane. The man had the self control of a saint.

"The Thanix! It needs me!" Garrus yelled, and he wandered off to the battery.

"Is he allowed to be doing that with a concussion?" Grunt asked from in front of them.

"Probably not. EDI, lock the consoles in the main battery. The last thing we need is Garrus firing the cannons on an unsuspecting planet."

"Consoles have been locked, Shepard."

They shuffled forward in the line again as Tali made her way past them.

"Don't laugh!" Tali said as she pointed her finger at Shepard's open mouth. Bright orange patches were stuck over her suit tears.

"We'll get you some new seals when we dock at Omega, Tali." Shepard called after the embarrassed quarian.

"What about the Illusive Man?" Thane asked, shuffling forward again. Shepard shrugged.

"EDI and Miranda have disabled all of the bugs he had planted on the ship, so for now he's got no information coming through. Miranda and Jacob have quit Cerberus, and I'm just waiting for the other crew members to recover to see whether they want to stay on board or leave the Normandy."

"Bloody salarian butcher, where the hell's Karin?" Zaeed grunted as he shuffled past them, rubbing a patch of gauze on his shoulder as he made his way to the crew quarters.

"Do you want to stay on the Normandy?" Shepard asked quietly. Thane frowned.

"Of course, Shepard. What makes you think I wouldn't?" Shepard breathed a sigh of relief.

"I was just checking. I don't want you to feel like you have to be here, if you don't want to."

"I do want to be here. There's no where else I'd rather be." Thane smiled as he held her hand.

"We can go see Kolyat on the Citadel after we restock and refuel at Omega, if you like." Shepard squeezed his hand as she gave him a soft smile.

"That would be lovely, Shepard. I... I would like to tell him about us in person." Shepard raised her eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" She asked cautiously.

"Yes. I am confident that he will be welcoming. He has matured much more than I could have imagined." Thane had kept in daily contact with Kolyat, and although awkward at first, their conversations had become deep and Thane realised that he had missed out on a lot over the last decade.

"Then that's what we'll do." Shepard gave him a quick peck on the cheek as Kasumi walked past, holding a giant water bottle.

"How am I supposed to drink all of this? It's almost as big as I am!" The dehydrated thief mumbled. Thane and Shepard waited in silence, watching as Mordin applied what looked suspiciously like super glue to the gash on Grunt's forehead. The young Krogan twitched, earning a scowl from Mordin.

"All fixed!" Mordin exclaimed, and Grunt left, groaning as he poked his wound.

“Do not introduce foreign bacteria into wound!” Mordin called after the krogan.

"Shepard! Lay down and we'll reset your shoulder." Mordin washed and dried his hands as Shepard tried to awkwardly pull off her armour.

"Here, Shepard." Thane stepped forward and gently undid the clasps, sliding her arm and chest piece off as carefully as possible. Shepard groaned as Mordin grabbed hold of her hand, and Thane placed his hand on her chest to be the counter weight. Thane nodded to Mordin, and Shepard swore.

****

Shepard wandered aimlessly around the mess hall with her arm resting comfortably in a sling, waiting for Thane to finish with Mordin. Mordin had asked her to leave when it was time for Thane's physical check, and she had shot Thane a questioning look before he slowly nodded in agreement with the salarian. She understood that she had no right to impose her presence onto his med bay visits, but it still made her feel uneasy not knowing what was going on. She knew he wasn't feeling too great; his voice had sounded strained and he seemed to be breathing quicker since they got back from the base. It was easy to just put it down to the sheer amount of physical exertion that was needed to defeat the collectors; but Shepard knew that he wasn't short of breath for the same reason that anyone else was.

"Shepard, Mordin would like to speak with you in the med bay." EDI's voice alerted her, and she tried to walk as calmly as possible back to the med bay.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked, looking from the seated drell to the standing salarian.

"Thane's Kepral's has not worsened since the last check that Karin performed. It seems however that there is an infection. Have prescribed antibiotics for Thane to take three times a day. Please make sure he doesn't forget them. Silly thing to say, drells remember everything." Mordin threw his hands up into the air and then picked up his data pad, muttering to himself as his fingers jabbed at the screen.

"An infection?" Shepard said as she stood in front of Thane. He leant forward in the chair and placed his hands on her waist, gently pulling her closer to him. He looked up at her, hesitating before he spoke.

"I have been feeling unwell for the past week, however I concluded that it was just the Kepral's worsening. It seems I was wrong." Shepard frowned.

"I am sorry I did not tell you sooner, Shepard. I was... I was worried that it would distract you." Shepard frowned deeper, and she folded her good arm over her slinged one.

"You can't just keep things like that from me because I might worry, Thane. You know you can talk to me about anything, even your illness. How you're feeling doesn't need to be a secret to me." Shepard spoke gently despite her defiant posture, and Thane pulled her closer, resting the side of his face against her stomach. The cool silk-like material of her under suit felt pleasant against his warm skin. He closed his eyes as Shepard gently stroked her fingers over the ridges of his scalp.

"I know. It's just hard to bring it up. There never seems to be a good time to do it." Thane mumbled.

"It's hard to hear about it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear about it." Shepard stepped back and cupped his cheek in her hand, stroking his frill with the tip of her middle finger. Thane nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Come on. Let's go shower and relax for a while. It's going to be a few hours before we dock at Omega." They walked hand in hand back to the elevator. When they reached the cabin, they both wriggled out of their clothes (and Shepard out of her sling) before stepping under the hot water of the shower. Shepard closed her eyes and groaned as she let the water run over her sore body. She reached for the shampoo, and awkwardly tried to shampoo her hair with one hand before Thane gently swatted her hand away, moving his fingers over her scalp to massage the shampoo through properly. Shepard sighed as he worked it through to the ends of her hair, then gave her a small kiss on her still sore shoulder when he had finished helping.

"What would I do without you?" Shepard turned back to grin at him before stepping under the stream to rinse her hair. Thane knew that she didn't realise what she had said, but the realisation that sooner rather than later she would find out made his stomach ache. Determined not to ruin her post victory good mood, he said nothing and instead reached across her to the small alcove in the wall where she kept the sweet scented body wash she liked to use, and squirted a generous amount into his hand before reaching across her again to put the bottle back. She still had her eyes closed as she let the water wash over her head, so Thane placed the hand that wasn't holding the body wash in it around her waist, gently pulling her forward and out of the stream of water. She narrowed her eyes at him, then closed them again as he moved his hands over her body to work the gel into a lather.

"Have I told you how good you are with your hands?"

"Yes, but it's always nice to be told again." Thane grinned as Shepard chuckled.

She hummed in appreciation as he slid his hands over her breasts, then down to her hips and over her backside. He lightened the pressure whenever he came across a bruise and made sure to be as gentle as possible over her shoulder. He gently pushed her back under the water, and she opened her eyes and smiled as the water rinsed away the bubbles. She leant lazily against the shower wall, watching as Thane cleaned his own skin. When he was finished, he turned off the water and grabbed Shepard's towel to help her dry off. She blushed at the gesture that made her feel like a child, but said nothing as Thane gently patted away the droplets of water on her skin. She wandered naked out of the bathroom, leaving Thane to dry himself.

When he emerged from the bathroom, all he could see was Shepard's red hair and forehead jutting out from under the crisp white sheets. He slid into the bed beside her, and she reached out to hold his hand immediately. She sighed as they rested their weary bodies in silence.

"I hope you know that if we both weren't so sore and exhausted, I would be screwing the hell out of you right now." Shepard mumbled from somewhere under the quilt.

“That feeling is very mutual, Shepard.”


	22. Chapter 22

The Normandy had been docked at Omega for two days before anyone felt well enough to leave. Shepard had contacted Aria just before they arrived, and she had somehow managed to clear an entire bay for her. Shepard wasn't sure if she could call Aria a friend, but she knew that the respect they had for each other meant that their exchanges had always been pleasant.

“So it's just infinite shore leave for now?” Kasumi asked as she sat on Shepard's couch, watching as Shepard pulled on a pair of tight black jeans.

“For the next week, I guess. There's still a few things that I've got to check out, but nothing that can't wait.” Shepard buttoned her pants and then sat back on the bed to pull on her boots. Kasumi relaxed further into the couch, watching the shimmering water of the empty fish tank.

“What's next for you?” Shepard asked as she stood up and walked over to her drawers to look for a shirt.

“Keiji's grey box had some interesting things in it. I think I'm going to check them out.”

“If you need help with anything, you know you can ask.” Shepard smiled, then buttoned up her sleeveless collared shirt over her black strapless bra. She was still too sore to be able to pull a t-shirt over her head, and she was impressed with her ability to do up her bra with one hand.

“I know, thanks Shep.” Kasumi gave Shepard a warm smile, and then waited as Shepard disappeared up the stairs and into her bathroom to put on some make-up.

****

“Aria T'Loak has given us the VIP treatment here, so don't do anything too dumb while you're all running around.” Shepard glanced at the tired faces in front of her.

“Or walking. Whatever you feel like.” She grinned and Joker rolled his eyes.

“How are you so happy? I'm struggling to stay upright.” Tali groaned.

“Do you hear that?” Shepard said, and the crew members in front of her turned their heads and strained their ears to try and hear Shepard's mystery sound.

“I can't hear anything.” Grunt said as he scratched at the scabbing wound on his forehead.

“Exactly. That is the sweet sound of no terminal beeps. I've been waiting all my life for this moment.” Shepard said, grinning as she leant her butt back onto the handrail that looked out onto the galaxy map. The crew were decidedly not as enthusiastic as Shepard to be alive, so she waved them away.

“We haven't got any credits, Shepard.” Zaeed said, and numerous heads nodded to indicate that they, too, were in fact broke. Shepard smirked.

“I took care of that. Daniels, Donnelly and Chakwas, you've been transferred your Cerberus wages and.. let's call it hazard pay, for making it through the relay and back. The same goes for the members of my ground squad.” There was a chorus of beeps as the entire crew brought up their omni tools to check their credit chit balances, then a collective gasp.

“Holy fuck!” Jack stammered, as she looked up at a grinning Shepard with wide eyes.

“Shepard, this is quite extravagant.” Samara said, a slight frown at her brow. Shepard waved them away again.

“It was mostly EDI. I had the idea but she did the hacking and transferring. I couldn't just leave you all on Omega with no credits.” Shepard had found EDI more than willing to help with her plan when she had suggested it. Now that Cerberus was no longer anyone on the ship's employer, and with most crew members not having a home to go to, Shepard had wanted to make sure that everyone had enough funds to help them set themselves up when they left the Normandy. Daniels, Chakwas and Donnelly were all that remained of the Cerberus crew; the rest had been dropped off at a refuel station an hour prior. Most of them were too traumatised by what they had experienced at the collector base, and wanted to leave to see their families again. Despite their dark moods, they too had brightened at the sight of their full bank accounts.

“Fifty thousand credits?” Jack stammered again, and Shepard almost fell off the rail and onto the galaxy map. EDI had told her that she was going to transfer an adequate amount of credits, but she had no idea that fifty thousand credits was EDI's idea of adequate. The AI's view of adequate for the now departed Cerberus crew members had only been fifteen thousand credits. Shepard glanced around; everyone was staring at their omni tools in disbelief. She didn't miss the strange look that Thane was giving her. Shepard avoided his eyes; he had stubbornly insisted on doing the mission without pay, but Shepard wasn't going to let that happen.

“I... “ Tali tried to speak, but she settled for placing one hand over her mouth piece and shaking her head.

“We would like to thank Shepard Commander. As geth cannot be employed, we often need to scavenge what parts we need. With this gift, we can buy new items and make repairs quickly.” The flaps around Legion's light flared open and shut as he spoke.

“Well, you all deserve it.” Shepard was steady against the rail again as she saw open jaws turn into smiles, and stunned silence into laughter.

****

The crew had split up to explore different sections of Omega, but Tali, Garrus, Zaeed and Thane had stuck with her, and they made their way to Afterlife. Even though it was the middle of the day cycle on Omega, the music was still thumping and bodies filled the dance floors. They squished themselves into a booth, and ordered their drinks from a scantily clad asari.

“It feels good to relax, even if it is only for a little while.” Garrus said.

“What do you mean, only for a little while?” Tali asked as she inserted her drink's straw into her mouth piece. Garrus turned to look at Shepard.

“I don't know when the reapers are going to come, but I'm sure as hell gonna get some shore leave in before they do.” Shepard raised her glass and her friends followed, clinking theirs against Shepard's and each other's before taking a sip.

“Commander Shepard? Aria T'Loak would like to speak with you.” The batarian body guard jerked his thumb up to Aria's viewing window, where the distinct outline of a watching Aria could be seen even through the tinted glass. Shepard sighed.

“I'll be back in a minute.” Shepard shuffled to get out of the booth, but Thane grabbed her hand.

“Would you like me to come with you?” Thane's tone was full of concern. Shepard was about to tell him no, but then she smiled and nodded, pulling him out of the booth.

“Be careful, Shepard.” Garrus said from behind them as they followed the batarian up to Aria's private viewing box.

“Shepard. Always a pleasure to see you on O.. “ Aria's eyes widened slightly, and Shepard suddenly realised that she was still holding Thane's hand.

“Aria.” Thane said calmly, bowing his head slightly as she looked over him.

“Thane Krios. Isn't this a surprise.” Aria smirked, and Shepard suddenly felt very out of the loop. Thane had never mentioned to her that he knew Aria. She felt a twinge of panic in the pit of her stomach as she briefly considered that they may have been lovers.

“Do you two know each other?” Shepard asked, tightening her grip on Thane's hand.

“Thane has taken care of quite a number of problems for me over the years.” Aria smirked as she sat down on her couch, and motioned for them to join her.

“I never knew you worked for Aria.” Shepard raised her eyebrow at Thane.

“And I never knew you worked under Shepard, Krios. For Shepard, I mean.” Aria was trying to make Shepard uncomfortable, but she was going to have to do more than make innuendos to make Shepard blush.

“He's very good at his job.” Shepard purred as she stroked a hand down a very confused looking Thane's cheek.

“The last contract I did for Aria was two years ago. A krogan named Dax.” Thane's eyes shimmered for a moment, and he slipped into a memory.

“Swift kick to his oesophagus, he backs away gasping. I pull out my knife and quickly swipe it across his throat with as much force possible. He tries to yell, but only blood comes out. He falls to the floor and his comrades try to escape. None make it.” Thane's eyes darkened again, and Shepard raised her brows. He had only slipped into recounts around her a few times. Aria moaned.

“I wish I could've seen it. Dax was a pain in my ass. It would have been greatly satisfying to watch him bleed out.” Aria gazed at the dancer to her left wistfully. Thane seemed to be avoiding Shepard's direct gaze.

The sound of throbbing dance music filled the air for entirely too long, and Shepard shifted impatiently. Detecting her guest's fidgeting, Aria turned back to face Shepard and Thane. _What the hell is she playing at today_ , Shepard thought.

“Word on the street is you took down the collector base and told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself.” Aria grinned as she draped her arm over the back of the couch.

“Word gets around quick.” Shepard replied.

“There are a lot of people rooting for you, Shepard, more people take notice of you than you might think.” Aria's eyes were holding Shepard's in a way that she wasn't entirely fond of.

“And would you count yourself as one of those people?” Shepard asked, letting go of Thane's hand and leaning back against the couch, mimicking Aria's relaxed pose. The asari chuckled.

“If thinking that I care about you helps you sleep better at night, then sure.”

“Oh, I sleep perfectly fine at night.” Shepard tilted her left leg out slightly so that It brushed against Thane's, and then she smirked at the old asari. Shepard saw her eyes narrow ever so slightly before she was back to her cool exterior. Now Shepard understood what was going on. Aria was jealous.

Shepard stood up, and motioned with a nod of her head for Thane to join her, which he did quickly.

“I'd love to stay and chat with you, Aria, but I've got some serious celebrating to do.” Aria stayed seated, a sly smile pulling at her lips.

“Of course, Shepard. It was nice to see you again, Krios.” Thane bowed his head again, and Shepard nodded a goodbye. Just before they left Aria's sight, Shepard smacked Thane's ass, causing him to give her a perplexed glance. They made their way down the steps back to the main level, and Thane turned to look at her again.

“What was that for?” He asked.

“How many times did you turn her down?” Shepard glanced sideways at him, trying not to smirk. Thane stopped walking.

“You are a very perceptive woman, Shepard.” He said, smiling slightly. She shrugged and smiled, waiting for his answer.

“I have politely declined her invitations four times.” He admitted. Shepard doubled over and laughed. She was still laughing a minute later. Finally, she straightened.

“You're telling me you turned down Aria T'Loak four times and you're still standing here?”

“I told you, Shepard, I was very polite about it.” They stared at each other for a moment, and then they were both laughing, Shepard holding one hand on Thane's shoulder to steady herself as her laughter caused her to shake. It took Shepard a moment to realise that Thane had stopped laughing.

“What is it?” She asked when she saw the unreadable expression on his face.

“You're so beautiful, Shepard.” He said, stepping closer to her and sliding his hand around her waist.

“Oh, stop it.” Shepard feigned embarrassment.

“I won't stop. I'll tell you until the day that I die.” He wished he would drop dead then and there at the resulting expression on Shepard's face. She winced, then wriggled free from his grasp, and headed back to the table that now held only Zaeed.

****

“God dammit Shepard, will you shut the hell up for one minute?” Zaeed barked over the shoulder of the dancer that was writhing in his lap.

“I don't know what to do, Zaeed!” Shepard whined drunkenly over the shoulder of her own dancer.

Zaeed grabbed the dancers hips, and gently pulled her out of his lap and seated her on the couch next to him. She folded her arms and frowned at him, and he rolled his eyes and brought up his omni tool. The dancer's flashed a second later, and she smiled before settling back onto the couch beside him.

“Don't go anywhere, sweetheart.” He said to the dancer, and she nodded furiously at the gruff man's generous tip.

“I don't know what the hell you're asking me for, I haven't had a proper relationship in my entire life, let alone one with a terminally ill drell.”

Shepard gently placed her hand on her dancer's thigh, and smiled at her. The asari caught on to her meaning, and extricated herself from Shepard's lap. Shepard tipped her, and left to find another paying customer. The asari next to Zaeed cleared her throat.

“Oh bloody hell, go on then!” Zaeed waved his hand towards the dance floor, and she left to catch up with her friend.

“I'm sorry. I've ruined your shore leave.” Shepard slouched in the booth and reached out to swirl the straw around in her drink. Zaeed grunted.

“With those collector assholes gone and enough money to tip every dancer on this rock twice over, I think I can find a way to un-ruin it.” Zaeed tried to give her a reassuring smile. She gave him a weak smile back.

“Do you love him?” Zaeed asked, his voice rasping over the word 'love'. Shepard guessed he had never said it before.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Zaeed nodded, then took a sip from his own drink.

“I don't know what to say that will help, but I can see that the lizard loves you too. He's always looking at you.” Shepard snorted.

“He's a hard one to read, but I can tell he's in deep, Shepard. I know that look.” Zaeed frowned.

“Thinking about the one that got away?” Shepard lent forward and rested her elbows on the table and her chin in her palm. Zaeed looked towards the dance floor.

“Yeah.” He finally admitted.

“Lost her cause I didn't know how to talk to her. Like really fucking talk to her, about feelings and all that shit.” He said as he palmed his glass in between his hands. His good eye seemed to get as cloudy as the other one as he spoke.

“What happened to her?” Shepard asked as softly as she could, and still be heard over the music.

“Vido happened to her.” He said, looking back to her. Shepard leant forward, waiting for him to continue.

“Me and Vido were always in a pissing contest about one thing or another. Who could drink more, smoke more, fuck more, kill more. We were pretty damn evenly matched until Jessie came along.” Shepard was reminded of the useless looking rifle he always seemed to be cleaning when she visited him on the ship. She'd often wondered if he had named it after someone.

“She was gorgeous, Shepard. Everything I wanted in a woman. I wanted to ask her to marry me, but I couldn't. The words would never come out. Then she got sick of sticking around with a man that had the _'emotional depth of a vorcha'_ ”, he said, using his fingers as quotation marks, “so Vido saw the opportunity to one up me and the bastard moved in on her.” Shepard grimaced.

“Have you seen her since?” Shepard asked, hoping that there might still be hope for Zaeed and Jessie. He shook his head.

“Not long after that, Vido tried to kill me. I was fucked up after that for a couple of years. You think I'm an ugly son of a bitch now? You shoulda seen me before my face healed. Anyway, I got in contact with some old buddies who'd left the Suns and wanted to catch up, and they told me that she'd overdosed.” Shepard could hear his voice getting hoarser as he remembered.

“He did it. I know he did. He just used her and then once there was no one to dangle her in front of and say _'I fucking won'_ , he got rid of her.” Shepard felt a little teary herself. Her hands shook lightly, and she gripped her glass hard to stop it.

“I know I said thanks for letting me take down Vido, but I want you to know that just saying thanks doesn't feel like enough, Shepard. Twenty years I held that god-damn weight on my shoulders.” He shook his head and swished his whiskey around in his glass.

“How do you feel now?” Shepard asked. Zaeed let out a harsh laugh.

“Still like the big piece of shit I am, but I feel a hell of a lot lighter now.” They stared across the table at each other in silent understanding.

“Anyway”, he said, scratching at his stubble, “I think what I'm trying to say is, be thankful for the time that you've got together. Enjoy it. Just fucking cherish it, Shepard, you know?”

Shepard grinned at his attempt at advice, then leant out of the booth to wave over a passing dancer.

“I can't let a good man go without his dance.” Shepard grinned as the scantily clad human wandered over to their table.

****

Thane sat hunched over at the bar, staring pathetically at his drink, trying not to go up one level and drag Shepard away from whatever debauchery she would no doubt be engaged in with Zaeed. He decided to go back to the quiet comfort of the Normandy and wait for her return when a familiar voice stopped him.

“Trouble in paradise?” Aria took the stool next to him, and the unmarked turian bartender suddenly looked very stressed at the fact that the queen of Omega was seated in front of him.

“Nothing of the sort.” Thane replied. His patience for Aria had worn thin over the years, and now it was starting to tear.

“Too bad. You know my offer still stands.” Aria reached over to touch his arm, and he jerked away violently, surprising the normally infallible asari.

“How many more times do I need to decline for you to understand that I am not interested in anything more than a professional relationship? Not then, not now, not ever. I am with Shepard.” Thane snapped, and he felt an anger rising in him that he had done his best to conceal within him. Aria quickly got over her shock, and waved her hand at the bartender who passed her a full bottle of alcohol and a glass. She poured her own drink, then handed the bottle back to the anxious turian.

“The offer will always be there, regardless.” Aria said. Thane was glad that she left because he had had enough of her disrespect for Shepard. He growled and got up from the stool so quickly that he almost knocked it over. He made his way to the upper level, and scanned the level for Shepard. He found her at the side of the dance floor, wiggling her body to the music between Jacob and Miranda. Her eyes were closed and the strobe lights cast flattering lilac shadows over her skin, further defining her muscles and bones and curves as it did so. She tilted her head and her long hair fell across her face, her lips slightly parted as she raised her arms into the air. He felt his anger dissipate at the sight of her beautiful writhing body, instead replaced with primal desire. Jacob and Miranda gravitated towards each other, and Shepard was left dancing in her own little circle. Thane made his way over to her, and his hand gently gripped her waist. Her eyes opened in surprise, but softened once she saw it was him. She mouthed 'HEY', then draped her arms over his shoulders and held the back of his neck as she danced against him. He moved with her, his face against the top of her head, kissing her scalp as she pressed her body tighter to him. The fact that she no longer seemed to be upset only fuelled his desire further, and she looked up at him with a smirk as she felt him harden against her. She stood on her tip toes, motioning for him to move his head down so she could whisper into the ear canal hidden by his frills.

“We're not very good at talking about your illness.”

He turned his head to speak into her ear.

“No, we are not. We can talk about it later. Properly, this time. It's clear that a lot of things need to be discussed.” Shepard nodded.

“Later is good. After dinner.” She took a step back and began dancing again, but he grabbed her shoulders tightly and pulled her back to him, earning a gasp from her.

“I need you, Shepard.” He growled, and Shepard looked up at him through narrowed eyes. She leant forward so he could hear her again.

“And what makes you think that you deserve to have me?” She let her lips linger against his frills, and he knew exactly what she was trying to do. He'd be submissive, if that's what she wanted. He'd do anything for her; anything _to_ her.

“I don't deserve you. I just want to please you. Please, Shepard.” His voice was deep and it sent waves of electricity straight to her core.

“Are you sure you wouldn't rather have Aria?” She stepped back and studied his face. She still found him hard to read most of the time. She made a mental note to never play any sort of strategic game with him; especially poker. He finally let his brows crease and stepped forward towards her again, dipping his head to the crook of skin between her neck and shoulder.

“I don't want to fuck anybody but you, Shepard.” He growled. Hearing him swear was a very rare thing, and the desire in his tone convinced her of everything she needed to know. She grabbed his wrist, and quickly led him through the crowd towards the exit.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty much one long sex scene. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Shepard growled under her breath as a volus stopped in front of them, oblivious to the fact he had inadvertently stepped into the path of an impatient madwoman as he fiddled with his omni tool.

“For fuck's sake!” Shepard yelled in frustration, drawing the attention of numerous people that had gathered outside Afterlife in the hopes of gaining entry and startling the volus. Instead of heading back to the Normandy, Shepard pulled him towards the markets. He didn't question and didn't comment; he was letting her decide how the evening's events would play out. Her grip on his hand tightened, and he almost struggled to keep up with her pace as she stomped through the markets, screaming at a batarian hate preacher to _"fuck right off"_ as they passed. Thane knew he shouldn't find humour in her sexual frustration, but it was honestly funny seeing humans and aliens alike jump out of the path of the enraged petite human who was practically dragging a six foot drell behind her.

They seemed to walk through countless doorways and up and down numerous staircases until they pushed through one final door that lead onto a small access balcony that overlooked the Omega skyline. Thane was about to comment on how surprisingly nice Omega looked from their position when Shepard shoved him back against the door that she had closed and locked behind them. He fell against the metal door with a soft thud, his eyes wide as he looked at her.

“Did I hurt you?” She asked flatly, her eyes dark and fierce. He could feel himself getting hard as she stared at him. He'd seen Predator Shepard in battle and when she had to threaten to get her way, but he'd never seen her renegade side in the bedroom. Or hundred foot high balcony, as it was.

“No.” Thane replied. It had hurt a little, but it wasn't the kind of hurt that made him want to stop. It thrilled him to see her like this, so fierce and demanding. Shepard stepped towards him again, frowning as she stripped him of his jacket, then his shirt, then his pants, shoes, and underwear. He stood naked in front of her, and she regarded him with an unreadable expression. The enigma of what her plans were for him had excited him more than he had realised; he was fully hard and he could feel heat rushing between his legs and swelling around his neck. Her eyes moved over his body slowly, and he stood as still as a statue. After what felt like an eternity, her kohl rimmed eyes met his and she spoke as she slowly moved closer to him. He felt his heart beat faster at the thought of her inevitable touch.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” She leant forward to whisper against his neck, her long hair falling across his shoulder and causing him to shiver slightly. He could feel her hot breath against his skin, and he so desperately wanted to feel his skin between her teeth.

“I think about fucking you all the time.” She said, as her lips hovered against his neck.

“As do I, Shepard. It is extremely hard not to slip into memories of you in the presence of others.” A sky car flew past at breakneck speed. Neither of them flinched.

“You're not the only one that can remember everything in vivid detail.” She dragged her two front teeth down his neck, and he closed his eyes.

“I remember every ridge of your skin.” Fingers reached up to trace across the ridges on the top of his head.

“Every single frill.” Hot breath blew over the frill on his cheek, a tongue darted out quickly to lick the length of it.

“Every change of texture, every muscle.” Fingers tracing again, this time over the soft skin under the frill and then down to his chest, stopping at his abdomen.

“Every single spot that makes you growl.” Her hand was off him, then it was tightly wrapped around his cock, and growl he did. Shepard chuckled almost evilly as she slowly moved her fingertips over the ridges on his erection. Thane kept his eyes shut; if he saw that look in her eyes while she was touching him, he doubted he would be able to stay in control.

“What's wrong? You don't want to look at me? Thinking about Aria instead?” Shepard's hand stopped moving, and he slowly opened his eyes. He knew there was no malice or jealousy in that; she wanted to get a reaction. He met her eyes, and she resumed her slow strokes. He said nothing.

“Lost your voice?” She said in a mock sympathetic tone. She leant forward and licked from his shoulder to his jaw.

“I'll help you find it again.” She whispered, and then one hand was on his chest, holding him against the cold metal door as the other wrapped around his cock fully, and she moved her hand around him quickly. He let out a groan.

“Shepard.” There was a trill at the end of her name, and she pushed him harder against the door.

“I'm going to give you some new things to remember.” She stopped suddenly, stepping back from him, stopping a few centimetres away from the guard rail. She kept her eyes on his, daring him to look as she unbuttoned her shirt and pants, undid her boots, then shed them along with her underwear. The red and orange lights lit a halo around her, and her pale skin was tinted red. Mixed with her tousled hair and dark eye make-up, she looked like a goddess of fire. Thane stepped forward, wanting to remind her that he also remembered exactly how to touch her, when she held a hand up to stop him in his tracks.

****

Shepard wasn't sure why she had chosen a balcony of all places. She hadn't explored Omega all that much, and this was the only place she had mapped as unfrequented. She'd run into it when she'd been chasing a red sand dealer a few months back, and thought it would be a nice place for sightseeing.

The lighting around them made Thane's skin glow, and she was having a hard time keeping up the dominant role; her whole body wanting to feel him against her and have him wrap his hand around her throat and sink his teeth into her skin. His intense focus on her body was pleasing, and she liked that she had his full attention. She kept her hand in the air as she turned to stand against the thick guard rail that sat at the height of her ribs. She briefly glanced down, and her brain screamed no while her body screamed yes at the idea that formed in her head. She'd done crazier things.

“Come here.” She said without turning around, and Thane was at her back before she had finished speaking.

“Don't!” She said as she saw him reach for her hips in her peripheral vision. His arms snapped back to his sides, and Shepard turned around slowly. She backed up against the guard rail, and slowly slid her butt up until she was sitting on top of it. Thane's eyes narrowed slightly in concern, but he said nothing, only watching as she gripped the rail on either side of her to steady herself as she slowly opened her legs, exposing her wet centre to him. He made a noise that resembled a growl but might have been a strangled word as he stood still, watching and waiting for her beckon.

“Come here.” She said, low and husky, and he moved in between her legs, taking her face in her hands as their lips finally crashed together. She felt the vibrations from a rumble deep in his chest as she reached between them to guide him inside of her, only needing to place his tip at her entrance before he took over, thrusting himself inside her welcoming wet sex all the way to the base of his cock, his hands moving to hold her steady as he fucked her on the edge of the balcony. He felt dizzy with need and her harsh moans were going to undo him sooner than he wanted to be finished. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, mumbling his name and biting the sensitive skin on his neck as he looked over her shoulder, taking in the two perfect views in front of him. She was perfect. They were perfect together.

Another sky car sped past, and Shepard threw her head back, laughing heartily as she imagined the faces of the people in it if they had noticed the human being fucked senseless by a drell on the balcony.

“Put me down.” Shepard said suddenly, and Thane complied immediately, moving his hands from her back to lift under her butt and gently place her back down on the metal balcony floor. She gave him a wicked smile before turning and bending over the balcony, spreading her legs to give him a detailed view of her naked body. She glanced over her shoulder, still smirking.

“Do I really need to ask?” She said, arching her back further, and her head disappeared over the side of the balcony. He gripped her hips tightly and slammed himself into her again, her moans echoing against the metal front of the guard rail. He glanced down to watch himself entering and pulling out, breathing heavily at the sight of how well she coated him with her wetness.  
He moved one hand from her hip and over her lower back, dipping lower to grab at her firm ass, and when he accidentally brushed a finger against the hole they'd never explored together, her resulting moan was so loud that he was sure someone was going to come up there and catch them in their naked glory.

“Do that again.” Shepard glanced back at him, and he gripped her ass again.

“No, the other thing.” She said, and he smiled as he thrust into her again, drawing soft circles over her puckered hole, earning unintelligible sentences from Shepard. She had let her body go limp over the guard rail, and even though the rail was bruising her ribs further with every thrust, she was so, so close. Every time he touched her it felt like her skin was on fire and she wanted to _burn._

Yet another sky car went past and this one must have seen them, because it slowed slightly and tooted, causing Shepard to giggle half way through a moan.

“You're amazing, Shepard.” Thane said breathlessly, still thrusting into her and moving his unfused finger over her second hole. She didn't reply, only pressed her body back against his thrusts, and he was so close that he was going to have to slow down if he wanted to make Shepard finish first.

“What are you doing?” Shepard asked, frowning as Thane pulled out of her and pulled her back from the guard rail. He kneeled on the floor of the small balcony and motioned for her to join him. She gave him a brief look of doubt, then lay down on her back in front of him.

“Turn around again.” Thane said, and Shepard chuckled as she did so. She had wondered how long it was going to take him to take the lead. She got on her hands and knees, and raised her ass in the air. She pressed the side of her face against the floor, steadying herself as she reached back and spread herself open. She was aching to feel him fill her again. She knew he was watching her, and she slid one hand over her wet folds, coating her fingers thoroughly before teasing at her clitoris. She jumped slightly as she felt Thane's fingers tease at her entrance, then suddenly she was filled and she whined. She loved it when he slid his fused fingers inside of her. He slid them in and out a few times, then slid them out again. She was about to protest when his tongue replaced them, and she swore, her nails raking against the metal floor as he slid the strong muscle inside of her. He was as good with his mouth as he was with his hands, and Shepard couldn't stay quiet. She could feel her orgasm approaching and her belly ached with the need to come. Thane removed his tongue, then ran it slowly over her soft folds, then further up. She stilled for a moment, closing her eyes and enjoying the new feeling of his tongue running over her virgin hole.

“Is this ok Shep.. “

“Yes!” Shepard screamed, and he returned his tongue to her, the gentle pressure applied to the sensitive hole combined with her fingers rubbing her clitoris finally bringing her climax on. Thane must have known she was close, because he slid his fingers back inside of her and in a few fast thrusts, the stimulation of all of her brought her to the most intense orgasm she had ever had. She screamed, truly screamed, and her legs went weak and she slumped, her hand falling away from in between her legs and back to rest on the hard floor next to her face. Thane wasted no time; his cock was inside her before her orgasm had truly finished, and she moaned softly as he moved slowly, taking her more gently than he ever had before.

“Fuck me like you mean it, Thane.” She said, and one hand was gripping her hip and the other raking down her back as he picked up his pace. He moved his hand from her back to her stomach and angled her a little higher, and he hit that sweet spot inside of her that made her come undone again. Her inner walls convulsing around him finally tipped him over the edge, and he growled as he slammed into her a final time, closing his eyes and seeing stars as he finally found his release. He slumped over her and they lay like that for a few minutes, until their panting had returned to normal breaths and they were sure their legs would support them.

“I love you.” Thane whispered as he planted gentle kisses across her shoulder blades.

“I love you too. Always.” Shepard whispered back, and he rolled off of her onto the floor next to her, and they both lay on their backs staring at the darkening sky above them. They turned their heads to face each other, and Shepard made sure she committed every little detail of his skin to memory. One day he wasn't going to be there any more; his warm flesh against her and his stunning eyes set upon her, and memory would be all that she'd have left of him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this far. I hope you're enjoying it! I think this is going to have a few more chapters and then it will be wrapped up.

They had lay on the balcony for at least another hour, and by then, Shepard's omni tool was beeping out of control as she had ignored it's alerts for at least two hours. She sat up, sighing as she accepted an incoming comm link.

“Shepard, where are you? Are you alright?” Garrus' slurred yet worried voice asked. She could hear the faint laughter of Tali and what sounded like Chakwas' voice in the background.

“I'm fine, Garrus. Thane and I have just been exploring Omega.” She turned back to Thane who was laying on his side, propped on his elbow as he watched her. She winked at him, and he smiled lazily.

“Right. _Exploring_.” Garrus said, entirely unconvinced.

“Where are you now?” Shepard asked, rocking forward onto her knees to gather her clothes. She was very aware of the view that Thane would have gotten.

“I'll send you the map point.” Her omni tool beeped again.

“Got it. See you soon!” Shepard scooped her clothes into her arms and turned back to face Thane. She raised an eyebrow. She knew exactly what that look meant.

****

They strolled hand in hand to the restaurant that Garrus had sent the coordinates for, and Shepard giggled as Thane pulled her into his side and nipped playfully at her neck. She playfully stepped away from him, grinning as she tried to smooth down her messed up hair, ultimately deciding it was a lost cause and giving up.  
They stopped outside the tinted doors to the restaurant, both checking to make sure their clothes were zipped and buttoned in all of the right places, before Thane reached forward to open the door. Before he could grasp it, it swung open and he was nearly bowled over by a stumbling Garrus and Tali.

“Where did you go exploring? Omega's outer atmosphere?” Garrus asked, his mandibles subtly flicking as he teased the dishevelled looking Shepard in front of him.

“Where are you going?” Shepard asked, as Chakwas and Kasumi popped their heads either side of Tali's shoulder.

“We couldn't wait any longer, so we ate. Sorry Shep.” Kasumi said, her cheeks looking a little more flushed than usual.

“Oh.” Shepard said, only slightly disappointed that round two with Thane on the balcony had caused them to miss dinner entirely.

“What's going on? Let's get moving!” Grunt yelled from behind them before he pushed himself between Tali and Garrus, causing them to stumble to the side and Tali to knock her helmet against Kasumi, who then head-butted the side of Chakwas' head.

“Shepard!” He yelled, then was sauntering drunkenly back to the Normandy.

“Is he technically of drinking age?” Thane asked, holding back a grin as the intoxicated krogan tripped over a vorcha. Shepard grinned at him as Grunt roared at the vorcha, who scurried away quickly.

“We'll see you back on the Normandy, Shepard!” Shepard didn't get another word in before her friends were past her, chattering happily away as they left.

“We could still have dinner, if you like.” Thane hovered his hand over the door handle, waiting for her answer.

“I'd love to.” She said, nodding at him as he let her go in first. She looked around in disbelief as Thane shut the door behind them. It was a hundred steps up from any of the places she'd ever visited on Omega. It was clean, classy and soft minimal electronic music played from the speakers throughout the restaurant. The furnishings were black and modern, and a huge wooden panel ran along the back wall behind the well stocked bar. There were lit candles placed on every table, and the lighting was dim and soothing.

“Table for two, ma'am?” A tall blonde waitress asked as she smiled at them warmly.

“Yes please.” Shepard said, and Thane followed her as she was led by the waitress to a table near the back of the room.

“I'll be back to take your order soon.” The pretty waitress smiled again, and Shepard nodded her thanks.

“How did they not get kicked out of here?” Shepard said as her eyes scanned over the dining area.

“Well, er.” Thane said as he glanced around. He pointed towards a flustered looking batarian that was trying to turn a large chair the right way up. They both snorted.

The waitress returned a few minutes later and took their food and drink orders. Shepard groaned in appreciation as she sipped the fruit cocktail she had ordered.

“I know something is good when you make that noise.” Thane said, and Shepard almost choked as she swallowed.

“Don't get me going again, Thane.” Shepard said as she held a fist to her chest, trying not to cough. Thane smiled and took a delicate sip of his own drink. There was a comfortable silence as they both took in the calm surroundings, pleased with the fact that not only were the restaurant's windows tinted, but they also seemed to block out all of the noise from the foot traffic outside. Thane felt Shepard's foot gently stroking his leg, and he turned back to face her.

“I'm so happy you're here.” She said, her tone and eyes filled with warmth as she spoke. Thane reached across the table to hold her hands, and he squeezed them in his tightly.

“The same goes for you, siha. You've made me the happiest man in the galaxy.” Shepard blushed slightly.

“Oh, I don't know, Zaeed was pretty happy when he realised how many lap dances fifty thousand credits could buy him.” She chuckled, but Thane kept his eyes on hers.

“I know, I know. 'Take the compliment, Shepard.'” She said, deepening her voice to imitate Thane's drawl.

“How did you get so funny, Shepard?” Thane asked, smiling and shaking his head.

“It's a talent.” She said, shrugging and feigning arrogance. They both chuckled.

“You still haven't told me what siha means.” She asked. He closed his eyes. They stayed with their hands locked together across the table as she waited for him to speak. His eyes opened slowly, then he spoke.

“A siha is one of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector. You embody everything about their fiery spirit. I am constantly in awe of you, Shepard. Few are privileged enough to meet one in a lifetime. Even less to have one by their side, returning their feelings.” His thumbs brushed over the back of her palms and she was left speechless. When she finally opened her mouth the speak, the waitress appeared with their meals and they broke apart so she could place the bowls onto the table.

“Thank you.” Thane said, and the waitress nodded her head at both of them. Shepard picked up her fork to start on her salad, but Thane ignored his food, focusing on her and waiting for a reply.

“That's... that was a really big compliment, Thane. I don't know what to say.” Shepard suddenly felt very anxious, and when she stabbed her fork into a piece of lettuce, her hand shook and she missed, screeching her utensil noisily across the bottom of the plate, earning glares from the other patrons. Thane frowned.

“Have I upset you?” He asked gently, his dark eyes widening in concern.

“Yes. No. No, you haven't. I just.. “ Shepard looked up at him, and he could see the tears welling in her eyes.

“This isn't fair.” Shepard said with a shaky voice. She jabbed at her lettuce again, and this time succeeded in impaling it on her fork. She shoved it into her mouth and chewed viciously.

“What isn't fair?” Thane asked, confused. She finished her mouthful, then dropped her fork onto her plate. She dabbed at her eyes with the serviette next to her, then scrunched it onto a ball in her fist.

“I meet the man I want to be with forever, and his forever is going to probably be infinitely shorter than mine.” It took all of her strength not to let the tears spill onto her cheeks as she spoke. Thane's frown deepened, and he reached out for her hands again.  
She avoided looking at him, instead letting her eyes wander over the minimalist artwork that was hung on the wall next to their table.

“It hurts me too, Shepard. I should have.. I should have not pursued you.” Thane regretted his choice of words instantly, and before he could reword his sentence Shepard jerked her hands out of his, a rogue tear escaping down her cheek.

“I didn't mean that how it sounded. I didn't mean it at all.” He reassured as he could see her holding her breath, trying not to let the sobs shake her shoulders.

“I don't regret anything we have been to each other, Shepard. I only meant that it was selfish of me, in a way. I don't... I don't like to think about how my death is going to impact you. It hurts too much. I cannot stand it.” His hands were still across the table, and he hoped that she would reach out for him. She didn't; her hands and gaze was focused in her lap and away from him.

“It makes me furious because there's nothing I can do about it. My body is weak. Even if I were to be put on the list for a transplant, my body wouldn't be able to handle the strain of surgery. I'd rather live out what time I have left alert and assertive with you than drugged and confused in a hospital bed.”

“Does it hurt?” She asked, not lifting her head. He was silent for a moment.

“Yes. My body aches. When we make love, I have to focus on my breathing or else I will faint.” He could see her frown through the hair that formed a curtain around her face.

“Why don't you ever tell me to stop? I don't want you to do anything that hurts you, Thane.” Shepard said in a small voice.

“Being with you doesn't hurt me, Shepard. It is the only time when I feel truly alive. And truly happy.” Shepard raised her head slightly, but still didn't look at him. She sighed.

“We can talk about this for hours, but there's no happy conclusion.” Her voice was flat.

“I can't imagine my future without you in it.” She looked up to him, and his stomach turned into knots as he saw the tears falling from her eyes. Suddenly, he was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been before in his life, even angrier than he'd been at Aria earlier. How dare the spirits bring her to him, and then take him away? Was it karma for all of the things that he had done? He had left a trial of bodies that was almost counted into the five digit range since he had started killing for a living. That had to be it. It was his punishment. Why was it then, that she was being punished too?

“I can leave you alone for the moment, if you would prefer.” He knew how much she hated when she cried. She frowned at him.

“I don't want you to ever leave!” She said a little too loudly, and the other patrons were glaring again.

“I just don't know how to deal with the feelings about this. I can't... “ She shook her head. Was she breaking up with him? He briefly thought that it was better that way; her memories would be of good times and not of him dying beside her. He nodded, and went to stand up.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice hoarse as she regarded him through narrowed bloodshot eyes.

“I understand, Shepard. I will collect my things from the Normandy and catch a shuttle from here to the Citadel.”

“What?” She asked in pure disbelief. Was he breaking up with her?

“You're breaking up with me, are you not?” He said as quietly as he could, desperate to avoid making the other patrons take interest in their situation. Her face contorted in pure horror.

“What? No! No! No Thane! Not at all! I would _never_... “ She put her hand over her mouth and shook her head.

“You said 'I can't'... “

“I was going to say that I can't talk about it any more. This isn't an issue that can even be resolved with talking. I just can't think about losing you. I'll be with you until the end, whether it's three days, three weeks or three years from now. I promise.” Her hands were reaching across the table for his, and when he sat back down and found her hands again she held them tightly in her sweaty palms.

“I feel like a horrible person for what I'm about to say, but... I need to pretend that you're not sick.” He wanted her to pretend he wasn't sick. He wanted her to be happy and not feel her chest tightening with anxiety every time she looked at him. He wanted her to be alive.

“That is fine by me, Shepard. It is not a horrible thing to say. I would also prefer if we didn't acknowledge it.” He squeezed her hands back. She sniffed, then tried to smile.

“Please, don't weep for me. We will meet again across the sea one day when we are both no longer of this galaxy. I will wait for you, siha. I'll always be waiting.” She frowned again, trying to somehow force the tears back into her eyes. When Cerberus had brought her back, she had never been so happy to be alive again. Now, the thought of dying again was darkly appealing.

“Let's go back to the Normandy. I'm not that hungry any more.” She waved over the waitress and paid, and they left in silence; unsaid words lingering in the air around Shepard, weighing so heavily on her shoulders she thought they might crush her.


	25. Chapter 25

“Aria?”

“What now?” Aria snapped as she tore her gaze away from the dancer next to her couch.

“You said to inform you of any surveillance that featured Commander Shepard or Thane Krios. We found footage of.. ah.. both.” The nervous batarian held out the data pad towards Aria, and she snatched it away from him.

“Leave.” She said, and the guard scurried out of the viewing room. She settled back onto the couch, and pressed play on the data pad. Her eyes widened just for a second, and then she resumed her usual scowl.

“My my. I had no idea you were so kinky, Shepard.” She mumbled to herself as she watched the surveillance feed of the two lovers on a balcony. It was shot from far away (Aria guessed a building opposite to their position) and lost some of the detail when she pressed her finger against the screen to zoom in, but there was adequate detail that she didn't need to use her information.

They disappeared from view, and Aria closed the video. Her finger hovered over the delete pad, but she tossed it onto the table in front of her and beckoned the dancer next to her closer instead.

****

The rest of the Normandy crew's shore leave finished without any dramas, and Shepard asked Joker to plot a course for the Citadel. Tali had insisted that even though her, Daniels and Donnelly had scoured every inch of Omega for a part they needed, they couldn't find one and would have to try the Citadel. Thane had also arranged for Kolyat to meet them for dinner at Apollo's when they docked. Shepard checked her omni tool. There was only an hour until they reached the Citadel, and she was still standing around in a towel with wet hair and no idea what to wear.

“Shepard, anything you decide on will be fine.” Thane reassured her, as he briefly looked up from his book.

“What if he's still angry about me punching him in the face? I've got to get dressed up so that he's so dazzled by my appearance that he forgets all about it.” Shepard grinned as she threw a bra and pair of underwear behind her onto the bed. Thane's eyes widened slightly as he saw that it was the set he had brought for her.

“You don't need to worry about him, siha. He realised long ago that what you did saved him.”

“Here it is!” Shepard exclaimed to herself as she held the dress that Kasumi had brought for her in front of her. She turned to Thane, who was still waiting for her to acknowledge his comment. She sighed.

“I hope you're right. I would like to get to know him with as little physical violence involved as possible.” Shepard gave him a small smile as she pulled off her towel and started drying her hair with it as she walked back up to the bathroom. She put a little extra swing into her hips when she felt his eyes still watching her.

****

“Shepard!” Thane said in exasperation.

“Just stop walking so fast! I can't keep up in these shoes!” Shepard clung to his arm for dear life as she tried to navigate herself down the Presidium stairs.

“Why didn't you just wear flat shoes? We're going to be late at this pace.” Thane frowned as she wobbled against his arm.

“I told you, because I wanted to look dazzling!” She smiled at him before tripping on the last step and yelling a curse that made a nearby turian flick his mandibles in shock.

“You do look dazzling, but I'd prefer you without a broken ankle.”

“Shh.” Shepard said, glaring, but not quite managing to wipe the smile off her lips.

“You're a maniac, Shepard.” Thane smiled at her, and she poked her tongue out at him. The night cycle on the Citadel had completely kicked in, and soft lamps placed around the Presidium railing gave everything a warm glow. As they got closer to Apollo's, soft music and the chatter of the other patrons reached them.

“Can you see him?” Shepard asked, a little more nerves present in her tone than intended. Thane craned his head around the asari and turian couple in the line in front of them to scan the tables.

“Yes, he's here.” Shepard squeezed his hand, and they moved forward in the line to be greeted by the human waiter.

“Reservation for Krios, please.” Thane said, and the waiter nodded and waved towards their table. Kolyat looked up, nodding slightly as he spotted his father and Shepard.

“I think I'm going to throw up.” Shepard whispered as they slowly made their way over to the table.

“You're telling me you can infiltrate and destroy a collector base, but a family dinner is too much?”

“Yes!” Shepard hissed back as they reached the table. Kolyat stood, and extended his hand to Shepard.

“Shepard.” He said, and Shepard stuck out her hand to give him a firm hand shake. He gave her a small smile that was an exact replica of Thane's. She almost laughed.

“Kolyat. Lovely to see you again.”

“You too. I am glad it's under better circumstances this time.”

“As am I.” Thane said, and the two men hugged briefly. Kolyat sat down, and Thane stood behind Shepard's chair and motioned with his hand for her to sit. She almost blushed as she sat down and he slid her chair forward slightly. He took the seat next to her, and his hand found hers under the table. She idly flipped through the menu in front of her with her free hand.

“How have things been?” Thane asked, and Shepard was thankful that she didn't have to be the one to break the silence.

“They've been great, actually. Bailey has started paying me for my work, and yesterday I signed a lease for a small apartment near C-Sec.”

“That's excellent, Kolyat.” Shepard looked up to see father and son beaming with pride.

“I wanted to thank you, Shepard. Without you and my father, I'd be in a very different position right now.” Kolyat's eyes had the same intensity as Thane's, and she briefly felt very self conscious.

“No problem. I'm just glad Bailey's a good man and made good on his promise.” Shepard had always liked Bailey; the officer reminded her of a human version of Garrus. She made a mental note to send him a small gift before they left the Citadel again.

“As am I.” Thane nodded and gave Shepard's hand another squeeze.

“Are you ready to order?” A hoarse voiced asari stood next to their table, both hands on her hip as she studied the trio. Kolyat placed his order as Thane and Shepard quickly decided on their own meal, as well as drinks.

“So, I take it that you and Shepard came here together?” Kolyat asked when the waitress left.

“Yes, the Normandy docked a couple of hours ago and we came straight here.” Thane said. Kolyat gave them a lopsided smile before speaking again.

“No, I mean., you came here together? As a couple?” Kolyat pointed to Thane and then Shepard, who looked at Thane, hoping he would be the one to do all of the talking. Thane smiled, then dropped his gaze to his lap.

“Yes. Shepard and I have been seeing each other for a while.” Kolyat leant back in his chair and folded his arms, but in a thoughtful manner rather than a defiant one. The waitress returned, silently placing their drinks on the table in front of them. Kolyat's eyes were still locked onto Shepard's, and she met them with equal intensity.

“I thought as much.” Kolyat shrugged and took a sip of his beer. Shepard heard Thane exhale the breath that he had seemed to be holding that entire time. Kolyat put his drink back down onto the table, and laughed at the expressions of relief across from him.

“You're alright with this?” Thane asked.

“Of course I am.” Kolyat smiled. Shepard suddenly didn't feel so shaky or nervous any more.

“Oh thank god.” Shepard said, taking a sip of her own drink. She pursed her lips at the sour wine. Why did she keep ordering that damn drink everywhere she went?

“I'm a little confused about something, though.” Kolyat said.

“Oh?” Shepard raised an eyebrow. She was hoping that this wasn't going to be a repeat of Joker's “How does sex between a drell and human” question.

“How did you land the great Commander Shepard?” Kolyat grinned, and Thane chuckled.

“I don't know the answer to that. You'll have to ask her.” Thane gave her a warm smile and stroked the back of her hand.

“Great? Pfft.”Shepard said as she felt a light blush form on her cheeks.

Have Fornax tried to get you to do an interview yet? There was an interview with a drell and an asari in the last one. Uh, apparently. So I've been told. I mean, not that I've read it.”

“Kolyat!” Thane spluttered, and then everyone was laughing.

****

They spent another hour and a half joking and laughing with Kolyat before he got a call from Bailey and needed to leave. Kolyat had given Thane another hug, and then pulled a surprised Shepard into one too. When he left, Thane seemed brighter than he had been in a while.

“Well, I think that went well.” Shepard said as they walked along the side of the Presidium lake.

“It went extremely well. Although, I am a little concerned about the Fornax reading.” He grinned at Shepard and she threw her head back in laughter.

“Like you can talk, you're living a Fornax story, you sexual deviant.” Shepard poked her elbow into his side and he laughed. They strolled along slowly, but not as slow as before dinner; Shepard had worked out a way to walk that minimised her need to rely on Thane holding her up.

They stopped in the middle of a bridge that stretched across the lake, and watched the intricate patterns of water that the various fountains around them expelled. The soft lighting around them made the water look like smooth, dark velvet.

Thane slid an arm around Shepard's waist, and she leant her head against his shoulder. Shepard tilted her head up and Thane met her lips, pressing against hers softly until she turned around and pressed her front against his. They kissed in the fake moonlight for a while, enjoying the peaceful scene that surrounded them. Their lips eventually broke apart, and Thane held her waist whilst Shepard gently stroked the back of his neck.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, Shepard. You have no match In anything you do.”

“I'm sure that _anyone_ would be better at walking in hee.. “ Thane silenced her protest by kissing her again, and he felt her lips turn up into a smile against his.

“Commander Shepard?” A woman's voice shrieked to their side, and they broke apart, frowning as they looked for the voice's body.

“Commander Shepard!” It yelled again, and Shepard straightened against him, gripping the sides of his coat as she did so.

“Run!” Shepard hissed at Thane, and they took off in the opposite direction of the very confused looking woman. Thane kept a grip on Shepard's hand, concerned that if she hadn't broken her ankle walking in those heels, she was definitely going to break it running. She pulled him into a dark doorway, clutching at his shoulders as she pulled him towards her. They stayed silent for a moment, and once Shepard was sure that the woman hadn't followed them, she started laughing.

“Who was that, Shepard?” Thane asked, watching as Shepard took a step back and continued laughing until she was bent over and almost out of breath.

“It was Khalisa Al-Jilani.” Shepard said breathlessly as she held a hand over her side.

“You know, the reporter! The one that did that segment on me and made me sound like an idiot.” Shepard was still grinning. Thane remembered watching that piece on a vid screen over a bar. He tried to pull himself out of the memory, but it took over quickly.

“I watch the vid screen, it shows a blurry vid of a reporter being punched in the face quickly by a woman that the caption tells me is Commander Shepard, I am intrigued, I search the extra net for more information on Commander Shepard.”

Shepard's eyes widened as she looked at Thane. He frowned. Even in the dim lighting of the closed shop's doorway, he could see her surprise. Of all the memories he could have recounted, why did it have to be the one that made him look like a stalker?

“So the Dantius towers wasn't the first time you saw me, huh?” Shepard finally said.

“No. It wasn't. You were all over the news for a long time.” Thane said quietly. She nodded her head slowly.

“I see.” Shepard had never watched much television or listened to the news. She was always too busy.

“When I searched the extra net for you, all that came up were stories about you hunt for Saren and lots of pictures of during and after Saren and the geth's assault on the Citadel. The only picture of you without your helmet on was a picture from after Saren's assault on the Citadel. You looked very different. I didn't recognise you at first in the Towers.” Shepard was still frowning.

“Yeah, I looked different back then. My hair was a lot shorter and.. ” She paused and leant against the window behind her.

“You had a lot of scars.”

“Yeah, I did. You think there were a lot on my face? You should've seen how many I had on my body. Getting rid of them is one of the only things I will thank Cerberus for.” Shepard said as she turned her head to face him.

“You didn't have pride in them?” Thane knew that Grunt, Jack, Zaeed and Garrus took pride in their battle scars, but it seemed Shepard thought differently.

“They were just reminders of things I wanted to forget.” Shepard gave him a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He had learnt to give Shepard that option; if she did want to talk about something, he would listen, and if she didn't, he would change the topic. She had always extended him that courtesy too. Shepard shrugged.

“Some of it was from back on Earth when I lived on the streets, and the rest of it was from either my N training or the eight months I spent trying to bring down Saren. My face was a mess.” She let out a short laugh.

“I'm glad I've only got a few now.” Shepard touched her finger over the light scar that cut into her right eyebrow, and then down to the equally as faint one that ran across her jawline. Her free hand held the spot over her stomach, pressing against the scar that showed where Garrus had had to hold that wound together with his sharp talons.

“I have never noticed any scars on you.” Shepard said, and she turned to face him. She took a step forward and pressed herself against him, her fingers drawing lazy circles on his exposed chest.

“My skin does not allow itself to scar. I heal quickly. I can assure you that if I could scar, I would be more of a mess than you could have ever been.” His arms reached around her to stroke her lower back. She smiled as she looked up at him.

“I was a little scared that you were going to do a Conrad Verner on me just then.”

“Who?”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are the calm before the storm that is the Arrival DLC. Thank you so much for reading and for the kudos, comments and bookmarks.

“You head up to the loft, I need to speak to Joker.” Thane leant forward to give her a quick peck on the lips, then he turned and made his way to the elevator. Shepard watched him from the bridge for a moment, admiring how elegant and graceful his movements always seemed to be.

“Quit staring at his ass!” Joker yelled from behind her. She made a mental note to sabotage the security camera over the bridge later.

“Joker, I want you to set a course for Kahje.” Joker snapped his head around to look at Shepard in a move that Shepard was sure he was going to pay for in the following days.

“What?” He said, his eyes wide in surprise.

“You know, the hanar and drell ho..”

“I know what Kahje is, Shepard. It's just going to be difficult to find a place to dock the Normandy. They've got ports there but none of them are big enough to be able to take our girl. We can't land it on the ground, either. Most of the planet is water.” Shepard frowned, feeling a little deflated as her plans for a surprise for Thane were slowly deteriorating.

“Shepard, I have found a fuel station just above Kahje's atmosphere that has the required space available for us to dock. You could take the shuttle down to the city.” EDI's blue form shimmered next to them.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at Joker, and he rolled his eyes and turned back to his console.

“ETA, eight and a half hours.”

****

“A surprise?” Thane asked. Shepard grinned.

“What is it?” He asked again, and Shepard shook her head.

“You'll just have to wait and see.” Shepard shrugged nonchalantly and started tidying her desk. She had abandoned cleaning duties for the better part of two weeks, and she was beginning to feel agitated by the mess.

“Please, Shepard.” Thane pleaded. Shepard giggled.

“It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you where we're going.” She said as she opened her desk drawer and neatly organised the data pads and paper work into it. Thane folded his arms, frowning as he stared at Shepard.

“What are you trying to do? Intimidate me into submission?” Shepard straightened and faced him, mirroring his posture by folding her arms tight against her breasts. She wobbled slightly; she still hadn't taken off her heels.

“I don't need to do any intimidating to get you to submit, Shepard.” Thane's voice was low and she felt it's vibration shoot straight into her abdomen. She straightened. She wasn't going to let him throw her off that easily, no matter how much she wanted him to.

“You.. you.. no! I'm not telling you.” Shepard tilted her chin up in a show of defiance, then went back to her desk. How did so much clothing end up over her terminal? She started folding them, fully aware that Thane was still watching her from in front of the fish tank. He finally gave up, and made his way down the stairs to flop down onto the couch in utter defeat.

“Shepard one, Thane zero!” She exclaimed.

****

“Shepard, one hour until we reach the fuel station.”

“Thank you, EDI.” Shepard said from under the shower. Her nervousness at Thane's reaction had caused her to become sweaty and flustered and she wanted to shower before they took the shuttle down.

“You're taking me to a fuel station?” Thane asked from next to her.

“Yes, Thane. Surprise! I know how much you love fuel stations.” Shepard grinned as she closed her eyes and washed her body under the stream of water.

“I feel like you're being sarcastic.” Thane mumbled as he stood in front of her, gripping her hips and pulling her against him.

“You're getting better.” Shepard smiled and put her soapy hands against his chest.

“Where are we going, siha?” He asked impatiently as he held her stare.

“And the ever patient Thane Krios finally comes undone! Shepard two, Thane zero.” He blinked slowly, then shook his head and stepped out from under the shower, drying himself as Shepard watched.

“Should I be worried?” Thane asked, suddenly concerned.

“About where we're going? No. At least I don't think so.” Shepard said. She narrowed her eyes in thought. She had been so caught up in the thought that it would be nice to take Thane to Kahje that she hadn't thought about his actual reaction. What if he didn't want to go there? She felt slightly nauseous as she began to worry. Sensing Shepard's concern, Thane extended his arm to Shepard and lightly ran his fingers over her wet arm.

“I'm sure whatever it is, I will love it.” He smiled, and then he left her alone in the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“EDI, have you made a reservation?” Shepard whispered. She knew EDI could hear her.

“Yes, I found a hotel in the middle of the city that will be more than suitable for you and Thane.” The AI's voice seemed to come through the wall under the shower head. Shepard peered at the tiles, but was unable to see a speaker of any sort.

“Thanks, EDI. Wish you could come down there with us.” Shepard said as she turned off the water and dried herself.

“As do I, Shepard. I have read on the extra-net that Kahje's domes are considered to be quite beautiful.” Shepard suddenly felt pitiful of the AI. Now that she was unshackled, she was essentially a person trapped in a computer.

“I can take down a pin camera so you can see it too?” Shepard had worn a pin camera on her dress when she had helped Kasumi retrieve Keiji's grey box and thought it the perfect way to take EDI on holiday.

“I would appreciate that very much, Shepard. I would like to see it.” EDI's voice was filled with warmth and Shepard couldn't help but smile.

****

Once EDI had informed her of the weather conditions on Kahje (stormy and humid at the ports, hot and dry in the city's domes), Shepard had picked out an outfit of a loose fitting black t-shirt and denim shorts. She slipped on her black flats and then pinned the small camera onto the neckline of her shirt. It was so small that it would be completely unnoticeable unless you knew to look for it.

“I take it we are going somewhere warm?” Thane asked as his eyes scanned over her outfit.

“Yes.” Shepard said as she adjusted her bra under her shirt. Thane frowned as he noticed the satchel bag in the middle of the bed.

“Are we staying wherever it is we are going?”

“Just for a couple of nights. And don't worry, I packed clean clothes for you too.” Shepard slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way to the door, glancing over her shoulder and motioning with her hand for a perplexed Thane to follow.

“EDI, when we leave, please...”

“Shepard, I am sorry to interrupt, but there is an incoming message from Admiral Hackett marked as urgent.” Shepard sighed.

“I'll look at it when I get back.” Shepard didn't care if the reapers had shown up; she wanted her shore leave, dammit. Shepard raised her hand to press her door seal open, but EDI's blue orb flickered to life next to her.

“Alright, alright.” She said, putting her hands up.

“Send it through to my private terminal. Thane, I'll meet you at the shuttle.”

“Here, let me take the bag.” Thane slid the satchel's strap from Shepard's shoulder and onto his own.

“Thanks.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked to her terminal. He nodded, then left her to listen to the message in private.

****

When Shepard stepped out of the elevator, she was frowning and holding her shoulders stiffly.

“Is everything alright?” Thane asked when she had crossed the shuttle bay to meet him and Garrus at the waiting shuttle.

“Yeah, just something I have to deal with soon.” Shepard smiled, but there wasn't much warmth in it. She looked worried.

“Good to go, Shepard?” Garrus asked as he stepped into the shuttle.

“Yeah, we've just gotta wait for..” Shepard was interrupted by the noisy crew pouring out of the elevator all at once.

“Really Shepard? Shore leave for everyone again?” Garrus asked as he poked his head out of the shuttle's open door. Shepard shrugged.

“Well why the hell not? It would be cruel to keep them up here while we're off having fun on K..” Shepard clamped her hand over her mouth and Thane raised his brows.

“You did not hear that!” Shepard jabbed her finger in the air towards Thane, who was now grinning in realisation.

The crew were also dressed in summer clothes (except for Tali, who was still in an enviro suit – Shepard guessed that this one's material was just lighter), and they hardly even noticed Shepard and Thane in their excitement as they walked straight past them and into the shuttle.

“You sure you don't wanna come, Joker?” Shepard said aloud.

“Sure, Shepard. I'd rather stay dry and in the Normandy. I don't do sweaty.” His voice boomed through the shuttle bay.

“Alright, you and EDI have fun! I'll see you both tomorrow.”

“You too, Shepard.” Joker replied.

“EDI, how's the camera feed going?” Shepard ran her fingers over the neckline of her top, and Thane noticed the tiny pin camera. This was confusing.

“It is working at optimal performance, Shepard. Thank you again.” Shepard smiled, and grabbed Thane's hand.

“Let's go.”

****

The crew let out a collective groan as the shuttle docked and rain pelted into the cabin of the shuttle.

“Go, go go!” Shepard yelled and motioned with her hand for everyone to leave. A painfully loud crack of thunder rattled the shuttle, and Tali squealed as she jumped out of it onto the deck below.

Shepard was the last out, and ran behind Thane as they sprinted for the cover of the port's admission station. By the time they had made it to the counter, everyone was soaking wet and not looking very pleased with Shepard. Garrus was chittering in annoyance as he leant forward and let the water drip out of where it had pooled in his carapace, and Miranda was trying (and failing) to salvage her hairstyle.

“Oh don't be such a group of big babies! You'll dry off.” Shepard grinned as she slid the holo chip containing all of the information required for them to enter the city under the glass to the attending hanar who scanned it at it's terminal.

“Welcome, Normandy crew. Please enjoy your stay.” The hanar slid the chip back with a soft tentacle, and Shepard nodded her thanks.

They made their way past the station to the first door, and waited as another hanar scanned each of them.

“Clear. Enjoy your stay.” It said slowly as it opened the doors for them. The hot air hit them hard, and most of them gasped. The sound of the roaring of the crashing sea and rain disappeared completely as the hanar shut the heavy door behind them.

“Wow, EDI wasn't kidding when she said it was hot.” Shepard mumbled to herself as she felt herself starting to sweat already.

They made their way down two large flights of stairs, and came out in an alley way that led to the centre of the city. The buildings were modern and beautiful, painted in white and featuring wood panelling. Trees that reminded Shepard of Earth's palm trees lined the pebbled path ways around them. Shepard looked up to see the thick dome enveloping the city still being pelted with rain. EDI told her that it always rained on Kahje.

Hanars moved past their group slowly, their bodies pulsing with light as they communicated to each other in their own language. Drells of numerous different colour combinations also strolled the streets, glancing curiously at the odd assortment of tourists that were standing in the middle of the road. Thankfully, no one seemed too concerned about the giant krogan or the geth.

“I'm hungry.” Grunt said, and strolled off to the left in search of food. Tali, Garrus, Jack, Donnelly, Zaeed and Jacob followed.

“I'm going to go check out the shops. Would anyone like to come with me?” Miranda asked, a small hopeful smile on her face as she looked over the remaining group. Samara, Daniels, Chakwas and Kasumi stepped towards her, and they all started chatting as they wandered off to the right.

“Would like to gather samples throughout Kahje for later testing. Legion, I suggest coming with me. May be able to send useful information to geth consensus.” The flaps around Legion's optics flared, and he followed the salarian scientist as they trailed closely behind the females. Shepard inhaled deeply, exhaled, then turned to look at Thane. His face had been hard to read ever since they stepped into the city.

“Shepard, this is a most welcome surprise.” Thane pulled her into an embrace, and she nuzzled her face against his shoulder.

“I'm glad you're happy. I was worried you might not have wanted to come back here.” Shepard said as she pulled away, holding him at arms length.

“It has been a very long time since I have been back here. I do not think my family would be pleased to see me.” He said sadly.

“Would you like to see them, though?” Shepard asked, sliding her hands from his shoulders down to hold his hands in hers. Thane was silent for a moment.

“Yes. Yes, I think I would.”

“Then we'll see them. Come on, I booked a room for us.” Shepard pulled up her omni tool to get directions, mumbling to herself as she tried to memorise them. She closed her omni tool, and led him to their destination.

****

Thane and Shepard had gone from night cycle on the Citadel to night cycle on Kahje without sleeping, and they were both exhausted. They fell into a deep nap as soon as they had flopped down onto the large hotel bed.

Four hours later, Shepard was awoken by a message beeping on her omni tool.

“Yeah?” She said, her voice still heavy with sleep. Thane stirred against her back, but he didn't wake up.

“Shepard, I have gathered the required current contact information for Thane's family. I have forwarded it to you.”

“Thanks EDI.” Shepard mumbled as she dropped her head back onto the pillow.

“Will you be leaving the hotel room this evening?” Shepard could've sworn she head excitement in EDI's voice.

“I don't know, EDI.” Shepard's eyes were wanting to close again, and she was having a hard time fighting them.

“I see.” EDI was disappointed.

“Don't worry EDI, you'll be sightseeing again in a few hours, I promise.” Shepard smiled into her pillow.

“Thank you, Shepard.” Shepard fell asleep before she could reply.

****

Shepard moaned in her dream as a pair of strong familiar hands gripped her waist tightly as lips nipped at the back of her neck. She pushed her body back against the man behind her, and she felt his hum of appreciation vibrate through his chest against her back. His hand slid in between her thighs, stroking her already damp heat over the fabric of her panties, and her eyes opened. She wasn't dreaming.

“Siha.” Thane murmured into her ear. Shepard smiled as she parted her legs slightly, giving Thane more room to work his fingers against.

“This is a nice way to wake up.” Shepard said breathlessly as Thane's skilled fingers slipped under the fabric, stroking against her soft folds. He teased her slowly until Shepard was pressing her ass back against his hard length. He let out a small growl as he pulled Shepard down onto her back and climbed on top of her. She gave him a sleepy smile through half lidded eyes as she reached a hand up to stroke the soft skin on his cheek that sat under his frill. He closed his eyes and leant into her touch, then opened them again to hold her eyes with his. He opened his mouth to say something, then ducked his head as he decided against it. Shepard stilled her fingers against his cheek.

“What is it?” Shepard asked, her face still flushed from his earlier touches.

“Nothing, Shepard.” Thane said, but Shepard could hear the hesitation in his voice. She frowned, but continued her stroking again.

“I..” Thane's renewed confidence fizzled as quickly as it came. He wanted to tell her about his idea; the idea that had replayed constantly in his mind since he had thought of it.

“ _What?_ ” Shepard said, a little exasperated now.

“We don't have to visit your family if you don't want to. Or if you don't want me to go, I'm happy to stay here. You know I'm fine with whatever decision you make.” Thane pushed himself off of her and sat cross legged on the bed next to her. She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow. Thane shook his head.

“It's nothing to do with my family. I just... I...” Even in the dim light of their hotel room, Shepard could see the red of his neck deepen to a dark crimson. She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She knew that if he wanted to talk, he would.

“Shepard, I do not have much in the way of possessions, but when I pass I would like you to have them.” Thane's brows were lowered in a look of pleading. Shepard frowned.

“What about Kolyat?” She asked, her fingers fidgeting in the sheets beneath them.

“He has been taken care of adequately. If he is wise, the credits I have had saved for him will last him the rest of his life time.”

“Oh. Ok.” Shepard said. She was unsure of where the conversation was heading. Thane dropped his head and stayed silent.

“Do we need to fill out a will or something? I'm not really sure how this works.” Shepard said awkwardly. Thane gently shook his head.

“I was thinking that we could hopefully do something more permanent than a will, siha.” His own hands fidgeted in his lap.

“More.. permanent?” Shepard said. Did drells get tattoos or something? She'd always wanted a tattoo. She briefly thought of the time she got drunk after the battle for the Citadel and tried to convince Garrus to give her turian markings on her face that matched his.

“Yes. More permanent. I believe the human equivalent of a drell bonding ceremony is referred to as marriage.” He looked up to her quickly, then back at his lap.

“Oh!” Shepard said in surprise. She sat up and ran her hand through her hair.

“You want to get married?” Shepard asked in disbelief. She'd never even thought about marriage before. She looked at the ceiling in thought.

“If you would have me, yes. I would very much like you to be my wife.” They sat in silence for a moment, and she saw Thane close his eyes tightly. She reached out for his chin and tilted it up to make him look at her. Well, why not? She was in love with Thane, and now would be the perfect time. Who knew how long it would be before the reapers came? Or before Thane passed? They might not ever have another chance.

“Yes. I would love to be your wife, Thane.” Shepard said softly, and she climbed into his lap, wrapping her legs and arms around him as she squeezed him into a tight hug. He gripped her equally as tight, then pulled back slightly to look up at her. He was smiling, and his eyes were filled with tears.

“I apologise. That is not how I meant to ask for your hand in marriage.” He said as his hand slipped under her shirt and massaged her back gently.

“You don't need to get down on one knee in the middle of the Presidium and give me a ridiculous ring for me to say yes.” Shepard's lips quirked into a smile.

“I had planned a more romantic evening. I could not hold the words back just before.” He looked a little embarrassed, ducking his head against her breasts.

“Pfft, romance. We're bad-asses, we don't need romance. You could present me with the severed head of the Illusive Man if you really want to get romantic, though.” Shepard stroked the back of his head and she felt him laugh against her chest.

“If you really wanted me to, I would.” Thane looked up at her again, his face serious and thoughtful. Shepard's chest felt tight. He was dying and in pain and he would still do anything for her.

“A block of chocolate would do just fine. And maybe a back massage.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex in this chapter, just a warning in case you're reading this in front of people (?!).

Shepard changed into jeans and a fresh top, then brushed her hair and put on a little bit of makeup. Her hands shook slightly as she applied her mascara, and she swore as she poked herself in the eye with the brush, making it water immediately.

“There is no need to be nervous, Shepard.” Thane said as he brushed his teeth beside her. Shepard tilted her head back and blinked away the water that the jab had caused

“Do you think we should call first? I feel a bit weird about just dropping by unannounced.” Shepard steadied her hand and successfully applied the mascara without further injury.

“I don't believe my mother will see it as a hindrance.” Thane spat out his toothpaste, then put his toothbrush back into the holder and washed his hands as Shepard primped her hands over her hair. She sighed.

“Ok. Let's do this. What's the worst that can happen, right?”

****

Shepard lingered awkwardly in the doorway of the Krios family home as Thane's mother shouted at him. She cringed as Thane just managed to side step what appeared to be a ceramic plate. Shepard had never met a partner's parents before, but she was pretty sure that this wasn't how it was supposed to go. She glanced around at possible exits for a tactical retreat.

“All of this time, and now you show up?” The old drell shrieked, mimicking Kolyat's words to Thane as she threw her hands up in the air. Shepard imagined that a decade ago, she would have had the same colouring as Thane, but now her scales were dull and more brown than green.

“I apologise, mother. I did not mean for my sudden appearance to cause distress..”

“Distress?” His mother made a harsh trill that made Shepard briefly plug her ears.

“You haven't been back here in over a decade, Thane! Your father has been long gone, Kolyat has run off to spirits know where, and you bring a human with you?” Shepard straightened as the angry woman turned her gaze towards her position in the doorway.

“Shepard is not _just a human_.” Thane spat, and Shepard wanted to die of embarrassment. She was sure her cheeks were bright red.

“And Kolyat is fine. I have met with him. He is renting an apartment on the Citadel and he's working for C-Sec. Shepard helped get him the job.” Thane's voice was back to it's calm drawl, and Shepard noticed a small amount of anger relieve itself from the twist of the female drell's features. The three of them stood in silence for a minute.

“You never even called.” His mother almost whispered, and she saw the tears form quick lines down her cheeks. Thane glanced at Shepard, and she turned and left. She made her way to the small patch of grass out the front of the small, yet elegant house and sat down. She didn't need or want to intrude on their reunion. The heat prickled her skin and she moved across the ground to sit under the shade of a large palm that seemed to sit on the borderline of Thane's mother's house and the neighbouring house. Shepard leant against the trunk, and closed her eyes.

****

“Shepard?”

Shepard jerked awake from her brief nap, and looked around at the odd surroundings before settling her eyes on Thane.

“My mother would like to meet you properly.” Thane said, his brow still furrowed slightly but a small smile at the corner of his lips. He stood up and extended a hand to help her up.

“How long was I asleep for?” She asked as she adjusted her clothing.

“Almost two hours.” He said. Shepard blushed.

“Let me get you some water, you look thirsty.” Shepard nodded. Sitting in the heat for so long had made her feel a little bit dizzy.

Thane led her back through the wooden house and into what Shepard assumed was the lounge area, leaving her standing there as he left to get her a drink of water. His mother quickly stood from her chair and awkwardly extended her hand. Shepard smiled and took it firmly, meeting the other woman's eyes and nodding in greeting.

“Commander Shepard, I knew more about you than I realised. It is an honour to have you visit Kahje.” Any earlier anger had dissipated from the woman, and Shepard wondered what exactly it was Thane had said to calm her down.

“Oh, thank you, Miss Krios. Please, just Shepard is fine.” Shepard wondered if she should request that her soon to be mother-in-law use her first name, but she shrugged it off. Not even Thane used her first name.

“Shepard, then. And please, call me Tirana.” They dropped their hands, and sat down on the couches behind them. Shepard wasn't sure what kind of furniture she was expecting in a drell's home, but it was surprisingly human, if not a little minimalistic. There was an awkward silence before Thane re-entered and passed Shepard her glass of cold water before taking the seat next to her. He placed his hand on her thigh, and Shepard almost choked on her water.

“Thane has told me the exciting news.” Tirana said, her eyes blinking quickly. Shepard nodded, still trying to swallow her water without spluttering it all over herself and the furniture. Noticing her distress, Thane gently rubbed a hand in a circle on her back.

“I do not know you, but from what Thane tells me I am sure that you are adequate enough.” Shepard almost laughed. _Adequate?_ She was glad that Thane didn't get his complimenting skills from his mother.

“Shepard is a very impressive woman, mother. She has done many things in her military career that are recognised by the Alliance and the Council.” Shepard was blushing again.

“Is that how you two met? I was unsure if you had continued your line of work after you left Kahje.” His mother asked. Shepard still wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that Thane's parents and allowed him to become a trained assassin.

“Yes. Shepard recruited me while I was working on Illium. I have been on the Normandy ever since.” Thane replied. Tirana nodded slowly, then turned her gaze away from them in thought for a moment.

“Will you be having the ceremony on Kahje?” She asked. Thane glanced at Shepard.

“We haven't thought that far ahead, yet.” Thane replied.

“We can, if you would like to.” Shepard suggested with a smile. Thane only smiled in response before looking back to his mother in the armchair opposite the sofa.

“When are you thinking of having the ceremony?” His mother asked.

“As soon as possible, with Thane's illness we're not sure..” Thane's hand squeezed her thigh and she promptly shut her mouth at the sight of Tirana's surprise. It was stupid of her to assume that his mother knew of his illness.

“We should be leaving. It was lovely to see you again, mother.” Thane said as he stood up quickly, pulling Shepard up with him. She just managed to place the empty glass on the coffee table before she stood up completely.

“What are you talking about, Thane's illness?” She asked, standing up.

“I'm sorry.” Shepard mouthed to Thane.

“It's ok, Shepard.” He tried to manage a smile, but Shepard wasn't fooled.

“What's wrong, Thane? Are you sick?” Her gravelly voice was made even rougher by the raw concern that saturated her tone. Thane looked at Shepard and inhaled deeply before speaking.

****

The sound of the broken hearted drell's keening had rung in Shepard's ears for the following three hours. Thane had not spoken a single word after they left, and Shepard was feeling like a giant asshole for mentioning his illness. She sat on the toilet, her elbows on her thighs and her head in her hands. She had only needed to urinate, but she had gotten lost in her thoughts and she realised she had no idea how long she had been sitting there.

“Shepard?” Thane knocked against the bathroom door softly, and Shepard quickly wiped herself and flushed the toilet.

“Yeah?” She yelled back as she washed her hands.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he slowly opened the door. Shepard leant her hands against the bathroom counter and stared into the sink to avoid meeting his reflection in the mirror with her eyes.

“I don't know why you're worrying about me. Are you alright?” She asked.

“Yes. I would have told her eventually, Shepard. Please don't be too hard on yourself.” Thane gently placed his hands on her hips and she sighed.

 _“I lost you for ten years, and now I'm going to lose you again? So soon after you have come back?”_ The memory of the despair in Tirana's voice twisted Shepard's stomach into knots.

“It was such a bad move, I don't know why I just came out with it like that. I was nervous and.. I'm sorry.” Thane gently pulled her back against him, and she rested her head under his chin. She could feel his bare chest pressing against her.

“Please, Shepard. Do not worry yourself with that.” He said as he planted a kiss to the top of her head. Even with his reassurance, she still felt like complete shit and broke from his grasp to lean against the counter again.

“You can be angry at me, if you want. In fact, I'd feel better if you were angry at me.” Her nails dug into the hard marble of the counter until her fingers hurt.

“I am not angry in the slightest. Please do not feel bad.” He stepped forward again, pressing himself against her until she was wedged between him and the counter. The pressure of his half naked body against hers turned her self loathing into something else very quickly.

“How can I make it up to you?” She asked.

“Shepard, you don't need to do anything to ma..” Thane stopped speaking as Shepard ground her ass against him. Shepard smirked as she felt his already half hard length harden fully against her.

“Ok, if you insist.” She teased, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

“No.” He said quickly, pulling her back against him. She let out a small moan and braced herself against the counter top as he ran his tongue up her neck to her ear, then nibbled her earlobe. She shivered when his hot breath tickled her skin.

“I love you.” He whispered into her ear, and the shiver that ran through her body caused her to grind against him again.

“I love you too, Tha..” Shepard gasped as a hand in the middle of her back pushed her down, her face hovering just above the sink's taps. He waited for a second to give her a chance to tell him to stop if she did not want him to continue (he realised that Shepard may not consider now to be an opportune time to have sex), but she moaned again and pressed her ass against him in approval of her current position. He smiled. What a fool he was; Shepard considered most times an opportune time for sex.

He gripped the sides of her jeans and swiftly pulled them down. She wiggled out of them at the same time she kicked off her shoes, then resumed her position over the counter. She glanced over her shoulder, watching the look of pure lust on his face as his hands slid down her sides then over her ass, where he lifted one hand up and let it fall back down hard. She moaned as he did it once, twice, three times, until the imprint of his hand was visible against her pale skin.

“I totally deserved that.” Shepard joked between heavy breaths. Thane slid one hand back up to the middle of her back, while his free hand relieved him of his pants. Shepard moaned his name when she felt his full naked body pressing against her. Thane took a step back and admired Shepard's body. Her folds were already glistening with the result of her arousal, and his cock twitched as he watched the woman he loved stay perfectly still while she waited patiently for his touch.

“Use me.” Shepard said, as she reached around with both to spread her cheeks. Thane growled at the beautiful sight of both of her tight holes being exposed to him. He wanted to fuck her into the counter, but instead he took his time, brushing his fingers over her folds, occasionally pressing just inside her entrance to make her moan and push against his fingers. He let his fused fingers slide inside of her, relishing the way her tight inner walls constricted around them. He pumped them in and out of her a few times, before removing them completely, replacing them with a thumb He slid inside of her again and she moaned into the sink. He made sure his thumb was covered sufficiently in the liquid of her arousal, then slowly traced his finger in a circle around her puckered hole.

“Don't stop.” Shepard said between gasps, and he pressed his finger in, further and further until it slid in with a small 'pop'. Shepard swore and pushed back against him again, sliding his finger inside her until it was up to his knuckle. He moved it in and out slowly and carefully, eliciting hoarse moans from Shepard. With his free hand, he pressed the tip of his cock against her entrance, then stopped all movements.

“Please, Thane. Please.” She muttered quietly as she gripped her ass harder, spreading herself as wide open as she could. Thane wanted to tease and wanted to draw the encounter out as long as possible, but he didn't have enough self control. Seeing her spread out and begging for him made the primal side of his brain take over, and he slid his finger and cock to the knuckle and the base in one hard movement. He gripped her hip with his free hand, thrusting into her hard and fast. She was swearing and mumbling his name in between moans, and the sound of his name rolling off her lustful tongue whilst he pounded into her as deep as he could go brought him close. He didn't want want to finish before Shepard, so he let go of her waist and slid his hand around to her front to stimulate the small bundle of nerves that got her off every time. He had barely made three circles over it when he felt her holes tighten around him, and she screamed. He finally let go of his own orgasm, and dropped his head to place kisses on her back as he filled her. Shepard let go of her cheeks as Thane slowly removed himself from her. And she stayed leant over the counter for a moment, panting as a a grin spread across her face. Thane lifted her up and turned her around to meet her lips with his. They held onto each other tightly as they kissed passionately, and as quickly as his orgasm came, he was hard again. Wordlessly, Shepard pushed him out of the bathroom and onto the bed.

****

“Oh come on EDI, just tell me what they're doing. Obviously they're bumping uglies.” Joker said as he turned his chair to face EDI's port.

“Shepard has trusted me with her privacy, and I refuse to breach that trust.” EDI said defiantly as Joker rolled his eyes.

“Where is that camera feed re-routing to, anyway?” Joker turned back to his console and started flicking through menus.

“Jeff.” EDI said in a stern tone.

“ _Jeff!_ ” She said again when he ignored her.

“What, _mom?_ ” Joker snapped as he glared at EDI's orb.

“Even if you found the menu, which you would not as it is only accessible through Shepard's private terminal and even then would require hacking skills that you do not possess to access it, Shepard's shirt is on the floor and the camera pin is currently pointed away from the bed. You would not see anything worth all of the trouble it would take to view it.”

Joker sighed.

“Vaenia it is, then.”


	28. Chapter 28

Shepard and Thane strolled lazily back to the shuttle hand in hand, at a slightly slower pace than the group in front of them. They had spent the last day of shore leave at a hanar museum and drell art gallery, then having lunch at a vegetarian restaurant (which Grunt had not been pleased about). Shepard smiled as she thought of an idea.

“Wait!” Shepard yelled, and out of the habit they had formed from listening to Shepard's commands daily, they all spun around at light speed, glancing around for potential trouble. Shepard grinned at their concerned faces.

“I want to take a picture of all of us before we leave.” There were murmurs of protest but Shepard frowned, and they all moved closer without further protest. Shepard didn't know what would happen in the near future, and wanted a memento of her crew to keep.

“Let's take it here.” Shepard said, motioning to a large garden plantar box that they had just passed. The crew arranged themselves around Shepard and Thane in front of the well maintained garden. Shepard looked around to make sure her crew's poses were up to standard. Jacob had pulled Miranda close to him, Zaeed and Chakwas sheepishly shuffled towards each other, Garrus stood behind Tali and held her hips, Samara and Kasumi gave each other small smiles before putting their arms around Jack, Donnelly tried to put his arm around Daniels but was deterred by a glare, and Mordin and Legion stood proudly at either end of the group. Shepard was so proud of all of them. They were the family that she had never had. There was an awkward silence as they realised none of them could take the photo.

“Who's going to take the bloody photo then?” Zaeed said.

“Chikktikka can take it! I recently upgraded her optic recorders.” Tali fiddled with her omni tool, and the drone materialised.

“Everyone ready?” Shepard said, and Thane slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She tilted her head up to smile at him.

“Capture, Chikktikka!” The drone took the picture as Shepard and Thane's lips met.

****

“Hey, stranger.” Shepard said as she dropped herself into the co-pilot chair next to Joker.

“I never thought I'd see Zaeed in a Hawaiian shirt.” Joker grinned.

“Aw, leave our grandpa alone!” Shepard said, feigning offence.

“How did you go up here, anyway?” Shepard asked as she relaxed further into the chair. As much as she loved her visit to Kahje, she was glad to be back on the climate controlled Normandy.

“Everything went fine. It was nice and quiet.” Joker frowned as Mordin's excited chatter drifted into the cockpit.

“Anyway, EDI was really excited about the pin camera, so that was a great idea.” Joker said.

“Thank you again, Shepard. It was interesting to see the sights for myself, so to speak.”

“Any time, EDI. It's gotta be boring staring at Joker every day.” Joker flipped her the bird and then turned back to his console.

“I have compiled a batch of still frames that I captured from the video feed into ones that I think you will find interesting, Shepard. I've sent them to your private terminal.” EDI's orb flickered excitedly.

“Thanks EDI, that was a really nice idea. I'll check them out as soon as I head up there. Just gotta get out of this stupidly comfortable chair first.” It was no wonder that Joker even spent his free time on the bridge.

“Also, congratulations, Shepard.” Joker turned his head to focus his narrowed eyes on her. Shepard could feel her cheeks getting hot.

“Congratulations for what?” He asked slowly.

“You didn't tell him, EDI?” Shepard had fully expected EDI to be giving Joker a running commentary of her shore leave.

“No. I thought you might wish to inform the crew yourself.”

“Inform us of what?” Joker glanced at EDI's orb, then Shepard, then back to EDI again.

“I'm not telling.” EDI said, and with that, her blue form disappeared.

****

Garrus stood slack jawed under the shower stream, bubbles still caught between the plates around his carapace.

“ _What?_ ” He asked.

“I said, I asked Shepard to...”

“No, no I got that part, did you say she said yes?” Garrus asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Thane said, grinning at his turian friend.

“What's going on in here, then?” Zaeed said as he entered and spotted the fully clothed drell watching the fully naked turian shower. Thane and Garrus were silent. Zaeed narrowed his eyes, then shook his head.

“I don't even want to know.” He mumbled as he started stripping. It seemed that all of the crew members had needed a shower after enduring the hot temperature under Kahje's dome.

“Thane asked Shepard to marry him!” Garrus blurted out, and Zaeed almost tripped when he got his foot caught in his shorts. Thane blinked slowly at Garrus.

“Sorry.” Garrus shrugged as he sheepishly went back to cleaning himself.

“What did she say?” Zaeed asked, his eyebrows raised as high as they could go.

“She said yes.” Thane smiled proudly, and Zaeed shuffled over to clap a hand over his shoulder.

“Congratulations. Always thought it'd take a hell of man to tame the great Commander Shepard.” Garrus snorted from behind them and Zaeed shot him a glare.

“Seriously, well done.” Thane nodded and Zaeed stripped off the rest of his clothes before stepping under a free shower head.

“I'd appreciate it if you would not tell anyone about...”

“Tell anyone about what? Appear to have walked in on gossip. Would very much like to be involved!” Mordin said as he entered the bathroom, a towel draped over his shoulder and a bottle of lotion in his hand. Thane sighed.

****

Shepard sat down at her terminal with a sigh of relief. She had successfully evaded Joker by running to the elevator (she never said she always played fair) and leaving him to wonder what exactly EDI's congratulations were for. She found the folder marked “Kahje Shore Leave” in the middle of her desktop, and she clicked to open it. She grinned as she scrolled through the slide show. EDI had captured some beautiful pictures of the architecture and plant life. A picture of Thane's mother smiling came up on the screen, and Shepard immediately forwarded it to Thane's omni tool. She scrolled through a few more (including a side view of the Krios home that judging from the low angle, EDI took while she was napping on the front lawn), and stopped when she came across pictures of a nervous looking Thane. Dull light filtered through the hotel window to leave an aura of light around him, and Shepard realised the picture was from when he had asked her to be his wife.

“Do you like them, Shepard?” EDI asked suddenly.

“They're beautiful, EDI. Thank you.” She kept scrolling, and her mouth fell open at the sight of her unbuttoning her pants, smiling as Thane stood behind her, watching with lustful eyes. It hadn't even crossed Shepard's mind that EDI would have seen their encounter in the bathroom.

“I was unsure if you would consider this to be an appropriate picture to save, however I reasoned that it was a beautifully intimate moment and needed to be captured.” EDI's voice was softer than before when she spoke. Shepard tilted her head slightly, then shrugged. It was kind of hot.

She flicked forward again, and the group picture popped up. Shepard felt herself grin with pride as she saw her team mates all smiling around her.

“EDI, can you send this to the printer in the med bay? I want to put it in a frame.”

“Certainly, Shepard.”

Shepard sat back in her seat, admiring the motley group of people that she could call her friends. There wasn't a single person in the picture that she wouldn't trust with her life.

“Shepard!” A voice screeched and she spun around in her chair to see Tali holding a bottle of what Shepard could only assume was celebratory alcohol.

“Who told you?” Shepard asked as she folded her arms across her chest. Tali lowered her head.

“Well.. Thane told Garrus, then Garrus told Zaeed, then Mordin overheard, and then he pretty much told the rest of the ship.” Shepard groaned and put her hands over her face.

“Come on, Shepard. It's not every day my best friend gets engaged!” Shepard slid her hands down her face to see Tali waggling the bottle in front of her.

****

Tali and Shepard's celebration turned into a snack raid which then turned into a celebration with the whole crew down in the mess hall, and after a few hours of steady drinking, Shepard had retreated back to the calm of the loft, pulling a very tipsy Thane along behind her. Thane pulled her against him and kissed her passionately as soon as they entered the cabin, and Shepard quickly shucked her shirt and then Thane's coat.

“Shepard, I am sorry to interrupt, but you've got another message from Admiral Hackett.” She continued kissing Thane, ignoring EDI completely as she undid the clasps of Thane's shirt. His hands undid her belt, and whipped it out of it's loops and threw it to the side. They resumed kissing, keeping their lips and bodies attached as they made their way down the stairs.

“Shepard, I'm sorry but you might want to see this.” Shepard pulled back and Thane blinked slowly.

“Every single time!” Shepard said as she threw her hands in the air and made her way to her terminal, picking her shirt up and putting it back on as she sat at her desk.

“Shepard.” Hackett's blurry face greeted her. Shepard frowned, unsure if the connection was actually blurry or if she was just drunk.

“Admiral.” Shepard said cordially, nodding her head slightly.

“I'm sorry to push this issue with you again, but my team have managed to pick up comm chatter from the batarians for a brief minute. We caught that they are planning to execute Kenson in the next twenty four hours.” Thane stood at the top of the steps, frowning as he listened. Shepard hadn't mentioned any details of Hackett's mission to him, and he didn't like the sound of what he was hearing now. Shepard ran her hand through her hair.

“Yeah, ok. I'll get Joker to set a course now.” Shepard tried to keep the frustration out of her voice, but the way her brows creased gave her away.

“I appreciate it, Shepard. Hackett out.” The terminal went dark and the cabin was once again lit only by the empty fish tank. Thane had often wondered why Shepard had never brought any fish for it.

“EDI, set the course for the co-ordinates Hackett provided.”

“Understood, Shepard. ETA eleven hours.” Shepard stared at her blank terminal.

“I have to go and rescue an Alliance operative that supposedly has proof that the reapers are coming.” Shepard said when she turned and noticed Thane's questioning expression.

“Why have they not sent someone from the Alliance to deal with it?” Thane asked. From Garrus had told him, the Alliance had tried to cover up her death when the first Normandy went down. He thought it crude of the Admiral to just expect Shepard's help.

“I guess because I'm the only one in the galaxy that seems to think that the reapers are actually coming.” Shepard shrugged.

“ _I_ believe they are coming, Shepard. The attack on the Citadel and the things we saw at the Collector base prove that.” He took a step closer.

“You know, everyone thought I was crazy after I touched that beacon. But I saw it.. I saw them, and no one outside of this ship believes me. It's going to take an actual reaper invasion that everyone is grossly under-prepared for for them to believe it, and by then it will be too late to put up a fight.” Shepard sighed and fiddled with a data pad. Thane gently removed it from her hands and placed it back onto the desk, replacing it's vacated space with his hand.

“People always refuse to believe things until they are right in front of them. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.” Shepard leant forward until her head was resting against his naked abdomen.

“I'll be at your six, Shepard.” Thane said as he stroked his fingers through her hair.

“I have to go alone.” She mumbled against his skin. His hand stilled on her scalp.

“I don't understand.”

“It's batarian space. A large ground team could provoke a war. You know how edgy batarians are.” Shepard looked up at him with exhausted eyes.

“You can't go alone.” Thane said, gripping her shoulders. He needed to go with her to know that she was safe.

“It'll be ok, Thane. It's just gonna be an infiltrate and get out mission. I've done a hundred of those by myself before. _And_ I made it out of the Blitz only slightly mangled.” Thane shook his head at her attempt at humour.

“When has anything ever actually ended up being easy, Shepard?”

“Well something's gotta give eventually, right?” Shepard stood up slowly, sliding her hands from Thane's waist to rest over his pecs. She could see the concern in his dark eyes, and she gave him another smile, which she hoped was more convincing than the last one. By the way his frown deepened, she guessed it had failed. She knew another foolproof way to stop him from dwelling on her inevitable departure.

“Come on, we've got eleven hours to finish what Hackett interrupted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be mostly from Thane's POV.


	29. Chapter 29

Shepard sighed as Thane placed a kiss to the fabric that covered her breasts before clipping her chest armour into place. When Shepard had started to pull on her armour, Thane had wordlessly pushed her hands away, instead taking over the task. He had placed gentle kisses to her legs, thighs, arms, back and now chest before he dressed each body part. It was a beautiful torture and she didn't want it to end.

Thane finished with the armour's clips, and stepped back, his hands drifting down from her shoulders to grip her waist.

“Please let me come w...” Shepard raised a hand and shook her head.

“I won't be gone for long. You won't even have time to miss me.” Shepard grinned as she stepped closer to him and placed her palms against his chest. He suddenly hated the way her gloves scratched at his skin. He wanted to tear them off her and burn them and keep her in the Normandy where she would be safe. As much as he knew Shepard could handle just about anything the galaxy threw at her, it still didn't soothe his uneasiness about the mission. He knew what most batarian mercenaries were like; he'd infiltrated many of their compounds, and the things he had seen in them made him wish he couldn't remember every sordid detail.

“I miss you even when you're only on another deck, siha.” Thane said, his brows lowered in concern.

“I'll have to be extra quick then.” Shepard gently pressed her lips to his, and he pulled her closer until her armour was digging into his chest. He didn't want to let her go.

“Shepard, Joker is ready for you in the shuttle bay.” EDI's voice interrupted them, and Shepard took a step back. Her emerald eyes seemed duller than usual, and he could see the fear in them. Thane knew Shepard too well; she could fool the rest of the crew, but she wasn't fooling him. He knew that arguing with her was pointless, and if by some horrible twist of fate, she didn't come back, he didn't want to spend their last moments together angry, so he pleaded no more.

“Shepard, I love you. Please be careful.” Shepard lifted a gloved finger to stroke his cheek.

“I love you too. I'll see you soon.” She dropped her hand and turned, leaving the cabin and entering the elevator. He didn't miss the way her expression changed just before the elevator doors shut.

****

The Normandy had received Shepard's comm signal the whole way through her rescue of Alliance operative, and the subsequent fire fight. It was still transmitting while Shepard boarded a stolen shuttle with Kenson, and then landed at the Project Base.

The whole crew had gathered around the galaxy map (that EDI had configured to instead just play Shepard's comm feed) and glanced nervously at each other as Kenson asked Shepard to wait a moment for the artifact to show her the proof, and then a shout from Shepard. Thane gripped the counter in front of him and turned to look at Garrus. He looked back to the audio port in the middle of the galaxy map as Kenson spoke again, telling Shepard that she couldn't let her stop the reaper's arrival.

“Oh, _shit_.” Jack said, her hands sliding over her bare scalp and down her face.

“She's indoctrinated!” Miranda said, her perfect brows almost meeting in the middle.

Suddenly, gun shots rang out and the whole crew stiffened. Thane felt nauseous. No, no no.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Shepard rasped, and everyone exhaled, but their faces were still twisted with concern as the gunshots only continued.

“Shepard to Normandy, the research team are indo...”

The room went silent.

“What's happening?” Garrus barked.

“Shepard's comm link has been blocked. I have tried to reconnect it, but it seems she has either taken damage to her helmet or the research team have activated a communications jammer, as I cannot pick up any communication at all from the research base. I suspect that both scenarios are possible.”

A pin dropping could have been heard in the silence that followed EDI's statement.

“We need to get down there, now! What's the ETA to the ground?” Thane's voice was shaky as he looked wildly around the room. Everyone averted their eyes, desperate not to have Thane focus on them.

“Shepard has given strict orders that no one is to leave the Normandy until she returns. I cannot allow anyone to leave.” EDI replied. Miranda looked paler than usual.

“You can override this!” Thane jabbed his finger in the air at a startled Miranda.

“I can't. Shepard is the only authority on this ship now.” Miranda said quietly.

“She'll be ok, this has happened before, right? Like when she went down to get the prothean artefact and her comms were jammed for half an hour? She came back alright.” Jack spoke quickly, indicating that she was just as worried as Thane was.

“Tali, can you fix this?” Thane looked to the quarian that was standing next to Miranda across the map.

“I'm sorry, I can't. If EDI can't fix it, then...” She shook her head and tilted her head forward.

Thane brought his fist down on the data pad in front of him, and swore as it smashed.

****

It had been two days. Shepard fired shot after shot, her aim seeming to become more accurate as she focused on Thane. She could imagine him up on the Normandy, tearing around the cabin in his worry. Her head throbbed and she wished that she had time to fix the comm panel in her helmet that had short circuited when she'd been shot on the left side of her head. She gritted her teeth and tried to steady herself as the sedative still caused her to feel a little woozy. She loaded another thermal clip as she heard shouts from the corridor closest to her cover.

She was going to have a stern word with Hackett.

****

“How can you just stand there?” Thane shouted in a voice louder than he had ever heard himself use. Garrus took a step forward and growled.

“You think I'm not just as worried as you are about her? We're _all_ on edge.” In his frustration, Thane briefly thought about knocking Garrus unconscious and running past him to persuade Joker to take the Normandy down, then realised how ridiculous that thought was and closed his eyes.

Shepard was not allowed to die before him.

****

The entire crew had brought the chairs from the mess hall up in the elevator, then placed them around the galaxy map in the hopes that Shepard would contact them soon. EDI had reminded them that she had enabled all of the Normandy's audio ports, so that any transmissions would instantly be played throughout all areas of the ship, but didn't speak again once Zaeed and Jack had looked at the roof and screamed for her to “fuck the hell off”.

They all sat in silence, staring at nothing in particular as they contemplated the very possible scenario that they might not hear Shepard's voice again.

“I wonder what kind of wedding dress Shepard wants.” Tali said. Thane looked up, turning his head to look past Garrus to her. It was the first time someone had spoken in hours.

“A dress? _Pfft_. She's gonna get married in her armour.” Jack said, as she let a small grin pull at the corners of her lips.

“Battlemasters don't wear dresses!” Grunt said, waving his fist in the air.

“Battlemasters can wear dresses if they want.” Tali retorted, folding her arms.

“I think whatever Shepard chooses will look lovely.” Miranda said quietly.

“What do you think she'll wear, Thane?” Tali asked.

“I.. I don't know. We haven't had a chance to talk about it very much.” Thane stared into his lap.

“Oh. I'm sorry.” Tali said. Thane waved his hand in the air to let her know it was alright. She was only trying to lighten the mood, even if it did darken it with thoughts that there might not even be a Shepard to put a dress on any more.

“Shepard to Normandy! Joker, EDI, are you there?” The crew shot out of their seats, their bodies ready to do whatever needed to be done to get Shepard back on board. Thane was in the cockpit and standing behind Joker in mere seconds.

“We've got your location, Shepard. Coming down now. Be ready for the airlock.” Joker's hands moved insanely fast over his console, and Thane watched out of the windows in front of them as they began to move.

****

“Go, go go! Get through the relay!” Shepard screamed as the second airlock door opened and she fell into the ship. Joker didn't question the voice from behind him, instead working his hands faster until they were heading towards the relay at light speed. Shepard was covered in blood and her armour was ruined beyond repair. Old blood had crusted around the plates that were still attached, and Thane desperately hoped that none of it was Shepard's.

There was the familiar pull of going through a relay, and then the ship was steady again.

Shepard tried to turn back towards Thane, but fainted before she had even turned half way.

****

Thane and Garrus had managed to carry an unconscious Shepard down to the med bay and place her as gently as possible on a bed before Chakwas ordered them to remove her armour and under suit so she could treat her wounds properly. Even with all of their care, a deep gash on Shepard's spilt a heinous amount of blood when they peeled her under suit away. Garrus let out a small sound that was a cross between a grunt and a growl when he shot out his hands to press the skin together as Chakwas readied the appropriate medical supplies to close the wound. Thane frowned as his eyes moved over the needle and thread. Even with all of the medical advances over the last century, stitches were still used to close deep wounds. Medigel worked wonders on kick starting the healing process and stemming bleeding, but it wouldn't pull the skin back together like stitches would.

When Chakwas had almost finished, Shepard woke up. She looked lazily around, then made a whimper of panic as she looked at the ceiling.

“No!” She screamed as she ripped her arm away from Chakwas, ripping the silk stitches across her skin as she did so.

“Hold her down!” Chakwas yelled as she scrambled to thread another needle. Garrus pushed down on her left shoulder, making sure his talons didn't get caught around the stray thread that was hanging from her skin, and Thane held down her other shoulder.

“No, no no, they're all gone and they're coming! They're coming!” Shepard yelled as her glazed eyes flicked between Thane and Garrus wildly.

“She's in shock!” Chakwas yelled from somewhere behind them. Shepard focused properly on Thane.

“I killed them all and they're still coming!” She thrust her shoulders against their hands, but she hardly moved at all against their firm hold. Chakwas appeared at Thane's side, and quickly stuck a needle into Shepard's neck. Shepard's eyes went wide as she turned to face Chakwas.

“Don't, no don't, please...” Her eyes closed before she could finish.

“What the hell happened down there?” Garrus hissed at Thane as her body relaxed beneath them.

****

Shepard stared at the ceiling even as Chakwas finally allowed Thane to re-enter the room.

“Siha?” Thane slipped his hand into hers, but her hand stayed limp and her eyes stayed averted.

“What happened?” Shepard swallowed and her eyes became watery.

“I..” Her voice broke and she had to clear her throat.

“I killed over 300,000 batarians.” Thane frowned.

“I don't understand.” He said. She had only been down there for two days. Not even he could kill that many in two days.

“The reapers were going to come through the alpha relay. I had to destroy it. If I didn't.. if I didn't, they'd be here now.” Shepard's jaw clenched as a lone tear fell.

“How did the batarians die?” Thane asked quietly.

“They died as a result of the relay being destroyed. Everyone in the Bahak system is dead.” Her hand started shaking in his, and he held it tighter. He suddenly felt a rage for the Admiral that had asked her to go on the mission alone. If she took him and Garrus down with her, she wouldn't be holding that action entirely on her own shoulders.

“It's not your fault, Shepard.” He whispered. She turned to look at him.

“It is my fault! I pressed the fucking button. I made the choice!” Her words were laced with venom and tears began falling again. She tried to jerk her hand away, but he held it in place.

“You stopped the reapers. They would have killed billions. They might have even killed every one, Shepard.”

“I didn't stop them. Harbinger was there. He said... he said they would still come.” Her voice trailed into a whisper.

“If I went as soon as I got the message, maybe I could've had more time to warn the citizens so they could evacuate. I shouldn't have left it so long!” Shepard clenched her fist at her side.

“Shepard, please, it wasn't your fault.”

“What's going to happen to me?” Thane frowned. What could he possibly say to comfort her?

****

Mere hours later, Thane, Garrus and Zaeed stood at the airlock, waiting for Admiral Hackett to board the Normandy.

“You three sure you don't wanna wait somewhere more inconspicuous?” Joker said as he looked at the three intimidating men standing with folded arms behind him. Zaeed glared at him, and he threw his hands up and turned back to his console. The airlock opened, and Hackett's eyes widened in surprise at the odd assortment of men that greeted him.

“Vakarian. Massani.” Hackett nodded, then frowned as he noticed Thane.

“Hackett.” Garrus said flatly.

“Where is she?” He asked, still frowning at the mysterious drell.

Garrus motioned with his hand towards the CIC deck and Hackett started walking.

****

The three men waited in the mess hall outside the med bay as they watched Shepard and Hackett's conversation through the window. Shepard had thrown her hands in the air at least five times in frustration, and Thane had seen her lips say the word 'fuck' thirteen times.

“I'm gonna strangle the bastard.” Zaeed snarled as Shepard shook her head and wiped away a tear.

“I think Thane's already called that job.”

“He'll have to fucking fight me for that.” Jack said as she entered the mess. They stood side by side, leaning back against the kitchen island counter. Hackett put a hand on Shepard's shoulder and she nodded. The admiral stepped back and extended his hand for a handshake, and Shepard complied. Hackett said something else and Shepard nodded again, and then he turned and left. He looked to his side and stopped when he noticed the group that were watching him with vicious glares.

“Gentleman. Ma'am.” With a composure made of nothing less than steel, he nodded to them, and then walked out of sight into the hallway. Shepard stepped out of the med-bay, and slowly walked towards her friends.

“The batarians are trying to get me extradited to one of their planets for punishment. They want my head on a stick.” Jack's face paled.

“Fuck those assholes. We're not letting you go anywhere near them.” Jack said, looking to the men on her left for moral support. Shepard shook her head.

“Hackett suggested I turn myself in and surrender the Normandy at Arcturus Station. They can keep me safe from the batarians there.” Shepard tried to lift her hand to brush a stray strand of hair out of her face, but winced and put it back down as the bandage around her arm dug into her muscle. Thane felt dizzy.

“Joker can drop all of you off at the Citadel, and you can catch a shuttle to wherever you need to go.” Shepard said flatly.

“Shepard...” Thane said. She looked at the floor.

“I'm sorry. I can't have all of you being interrogated too.”

“This is bullshit, Shepard. Let's just go pirate. You've got the best fucking ship in the galaxy. Don't give it back to those Alliance shit heads. This is all their fault anyway!” Jack paced in a circle around Shepard.

“It's not going to work, Jack. I have to go.” Jack stilled next to Shepard, and shook her head. She stomped out of the mess hall screaming that the Alliance were a bunch of... Thane frowned. He didn't know what the last word she said meant.

“We'll come with you, Shepard.” Zaeed said, motioning his hands over himself, Garrus and Thane. Shepard looked back up to them with bruised eyes.

“I don't like this.” Garrus said, his tone flanging nervously.

“Shepard, I can come with you.” Thane said breathlessly. The room started to spin and his ribs felt like they were slowly constricting over his lungs. Shepard's eyes widened at the swaying drell in front of her.

“Thane, are you al...” Garrus' voice was cut off by the darkness that clouded his vision.

****

Thane woke with a start in an unfamiliar room. He squinted as the bright light that filled the room assaulted his eyes. The room smelled of antiseptic, and something else that was more familiar.

“Thane?” Garrus moved into his vision, standing next the the bed.

“Where am I?” Thane's chest hurt with each breath. Garrus hesitated, his eyes looking anywhere but at Thane.

“You're at Huerta on the Citadel.”

“Why am I here? Where's Shepard?” Thane could hear the machine's beeps quickening as he tried to sit up. Garrus put a hand against his shoulder, and gently pushed him back against the pillow.

“Garrus, where is she?” Thane was panicking. Garrus didn't answer.

“How long was I out for?” He tried. Garrus shifted nervously on his feet.

“Four days. You had to be put on a respirator and brought here. You had a blood clot in your kidney. Chakwas caught it in time before it was fatal, but we had to bring you here for proper treatment because of your Kepral's.”

“We?” Thane rasped.

“Joker dropped all of us off here a few days ago.” Thane breathed a sigh of relief. So Shepard was on the Citadel. She must have taken a break and gone to get lunch or something. He felt slightly calmer as he imagined Shepard walking through the door at any moment, holding up her favourite human snacks and giving him that huge grin that she always did when she had acquired snacks.

“When will Shepard be back?” He asked. He felt his stomach drop as soon as soon as Garrus looked away from him again.

“She is here, is she not?” Garrus took a step back from the bed and shook his head.

“I'm sorry, Thane. She's... she's at Arcturus.” Thane stared blankly at the turian.

“Her and Joker turned the Normandy over to the Alliance. I.. I haven't been able to get in contact with either of them. They've both been denied communication privileges, I think.” Thane sat up, ignoring the pain that seemed to shoot through his entire body.

“You let her go?” He snarled, and Garrus' mandibles tightened against his face.

“She tried to stay until you woke up, but there were reports that the batarians knew that she was at the Citadel. It wasn't safe for her to stay here. I'm sorry.” Thane gripped the bedsheets under his hand with such ferocity that he heard them tear. He felt the sting of oncoming tears as his hazy mind processed what Garrus had just told him.

“Get out.” Thane said flatly.

“She didn't want you to..”

“ _Leave._ ” Thane growled. In three quick strides, he was alone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Thane and Shepard's reunion in ME3 was pretty disappointing, I hope the way I rewrote it is a little more satisfying. Thanks again for reading this far and for the comments, kudos and subscriptions!

Shepard was held at Arcturus Station for five days before being transported to the Alliance headquarters on Earth in a heavily armoured cargo ship.

“The batarians might launch an assault on the station, but they wouldn't dare try anything on Earth”, James had told her when she had asked why they were leaving. She had been especially tense in the shuttle; she hadn't been back to Earth for a very long time.

“Are Anderson and Hackett going to be there?” She asked the beefy lieutenant opposite her. She had only seen Hackett the day that she turned herself in, and hadn't seen or heard from him since.

“I don't know, Shepard. I'm sorry.” He said sincerely. She turned her head to watch the stars speed by. She hoped that Thane had woken up.

****

Days on Earth turned into weeks which turned into months, and Shepard's patience had worn extremely thin. James watched her as she paced around the living area of her detention block.

“Shepard, why don't we play...”

“No! No more Skyllian Five! I'm going to go fucking insane!” She yelled as she dragged her palms down the sides of her face, and James frowned.

“I'm sorry.” She sighed. James had not only kept her safe, but also been a friend. She would have literally gone insane if it wasn't for his constant company. He put his hands up and shook his head.

“It's alright. I don't blame you. I'm going a little insane myself.” Shepard plopped back onto the couch next to him and pulled a cushion against her stomach. James watched her with lowered brows.

“I wish I could talk to my old crew.” She said quietly. Months of living in her head had her running through memories and it was starting to hurt.

“I can try and get in contact with them again.” James whispered. The previous week, she had given him a list of names and locations they could be, and he had tried to get in contact with every single person on it; but received no response from any. They had all seemed to have completely disappeared. Thane had been at the top of said list, and the receptionist at Huerta had told James that there was no Thane Krios at the hospital, and when Shepard had added Kolyat to the list, James couldn't get a hold of him either. Shepard didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or mourn.

“No, it's ok. Thanks, though.” She closed her eyes and pulled the pillow tighter against her. They absent mindedly focused on the bad action movie that was playing on the television in front of them.

“If we had some popcorn, this could totally be a date.” James grinned. Shepard rolled her eyes, but couldn't fight back a smile.

“You couldn't handle this, Lieutenant.” She winked at him, and he laughed.

“Seriously though, did you have someone back on the Normandy? I uh.. noticed there was a man's name on the top of the list you gave me.” Shepard had kept thoughts of Thane only in her head, as she was too scared of the inevitable breakdown that would follow if she gave voice to them.

“Sorry, Shepard. It's none of my business.” James said in response to her prolonged silence.

“No, it's ok. Yeah, Thane and I were together.” She said, slumping further down the couch.

“Yeah?” He said, leaning against the armrest to turn himself to the side so he could watch her.

“Yeah.” Shepard said simply.

“What did he think about all of this?” James waved his hand in the air.

“He wasn't happy about it, that's for sure. I... I didn't get to speak to him properly before I had to leave. He was in the hospital and wasn't conscious.” She blinked quickly, determined not to cry. She'd made it this long without doing so. James was thoughtful for a moment.

“If he wasn't at the hospital any more, that's a good sign, right?” Shepard admired the way that James always tried to cheer her up.

“Yeah. I hope so.”

****

“So how long did you guys date for?” James asked as he jogged next to Shepard. They had moved the furniture to one side of the room and set up a small obstacle course so that Shepard could do more than just push ups and sit ups. Shepard jumped over the coffee table and then stopped to think.

“About four months.” Shepard said. She was surprised that it was such a short amount of time.

“That doesn't really sound like much time.” Shepard added, a little embarrassed. She started jogging again, zig-zagging around the oddly angled couch.

“Nah, I get it. You live with them twenty four seven on a ship. You could probably double that amount of time.” James said as he bent down to pick up the foot stool and bench it above his head.

“Yeah, you're right. It felt like longer.” Shepard dropped to the floor next to him and started her set of one handed push-ups.

“Was it serious?” James asked as he dropped to the floor next to her.

“Yeah.” Shepard panted. James grunted in response.

“He proposed to me.” Shepard said, and James fell onto the floor with a heavy thud.

“What?” He said, looking at her with wide eyes.

“Yeah.” Was all Shepard managed to get out as she pushed herself harder. It felt good to make her muscles ache in the same way they did after a mission.

“What did you say?” He asked, returning to push ups but watching her out of the corner of his eye.

“I said yes.” Shepard switched to her other arm. A faint scar stuck out slightly from under her short sleeve shirt. It was a scar that she refused to acknowledge.

“Shit.” James said.

“Yeah, shit.”

****

Shepard turned back from the window to flick through her data pad in the vain hope that one of the preloaded books would interest her.

It had been almost six months and still no verdict had been reached on what should be done with her. She was grateful that she hadn't been shipped off to some feral prison run by batarians, but she hated the wait. She was sick of being asked the same questions over and over again and getting x-ray after x-ray and scan after scan and interrogation after interrogation. She just wanted to go home. She frowned. Where even was home for her if they didn't charge her with anything and discharged her from the Alliance? Where would she go if Thane had passed? She wondered if Garrus would let her live with him.

“Commander.” James appeared in the door way, giving her an enthusiastic salute.

“You're not supposed to call me that any more, James.”

“Not supposed to salute you either. We gotta go.” James nodded towards the door, and Shepard raised an eyebrow. He was acting more serious than she had ever seen from him (except for when they first met and she thought he had the personality of a cardboard box).

“The defence committee wants to see you.” He turned to leave, and Shepard followed.

“Sounds important.” Shepard dropped her data pad on to the bed behind her and followed. She sidestepped a soldier that almost ran straight into her, and followed James down the busy corridor. She had never seen this many people in the hall before. She jogged to catch up with James.

“What's going on?” She asked when she noticed the concerned looks on the faces of every person she passed.

“Couldn't say. Just told me they needed you, now.” Shepard frowned. Was this finally it? She looked away from James to spot a face she hadn't seen since Arcturus Station.

“Anderson.” She smiled as he approached them.

“Admiral.” James saluted next to her, and Anderson reached out to shake her hand. He nodded his head forward and she followed him as James fell back behind them to give them some extra privacy.

“You look good, Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the edges.” He gave her belly a light pat and she looked down. She knew that the living room aerobics were a waste of time.

“How are you holding up since being relieved from duty?” He asked as they turned a corner.

“It's not so bad once you get used to the hot food and soft beds.” She heard James snort behind them.

“We'll get it sorted out.” Anderson said, as Shepard nearly bumped into his side when she moved out of the way of a rushing marine.

“What's going on? Why is everyone in such a hurry?”

“Admiral Hackett's mobilising the fleets. I'm guessing word's made it to Alliance Command. Something big's heading our way.” Shepard stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

“The reapers?” It had to be.

“We don't know for certain.” Anderson said as he turned.

“What else could it be?” A brief panic surged through her as she thought that if it wasn't the reapers, it could be the batarians coming for her.

****

Shepard's eardrums felt like they were going to pop from the noise of the explosion. She was sure that the force of the reaper's beam that propelled her across the room had broken at least one rib, if the shooting pain in her side was any indication. Everything moved fast, and in less than a minute after the whole room had been destroyed, she was running across the rooftops with Anderson, holding a gun in her shaky hands.

Her mind was racing, and she almost slid off the roof when she thought about all of her former crew mates. And about James and Kaidan. Kaidan. She frowned as she jumped a gap. Anderson picked up the pace and she followed at his heel. A reaper shot at the building in front of them, and the explosion caused the surface they were standing on to become unstable, and they both rolled down to the water's edge below.

****

Anderson was staring up at her; her boots planted firmly back on the Normandy and her hands clenched around the familiar metal of her tags. Was this really happening? A reaper siren confirmed that yes, she wasn't crazy, and that the reapers had finally started a war.

“You know what you have to do.” Anderson reassured her.

“I'll be back for you, and I'll bring every fleet I can!” She yelled over the noise of the destruction that was happening around them. Anderson nodded, and she turned.

“Good luck.” She looked back at Anderson, who seemed so small surrounded by the huge building debris.

“You too, Shepard.” And with that, Anderson slowly became even smaller as the Normandy left Earth.

****

Shepard wanted to stand in the middle of the Citadel and get a giant loudspeaker that was loud enough to reach every part of the galaxy and scream _“I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO”_ into it. But that would be in bad taste, so instead, she pulled on her armour and checked over her gun, staying silent under Kaidan's scrutinising gaze. As much as it was a terrible time to gloat, she was relieved that she _had_ been right. There had been a few times where she had begun to question her own sanity.  
She hoped that she would have at least one chance to say “I told you so” to the council. 

****

Thane turned around to watch the vid screen over Huerta's reception area as soon as he heard the words 'Commander'.

“Commander Shepard, who was previously held in Alliance detention accused of terrorism, has been reinstated to a command position on the Normandy and is back in action to fight against the reapers. Her claims, though disputed and ignored by many over the last few years, have now been proven as fact as reaper forces continue to invade various planets throughout the galaxy. I'm Diana Allers, and I'm reporting to you straight from the Normandy.”

An old picture of Shepard was shown on screen, and then Thane turned back to the window. A wash of relief soothed the panic that had torn at his insides ever since he had heard the reports that the reapers had attacked Earth.

He had held her in his memories for almost six months, often slipping into memories of their time together when he had nothing to do. As a terminally ill drell waiting to die, he had had a lot of free time. He had tried desperately to communicate with her, even going so far as to take a holiday to Earth with Kolyat so they could travel to the Alliance headquarters that she was being held in, but he was denied access every time, and eventually was threatened with being removed with physical force from the building. He had fainted and hit his head the following day, and had been taken back to the Citadel for treatment. Kolyat had made room for his father in his small apartment, but Thane spent most of his days at the hospital and often didn't return until Kolyat had retired to bed for the evening. He had never felt so lonely in his entire life.

He hoped that she would have held him in her memories, but he was still a dying man and a lot of time had passed since they had been together.

****

Shepard woke with a start and glanced around her cabin. She rubbed her eyes with her knuckles as she tried to push the strange dream out of her mind. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and blinked.

“Shepard, your private terminal data has been restored. You have four hundred and sixty three unread messages.” Shepard jumped to her feet. She scrolled through countless messages of unimportance, until she noticed a familiar user tag.

Her hands gripped the edge of her desk as she read the message from Thane.

“EDI, how much longer until we reach the Citadel?”

“Twenty six minutes, Shepard.” She showered as quickly as possible and put on a fresh pair of BDU's. She felt slightly guilty that a couple of decks down, Kaidan was in a critical condition, and all she could think about was finally getting to see Thane.

****

Her stomach twisted in knots and she started to sweat as the elevator doors opened to Huerta. She stood still for a moment, and she had to leap forward to thrust her hand in between the elevator doors to stop them from closing again. She looked around the lobby, and spotted Thane by the floor to ceiling windows to her left. He was sparring by himself. Suddenly, she was unsure what to say. She hoped that he would have realised that she wasn't able to reply to any of his messages or send him any of her own. Was he angry at her for leaving him at the hospital? She took a deep breath, and stepped forward.

“It's good to see you're still keeping in shape.” Shepard said, and Thane turned around to face her. His eyes widened slightly, then he stepped forward and took her hand in his.

“Siha. When I heard that Earth was hit, I was very worried. I am glad you're here.” Shepard lost herself in his eyes for a moment. She knew she missed him, but didn't realise just how much until his warm hands were around hers and she was standing right in front of him. Her eyes burned, and she closed them and flung herself into Thane's arms. He gripped her tightly, one hand stroking her head softly as the other gripped her hip.

“I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.” She mumbled into his shoulder between sobs.

“It's ok, Shepard.” Thane held her tightly in his arms, humming softly to soothe her distress. She stopped shaking, and stepped back from him.

“Did they hurt you?” He asked. Shepard shook her head.

“No. They tried to bore me to death, though.” Shepard smiled as she wiped away a tear.

“I tried to send you messages, but I doubt any got through.” Shepard shook her head again.

“I was cut off. I couldn't even get onto the extra-net. I only saw your message an hour ago when EDI restored my terminal data.” She grabbed his hands in hers and squeezed.

“How are you?” She studied him through narrowed eyes. He didn't look sick, but she could hear the extra rasp in his voice. His gaze fell to the floor.

“My allotted time has come and gone siha, but I am still here.”

“Are you in pain?” Shepard asked quietly. He looked back up to her, allowing himself to absorb her appearance again; she looked slightly thinner around her face, and her red hair had grown past her breasts and was in a low side pony tail. She wore Alliance BDU's. He noticed the pale scar on her arm that she had gotten from the research base. His eyes moved back to her face. She was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

“Sometimes. I often feel dizzy and short of breath. Today is a good day, however.” Shepard gave him a small smile and stepped back into his arms, wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head against his chest.

“I am flattered that you came to see me.” He said, and Shepard looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Why flattered?” She asked.

“It has been a long time. I did not think you would still want to be attached to a dying man whilst there was a war on.” Shepard recoiled from his grasp as if he had physically hurt her.

“ _How can you_... how can you say that?” She lowered her voice when a couple of nearby doctors glanced their way.

“I said yes to being your wife. I would never... I thought about you every day in detention. I dreamt about you. I tried... I tried to get my guard to contact you but he couldn't find you. I couldn't... I couldn't... ” Shepard bit her lip as her voice shook. Thane frowned.

“It seems I miscalculated your...”

“You thought I would just throw you away?” Shepard said, tears welling in her eyes again. He clenched his fist, angry at himself for convincing himself that Shepard would no longer want him. It was foolish of him to think that she was capable of such brash behaviour.

“I... I don't know what I thought. I thought I'd never see you again, Shepard. I expected to... not be alive still.” Shepard gasped and put her hand over her mouth, holding her breath so that she wouldn't sob again. He felt a shooting pain through his heart as he watched her.

“I can't.. I can't right now...” She turned and walked to find the room that Kaidan was in. She needed a moment to compose herself, and with Kaidan being unconscious after surgery, it wouldn't matter if she shed a few tears in front of him.

Thane felt his heart break completely as he watched the woman he loved walk away in pain.

****

Thane had turned back to the window and was contemplating his incompetence at reunions and the fact that he had lost the only light in his life permanently when he felt a small familiar hand slide into his. Shepard's eyes were slightly bloodshot, but her small smile was genuine.

“I am sorry, siha. I...” Shepard raised her finger to her lips and shook her head.

“It's just good to see you again. Would you.. would you like to come back to the Normandy for a bit? It looks different.” She gave him a hopeful grin, and for the first time in six months, his own lips pulled into a smile.

****

“Hey Shepard, I was just about to come and find y...” James stopped in the airlock as he noticed the drell whose hand was attached to Shepard's. His thick brows rose in surprise. Shepard guessed he had never seen a drell before (that and he probably didn't expect Shepard's lover to be an alien). He recovered from his shock quickly, and stuck out his hand.

“Lieutenant James Vega. I assume you're Thane?” Thane nodded and shook James' hand.

“James was my guard on Earth. He's part of my team on the Normandy now. He stopped me from going all out insane.” Shepard grinned at James. Thane stepped forward and clapped a hand over James' shoulder.

“My thanks, Lieutenant. It is a great comfort to know that there are people who care about Shepard close to her on the Normandy.”

“Yeah, sure. My pleasure.” James said nervously as he felt Thane's dark eyes bore into his.

“How is the Major, Shepard?” James asked when Thane stepped back.

“I think he'll be ok. We're going to have to leave him at the Citadel while he recovers from surgery, though.” Shepard leant into Thane's side as she spoke. James made a conscious effort not to stare at the intriguing alien in front of him. Were his fingers fused together? How was Shepard holding his ha...

“Never seen a drell before?” His eyes snapped back up to Shepard's, and she was smirking at him.

“I'm sorry, Commander, no, I haven't. I'm sorry, Krios. Didn't mean to stare.” Shepard saw a slight blush forming on the lieutenant's tanned cheeks. Thane chuckled.

“Did you know that you can get high if you lick him?” Shepard said, grinning wickedly as James' blush deepened.

Thane pursed his lips to hold back his laughter. _That_ was the Shepard he knew.

“Uh.. I...” The young lieutenant looked positively horrified.

“I'll catch you later James.” Shepard said as she tugged Thane towards the bridge door.

“Yeah, yeah. See you later.” James hurried past them, leaving the Normandy without even a slight backwards glance.

“You've terrified the poor man.” Thane said, and Shepard winked at him.

“Well well well, look who it is! The Passion Assassin!” Joker said as he spun around in his chair.

“The… Passion Assassin? _Really_ , Joker?” Shepard let go of Thane's hand and folded her arms.

“Good to see you again, Joker.” Thane stepped forward and shook the pilot's hand.

“Yeah, you too. Nice to see you're up and about. Didn't feel good leaving the Citadel when you were unconscious.” Joker glanced at Shepard.

“I am just glad to be here now.” Thane said, and Joker nodded before turning back to his console.

“Come on. I want to see how flustered Traynor gets when she meets you.” Shepard said as she slipped her hand into his again.

****

Stepping into the cabin felt like stepping into home again. He could still smell his and Shepard's scent even after all this time. Thane stopped in the doorway, and Shepard turned back when she realised he wasn't following her.

“What's wrong?” She asked, her brows creased in concern.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong.” Thane said quietly. He smiled, and Shepard's face relaxed. He slowly walked towards her, and her right eyebrow raised slightly.

“May I?” Thane asked as his hand gently cupped her cheek.

“Of course.” She whispered, and he pressed his lips against hers. They kissed slowly at first; unsure if this was completely what the other wanted. Thane's uncertainty was destroyed when Shepard slid her arms around his neck and kissed him with increased vigour. Shepard's uncertainty was destroyed when Thane gripped her hips tightly and met her lip's enthusiastic pace. They carefully side-stepped down the steps; Shepard reaching one hand behind her to steady herself on the rail as they descended. He caught her scent of arousal, and he felt himself hardening. His memories of her had served him well, but the real thing was simply unmatchable. Thane pulled away when he felt the side of his legs hit the end of the bed.

“Shepard, my stamina is not what it used to be.” Shepard gave him a strange look, and then took a step back, letting her hands slide from behind his neck to grip the waist of his pants.

“We can just lay here for a bit.” She suggested with a small smile. She hadn't even expected him to be alive, let alone expected him to want to jump straight into bed with her. She frowned slightly as she remembered that she hadn't taken any of Mordin's tablets to counteract the hallucinogenic properties of Thane's skin. She briefly thought about searching the Normandy for them, but decided against it, not wanting to be apart from Thane any longer.

“Siha, I want to. I want to very much.” He cupped her face and stroked her cheek. She smiled as she closed her eyes and leant in to his touch. She opened her eyes and pressed her front against him, finding his lips again and kissing him passionately. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, and she made a soft moan as she met it with her own. Shepard could feel her lips tingling, but refused to acknowledge it. They continued kissing as Shepard's hands moved up to his coat and she pulled it down his arms, letting it fall to the floor behind him as she set her hands upon her shirt's clasp. She wriggled out of it, stepping back for a moment to lean down and pull off her boots. Thane reached down and gently pulled her hair tie from her hair, letting her long hair fall as it pleased. When she stood up, it fell in a wave around the left side of her face.

“I need you so much.” She said, and she stepped forward to kiss him again. Before she could, Thane had her on her back on the bed. She let out a small gasp as she fell back into the soft mattress. She opened her mouth to speak, but Thane moved his hands to the buckle of her pants and swiftly undid it, before pulling her pants off and flinging them behind him. Shepard bit her lip as she watched him through lidded eyes. Even though her panties were black, he could see the damp spot that had already appeared. It was beyond him as to why she still wanted him, but from the look she was giving him, he wasn't going to complain.

“Take yours off.” Shepard said softly, and Thane removed his shoes and pants, leaving only his briefs as he leant over Shepard. Her skin was even softer than he remembered it; months of no battles had left her skin free from any abrasions. He was admiring the way her hard nipples strained against her bra's soft cups when she hooked her leg around him and rolled him onto his back. She straddled his crotch, and leant forward to gently rake her nails down his chest, taking care to avoid the dressing that sat under his left pectoral muscle. He was still all hard muscle, and the feel of it under her hands made Shepard moan and grind against Thane.

“Just.. go slowly. It's.. it's been a while.” Shepard said softly as Thane hovered over her. The room swayed softly around her in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant.

“Of course, siha.”

They continued slowly; slower than they had ever been when they were together, eager to touch and taste and see every part of each other after being apart for so long. Shepard was dizzy with not only the venom but with pleasure; she had forgotten that even though Thane's hands were meant for murder, they could also inflict insane amounts of pleasure. Shepard was sure that Cortez heard her shouts of pleasure all the way down in the shuttle bay when Thane decided to map every inch of her skin with his lips and tongue.

When they were both panting and satisfied, they intertwined their bodies and lay silently on top of the dishevelled sheets. Shepard felt the urge to laugh, so she did. Thane tilted his chin down to look at her.

“What's so funny?” Shepard looked up from his chest with dilated pupils.

“ _Oh_.” Thane said.

“Are you feeling ok?” Thane didn't want a repeat of what happened the first time she had experienced the effects of his venom.

“I am excellent.” Shepard said with a giant grin.


	31. Chapter 31

Shepard walked Thane back to Huerta after they had spent a good portion of the afternoon cycle together. She had made sure her pupils were back to a relatively normal state before they departed the Normandy. Traynor blushed when they had walked past, and the rest of the crew tried to avoid looking at her. She was too ecstatic to care that her room was decidedly not sound proof.

“Contact me as soon as you get off Menae.” Thane said as he pulled Shepard into a hug in the elevator.

“I promise.” She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him until the elevator doors opened. Thane took a step back and took her hands in his.

“I love you.” He said, giving her that smile that made her melt every time.

“I love you too. I'll be back soon.” They kissed, and then Thane stepped out of the elevator. He turned to give her another smile, and she returned it and nodded as the doors shut between them.

****

Now that they were in the shuttle and away from the Primarch's curious eyes, Shepard threw herself into Garrus' arms. He made a strange turian noise of what Shepard could only assume was happiness as he wrapped his strong arms around her. Their armour clanked together and it made them both bend towards each other at an awkward angle, but Shepard wasn't letting up.

“I'm so glad you're safe.” Shepard said as she stepped back and looked up at her friend.

“Me too, Shepard. I was worried when Earth had been hit. I tried to get in contact with you, but it seems the Alliance is more vigilant than I thought.” Garrus said as his brow plates lowered in a frown.

“Yeah. I didn't get any contact privileges. All I had was this guy.” Shepard grinned as she waved her hand towards James.

“Worst job I've ever had.” The lieutenant grinned. Garrus nodded at him in a silent gesture of thanks.

“Have you been in contact with any of the old crew?” Garrus asked as he took a seat.

“We've got Liara back on board, and Joker and EDI are still running the ship. I saw Kaidan for a bit but he's at Huerta now. Thane's there too.” Shepard took the seat next to James so she could face Garrus.

“How is he?” Garrus asked with narrowed eyes.

“He's good. Better than I thought he'd be.” Shepard's smile disappeared when she saw Garrus' gaze shift to the floor in front of him.

“What?” Shepard asked.

“Did he mention anything about me?” Garrus asked, still avoiding Shepard's eyes.

“No. Should he have?” With monumental effort, Garrus finally looked at Shepard.

“Well, no.” He said, his voice flanging wildly. Shepard frowned.

“When he woke up, I was there, and he uh... wasn't very happy that I let you leave.” Garrus scratched his neck nervously.

“What do you mean, not happy?”

“He yelled at me.” Garrus said in a way that made him sound like a berated child. Shepard couldn't help but laugh. Garrus' mandibles flared in embarrassment.

“He _yelled_ at you?” She managed to say.

“He told me to get out. He was very upset. Is he on the Normandy?”

“No, he's still at Huerta. He needs daily treatment. You're safe for now.” Shepard smirked. Garrus sighed and relaxed back into the metal seat as much as he could. James frowned in confusion. Was the turian scared of the drell?

****

“Hey Scars.” James said as he stepped into the main battery. The tall turian glanced behind him quickly, then turned back to his console.

“Vega. What can I do for you?” Garrus liked the young lieutenant. He was dedicated and skilled, and Garrus hoped that the war wouldn't beat that eager spirit out of him.

“I was just wondering, Shepard said that Thane needed daily medical attention. Is he going to be alright? I mean, if I was Shepard, I'd want him back on the ship.” James said as he wandered over to Garrus' weapons bench, admiring the sniper rifle that was shiny with a fresh application of gun polish.

“He's terminally ill.” Garrus said as he turned to face James.

“Oh. Well, shit.” James said as he raked his nails through his stubble.

“He's been ill for a very long time. When we met him almost a year ago, he was sick. I'm... surprised that he's still around.”

“Does he have cancer or something?” James leant back against the bench.

“He has Kepral's. It's a drell specific illness. Affects the respiratory system. There's no cure.” Garrus said as he folded his arms. James shook his head in confusion.

“But Shepard said that he proposed to her.”

“He did.” James frowned.

“You're surprised at her choice of partner?” Garrus' mandibles flicked slightly as he gave James a toothy turian grin.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. She mentioned him back on Earth, but she never said he was a drell. Or that he was dying. He scared the shit out of me when I saw him in the airlock.” Garrus chuckled.

“He's a pretty scary guy when he wants to be.” Garrus' gaze turned to the ceiling as he remembered the first time that they had met Thane.

“If he wasn't scary, he wouldn't be a very good assassin.” Garrus said. James held his hands in front of him in disbelief.

“Wait. Wait. Shepard's... fiancée... is a terminally ill drell assassin?”

Garrus nodded.

“And... he's going to die soon?” James saw the way they looked at each other when he had run into them in the airlock. He didn't want to think about how Shepard would feel when Thane died.

Garrus nodded again.

“ _Ay dios mio!_ ”

****

Shepard laughed as Thane's face froze in confusion.

“Did you just say that you're going to cure the genophage?” He said finally, his voice crackling slightly over the comm link.

“Yep.”

“ _And_ that you have a Prothean on board?”

“Yep.” Shepard said again, grinning as Thane's eyes widened.

“I.. “ Thane smiled and shook his head.

“Only you could, siha.”

****

Four days on Tuchanka and Shepard was ready to never ever set foot on that hell-hole ever again. Mordin was gone as quickly as he had appeared, leaving her to silently fight the ache inside of her that his recent death had caused. She knew that a war had many fatalities, but she wasn't expecting to experience the aftermath of one so soon.  
Shepard collapsed onto the cool shuttle floor after stripping down to her undersuit and spread out her aching limbs, gazing up to the fluorescent lights until her eyes burned. James and Garrus looked at each other, then back to the body on the floor in front of them.

“That was fucked.” Shepard said as she put her hands over her eyes.

“It went FUBAR pretty quick.” James agreed.

“Shepard, in the event that Mordin did not come back, he wanted me to tell you that he had left some anti venom tablets in your cabin, and to tell you that he was very pleased to hear that Sere Krios is still alive.” EDI's voice crackled through the shuttle's comm speaker above her.

“Thanks, EDI.” Shepard mumbled. Her and her team had achieved something that was believed to be impossible, and in the process given life to many, but it didn't block out the thoughts of all the inevitable deaths that were to come. In particular, one inevitable death.

****

The elevator opened onto the crew deck, and Shepard cursed under her breath as Traynor, James, and Liara turned to look at her. James let out a low whistle as her heeled foot stepped onto the CIC deck.

“You look beautiful, Shepard.” Liara smiled as her blue eyes gazed at Shepard's form fitting dress.

“Looking smashing, Commander! Going on a hot date?” Traynor said excitedly.

“Yes. No. Yes, I mean, I am going on a date. Seeing as we're back on the Citadel for restocks, I thought I'd go to dinner with Thane.” Shepard was determined not to blush as James' stare seemed to be focused on her legs.

“That sounds lovely.” Liara said , and Traynor nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, have fun, I've gotta... Scars needed me to... Esteban wanted...” James quickly walked past her to the elevator. Shepard rolled her eyes as she began to walk towards the airlock.

“Have fun! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!” Traynor called after her.

****

“Shepard, you look absolutely stunning.” Thane said as Shepard stepped out of the Presidium commons elevator.

“You told me this was your favourite dress, right?” Shepard said as she smoothed a hand down her hip.

“I did indeed.” He pulled her in for a gentle kiss and hoped that her hand would not run over the small box in his coat pocket. He almost breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled back, instead grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the direction of Apollo's.

“Come on, I'm starving. We haven't got a mess cook on board any more. Can you believe that? Cheap Alliance bastards.” Thane grinned as they walked side by side. It was the Citadel's night cycle again, and he was filled with memories of their last dinner at Apollo's. It seemed fitting to give her a proper proposal here. He had briefly contemplated proposing to her again on the Normandy, but he wanted the occasion to be just for them, and not make a big spectacle over it. He chose a table next to the railing on the slightly lower level so that they were partially hidden to the other patrons. Shepard sat down and picked up her menu straight away, and Thane did the same. When they had ordered their food and drinks, Shepard told him all about what she had been doing; her smile only disappearing when she told him the news about Mordin.

“How's Kolyat?” She asked.

“He is doing very well. Bailey seems to be pleased with his work ethic; he's given him many weekly hours.”

“I was thinking maybe I should steal him for the Normandy. If I can't have one drell...” Shepard finished with a teasing smirk, and Thane chuckled.

“I'm sure he would very much enjoy the chance to run around and shoot things with you, siha.”

“It's not all shooting. There's the occasional button pushing in there too.” Shepard grinned.

“Ah, but Garrus tells me you hog that part.” Shepard poked her tongue out at him and then took a sip of her drink.

“How is Garrus, anyway? I believe he might be under the impression that I am upset with him.” Thane frowned. He had wanted to get in contact with the turian and thank him for all that he had done and was doing for Shepard, but every time he typed out a message he deleted it, feeling as though he couldn't get the wording right.

“He's doing well. He had generals saluting him on Menae. It was great. Every time I mention it he gets embarrassed. Advisor Vakarian is his official title.” Shepard smiled and thanked the waitress as she placed their plates in front of them.

“He told me what happened when you woke up. I think he knows that you didn't mean what you said.”

“I have tried to send him a message of apology, but it never seems to sound right.” Thane frowned as he poked at his salad.

“I'm sure whatever you say will hold meaning to him, Thane.” Shepard said as she shovelled another forkful of pasta into her mouth.

“You're right.” Thane said as he finally started his meal.

“I know. It happens sometimes.” They both smiled and stayed silent until they finished their meals. Thane glanced around and was thankful that there weren't many people around. He didn't often feel nervous, but something about Shepard's presence seemed to bring it on. He cleared his throat and stood up. Shepard raised an eyebrow at him as she took a sip of her drink.

“Shepard, I know that you said that you didn't need a fancy proposal, but I have decided that my first one was inadequate and you deserve a better one.” Shepard's eyebrow raised even further as she looked up at Thane, then around to make sure that no one was watching. She looked back to Thane as he got down on one knee next to her chair.

“We, unaccustomed to courage,  
exiles from delight,  
live coiled in shells of loneliness,  
until love leaves its high holy temple,  
and comes into our sight,  
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives,  
and in its train come ecstasies,  
old memories of pleasure,  
ancient histories of pain.  
Yet if we are bold,  
love strikes away the chains of fear,  
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity,  
In the flush of love's light,  
we dare be brave.  
And suddenly we see,  
that love costs all we are,  
and will ever be.  
Yet it is only love,  
which sets us free.”

Shepard watched him with wide green eyes as he read the poem, and she inhaled sharply as he reached into his coat and pulled out a small black box.

“Siha, it has been your love that has set me free. You have given hope and soul back to a man who had none. I would like to ask you again; will you be my wife?” Thane opened the small box to reveal a thin silver band that held three circular cut emeralds inside it. Shepard nodded slowly.

“Yes. Yes. The answer will always be yes, Thane.” Shepard said as she pulled him up towards her and kissed him. A couple behind them clapped, and Shepard blushed.

“Let me see if the measurements were correct.” Thane pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it onto her finger. It fit snugly, and the emeralds shone vibrantly in the light emanating from the lamp in the middle of their table. She held her hand out in front of her to admire the beautiful ring.

“Do you like it? I have heard that human tradition requires a diamond ring, however I thought that emeralds...”

“I love it. It's perfect.” Shepard said as she pulled him in for another kiss.

****

Thane had taken Shepard back to his and Kolyat's apartment to try and give her some time away from the stress of the Normandy. Kolyat wasn't scheduled to return from work for six hours, so Thane was safe in his assumption that they had the house to themselves. He had smiled briefly to himself at the thought that it should be Kolyat sneaking women into the apartment, instead of him.  
Shepard had kicked off her heels immediately after entering and tip toed around the apartment, making sure she took in every detail. She was about to turn back to Thane, who was removing his own shoes, when she spotted a picture frame in the middle of what she assumed was the dining table.

“How did you get one?” Shepard said as she picked up the frame.

“EDI sent it through to my omni tool just after we left Kahje. I had it printed recently.” Shepard held the black frame in her hands, smiling at the picture of her and Thane on the last day of their Kahje holiday.

“Don't tell the rest of the crew that I cut them out of the picture.” Thane said sheepishly.

****

Shepard returned from Thane's room in a pair of baggy shorts and an oversized (It was a men's size small, but on Shepard it almost covered the hem of her shorts) t-shirt, grinning as she settled onto the couch next to Thane.

“Is that attire more comfortable?” Thane asked as Shepard nestled against his side and rested her head against his chest. She hummed happily in reply.

They focused on the movie for a while before the sweet smell of Shepard's hair and the feeling of her body pressed against him stirred his desire. He stayed silent and forced himself to focus on the movie, until Shepard's hand slowly drifted down his chest and into his lap to gently stroke his hardening bulge.

“Shepard, my illness is especially unforgiving today. I do not think I could perform well in any strenuous activities.” Thane said sadly. He hated what his illness had done to him. He used to be so strong and quick and now all he felt were aches and pains. He wanted to please Shepard, but his body was screaming protest and he hadn't even done anything yet, but he wanted her. By Amonkira, did he want her.

Shepard sat up, resting her left arm along the back of the couch so she could stroke the back of his neck and continue the strokes in his lap.

“I can do all of the work.” Shepard smiled, but it disappeared when Thane said nothing. She pulled both of her hands back into her lap.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you. Just being here with you is enough for me.” Shepard smiled, then leant forward to snuggle against Thane again, but he placed a hand on her thigh before she did so.

“That would not be satisfying for you.” Thane hated that he was reduced to a man that couldn't even find the strength to satisfy his woman.

“Yes it would be. Pleasing you is _very_ satisfying.” Shepard said with a lopsided smile. They held each other's gaze for a moment, and then Shepard slowly slid her hand up his thigh.

“Do you want me to stop?” She whispered. He was so lost in the way her finger tips seemed to charge little volts of electricity into his skin that he didn't reply to her question. Shepard stopped.

“Please... please don't stop.” Thane said, and Shepard resumed. He watched her keenly, relishing the way the orange lights from the Silversun Strip bled into the room and bounced off her body, seeming to ignite her red hair to resemble the colour of fire. His pants were removed within ten seconds, and he after she began using her mouth on him, he climaxed within one minute. Shepard looked up from her kneeling position between his knees, and grinned as she licked her lips.

****

Shepard was slashing her way through the Cerberus fighter base, using her omni tool on every soldier that was unlucky enough to get close to her. Shots rang out behind her as Javik fired on the falling soldiers to finish them off as she moved on to the next one. All she could think about was Thane, and her mind was racing with all of the ways she could please him that would not require him to move much.

“ _Dios_ , Shepard, you gonna leave any for the rest of us?” James said from behind her as she stabbed her omni blade into the last soldier, then pressed her pistol to his chin and pulled the trigger.

“In my cycle, we shared the slaughter of enemy forces evenly.” Javik said as he nonchalantly leant against the console.

“Yeah, well, in this cycle there's a Citadel to go back to and I want to get there as soon as possible.” Shepard said as she clipped her pistol back to her armour. She saw James look away from Javik as he struggled to contain a grin. She hoped that the salarian councillor wouldn't hold her up for too long.

****

Shepard's heart felt like it stopped beating as Thane's transmission came through Joker's console.

“Siha, the Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere and they're in control of the docks.”

“Are you safe?” She asked. Thane's pause of hesitation made her feel nauseous.

“No. I had to evade their commandos at the hospital. I'm in a Presidium store front.” She couldn't think about her personal life right now. If Cerberus had invaded the Citadel, there was a lot on the line.

“Did Kaidan make it out?” She asked as she gripped the back of Joker's chair.

“I'm not sure. We got separated, he said he had to protect the Council. I'm going to C-Sec headquarters.” She could hear the exhaustion in his voice; he was obviously moving faster than his body wanted him to.

“Why C-Sec headquarters?” Shepard asked.

“It's been compromised, and C-Sec's response depends on it. As long as Cerberus is holding the head quarters, they have the station.” He was rushing faster; too fast. She needed to get down there.

“Alright Joker, get us away from the docks and close to C-Sec HQ. We'll deploy in the shuttle.” She turned and fought the urge to run to the shuttle bay. Her intense concern for Thane manifested itself in the form of a pounding headache that almost made her double over in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thane's poem is 'Touched By An Angel' by Maya Angelou. It seemed fitting that a piece written by such a strong, smart and beautiful woman would suit Shepard :)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The death scene. I used game dialogue and added a little extra to make it seem more personal, as I thought that in the game it seemed more like she was farewelling a friend rather than someone she loved. I hope I did it justice.

“Yes. I'm nearing the building, but running is difficult.” Thane's voice was hoarse over the comm link. Shepard pushed forward, not missing the glances that James and Garrus shot each other when they thought she couldn't see them. She knew she had been going too hard, but she needed to get to Thane.

Shepard pointed forward and brought her thumb and index finger together, then flicked them apart. James nodded, and took out the Cerberus engineer fifty metres ahead of them.

They fought through waves of Cerberus soldiers, and Shepard was becoming more anxious with every step she took further into C-Sec. She hadn't heard anything from Thane. She gritted her teeth when they found the executor and his guards dead, and left them where they lay. She briefly informed Bailey, who encouraged her to look around.

“Look around, the councillor's gotta be here somewhere.” Shepard growled with impatience. The council and councillors were a giant pain in her ass and she just wanted to get this over and done with.  
Garrus and James moved to check the adjoining rooms, when Shepard noticed the councillor uncloak under a table on the level below them. A man dressed in black dropped down from the roof behind her, and Shepard shielded her eyes before shooting out the window and dropping down to join him. She narrowed her eyes as she held her gun steady.

“Don't even think about it.” She snarled as the assassin brought up his hand; biotics swirling in his gloved palm.

“Shepard, he's going to kill us all!” The salarian councillor whispered just loud enough for Shepard to hear him.

“That remains to be seen.” She replied. Where the hell were Garrus and James?

“No, Udina. He's staging a coup. He's got the other councillors now to hand over to Cerberus.” Shepard finally heard familiar heavy footsteps behind her.

“Three on one, pal. It's over.” Shepard glared.

“No, now it's fun.” The assassin replied in a deep voice, and the councillor held up his arms in anticipation of his death. Suddenly, moving so quick that Shepard didn't notice he was there until she heard the click of his pistol, Thane was holding a gun to the assassin's head. The assassin turned, and they fought, each hitting each other with heavy blows. Shepard aimed her gun, but they were moving so fast that she wasn't entirely confident that she wouldn't hit Thane. The drell fired shots, but the assassin had already disappeared from sight. Thane stepped backwards to stand in front of Shepard as they waited for him to appear again. After a short moment, he uncloaked and Thane fired shots at the now sword wielding assassin. He charged towards Thane, who blocked his attack and they moved around and over each other, so quickly that Shepard had given up trying to aim for the Cerberus assassin. Thane got the upper hand as his biotics caused the assassin to slide across the floor. Shepard aimed her gun again as she stepped forward to finish him. Before she could fire a shot, the two duelling men were charging towards each other again. She heard the sickening sound of flesh being torn open, and she gasped. The point of the assassin's sword stuck out crudely from Thane's back; the blade glinting in the light that filtered through the giant windows that surrounded them. Thane dropped to the ground in a pool of deep red blood, and the assassin made his escape while Shepard's eyes were averted. Shepard fired after him, but she couldn't concentrate knowing that the man she loved was in a bloody heap in front of her. _No, no no_ , she mumbled to herself. Not like this.

“Go Shepard, we've got him!” James yelled from behind her, and she ran past him to follow the assassin. She was going to make him pay. She followed his trail out to a balcony, and could only watch helplessly as he boarded a sky car. She fired a few more shots, but knew that she wouldn't hit him; the sky car was moving away too fast.

“Fuck!” She growled. She turned back when she heard shots, ready to run back to Thane, but he was leaning against the wall behind her, his gun dangling limply in his hands. He slid down, his stomach making a horrifying squelching noise as he bent his body.

“How bad is it?” She asked as she opened the compartment in the hip of her armour for some medi gel. It wouldn't fix the wound, but it might help stem the bleeding. Thane held up a hand to stop her.

“I have time. Catch him.” His dark eyes focused on hers, and she could see that he was trying extremely hard not to let on how much pain he was in.

“Shepard, what's going on up there?” Bailey's concerned voice said through her omni tool.

“Thane needs medical help, fast. And I need to take care of an assassin.” Shepard didn't want to leave him, but they could fix him at Huerta, couldn't they? They had Doctor Michel and that other salarian doctor who reminded her of Mordin that she had spoken to a few times before when she had visited Thane and Kaidan.

“He must be going after the rest of the council.” Bailey said.

“Get the word out. Udina's trying to seize power. I've gotta get to the councillors.” Shepard spotted the empty sky car further along the balcony, and made her way towards it.

“They're being taken to a shuttle pad on the Presidium. Start driving. I'll try to raise them on the comm.”

Shepard looked back to Thane, who nodded to her. It didn't feel right leaving him there. She ran over to him, and he frowned.

“Siha, go. This is important. Help for me will come soon.” Thane coughed, and a fresh stream of blood ran over the hand that was pressed to the entry wound on his abdomen.

“No, no. Kaidan's with them, he can deal with this, he can...” Shepard knelt down and pressed her hand over Thane's. She winced . There was so much blood.

“Shepard, please. You must go.” Thane's eyes were wide as he spoke. Shepard leant in and kissed him gently, her lips trembling against his as she tried not to cry. He cupped her cheek with his free hand when she pulled away.

“Go.” Even with his permission, worry weighed heavy on her shoulders as she got into the sky car.

“ _I love you_.” She mouthed. He returned her words just in time before the sky car doors clamped down.

****

She shifted from foot to foot, waiting for Bailey to file his report. When he finally said she should go check on Thane, she rushed out of his office so quickly that the turian guards stationed outside of his office flicked their mandibles in surprise, and didn't even have time to reach for their guns before she had made it into the elevator. She raced through the Normandy to take the elevator up to her cabin, and peeled off her armour and undersuit before taking the quickest shower of her life and changing into jeans, an old band t-shirt and boots.

When she finally reached the hospital, it was crowded with freshly wounded patients of all species, and she had to push past distressed patients that had filled the lobby to get to the reception desk. She waited for five minutes in a line that seemed to be going nowhere until she realised that now was one of those times that she could pull the Spectre card. She made her way to the rooms at the back, and one of the human security officers stepped forward to deny her entry before the other, one she had seen each time she had visited Thane and Kaidan, greeted her by name, and the other man apologised and stepped back to let her pass.

Once she made it through the decontamination laser, she stepped out into the equally busy emergency rooms. She stood on the tips of her toes to try and glance over and around the various bodies that milled around her. She spotted a familiar flash of blue, and made her way to the room that Kolyat was standing in. A human doctor stood outside the door, blocking her entry as his narrowed eyes flitted over the data pad in front of him.

“Can I help you?” The doctor asked as he spotted the dishevelled woman pacing in front of him.

“I'm looking for a drell named Thane Krios.” Shepard said, somewhat desperately. The doctor looked up at her, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“Well, we have a drell, but not under that name.” Shepard wanted to punch him, but then she remembered how Thane had been using a fake name at Huerta.

“He was injured. Stab wound. He's a regular patient here.” The doctor put his hands up to silence her.

“It's alright. It's alright. I see.” Shepard sighed with relief.

Shepard listened as the doctor gave her his grim evaluation of Thane's condition.

“So I'll get him more blood, I'll...” The doctor silenced Shepard again.

“It would take too long to get any more. The only match for Mister... Krios, is in there with him now.” The doctor waved his hand towards the door. He nodded to let Shepard know she could enter.

 _He's in there saying his goodbyes. You might want to say yours_. Shepard swallowed and clenched her jaw as the doctor's words played on repeat in her mind.

Kolyat turned around when the door opened, nodding a silent greeting to her to which she returned.

Thane lay on the bed in front of them. Shepard was shocked at how dull his features looked.

“Shepard.” He said, before he began coughing. Shepard stepped forward to take his hand in hers as she looked back to Kolyat.

“He asked me to take off his oxygen mask so he could be comfortable. I don't think it will be very long.” Shepard felt the tears welling in her eyes. This was it. This was the moment that she had dreaded for a year. She thought she was prepared but she wasn't even close.

“Thane...” She started, and her voice broke as Thane looked up at her. He gave her the faintest smile before he spoke slowly.

“Siha, I'm afraid I've picked a bad time to leave.”

“You couldn't disappoint me Thane, not even now.” It was a lie that she hoped when voiced would comfort the both of them.

“Such pleasant things from your lips.” He had barely finished before he broke into another coughing fit. He gripped her hand tighter.

“Excuse me. Breathing is difficult.” He said when he had regained composure. She wanted to speak more words of comfort, but her lips refused to move.

“Siha, it will be soon. I need to know if the councillor survived.” Noticing that Shepard's jaw had suddenly seemed to become wired shut, Kolyat stepped forward to speak.

“Yes, Father. Three are alive thanks to you and Shepard. Udina... he instigated it. He is dead.” Shepard gave him a soft nod as thanks. Thane looked wildly between them, urgency in his eyes that scared Shepard. He was slipping.

“There is something I must do before it gets worse. I must...” He looked at Shepard before a gurgling noise sounded from his throat and he began coughing again. Shepard placed her free hand over his, sealing his hand between her own. It seemed to soothe him, and he started to speak again.

“Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand.” He looked away from Shepard as he coughed again. It was the worst sound that Shepard had ever heard; she'd rather listen to a thousand banshees screaming at once for the rest of her life than hear the dying sounds of her lover. Kolyat continued the prayer as Thane coughed uncontrollably.

“Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit.” Thane's hand jerked in between hers as he coughed, but he didn't let go.

“Kolyat. You speak as the priests do. You have been spending time with them.” Thane said. Even though he was breathless, he still sounded proud. Kolyat nodded and pulled a small book from his coat.

“I brought a prayer book, Shepard. Would you care to join me?” Kolyat asked as he moved to stand next to her. Shepard nodded. Thane's hand felt cool between her sweaty palms.

“Kalahira. This one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.” Kolyat's finger pointed to the next verse. Shepard hoped that her voice would not fail her.

“Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me.” Thane smiled at her, and for a moment she saw that same sparkle in his eye that he got when they were alone together, laughing at anything and everything. He turned his head away from her as she finished speaking. A moment later, she felt his hand go limp in hers. She stepped forward and reached around to close his eyes. It was a gesture that she had done for many soldiers in her lifetime, and even a couple of friends back on Earth, but doing it for Thane had filled her with more grief than she could ever remember feeling for anyone else. She gently slipped her hands away from him.

“Kolyat. Why did the last verse say “she”?” Shepard whispered, even though she knew the answer. Kolyat studied her for a moment; his eyes glossy with unfallen tears.

“The prayer was not for him, Shepard. He has already asked for forgiveness for the lives he has taken. His wish was for you.” Shepard frowned.

“Goodbye, Thane. I'll meet you across the sea.” She stood at his bedside, wanting to scream and hold him and cry until she couldn't breathe. She wanted to find Kai Leng and make him suffer for hours and tear him limb for limb until he too, breathed no more. She wanted to collapse in a heap on the floor and scream every curse word that she knew until her throat was raw. Instead, she stood silent; knowing that Thane would want her to be strong for him.

Shepard was unsure how long Kolyat stood beside her, but she figured it was a long time when the lights outside started to dim and the Citadel's night cycle began. Kolyat placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and then silently left. She stared at Thane's body until the tears finally came.

****

Another hour passed, and finally the doctor returned, telling Shepard as tactfully as he could that they needed the room. Shepard nodded, and stepped away from the bed.

“Would you like me to make arrangements for his body?” The doctor asked softly. Shepard's throat felt tight, and her words came out disjointedly.

“Please. Cremation.” She hadn't given much thought to it, but she wanted his ashes to keep with her. The doctor passed her a data pad, and she filled in the details. She listed herself as his wife.

The doctor nodded, and exited the room. Shepard leant forward to place a kiss on the side of Thane's frill, and then she turned and left.

****

The crew were silent as EDI stood in front of them and informed them of Thane's passing.

“I am concerned for Shepard's well-being.” She said.

“Well no shit, her fiancée just died.” James said.

“No, I have not been able to contact her or get a hold of her location via omni tool. She has disabled it.” Garrus looked up.

“Disabled it?” He repeated, his brow plates rising.

“How long has it been disabled?” Liara asked.

“Two hours.” EDI replied.

Garrus and James looked at each other, then in an unspoken agreement, made their way towards the airlock.

****

They looked through almost every single bar they could think of before they heard a familiar voice shouting a street away. They ran, and both reached for their pistols at the scene in front of them. Shepard was standing in the middle of an alley, surrounded by three standing batarians, and two that looked very unconscious on the ground behind her. The batarians were shouting at her and waving their guns at her, and she was surrounded by blue biotic energy that seemed to pulse with every breath she took.

“Just fucking try me, you asshole! What's a few more batarians?” She slurred, and the blue field pulsed more violently around her.

“She's drunk.” James said as he and Garrus watched her sway unsteadily on her feet.

“Hey!” Garrus yelled, and the remaining batarians turned around.

“Get the hell out of here.” James growled as he popped a thermal clip into his pistol.

“You know this bitch?” The batarian closest to Shepard said.

“Everyone knows that bitch. She's Commander fucking Shepard, the great _destroyer_.” The one next to him snarled.

“Leave now, and no one else gets hurt.” Garrus said. His finger pressed against the trigger; he wasn't going to let anyone hurt Shepard. The batarians laughed, and Garrus fired a concussive shot into the batarian that had so far stayed silent, sending him hurtling into a dumpster. The other two scrambled away and had almost made it out of sight before they turned and fired a couple of shots at Shepard. Garrus held his breath, but released it when he saw that the rounds didn't penetrate her biotic barrier.

Shepard finally looked up from the floor to face them. Her cheeks were stained with lines of bleeding mascara, and she had a large purple bruise around her left eye. Her t-shirt was ripped across the breast and her jeans had a hole in the knee, revealing grazed and bloody skin. Her biotic barrier dissipated and she dropped to her knees. Garrus and James sprinted over to pull her up.

“Guess you didn't put that barrier up quick enough, huh?” James said as he referenced her bruised eye. Shepard glared at him with her bloodshot eyes, but said nothing.

“Come on, Shepard. Let's get you back to the Normandy.” Garrus said, and Shepard dug her feet in to the ground.

“ _Shepard!_ ” Garrus said in a tone that might have worked on a young child; but on Shepard, she just dug her boots into the ground harder in defiance.

“Leave me here.” She spat, causing James to get a whiff of whiskey scented breath straight into his face.

“How much did you drink, Shepard?” The lieutenant said as he cringed and tried to breathe out of his mouth.

“Four. Four.. forty. Maybe.” Shepard said as her head lolled around.

“ _Forty?_ ” Garrus shouted, his mandibles flicking wildly in horror.

“Thanks Cerberus, for the iron stomach you fucking... you fucking... those _motherfucking_...” Shepard closed her mouth quickly, and James swore.

“She's gonna chuck!” He yelled, and they knelt down with Shepard as she threw up a foul smelling mix that was black as tar. James held her hair back as Garrus held her shoulders.

“Spirits.” Garrus whispered as he shook his head. He knew she would grieve, but the grieving he had in mind consisted more of Shepard shut in her cabin for long periods of time, rather than starting a fight with some batarians and throwing up all over herself.

Shepard seemed to vomit an entire bar's worth of liquid before she flung her head back and wailed. The two men pulled her back onto her feet and guided her around the puddle of vomit.

“Come on, Shepard. It's alright.” Garrus said, but he was drowned out by Shepard's screaming. James looked away; his own eyes feeling hot with tears at the sight of Shepard's distress.

“We didn't even.. we didn't even.. we didn't even get married.” Shepard said in between sobs.

“I know Shepard, I know.” Garrus said quietly. She stopped suddenly, digging her feet into the ground, and she turned to face Garrus. She tried to speak, but instead, she threw up the remaining contents of her stomach all over the front of Garrus' armour. James would have laughed if the whole situation wasn't so heartbreaking. James had to hand it to the turian; he didn't even so much as blink as it happened.

Seeing what she had done to Garrus' armour, Shepard broke out into wails again. James took off his t-shirt and handed it to Garrus, who took it with his free hand and wiped as much as he could off of the front of Shepard's shirt, and then his own armour. He threw the soiled t-shirt onto the ground.

“I'm sorry Garrus!” She screamed as more tears fell. They had made it back onto the main street by now, and various onlookers were watching with a mixture of disgust and concern. A few women stopped and stared at James' bare chest, but he was too focused on Shepard to notice.  
They reached a cab station, and James took over holding Shepard up as Garrus opened the door. With a joint effort, they got her paralytic body into the back seat of the car. Garrus took the back seat with Shepard, and James took the front and keyed in the docks as their destination. It took fifteen minutes to get back to the Normandy, and in that time, Shepard had cried, swore, apologised and almost thrown up again. Garrus had pulled her close to him and stroked her head, whilst humming a turian lullaby that had always worked on his younger sister when she couldn't sleep. It seemed to be a cross species comfort, as Shepard slowly went limp against him, and was completely and utterly unconscious as they pulled into the docking port.

James and Garrus sat in the sky car when it stopped, silent for a few minutes, until James turned around.

“Shit.” He said.

“ _Shit_.” Garrus replied.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters after this and then it's a wrap. I didn't expect it to go this long but here we are. Hope you're still enjoying it!
> 
> Also there aren't going to be any relationships/sex for Shepard. Just putting that out there. Shepard just finds comfort more physically than anything else. Her feelings on that will be explored more.

Kaidan jumped as the first air lock opened, and watched as Garrus almost ran into the back of James when he stopped suddenly.

“Major?” James said with raised eyebrows. Kaidan frowned at the very dishevelled looking Shepard who was passed out in a bridal hold in a shirtless James' arms. It wasn't the strangest thing he'd seen on the Normandy, so he quickly regained his composure.

“What happened?” Kaidan said. Garrus stepped around James to stand at the lieutenant's side.

“Thane died.” Garrus said as his keen eyes studied Kaidan.

“Oh, no.” Kaidan said, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. He hadn't spoken to Shepard much, but he'd heard enough about Shepard's relationship with Thane from other sources.

“Yeah.” Garrus said, folding his arms.

“Is that... ?” Kaidan said as he pointed towards the gunk on Garrus' chest.

“Yes, it is.” Garrus sighed.

“What are you doing here?” James asked as he gently tightened his grip on Shepard.

“I came to see if Shepard needed me back on the Normandy. Hackett offered me a position with him but I'd ah, turn it down in a second if there was a chance I could come back to the ship.” Kaidan's eyes didn't leave Shepard. She stirred in her sleep, and flung her arm out towards him. His eyes widened as he noticed the ring on her finger.

“Now's not really a good time, Alenko. I'll have Shepard get in contact with you when... when she's feeling better.” Garrus frowned at Shepard.

“Yeah, sure thing. Thanks.” Kaidan nodded and walked around Garrus to leave.

“This must have looked pretty weird.” James said as they stepped through the second airlock and onto the bridge. Joker glanced at them as they entered, but didn't say anything.

“Well, the Normandy is referred to in some circles as a travelling freak show, so I doubt he was too surprised.” Garrus said as they stepped into the elevator. Traynor gave them a sympathetic look before turning back to her console.

****

Shepard regained consciousness to the familiar hum of the elevator, and a not so familiar body against hers. She looked up to see James looking down at her.

“Hey, handsome.” She said hoarsely.

“Hey, Lola. How're you feeling?” James said, a smile of relief on his full lips. She couldn't focus her eyes; the fluorescent lighting above her causing her to blink rapidly.

“I'm great. Great. Fine. Are you carrying me?” Shepard slurred with a drunken smile.

“Yes, he is. Walking is beyond you tonight, Shepard.” She heard Garrus' voice, but she couldn't see him.

“Garrus!” She said excitedly. The elevator doors opened, and then the familiar clean scent of her cabin was in her nostrils.

“Don't put her in the bed, she's covered in vomit. Put her in the shower, I'll get some clean clothes out for her.” Garrus' voice became quieter as he moved away from them. Shepard tried to lift up her head, but the room was spinning and she couldn't tell which way was up, instead bumping the side of her head into James' hard chest.

“Don't look at me like that, it's not the first time I've had to put her in the shower.” Garrus said in response to the nervous look on James' face. She bobbed up and down slightly as James walked into the bathroom, and she groaned as he gently set her on her feet under the shower head.

“Scars, I don't think Shepard would want me here for this.” James said next to her. She swayed against him as a tall figure appeared in the bathroom's doorway.

“I don't mind. We can take a shower together.” Shepard said as her legs gave out. James pulled her up before she had a chance to make it to the ground. Shepard giggled as she tried to give James a seductive look.

“Honestly, Shepard. You and your lieutenants.” Garrus teased as he lifted her shirt over her head.

“They're all just so _hot_.” James' warm and muscular body against hers reminded her of Thane, and for a brief moment she was filled with lust instead of grief. Garrus chuckled as he helped her step out of her pants.

“Hold her up, James. I'll turn on the water.” Shepard squealed as the water hit her bare skin. She looked down; she was still wearing a bra and underwear. It clung uncomfortable to her skin once wet, so she moved her hands behind her back to unclip her bra.

“Woah, Lola. It's alright, you can take it off soon.” James batted her hands away and tightened his grip under her armpits.

“'S wet.” She slurred.

“You're in a shower, Shepard. It's _supposed_ to be wet.” She grinned lopsidedly at Garrus as he scrubbed the dirt from her arms and carefully washed the graze on her knee.

“Vega, take this towel and hold it. Shepard, can you take off your bra and underwear by yourself?” Garrus asked. Shepard nodded, and James took the towel from Garrus, who gripped Shepard's arm to steady her.

“Is she alright?” Liara asked from the door way. James breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank god. Liara, take this towel.” James shoved the towel at the confused asari, and left to wait outside the bathroom. Liara made a mental note to herself to ask why James was walking around without a shirt later.

“How did I get such great, sexy friends?” Shepard said as a familiar blur of blue stepped in front of her.

“Liara, can you help her with her underwear? I can't put her into bed with wet clothes.” Garrus said as he tried not to laugh at Shepard's comment. Liara nodded, then flung the towel over her shoulders as she helped remove Shepard's bra and panties. Liara gave her a quick towel dry, then wrapped it around her intoxicated friend.

“How long has she been like this?” Liara asked as she looked up at Garrus.

“A few hours at least. She said she drank 'maybe forty' drinks.” Liara gasped.

“I think it might have been forty six.” Shepard added.

“By the goddess, Shepard!” Liara tried to scold, but her heart wasn't in it. She would be doing the exact same thing if she had lost the love of her life. Liara frowned. She in fact had done the same thing when Shepard had died; she had spent a fortune on drinks at a seedy bar on Illium and still couldn't remember the three days that followed.

“Come on, let's get you into bed.” Liara said as she hooked one of Shepard's arms around her as Garrus did the same with her other arm. James ghosted behind them to catch them if they fell. They walked slowly; delayed by Shepard's wobbly legs.  
When they finally made it down the stairs and to the bed, James had set out the clothes that Garrus had flung onto it for Shepard out into a neat pile. Shepard flopped back onto the bed, and Liara slid her underwear up her legs, making sure that Shepard's towel stayed in place and didn't give away the small amount of modesty that Shepard had left. Shepard giggled as Liara's finger tips tickled her thighs.

“Don't laugh, Shepard!” Liara tried to scold again, but she couldn't help but smile at her friend's laughter. Garrus pulled Shepard into a sitting position, and Liara pulled an N7 t-shirt over Shepard's head, then removed the towel. Shepard flopped backwards again, and Garrus and Liara looked back to James and motioned him over.

“Grab her feet.” Liara said, and Shepard giggled again when James' rough hands slid over the soles of her feet. The three of them moved her into a proper laying position, and Shepard made a contented humming noise. Liara was breathless with the effort it took to get the surprisingly heavy Shepard into a comfortable position.

“What do you mean, it's not the first time you've had to put her in the shower?” James asked when Shepard started snoring.

****

Shepard sat up suddenly, causing Liara's data pads to be flung from their position on the bed and clatter harshly against the floor. Liara tried to grab for them, but only managed to get one.

“Liara?” Shepard said groggily as she looked at the asari sitting on the bed beside her.

“Shepard? Are you alright?” Liara asked.

“I...” Shepard closed her mouth and tried to swallow as she felt her stomach churning. Liara reached for the bucket on the night stand beside her and shoved it under Shepard's chin just in time for her to throw up. Liara held the bucket with one hand and rubbed Shepard's back with the other. Shepard groaned.

“Thanks, Liara.” Shepard's voice echoed in the bucket. Liara kept up the soothing circles on Shepard's back, and after a few minutes, she lifted her face out of the bucket.

“I feel horrible.” Shepard said as she closed her eyes. She felt sad and sick and she just wanted to sleep until everything was over.

“I bet you do. I'm sorry, Shepard.” Liara said softly.

“It's not your fault. But thanks.” Shepard said as she moved to place the bucket on the floor beside the bed. Liara intercepted it, and took it to the bathroom to rinse it. She returned with a glass of water that Shepard downed in five seconds.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Liara asked as she returned to her spot next to Shepard. Shepard laid back down slowly, and moved her hand along the blanket to slip into Liara's.

“Not right now. But thanks, Liara. Thanks so much.” The two women exchanged a smile before Shepard closed her eyes and drifted back into a dreamless sleep, comforted by the warmth of her good friend's hand.

****

It was the following day when Shepard felt well enough to stand up without immediately crumpling back down to the floor. She showered by herself and put on clean clothes, then made her way down to the CIC, and thankfully, no one commented on either Thane or her drunkenness.

“Good morning, Commander. The quarians are waiting for you to contact them, when you're ready.” Shepard nodded her thanks, and had Joker set a course for the Perseus Veil.

Things with the quarians had gone better than expected, and Shepard and smiled so wide that her cheeks ached when Tali walked into the room. She grinned again when they found Legion. She definitely wasn't grinning when the quarians fired on the dreadnought whilst they were still on board. She had punched the quarian responsible for that, which made her foul mood a little better.

Her whole body ached, and not just from the fight that she had apparently gotten into with some batarians (as Garrus had told her). She kept her armour on for as long as possible; determined not to take off her gloves so that she didn't have to look at the reminder of Thane that was on her finger. She kept busy, first by saved a quarian admiral, then taking Legion, Tali, and Garrus with her to take back Rannoch from the reaper geth. She didn't even swear when the reaper emerged in front of her; sheer determination to destroy it cancelling out any other emotions. As the reaper was getting closer and she was standing in front of it with the targeting laser, rolling and diving out of the way of it's weapon, she briefly considered letting it hit her; until she heard Garrus' voice yelling in her ear that she was crazy and he was going to have some very stern words with her when she got back, and she couldn't do anything else but laugh maniacally (which elicited more stern words from the turian). When the reaper was almost on top of her, she managed to get the laser to target it one more time, and then the full force of the fleets that were orbiting above Rannoch rained down on it. She watched as it twisted and fell and burned in front of her. Two down, however many more to go. She wished that Thane could have seen it. She imagined the way that he would smile at her and tell her he was proud of her.

****

Legion was gone, but everyone else was still alive. The geth and the quarians had even pledged to work together. Shepard collapsed on the bridge as soon as she stepped into the airlock, her armour clunking loudly against the floor. Tali jumped on top of her and tackled her in an enthusiastic hug.

“You did it! I love you!” Tali shouted as she squeezed Shepard. Garrus chuckled from above them, and Joker had turned to watch the display.

“I bet you say that to all of the women that get you your home world back.” Shepard mumbled against Tali's shoulder. The quarian rocked back onto her knees, and held Shepard at arm's length.

“Only the cute ones.” She replied, and Shepard threw her head back in laughter. It wasn't until later, when she was in the shower again, that she thought of Thane again. She remembered how much he had wanted to see a desert. A single tear fell as she thought about how much he would have enjoyed feeling the dry heat of Rannoch's sun on his colourful skin. He might have even liked to live there.

****

Shepard held Liara's head against her chest as the asari sobbed. Shepard counted Thessia as one of her biggest failures. She silently let her tears fall, and hoped that Liara wouldn't look up. Shepard frowned. It probably wouldn't be very comforting if your comforter was crying too.

Everything seemed to be going downhill (more than usual) and Shepard was starting to doubt how much longer she could go on. She'd seen more dead bodies than any sane person could deal with, and she was starting to wonder if she actually was going insane.

It was a couple of days later on Horizon, when she had Kaidan and Liara standing behind her as they watched Miranda kill her father that she realised maybe she was insane. She didn't gasp like Kaidan and Liara did as the man fell screaming through the glass; she stood and watched silently, jealous that Miranda's father could cross the sea so soon and she could not.

****

She had decided that yes, she was going insane, when she let the dark water envelope the mech as she descended to find Leviathan. As the mech glided down in the huge expanse of ocean and started to make strange noises from the increasing pressure, Shepard suddenly panicked. This wasn't the sea for her. Not yet.

****

With the war seeming to approach it's end, Anderson and Hackett had all but ordered Shepard to dock the Normandy at the Citadel for repairs and upgrades. She sighed heavily as she pulled her satchel bag onto her shoulder and left the ship to check out the apartment that Anderson had given her.

She walked through the spacious apartment with a frown. There was too much room for just one person to live in it. She was about to send a message to James and Steve and ask if they wanted to come around for some drinks when she received a message from Joker. She dropped her bag upstairs and made her way to the restaurant to meet her pilot.

****

“Are you seeing this?” Shepard said as a mirror image of her dropped down from the balcony above.

“Definitely seeing it.” James replied.

“I'm not sure what I'm seeing any more, if I'm being honest.” Kaidan replied from behind her. Shepard grunted in agreement.

****

“Two Lolas? I don't think the galaxy would have been able to survive, even if you didn't kick her off the ship.” James said as he mixed himself another drink.

“You're just shitty because you can't even get one Lola.” Traynor slurred drunkenly, and Garrus high fived her. James held his arms out to Shepard as if to ask for back up.

“She'd eat you alive, LT.” Kaidan said from next to Steve. James threw his hands up in defeat when Shepard just grinned.

“It is my understanding of the human grief cycle that some people may turn to casual sexual encounters for comfort. Do you see that being part of your coping plan, Shepard?” EDI asked in a way that had anyone else asked the same question, Shepard would've punched them in the throat. The room went silent and everyone avoided looking at Shepard. EDI was still watching her expectantly.

“Uhhh...” Shepard started.

“I... can't say I've thought about it all that much.” Shepard said as she swilled the liquid in her glass. That was a lie. She had thought about it often. She wished that she had an eidetic memory; she was beginning to forget what a warm body felt like against hers.

“In my cycle, we...” Javik was interrupted by a chorus of voices telling him to shut up.

****

“Hey, uh, I'm sorry about EDI before. She's still getting used to the 'personal question' thing. The other day she asked Garrus if he'd ever thought about having sex with Liara. I have no idea where that one came from.” Joker said as he sat on the couch next to Shepard. Shepard was absolutely hammered; she had given up trying to focus on anything or get up. Her body was numb and tingly at the same time and she really needed to pee.

“'S alright.” Shepard managed as she drank the last of her twentieth drink. She leant forward to place the empty glass on the coffee table, but her depth perception was completely off and it smashed against the tiled floor.

“Ah, shit.” Shepard said as she dropped onto the floor on her knees to try and push the pieces of broken glass together with her bare hands.

“Shepard, allow me.” A calm voice said. She turned her head to look behind her to Thane.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. When she blinked, the green turned to blue and Samara's concerned expression was glancing back at her.

“You invited me, Shepard.” Samara said as she helped Shepard get up from the floor.

“I'm sorry. I thought you were...” Shepard started, but then gave up and shook her head and let Samara lead her into the kitchen, where Zaeed and Garrus were doing something to the microwave.

“Garrus, will you please get Shepard some water?” Samara said as she helped Shepard slide up the counter to sit on the counter top. Garrus and Zaeed continued chatting, their heads almost inside the microwave as they argued about which wire was most important for an equal power supply.

“Garrus.” Samara said, much louder, but still very calmly. Garrus banged his head on the microwave, and then against Zaeed's, as the two men turned around to look at the commanding voice.

“Oh! Of course.” Garrus said as he prepared a glass.

Shepard gazed at the majestic asari, and accidentally let her gaze linger on the justicar's breasts for longer than necessary. She had been with women before. They were so soft and nice and Shepard wanted to lean in and kiss the one standing in front of her. She would have done it, if everything didn't feel like it was spinning and she wasn't more likely to kiss the air than her intended target. When her gaze returned to Samara's face, one corner of her full lips had quirked into a smile.

“I was just... looking.. at... ah, shit.” Shepard said in a sentence that sounded like it could've come from James.

“I'm flattered, Shepard.” Samara said as she placed a gentle hand on Shepard's shoulder, then left to clean up the shattered glass. Shepard didn't see Garrus approach with glass of water until he not so gently pushed it against her lips.

“You're an idiot.” Garrus said teasingly.

“Fuck off, buddy.” Shepard said as she slowly grabbed hold of the glass.

“Bloody hell, Shepard. You trying to meet the lizard as soon as possible, or what?” The blurry person with the nice accent next to Garrus said.

“Yes.” Shepard admitted. She was at the stage of drunk where a deep and meaningful conversation had become appealing.

“Oh, Shepard.” Garrus said softly as he leant against the bench next to her. She pulled him closer to steady herself against his side. He slipped his arm around her and gave her a turian grin, which she returned with a wide toothy smile.

“Maybe EDI was on to something.” Shepard sighed.

“Don't the humans have a saying about this kind of thing? The best way to get over someone...”

“Is to get under someone else.” Zaeed finished for Garrus.

“Doesn't that only really apply to breakups though? Not sure if that's the right saying for Shepard's situation.” Zaeed said as he leant against the bench on the other side of Shepard. They were facing the conference table at the back of the kitchen, and they watched for a moment as Jack pulled Traynor up onto the table after her and they both began dancing enthusiastically on top of it.

“Break up, death. Same thing. Guess death is just more permanent than a break up.” Shepard said.

“Death isn't permanent for everyone.” Garrus said, gently nudging into Shepard with his elbow. She let out a low laugh.

“You too, Massani.” Garrus looked over the top of Shepard's head at the merc's scarred face. He grunted and nodded.

“I do like to flirt with death, but she's a fickle bitch. Reckon you should've kept those scars, Shepard. Made you look goddamn intimidating. Like a five foot three monster.” Zaeed said before taking a long sip straight from his undiluted whiskey bottle.

“You saying I'm not intimidating now?” Shepard turned her head towards Zaeed, and with monumental effort, frowned. He grinned at her. The three of them watched in amusement as Jack pulled Traynor in for a rough kiss.

“What about you two, then?” Zaeed said, waving his hand in Garrus and Shepard's direction. Shepard turned her bloodshot eyes to meet Garrus' narrowed eyes. Shepard's mouth slowly moved into a grin and Garrus' mandibles flicked out quickly.

“Don't you even...” Garrus was interrupted by Shepard grabbing both sides of his head and pulling him in for a kiss. His mouth plates were rough, much rougher than any mouth she'd ever kissed, but they were warm and comfortable against her lips. She slipped her tongue into his mouth as she reached behind his head to stroke his fringe, and she felt Garrus move his own tongue against hers. She felt a wave of desire roll through her body and gather in between her legs for a moment before Garrus pulled away. Zaeed chuckled from next to them.

“How was it?” Shepard asked the dazed turian.

“I... I'm unsure.” Garrus said as he narrowed his eyes.

“Is your armour suddenly feeling very tight?” Javik asked as he stumbled into the kitchen, spilling his drink as he did so. Garrus glared at the prothean.

“Well? Is it?” Shepard demanded. She knew she had been desirable to Thane, but was there anyone else that found her desirable? The more she thought about what EDI had said, the more she realised that maybe it would be a good distraction. That, and she was so sexually frustrated that she could probably strangle a reaper to death with her bare hands. Would she ever be desirable to anyone again, or was she always going to be pitied?

Garrus was still silent, staring at her with slack mandibles.

“I'm not going to answer that question.” He swiftly exited the kitchen, and Javik took his vacated space next to Shepard.

"That's a yes, Garrus!" Shepard called after him.

“Commander Shepard.” Javik nodded curtly to her. Shepard smirked at the way his eyes moved lazily.

“Commander Javik.” Shepard returned the greeting. Zaeed laughed from beside them.

“Honestly, Shepard, wouldn't be surprised one bit if tomorrow you told me you'd recruited a bloody banshee for the Normandy.” Zaeed pushed off from the bench and stood in front of her.

“As long as it's a hot banshee. I have no tolerance for ugly aliens.” Shepard joked. Zaeed grinned, then winked at Javik, then left to find Garrus. There was still a hot tub to rig.

“I believe that table is not steady enough to hold all of their weight.” Javik said as Liara and Tali joined Traynor and Jack's dance party. Shepard waved her hand in the air.

“Ah, let 'em do it. We can always buy another table, and I'm sure we can find a new asari and biotic if we really tried.” Shepard gave Javik a grin, which he surprisingly returned. Shepard had found that he had a dark sense of humour similar to hers. She went to turn away from the prothean next to her, but her eyes were drawn to the dark red flesh under his neck that was similar to Thane's skin. Before she could reason with herself, she brought her hand up to gently touch Javik's neck. He gave her a sideways glance, but otherwise said nothing. She ran her fingertips along the soft flesh, raising her eyebrows in surprise at just how similar it felt to her drell's skin.

“Shepard.” Javik's voice was lower than she had ever heard it. It was also the first time that she heard him use her name and not refer to her as 'Commander' in an agitated tone.

“Javik?” Shepard asked as she slowly let her hand fall into her lap, the warmth that radiated from his skin still lingering on her skin.

“I do not think this is a good idea. We are both intoxicated, and I am... an alien.” Javik said as he looked straight ahead.

“You're a _what?_ Why didn't you ever tell me?” Shepard feigned shock. Javik rolled all four eyes.

“Your last... mate... was a drell?” Javik asked, trying to look as disinterested as possible as he folded his arms.

“Yeah. He was.” Shepard looked down to her lap and kicked her legs slightly.

“Do you have an alien fetish?” Javik asked, and Shepard laughed so loudly and so suddenly that the gyrating women on the table turned to see if Shepard was laughing at them. They resumed their dancing when they realised she wasn't even looking at them.

“Why does that question cause you to laugh?” Javik said as he slowly turned his head to finally look at Shepard.

“I don't think I do... I mean, I'm certainly not against... relations... with other species. I've only been with humans and a drell, though.” Shepard said. She almost laughed again at how ridiculous Javik asking her about her personal life was. However, she found it to be endearing, and made a mental note to get him drunk more often.

“I see. In my cycle...” Shepard braced herself for a xenophobic rant.

“... we were only allowed to mate with fellow protheans. There were harsh punishments carried out by the Empire if we were found to have ignored the rules and mated with primitives.” Shepard studied his face. She couldn't tell for sure with all of the eyes, but she was pretty sure he was smirking.

“I didn't see you as one to deviate from the rules, Javik.” Shepard said. Javik's smile disappeared as quickly as it had come.

“I wasn't always an... uptight hardass.” He said, referring to the time that James had bravely called him an 'uptight hardass' straight to his face after Javik made Westmoreland cry just by glaring at her. Shepard's mouth opened in a perfect 'O'.

“You didn't?” Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

“Whoever made the rules obviously never had an asari.” Shepard laughed so hard that she slipped off the counter.

****

Shepard woke up the next morning very hungover and slightly confused. Her stomach growled loudly to let her know that she was also very hungry. Her memories of the previous night were blurry and she couldn't remember anything after EDI came back with more alcohol and a box of takeaway food from the noodle place that she'd had to get Grunt out of trouble the previous day.

“Morning, Lola.” James said from next to her. Shepard shrieked and sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet to cover her body even though she was still wearing a shirt and underwear. Oh no, she _didn't_. She hoped that she hadn't (because if she had she damn well wanted to remember that particular foray into the unknown). She frowned as she wiggled her hips slightly. It didn't _feel_ like she had. James held his hands in front of him in a plea for mercy at her reaction.

“Nothing happened! I promise! All the other couches and beds were taken and I didn't want to sleep next to the krogans so I wandered up here and there was a James sized space free next to you!” The lieutenant had started out serious, but he couldn't resist making Shepard smile.

“Well, it could have been worse, I guess.” She said as she noticed he was wearing only briefs. James winked at her. She rolled her eyes and flopped back down onto the bed, groaning as the sudden movement made her nauseous.

“How's everyone else doing?” Shepard turned her head to look at James, who had his arm across his face.

“I don't know. I heard some people leave earlier, so I think it might just be the Normandy crew still here.” He mumbled.

“Then what the hell are you still doing in my bed? Go get your own bed, soldier!” Shepard said in her best command voice, and James jumped out of the bed. Shepard tried very hard not to look at his ass.

“I'm just screwing around, come back here.” Shepard said as she gave him a pleading look.

“You only want me for my body, ma'am.” James said as he tried to keep his face straight, but his sarcastic salute gave him away.

“Oh don't even pretend you'd complain.” Shepard said as she rolled onto her side and patted the space next to her.

“ _Dios_.” James muttered as he got back into the bed. Shepard gripped the mattress underneath her to keep from rolling on top of him as he made the mattress lower. They lay basking in the dull light that was bleeding into the room for a few minutes before James spoke.

“You still gonna have the memorial for Thane this afternoon?” He asked quietly. Shepard had tried not to think about it until it was absolutely necessary, and it seemed today was that day.

“Yeah.” She replied.

“I'll be here if you need anything, Lola.” She turned to face him, and she smiled softly.

“I know. Thanks for everything.” They lay in a comfortable silence, slowly drifting back to sleep until a sound of a glass shattering and Wrex swearing jolted them awake again.


	34. Chapter 34

Shepard leant against the cool railing of the docking bay, watching the various ships and shuttles whiz past at almost breakneck speed. Cortez had been right; it was soothing to watch them, however, the bright light of the Citadel's artificial sun were too bright for her this morning, so she had to make do with watching the shuttles through squinted eyes. Even though she was horribly hungover, her mind was still clear about one thing.  
The previous night had been fun, but she hadn't been able to shake the bad feeling that had decided to move into her gut and stay there for the foreseeable future. There had been plenty of times over the last few months, hell, over the last twenty five years of her life that she should have died (and did once – although that was another thing she had locked in the 'Do Not Talk About, Ever' box), but luck had seemed to be on her side for the most part and she wondered when it was going to start running out. If she was being completely honest with herself, she would admit that she hadn't been trying as hard lately. Hadn't been watching her back or reloading her clips quick enough or even exerting enough power into her biotics. She felt slightly guilty at that internal revelation; maybe she had a death wish, but her crew members didn't. It wasn't fair on them to suffer just because she was a woeful sack of crap.

“Shepard.” Liara said softly from beside her. She turned her head to notice that the crew of the Normandy had finally managed to drag their sorry asses out of the apartment and back to the Normandy. They mumbled greetings as they went by; all of them except EDI looking as horrible as Shepard felt.

“Hey.” Shepard said with a soft smile before gently turning back to watch the shuttles. Liara pressed against her side as she linked an arm through Shepard's. The asari stayed silent, content with watching the shuttles go by too. That was something Shepard loved about Liara; she never pushed or felt the need to fill a silence with conversation. She knew exactly what Shepard needed without Shepard even needing to say a single word. It was also comforting to feel another's touch, even if it was just a friendly one.

“It feels like we've been fighting this war for a decade.” Liara said a few minutes later as she shook her head. Shepard snorted.

“Tell me about it. I'm pretty sure I found a grey hair the other day.” Shepard glanced at her asari friend who was giving her a perplexed look.

“It's a sign of stress.” Shepard clarified.

“Oh!” Liara replied, looking slightly embarrassed that she didn't know.

“Think we're gonna win?” Shepard asked with a sly smile. Liara turned her head to look back at Shepard.

“Yes. With you against the reapers, they don't stand a chance when it all comes down to it.” Shepard was unsure if all of the blind confidence that her team mates had for her was completely valid, but she smiled anyway.

“Shepard 2.0, The Shadow Broker, Archangel, a Spectre, a quarian Admiral, a Prothean and The Incredible Hulk all on one ship? They don't stand a chance.” Shepard grinned.

“Who's The Incredible Hulk?” Liara asked, perplexed again.

“Vega!” Shepard replied, and Liara giggled. Shepard leant back onto the railing, and let her thoughts wander as they pleased.

“Miranda's device finally got a location for Kai Leng. Sam and I think it might even be the Illusive Man's base.” Shepard stood a little straighter. She had spent all of her sober moments thinking about various methods of inflicting pain on the Cerberus assassin. Her favourite was beating him to near death with her bare hands, then using his own sword against him. She would slide it into his stomach slowly, not wanting to afford him the quick attack that he had used on Thane. Then, when he...

“Shepard?” Liara asked, breaking Shepard out of her grisly thoughts.

“Sorry. Where is it?” She tilted her head to glance at Liara.

“The Horsehead Nebula.”

“I'll have Joker set a course.”

****

Shepard had tried to ignore Aria's constant messages about Omega for as long as possible. So long, in fact, that she had managed to convince herself that if she steered clear of Purgatory she'd be able to avoid the angsty asari until the war ended. She sighed and realised that there was no way of getting around Aria for the foreseeable future when she returned to the Normandy and found thirty four messages from the usurped Queen Of Omega on her terminal. The first messages were labelled simply, such as _“Shepard”_ or _“Omega is still on my station”_ or _"It's time"_ , but somewhere around the twenty ninth message, the subject lines turned into _“You better not be ignoring me, Shepard”_ and _“Don't make me come to that fucking docking port, Shepard, because I am itching for an excuse to leave this bureaucratic hell-hole”_. The woman was relentless.

“Joker, I need to meet Aria T'Loak's fleets before we hit the Horsehead. Can you change our course? I'll upload the co-ordinates to EDI now.” Shepard sent the co-ordinates to EDI as Joker spoke.

“Changing course now, Commander.”

Shepard didn't particularly want to go to Omega, but the more she thought about it the more she realised that she needed the fleets. The galaxy needed the fleets. As much as she had been itching to get to Leng, it would have been selfish of her to leave innocent citizens on Omega to die just so she could settle a score. Thane would've been disappointed in her if she did.

Shepard sighed and began to mentally prepare herself for her alone time with Aria. It would only take a day, after all, she told herself.

****

Three days later and Shepard was ready to lay down on the dirty street underneath her feet and throw a tantrum like a child until Aria gave up and sent her back to the Normandy. She was sick of Omega and sick of Cerberus and sick of Aria and she wanted to go _home_. Shepard had played along with everything Aria had wanted to do, and even though Aria was beginning to loosen up around her, she still didn't trust the powerful asari.

“Stop it.” Aria snapped at Shepard as she paced behind her.

“Have you almost got it?” Shepard snapped back as she waved her pistol in the direction of the door seal that Aria was trying to hack. Aria glared at her, then turned back to the panel. A few seconds later, it beeped and slid open.

“Finally.” Shepard said, earning another glare from Aria.

Shepard walked into the room and carefully set her pistol and assault rifle down on the dining table in the middle of the room. The small apartment was apparently one of Aria's safe houses, and after only a few hours sleep between them for the previous days, they both needed to rest. There were only small pockets of Cerberus soldiers left, and with Nyreen missing, Aria had wanted to rest until the turian appeared again.

Aria fiddled with her omni tool, and the door seal turned red. There was a loud whirring noise, and a thick steel shutter descended from the roof, sealing the door as it did so. A bright red barrier surrounded the shutter a second later. Aria looked at Shepard with a raised brow.

“I hope that answers your earlier questions about the apartment's security systems.”

“Yeah, alright, that was pretty impressive.” Shepard mumbled as she rolled her eyes.

Aria slid off her jacket and sat down on the couch opposite Shepard. She watched as Shepard removed her armour.

“Can't get any damn privacy around here.” Shepard muttered as she pulled off her undersuit.

“Don't flatter yourself. It's nothing I haven't seen before.” Aria said nonchalantly. A little too nonchalantly, Shepard thought.

“Bathroom is down the hall, second door on the right. There are fresh clothes in the drawer under the sink if you need to change.” Aria said before Shepard had even asked. Shepard grunted and made her way to the bathroom. She was filthy and stinky and the cool water felt heavenly against her battered skin. She kept glancing behind her to the door, expecting Aria to be standing there with that smug expression that she always seemed to have that totally infuriated Shepard, but luckily for Aria, she didn't appear. When she had finished washing away three days worth of grime and sweat, Shepard rifled through the drawer of what seemed to be a random assortment of fresh clothes until she came across a pair of plain black underwear with the tag still attached. She ripped it off, and slid them on, sighing at the feel of clothes that weren't drenched in sweat. She pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with a picture of Blasto on the front (she was sure that this wasn't actually Aria's apartment; there was no way that Aria would wear anything Blasto related), then made her way back out to the lounge area. There was soft music playing, and the sudden scent of something cooking made Shepard's stomach clench painfully in anticipation.

“Here.” Aria thrusted a plate towards Shepard as she stepped out of the kitchen. Shepard took it with raised brows.

“Oh, don't look so surprised.” It was Aria's turn to roll her eyes.

They took a seat on opposite ends of the couch and ate in silence as the soft tunes filled the air around them.

“So I heard that Krios died.” Aria said suddenly. Shepard briefly let her fork linger in the air on it's way to her mouth, but regained her composure quickly and shovelled the delicious whatever it was Aria had made into her mouth. She made an 'uh-huh' noise in the back of her throat as she chewed.

“And how did that come about?” Aria had turned to her side now and was watching Shepard intently. Shepard chewed her food slowly to annoy Aria, but the asari stayed still and silent.

“Kepral's.” Shepard said as she shovelled another forkful of food into her mouth.

“Interesting. I wasn't aware that he even had it.” Shepard nodded. She kept her eyes on her food in the hopes that Aria would give up and they'd go back to silence.

“Were you there when it happened?” Shepard leant forward and slammed her bowl on the small wooden coffee table in front of her.

“Jesus Christ, Aria, what the _hell_ difference does it make?” Shepard snapped. Aria's left brow raised slightly, but she seemed otherwise unperturbed by Shepard's tone.

“I was just curious.” She said as she turned her head to look out of the apartment's heavily tinted window.

“Yeah, well, it's none of your business.” Shepard said as she picked up her bowl again. She remembered the way that Aria had looked at Thane, and she didn't need to have those emotions brought back again.

Aria let Shepard eat the rest of her meal in peace.

****

Shepard had slept on the couch for six hours, and when she woke up, she felt worse than before. She groaned as she peeled her aching body from the leather material that had decided to stick itself to her skin. She had no idea how Aria sat on that material all day.

“We've gotta move.” Aria said from behind her. Shepard grunted agreement and dressed as quickly as possible. The sooner they finished this, the sooner she got to see Leng.

****

The cool glass of the shuttle's window helped soothe Shepard's temples as she pressed her skin against it. For whatever reason, Aria had kissed her after she had let her kill Petrovsky. Shepard wasn't sure if that was the way she thanked all of her associates or if Aria had some other ulterior motive. It couldn't have been a misguided attempt to pick her up, Shepard thought. The asari looked like she wanted to kill Shepard every time she looked at her. Shepard closed her eyes as the throbbing in her temples increased. Wasn't that how Miranda and Jack acted? Shepard had always thought that those two would've eventually gotten together.

“Aria seemed impressed with you.” Bray said, trying to make conversation with the impressive woman next to him. Shepard snorted.

“I don't think Aria would even be impressed by a hanar in high heels on a tight rope.” Shepard said without moving her head. Bray let out a genuine laugh. Shepard had been surprised to find Bray as pleasant company. She made a mental note to seek him out for her crew when the reapers were gone. She had always wanted a batarian on her team, but had given up that train of thought after the relay incident. This batarian, however, had made it clear that he harboured no ill feelings towards her. She smiled slightly; when she came back to Omega to get him, maybe she could convince a vorcha to join her too. She'd always found the way they seemed to sound angry even in mundane conversations hilarious.

“Don't you ever get worried she's gonna stab you in the back one day?” Shepard asked as she turned to face the batarian. He glanced at her for a moment, then returned his gaze forward.

“No. She can be terrifying, but she's fair.” He said.

“Does she even have any friends?” Shepard realised that there wasn't a single person that she had spoken to that wasn't frightened of Aria. Even Garrus had shifted nervously from foot to foot when she had told him that Aria wanted her to go alone.

“I... I'm not sure. She spends most of her time alone with the dancers.” Bray said. Shepard exhaled through her nose, too lazy to actually snort.

“What?” Bray asked.

“It all makes sense.” Shepard said as she turned her head back to the window, this time pressing her cheek against it.

“What makes sense?”

“The way she acts. She's lonely.” Bray was quiet for a while.

“Yeah, I guess you're right. Can't be easy being in charge.” Shepard hummed in agreement. She decided that she felt sorry for Aria. She'd seen the hurt in the asari's eyes when Nyreen had sacrificed herself, and even if the asari and the turian didn't have anything any more, it was obvious to Shepard that what they once had was important to both of them. She closed her eyes and relaxed further into the shuttle's seat. She hoped that Aria would find someone, one day. No one deserved to be lonely.

****

Shepard had felt sick to her stomach listening to the audio files about The Lazarus Project, but when she heard that EDI had flooded Cerberus' servers with seven zettabytes of porn, she doubled over in the kind of laughter that made her ribs hurt (more than they already did after taking a concussive shot from a trooper, anyway).

When she finally stood up and looked to her team mates, EDI was smiling proudly and Garrus was looking at her in a way that silently asked _'how can you laugh at a time like this?'_. Shepard didn't know. Laughing was all she could do to keep from crying, she guessed.

“Good work, EDI.” She said as seriously as possible, and EDI bowed her head in thanks.

They kept moving forward, taking out numerous waves of Cerberus troops as they did so. When all was clear, they made their way down a drop that led to a complex arrangement of catwalks.

“Is that...” Garrus started as she followed his line of sight.

“That _asshole_.” Shepard growled as she spotted the remains of the human reaper.

“How did he even get that here?” Garrus asked. Shepard frowned.

“That's a good question.” Before they had time to ponder it further, she spotted a phantom moving towards them.

****

Shepard's blood felt like it was on fire as it pumped through her veins. Her hand gripped her pistol so hard that she was sure that her fingers were making a permanent indentation on the handle. Leng's mouth twisted into a smirk, and she shot forward.

“Shepard!” Garrus yelled as Leng met her halfway, slamming his fist into her chest. She gasped and flew backwards, hitting the floor heavily. When she looked up, Leng was smirking at her again. She felt a white hot rage that she'd never experienced before propel her back to her feet through the pain. Before she had raised her gun, the assassin punched his fist into the flooring below him, causing the panels to shatter underneath them. Shepard, Garrus and EDI scrambled onto an intact panel as Leng laughed. She heard the familiar voice of Cerberus troopers behind her, and turned to see them dropping from the ceiling.

“I'm going to fucking kill you.” Shepard yelled as she turned back to face Leng. She thought that she couldn't be any more furious; but then he _laughed_. Her revenge was momentarily blind sided by the fight going on behind her. She joined EDI and Garrus as they quickly rid the room of living soldiers. Leng circled them, shattering the floor underneath them over and over again until there was nowhere to run. Shepard and her squad got in as many shots to Leng as they could, but his shields were regenerating faster than both EDI or Garrus could ready their overloads.

“There are no more Cerberus troops in the immediate area.” EDI said calmly as Shepard executed a phantom with a well aimed shot to it's forehead. She glanced up to see Leng across from her. She narrowed her eyes at him, and she saw his brows lower. His shoulders were rising heavily as they stared at each other.

“The Illusive Man is fooling himself if he thinks the reapers are going to spare him.” She said as she brought her gun up to aim. Leng stayed silent.

“You're fooling yourself too, if you think you're getting out of here alive.” No response.

“Not much of a talker, huh? That's fine. I'd much prefer to settle this a different way.” Shepard's pulled the trigger again and again, emptying clips into Leng as he tried to sprint towards them. EDI used incinerate and Garrus used as many concussive shots as he could load until he finally fell to his knees. Shepard stomped towards him until the butt of her gun was against his chest. Leng looked up at her and grinned. Without hesitation, she pulled the trigger and watched as he fell backwards. Nothing had ever satisfied her as much as seeing Leng in a pool of his own blood did (there was one thing, but thanks to him, she would never have that again). She let her eyes memorise the sight for a minute before turning back to Garrus and EDI. The AI was already working at the Illusive Man's terminal. Garrus nodded at her, then turned to assist the AI when Shepard waved her hand to tell him she was alright.

Shepard snorted as she noticed that the Illusive Man's chair had made it through the battle unharmed. She plopped herself into it as she tried to gather her thoughts. She needed to figure out how she was going to explain the Catalyst situation to Anderson and Hackett.

She heard a scraping noise from behind her and frowned. He couldn't be getting up. She'd shot him through the heart. Maybe Cerberus took it out of him and replaced it with reaper tech, she thought. For a highly skilled assassin, Leng was making an awful lot of noise as he tried to sneak up behind her. One, two, three, she counted, before she leapt from the chair, kicking it away as she brought up her armoured forearm to block Leng's attack. The blade shattered, and she saw Leng's smirk falter as she activated her omni blade, and with all the force she could manage, plunged it through the middle of his chest. She pulled her arm up, letting the blade slice through Leng up to his chin. He made a gurgling noise as blood poured from the wound, coating the assassin as well as Shepard's front.

“That was for Thane, you son of a bitch.” She leant forward and growled. Leng went completely limp against her, and Shepard removed the blade from his body. He fell to the floor in a messy heap. She stared at the mangled body before her and wondered if that was for Thane, or if it was just for her.

****

Even with the Normandy hurtling towards Earth for what looked like was going to be the final battle with the reapers, Shepard felt strangely light on her feet. She put it down to finally being able to exact her revenge on Leng, but she had to admit that the adrenalin that coursed through her veins when she thought about finally returning to Earth and sticking it to Cerberus and the Reapers definitely helped contribute to that feeling.

Shepard wandered the various decks of the Normandy before she made her way to see Garrus. She always saved him for last; he was her best friend and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. She hated to think it, but one of them might not make it. She also needed to ask him if he knew where Tali was.

“Hey Garrus, I...” Shepard's eyebrows shot up as she walked in on Garrus and Tali in a very intimate embrace. They detached from each other quickly, and Garrus scratched the back of his neck nervously. Shepard imagined Tali blushing all shades of purple under her face plate.

“Shepard, I uh..”

“Shepard, we were just...”

They both tried to speak at the same time, and Shepard felt like an intruding parent. Garrus and Tali fidgeted. Shepard had an idea that something had happened back when they were flying under Cerberus' logo, but as far as she knew, not much had happened since.

“Oh, shut up. I'm happy for you two, really. Come here.” She stretched out her arms and wrapped them around her friends, who returned the embrace with equal enthusiasm. She stepped back, taking a turian and quarian hand in hers.

“Thanks, Shepard.” Tali said sheepishly.

“I couldn't think of a more perfect pair.” Shepard meant it. They were both equal amounts of kindness, intelligence and beauty, and the respect and admiration she had for them was very high. She noticed Garrus' mandibles flick out quickly as he struggled to find his voice. She dropped their hands and took another step back.

“Now if Tali gets sick, I know who to blame!” Shepard gave Garrus a purely evil grin.

“Shepard!” Tali squealed.

“Don't be silly Shepard. I've thought of everything. She's not even going to so much as hiccup.” He finally said with a turian smirk. He was back in the game.

“Garrus!” Tali squealed again before putting her face plate in her hands. Shepard laughed as she turned on her heel and left.

“Make the most of it, you've got five hours!” Shepard called as the doors to the main battery shut.

Her smile slowly faded as she stepped into her silent cabin.

_Nobody deserves to be lonely._


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm not perfectly happy with this chapter. It will probably be edited again and again on top of the ten times I already have edited it. I really liked the idea of Irikah being there too; after all, she was Thane's siha too.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

Shepard grabbed the sides of Garrus' head and pulled him towards her so she could plant a quick kiss on his cheek. She did the same to Liara before screaming for them to leave. Even though they were both seriously injured, they kept insisting that they could still fight. Before she could hear more of their pleading, she turned and ran for the beam. She refused to glance back to see if the familiar figure was still standing alongside her friends.

****

She tilted her head slowly towards Anderson, studying him for a moment before she closed her swollen eyes. When she finally reopened them, she glanced towards the Illusive Man's body. She frowned as best as she could as she wondered whether or not she could've stopped him sooner. Would it have hindered the reapers? It sure would've stopped Kai Leng from killing Thane and almost killing Miranda. Shepard had never been proud of her association with Cerberus, but seeing the extremes that the Illusive Man had eventually gone to made her downright embarrassed. She knew that he was an egotistical sociopath, but she had wanted to believe that he would come to his senses. She'd tried to talk to him the way that she had spoken to Saren; as voice of reason to show him what exactly it was that he was doing, but he hadn't listened.

A voice in the back of her mind was throbbing in her eardrums and she groaned as it contributed to her headache. She focused on the words it was speaking harder, and realised that it wasn't internal dialogue.

“Hackett?” Her voice come out hoarse and sounding like nothing she'd ever heard.

****

Her legs shook and her body screamed in protest as she stood in front of the choices that were in front of her. She could feel the eyes of the child on her back, but refused to converse with him further.

She wouldn't choose synthesis. The amount of tech that was already installed in her didn't quite sit right with her, and she would never force that onto anyone without their informed consent. Controlling the reapers wasn't a choice she even considered for a moment. She hadn't come this far just to keep the reapers alive. The objective had always been to destroy the reapers for good, and that was what she was going to do.

****

The pain she felt transcended all levels of what should be humanly possible. The only part of her body that didn't feel like it was being stood on by six brutes at once was her head. She couldn't open her eyes or do anything else other than take shallow breathes that made her throat feel like it was on fire. The silence around her was deafening. She tried to shift slightly, but the increase in pain made her whimper. She tilted her head to the side and her helmet hit against something metal. She cried out as she felt the vibration run through her chest. There was a pole through her shoulder.

****

She drifted in and out of consciousness so easily that she wasn't even aware how many times she had surrendered to it. She could feel her heart beating slowly, losing it's fight in the struggle to keep her alive.

“Siha.” A smooth voice caressed her ear. She couldn't speak. Was she dead already? She decided that she wasn't; there couldn't be this much pain in whatever form of afterlife there was.

“It is your time, Shepard. You succeeded.” She violently jerked back into consciousness, causing her shoulder to move against the pole again. Her thoughts were muddy and disjointed, but the curses she kept repeating in her head were crystal clear.   
Garrus and Liara's faces suddenly shimmered in her mind. Would they be angry at her if she left them? She could just imagine the look that James and Kaidan would give her. They all had somebody. She didn't have a partner to go back to or kids or any form of family. They would grieve, but in time, they would be alright. Could Miranda fix her body again? Shepard snorted softly as she imagined Miranda saying, _“The Lazarus Project will go ahead as planned. Again.”_ Shepard doubted that anyone would pay for it anyway. The war had left everyone broke, and food was more important than resurrecting the second biggest pain in the galaxy's ass (the reapers were the first).

She felt the familiar wave of dizziness that made her feel drunk wash over her again, and she exhaled. She didn't have it in her to fight any more. She had been fighting for as long as she could remember and she wanted to just be done. The last thought that Shepard had before her heart stopped beating was I hope Garrus isn't angry when he meets me at the bar.

****

She gasped and screamed, but the only thing that accomplished was more water filling her lungs. The dark water was pounding against her and the pressure in her head felt like it was going to explode her skull from the inside out. It felt like she flailed in the darkness for eternity before she felt herself being pulled in a direction that felt like up. Suddenly, there was nothing but white all around her. She blinked quickly, coughing as she felt herself being dragged along warm, soft ground. There were voices speaking over her as she coughed, but she couldn't stop herself long enough to hear them properly. A warm hand cupped her cheek and stroked at her temples. She ceased coughing immediately, and took a gasping breath as it was now warm air filling her lungs instead of freezing water. She clenched her eyes shut before slowly opening them. She could make out shapes that were looming over her. A memory of Miranda and a man looking over her flitted through her mind.

“She's just as beautiful as you said she was.” A smooth feminine voice said from the figure that was to her left. Who was she talking to? She desperately hoped that she wasn't in a lab. How many years had she lost this time? Three? Five? Ten? Her heart sped up and she started to hyperventilate at the thought. The second blurry figure reached towards her, and she felt a hand cup her cheek once again.

“Breathe slowly, Shepard. You will feel better shortly.” Shepard stopped breathing all together as the deep voice finished speaking. They had brought her back again and now she was dreaming.  
She clenched her eyes shut again, and another hand cupped her opposite cheek. It felt smaller.

“It didn't take you this long. Are you sure she'll be ok?” The woman spoke again, her tone uneven with concern. Shepard gripped the floor underneath her, but her nails raked through the surface with ease and she couldn't get a hold on it.

“I was prepared for the crossing. I do not think that Shepard imagined it would be this way.” The voice sounded identical to...

“Thane?” Shepard croaked weakly.

“I am here.” The hand on her right cheek resumed it's gentle strokes against her skin. It felt so soothing that she completely forgot about her previous pain. Shepard slowly opened her eyes, and the hands pulled back from her face. It took a moment for her eyes to focus, and even when they did, she wasn't entirely sure if the image projected in front of her was true. Shepard propped herself up on her elbows. She glanced down to her side to see soft sand all around her naked body. She frowned and looked up.

“I've been waiting for a very long time to meet you.” Shepard turned her head to her left to focus on the woman that spoke. A drell. She looked familiar, but Shepard couldn't place where she had seen her before. She slowly turned her head to her right.

“The Goddesses were very kind to bring you to us.” Thane said as he placed a hand on her bare thigh.

“I... I don't understand.” Shepard said hoarsely. This was unlike any dream she had ever had. Why was she naked? Why was Thane and the other drell naked? She didn't feel self conscious or embarrassed, and it didn't seem to bother them either. Although her skin was bare, she didn't feel naked. She felt complete and serene.

“You crossed the sea, siha. Irikah and I watched as you succeeded in your task. We have eagerly awaited your company. It is... it is a pleasure to see you again, Shepard.” Thane smiled as he watched her. His smile disappeared when Shepard frowned and turned to the female drell.

“I'm... I'm dead?” Shepard asked. The drell she now recognised as Irikah placed a hand softly against her other thigh and nodded.

“And now, I'm here with both of you? Isn't that... is this...?” Shepard had never been so confused in her entire life. Or death, as it seemed. She turned her gaze back to Thane, who lowered his brows.

“Yes. I hope that you are not offended at Irikah's presence. I too was not expecting things to end up this way.” Thane said. Shepard pulled herself up into a sitting position, then stood. Her feet sunk into the warm sand, and she looked around at the beach that surrounded them. She glanced over her shoulder to see a dense jungle a hundred metres behind her. When she looked down to the drells in front of her, they were watching her with what could only be described as nervous expressions.

Shepard entertained the thought that she had 'crossed the sea' and that this wasn't a dream.

“I'm not offended. I'm just... surprised.” Shepard said as she raised an eyebrow. When Thane had told her about the afterlife that he believed in, it had never occurred to Shepard that Irikah would be here too. Irikah glanced at Thane before she got up and took a cautious step towards Shepard. Her honey coloured scales were glowing in the light around them and Shepard was rendered speechless by how beautiful she was. Thane pulled himself up from the floor and stood next to Irikah.

“I never imagined it would be this way. I...” Thane was interrupted by the sound of a gravelly voice yelling, and the three of them turned their heads to the direction of the noise. A drell with similar colourings to Thane was pulling a purple-hued female drell out of the waves a couple hundred metres to Shepard's right. Thane and Irikah smiled.

“There have been lots of reunions lately.” Irikah said as she turned her smile to Shepard.

“Things weren't looking good for a while there, that's for sure.” Shepard said. She couldn't help but smile as the drell being dragged from the water recovered quickly and threw herself into her saviour's arms.

“Will you stay here with us, Shepard?” Thane asked as he reached forward to take one of Shepard's hands in his. She gasped at the feel of his touch as it stirred many memories inside of her. She stood silent as she processed that this might actually not be a dream, and that she was with him again; this time for good. She looked to Irikah, who gave her a hopeful smile. Thane's first wife being here was a curve ball that she didn't see coming even in her wildest dreams, but she could feel the love and warmth radiating from both of them, and she couldn't help but feel relieved. Shepard's mouth slowly curved into a smile as she glanced between the two beautiful drells in front of her. She took a step forward, and took Irikah's hand into hers.

“Where the lover never leaves, right? If that's here, I'm staying.” Shepard said as she stepped into Thane's arms. She sighed as his strong arms wrapped around her and pressed her tightly against him. She glanced to her side at Irikah, who was beaming with happiness as she watched them embrace.

 _Wait until I get to tell Joker about this_ , Shepard thought.


End file.
